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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, December 10, 2012

Ice Ice Dynamite


As many of you know, the boys of the BC4M have been vainly attempting to make a palatable home brew for many years. Timeless drain pours like "Swamp Fire Ale", "Bim's Dirty Old Brown Eye" and "The Milkman Cometh" usually caused those that tasted the beers to come down with a case of dysentery, bubonic plague or more often both. Off flavors consisting of rotting cabbage, sweaty skunk taint or even Aunt Mabel's mothball ridden lingerie left most of our followers hoping and praying that we would stop the madness. But then, out of the blue, Bim came up with a homebrew recipe that was actually decent and unbelievably drinkable. "Black Dynamite" was his first foray into boozy imperial stouts and it was an instant hit. After receiving an abundance of compliments from our craft beer loving brethren, the merchandising arm of BC4M decided to come up with other recipes that used the same base but added some "flay-va, You dig?". "Pepe Dynamite" is our chili pepper infused stout that is hot enough to make a Mexican landscaper's taint weep for joy only to be followed by a intensely vanilla version we named after the only "cracka" (besides our own Johnny Wilder) who could ever pull off the douche canoe pants look paired with a Aquanet styled mane. "Ice Ice Dynamite" is our ode to one Robby Van Winkle, the lyrical daddy mack to white suburbia's favorite f-bomb dropping masochist, Eminem. Like Mix Master Jay spinning tracks on the turntable, Grand Master Bim, spent one drunken night perfecting a stout that combined non-fair trade Ethiopian cacao with deforested vanilla imported in the anal cavity of a Madagascan smuggler Bim had met  after spending one glorious evening on Skype talking their shared love of canines. "Holy fuck, Bim got one right" said Wilder, while Snake added, "You sure you brewed this?" With this unbridled support from his BC4M brothers, Bim decided to take a chance and enter both Pepe and Ice Ice in the 6th annual Virginia Beer Blitz, an annual home brew competition that had over 350 entries from 39 states and Canada. Even though Pepe actually outscored Ice Ice, they were in different categories, and at the end of a grueling 8 hour competition, a stunned Bim, Fred and Nestle heard "and the winner of the wood aged beer category, Ice Ice Dynamite". A tearful Bim raced on stage to collect his winnings and thanked the assembled crowd who appeared to be more at home at a weekend LARPer convention than a craft beer competition. On fact, one young craft beer enthusiast repeatedly begged Bim to adopt him ala Obi-Wan Kenobi to teach him his master brewing ways. "The first step, is to move out of your granny's basement you fucking tool", said Fred, while Bim coddled the young lad and whispered sweet nothings in his ear in his sweetest Herbert the Pervert voice. Before Bim could be arrested for lewd conduct, Fred and Nestle hauled him away and we headed back to the hood to celebrate in style. An amazing day indeed, we couldnt be happier for our beloved pooch pumper.
     So in honor of Bim's stunning victory at the 6th annual C.A.S.K. Virginia Beer Blitz, Fred penned an ode to his winning brew....sung to the words of the original Ice Ice Baby

Yo B.I.M, Lets Brew It

Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite
Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite

All right STOP, shut the fuck up and listen
Bim has brewed up a brand new invention
A magical elixir that drinks so nicely
Dark as a motherfucker, you'll crave it fortnightly
Will he ever stop, we don't know
But Bim is a certified award winning mofo
Expecting to win it was never a gamble
Pontificating on stage like the motherfucking preamble

Boom, a wave of vanilla hits the room
Wetting your tongue like a dope ass waterflume
Boozy, when it stings your throat
Drink too much, and it's time to motorboat
Titties, whether big or small
Bim is the Doctor who's always on call
Silky as it makes its way
Down to your stomach it's a taste buffet

Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite
Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite


   To all our homies across the land....Word to Yo Mother! We outta here bitches...


Sunday, November 25, 2012

A BC4M Intervention

While all the BC4M members love beer, one member in particular, Fred, has taken things to the extreme. Fred has more quality beers stashed around his house than most reputable beer stores have on their shelves. Need a Firestone Walker Abacus? Fred has a case. How about 6 years worth of Bourbon County stouts? Got that too. And Bruery's Black Tuesday? There as plentiful as whores in a whorehouse. Lately, the Founding Fathers expressed concern that Fred's buying and trading habits may be getting out of control. We decided to stage an intervention. Under the guise of a Bourbon County Stout vertical tasting, the founding fathers gathered at 10pm's. Once we'd all arrived, Bim appeared, dressed as Candy Finnigan. As the others sat quietly and with Fred obviously confused, Bim began... "Fred, your addiction has negatively affected me in the following ways: you have made me feel inferior with your superior beer collection. With my confidence shattered, I am now getting humped by my dog on a regular basis. If you don't stop hoarding beers, I will no longer be a clown for you. You need to accept this gift we are offering you." "Fuck you!" snarled Fred. Next up was Johnny. "Fred, your beer hoarding has negatively affected me in the following ways: Well, it really hasn't hurt me at all. Keep up the strong work buddy!" As we got to 10pm, he pulled out his written speech. "Fred, your crazy behavior has negatively affected me as well. The constant pet molestation, running through the neighborhood naked and masturbating in the mailboxes has got to stop. Yesterday I caught you defecating on my lawn. You are terrorizing all the neighbors and we wont take it anymore.The clown makeup was humorous initially, now it's just downright disturbing." Fred looked astonished. "What the hell are you talking about?" A sheepish 10pm replied, "Oops, wrong speech. That one's for Bim's intervention next week." Now it was Snake's turn. "I don't know what the fuck you assholes are even talking about... I'm dry as toast. Let's drink!" And that we did, starting with a 2006 Goose Island Bourbon County Brand stout right on through 2012. Then it was off to a 2011 Bourbon County Coffee and a 2011 Bourbon County Stout Bramble Rye Barrel. While each year had some specific nuances, they all held up well. The 2006, while a paltry 11% ABV,  was smooth as silk, almost syrupy. 2007 (13%) was more carbonated and lighter. 2008 was more reminiscent of 2006, heavier and sweeter. 2009 was a tad flat, but still awesome. 2010 was the best yet, boozy, rich and smooth. 2011, while still an RFG, was the highest yet in alcohol at 14.5%, and should definitely improve with age. With the vertical complete, we changed gears and tasted a 2010 Bourbon County Coffee Stout, a 2011 Bourbon County Bramble Rye, and a 2010 Vanilla all of which are still RFG's. And to finish the night, we ended with a 2010 Bourbon County Rare. After his first sip, Snake exclaimed, "I just busted a nut in my pants! Damn this is good!" Time will tell how Goose Island does under the direction of Annheiser Busch. With the intervention over and the only thing accomplished being lessening Fred's cellar by 11 beers, we headed home as we had a 6AM wake-up call for a trip to Hardywood Park Brewery in Richmond for their release of the Gingerbread Stout. Stay tuned for more on that. Cheers!

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Beer Reviews, BC4M Style


Are you one of those douchers that loves beer reviews? We have 3 of them for you. The first is one we did of our own shitty home brews. The second is one of our favorites from the wordsmith EconomicIrony from Beeradvocate.com. This guy can describe a beer better than most cicerones! The last review is that of a beer that is truly horrible. It was an Indian beer that surely is only preferred by the same folks who brought us the ''Cock Tease of Calcutta".  And yes, the mention of this mythical Indian slut is a cheap attempt to inflate our numbers by drawing in our friends from Bombay.

Hopslam clone

You one of those snifter sipping ninnies who likes long detailed beer reviews? We are here to accommodate. While we usually save the flowery reviews for really great beers, we can be as verbose as the next beer snob when the situation calls for it. From time to time we too try our hand at brewing. The following is our own Michael Jacksonesque beer review of the most recent attempt at a Hopslam clone.

 "Looking at this beer in the bottle, it reminds one of Lake Erie, circa 1965, long before the passing of the Clean Water Act. Thick in the bottle, cloudy, lots of floating particles, you just know that this is going to be a treat! What is all that stuff? Yeast? Bacteria? old stuff from bottles that haven't been cleaned? YES, it's all that and more. Pouring this beer into a frosty mug reveals a 12 finger head. The foam sticks to the sides of the glass like tan latex paint, as the beer bubbles and churns like a witches cauldron. Take a long deep whiff. The pungent smell of rotting garbage mixed with an overpowering dose of hops stings the nostrils. Festering pluff mud, raw sewage and the smell of a 2 week old dead possum on a hot August day fills your senses. As much as you may want to immediately drink this beer, fight the urge. Savor the nose just a little longer. This isn't an experience that you get every day. The rancid fragrance brings you back to the urine soaked nursing home where you visited great aunt Phyllis as a child. You know, the one who liked to stuck her withered old tongue in your ear when you were forced into uncomfortably close contact. Now slowly, bring this baby to your lips. As it enters your mouth, you immediately taste sweet honey rolling across your tongue, lingering for only a millisecond and followed immediately by the distinct taste of liquid Drano. Pickle juice, stinky french cheese, and cauliflower are apparent, as is just a hint of brussel sprouts and spoiled milk. The complexity of this brew is truly astounding. Go ahead, close your eyes and take a long draw. You instantly get the image of drinking goat urine with hints of congealed blood and feces. Is this beer special? You bet! We have tasted thousands of beers, and yet there is nothing that compares to this "devil's brew". Belching reveals a toxic gas cloud the likes of which hasn't been seen since Bhopal, India circa 1984. There's no doubt that you've had a one-off masterpiece, brewed with impeccable craftsmanship. Food pairings are a dream with this beer. We recommend pairing with Imodium, Maalox, and if you're planning on drinking more than one, a healthy helping of ipecac. Our hats off to the BC4M master brewers on another unique offering to the craft beer world."

And you know what??? It was still better than Hell or High Watermelon Wheat! If you are a professional brewer and want the recipe, hit us up. We'd love to share it with the world!

Anti-hero IPA

The following is a fantastic, descriptive beer review by Econimocirony at Beeradvocate.com.

"Walking  back to your Bridgeport flat at night; gripping your church key for the twit who tries to make off with the seventeen dollars in your pocket; you can’t help but reluctantly notice the city’s new cohort of young trollops multiplying across your back alley and front step alike. No corner goes unadorned as they mount themselves to the chipped, green primer on the avenues’ lampposts and entice you with their slim figures borne of a steady diet comprised of apricot flavored cigarettes and White Castle sliders. You’re headed home, but weren’t expecting to now. The boss told you to take a vacation - probably forever. Her immaturity, dim-wits, and newly purchased fishnets go hand-in-hand, so you invite her in. She calls you daddy, so you scold her and tell her to shut up. Nothing fits her right. The AquaNet hairspray she applied this afternoon as she rolled out of bed at 3:30pm has now cracked; flaking like the white stain on her black, loosely ill-fitting B-cup brassiere - thanks to genetics, she got at least two “A”s in her life. She needs a place to stay: you only have seventeen dollars, minus the amount you were planning on spending for dinner at the Bucky’s gas station. Again, she’s thin, rail thin; she would look fuller if she didn’t immerse herself in Tropical Agent Orange spray tan, which is nothing more than not-so-cleverly disguised Kool-Aid concentrate; sailors call it bug juice. Despite your efforts to engage her with offers of hand-rolled clove beedis and a tipple of Rittenhouse Rye, she immediately goes flat and reveals her insipid personality. The remnant aroma of what she smoked and ate last night had more character than the hoax of her projected imagination, which was nothing more than repeating punch lines from sitcoms and laughing first every time. With each sip, you wished she at least had the bubbly demeanor of a neophyte, but she bypassed the best part in favor of a feigned bitterness that faded as she lost interest. You follow suit upon finishing, but quickly realize you’ve committed for the remainder of the week; she’s staying five more days. You’ve been had, friend; you probably could have done a better job yourself. Look on the bright side; at least your dinner at Bucky’s exceeded your expectations: you still have your seventeen dollars and they carry Sculpin IPA in the icebox now.

Serving type: can"

Well said sir! Reading this one can almost taste the beer!


Flying Horse

And lastly, the BC4M review of an Indian classic, Flying Horse Lager, as read by Master Cicerone Dr. Suess:

I would not drink this with a fox,
I would not drink it in a box;

Not in a box, not with a fox,
It tastes like shit and smells like socks;

This beer they call the Flying Horse,
It tastes of stool, no surprise of course;

It says that it's a lager beer,
But smells quite like a horses rear;

Was Ganges water used to brew?
And hops? Seems like they forgot that too;

I would advise you pour this out,
It will give you the runs and probably gout;

No, I will not drink this Indian swill;
You shouldn't either, or you'll be ill.

Now for some of our own tasteless reviews from a recent meeting. We started the night with Mother Earth Old Neighborhood Oatmeal Porter (9.9%). This beer was so/so. A little too light and watery, although not at all offensive. We chased that with another North Carolina beer, Highland's Thunderstruck Coffee Porter (5.9%). This was better than the first, more body, and nice coffee flavor. Sticking with the stouts and porters, we decided to sample the latest CHC homebrew, Ice Ice Dynamite (8.4%), a Russian Imperial Stout aged with whole vanilla beans and Wild Turkey soaked oak chips. Hard to believe, but this was by far the best beer of the night. Heavy vanilla flavor in a full bodied imperial stout with a touch of whisky on the back end. Another winner in the Dynamite series. Ska Brewing Mole Stout (5.5%), was a surprise beer, Nice pepper notes, not over the top, with plenty of cocoa as well. It was well liked and rated a good. Hinterlands IPA (6.8%) ...let's start with the label. It appears cheap, kind of thing you'd find on generic beer at a WalMart. The beer itself has tons of shit floating around in it. Looks like someone may have puked into the Brite tank!The smell can only be described as rough, although the taste was a little better. This beer needs work, rating a generous so/so. Speakeasy Payback Porter (7.5%) was a solid porter. Nice flavor, good body, and a good overall rating. We ended the night with a Highland Tasgale Ale (8%), a wee heavy scotch ale. This beer was very drinkable, although at 8%, you're not going to drink too many. We rated this one a good, and called it a night. Cheers!





Sunday, October 21, 2012

Andy's Big Adventure

Bim's daughter recently decided to tie the knot with her now husband Andy. Prior to the sweet nuptuals, Andy, Bim, and Andy's buddies headed to the only strip club in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, Headlights. After a lengthy application process rivaled only by a trip to the DMV, we were finally allowed into the club, Having experienced the other Headlights in rural North Carolina, we anticipated lots of farm girls with beer guts, bad C-section scars, and rotten teeth. What we got was titties and beer, OBX style! Within minutes Andy was hammered and clearly confused about where and who he was. Meanwhile, Andy's sadistic brother paid one of the strippers $50 to give him a "stage show". And just like that he was led on stage by two sultry vixens, for a very public lap dance. They mesmerized him with their titties while they casually undid his belt. Was our honorary BC4M brother about to get a very public mouth hug? No such thing! Like rabid dogs, they instantly turned on him, wrapped the belt tightly around his neck, and drove him to the ground on all fours. Rage was in their eyes as they saw, in sweet, sweet Andy, every father figure and perverted uncle who ever touched them inappropriately (undoubtedly a very long list, as these two were PISSED). They went from sexy babes to members of GWAR. Defenseless Andy, being dragged around like a dog, confused, drunk out of his mind, was about to have a life changing experience as the second whore took another leather belt, doubled it up, and commenced to whipping the shit out of him. Crack after crack, probably 20 in all, silenced every man in the crowd as we wondered if we were watching a snuff film. Andy screamed in pain with each crack of the whip, clearly not knowing what in the hell was happening. Finally, these two crazy bitches relented as their arms tired, and they allowed our ass-bruised friend to stagger back to his side of the strip bar. Then, the unthinkable happened... Andy grabbed his belt, and in an instant gave one of his captors a hard smack across the back of her legs, bringing her to her knees. The rest of us feared for our lives, as we expected a swift bouncer response. Instead, the two skanks pounced on him, hitting him a dozen more times as he staggered off stage. And during all this mess, Andy's brother sat, grinning, the entire time. I guess payback is a bitch (one with a leather belt). We left the club happy to be alive with the only casualties being our drunken friends' red ass and our belief that a strip club is a safe place for a man to kill time.

Following Andy's assault, the BC4M decided that such an experience was worthy of an honorary membership, even for our wine drinking sommelier brother. The following week, Brother Bim shared the above story while we shared another stellar collection of beers. We started with a Cisco Brewers Island Reserve Tripel Ale (9.5%). It was not great. Not bad, but not spectacular. Kind of like purgatory...could be better, but could have been a whole lot worse. It rated a good. Buzzards Bay (Just Beer) The Golden Flounder (4.6%) was a big bottle of nothingness, getting a so/so. Cucapa Green Card Barleywine (10%) tasted like carbonated blood. Too boozy, nothing subtle about this beer. A so/so rating was generous on our part. Fremont Interurban IPA (6.2%) was full of tropical flavors, prompting Fred to remark that he tasted "starfruit on the front end and chocolate starfish on the back end," whatever that means. Regardless, we all liked it, rating it a good. Sly Fox 113 IPA (6.6%) was a weird mess. Grape flavors, very dry, not what we want in an IPA. It was the first pour out of the night rating a sucks. We followed that with the Yeastie Boys Rex Attitude (7%). As soon as the first glass was poured, Bim dumped his out. The odor was beyond offensive. Snake said it reminded him of burning elephant dung in the African bush. Chicago Mike commented that the taste was either Sucrets or paint thinner, or both. This shit was horrible. Really guys, people can't really be drinking this shit can they? Oh the humanity!!!We chased that disaster with the Yeastie Boys Pot Kettle Black (6%). This American Black Ale was good, but tasted more like a porter. Anything would have been better than their previous offering. Green Man Imperial Stout, The Dweller (9.5%), while rating a good, it had nothing special to offer for a Imperial Stout. Ass Kisser Smoked Porter (8.03%) was surprisingly good, coming from this brewery, rating a good. Mikkeller It's Alive (8.0%) is a Belgian Wild Ale, full of funk, but very little sour. In general, there was very little taste at all, rating a so/so. Flying Dog Road Dog Porter (6%)was light and weak for a porter, rating a so/so. We ended the night with a Heretic Brewing Co. Worry Belgian Strong Ale (9.8%). This beer had a buttery, fruity flavor with a hint of soap. Regardless, we liked it, rating it a good. We ended the night, tossed a few bottles, and reminded each other to always go beltless and never get the "managers special" when visiting strip clubs!



Saturday, October 6, 2012

D-Rail's "How I met Your Mother"



Many years ago, in the small Guatemalan fishing village of Aguacatan (Spanish for "nectar of the prostate"), BC4M's D-Rail was a bright and gregarious young lad who was the rising star on the local "futbol" pitch. Although his family's bamboo and guacamole leaf hut was meager by even Sub-Saharan Africa standards, the living room held a 70 inch plasma display tv and both an Xbox 360 and PS3 thanks to the extra coin he received from moonlighting as a "companion for hire". One night his life would be forever changed when a visiting turnip green heiress named Matilda Throbinson hired him sight unseen to be her escort for the evening. One evening turned into 3 weeks of conjugal bliss traipsing through the dense rain forests of Central America and D-Rail became both smitten and suffering from an acute case of chlamydia. Despite his penile malady, he agreed to leave his homeland and accompany Matilda back to her country manor in rural Virginia. She spared no expense on his education, and after only 15 years of intense study, aided by countless hours of practice with Rosetta Stone, he eventually spoke broken English. He spent his winters in Milan and Paris as a "fashionista" and summers traveling the U.S. on the "cornhole" circuit chasing a championship title in the hotly contested "bilingual left handed latino" category. His fanciful existence was short lived, as one day after being crowned the "Culo Maestro" of Des Moines, he received a telegram saying Matilda had passed away suddenly after becoming in the parlance of the adult film world, "airtight", with a group calling themselves the "A-Team". Depression set in and after many lost years chasing an endless line of streetwalkers, lamaze class mothers to be and "furries", D-Rail took a chance on finding love from an online dating/mail order bride website. Months of searching profiles led him to be enamored with a fetching young mamasan named Kokohontas who, according to her profile was a virginal 19 who worked as an "entertainment ambassador" in an upper class suburb of Hanoi. He informed us that he was soon headed east to claim his bride, so we gathered at Bim's to drink a few to both celebrate his new found love and to send him off in style in case he found himself locked away in a Vietnamese prison on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Chicago Mike and Fred joined the small gathering and commenced the proceedings by opening a Triple Digit Aftermath (10.5%). A wee heavy style, this one was sweet and not too boozy rating a good. Next was a brown ale, Half Acre's Over Ale (6.0%) which was smooth and easy drinking also rating a good. Moving on, we tried a Freetail Brewing Velocihoptor (6.5%) which Bim kept calling Velociraptor. "This ain't Jurassic Park you old fuck" said Fred, while Bim simply replied "I like dinosaurs". A decent IPA, it was more malty than hoppy, so it got a good, the same rating as Flat 12 Brewing's Half Cycle IPA (6.0%). While we pulled more beers from the cooler, we watched D-Rail attack the appetizers with the voracity of a polesmoker wolfing down a specialty "donut". Next was a Caldera Hopportunity Knocks (6.8%), an IPA that tasted like an infected bar of Dial soap. "This shit sucks" said Bim, as Chicago Mike added, "I wouldn't scrub my taint with this crap". A sucks, we moved on to Rock Art Brewery's Black Moon (10.0%). A nice black IPA, this one was mellow and ultra smooth, belying its high alcohol content. "Fuck that is good" said Fred, while D-Rail, who's face by this time was smeared with cheese dip agreed. Next up was a new one from Tyranena, Dirty Old Man (7.90%), which featured a picture of Bim on the label.


"I love sponge baths", Bim exclaimed, in his best "Herbert the Pervert" voice. Aged in rye barrels, the taste was a bit thin but still decent so it got a good. We then tried Rogue's Double Chocolate Stout (8.0%) which once again proved Rogue has some sweet bottles with less than stellar beer inside. "Tastes like a cheap bowl of generic Cocoa-Puffs" said D-Rail, while Bim added, "I love sponge baths". So/so was the result as we turned towards a 3 Floyd's Gumballhead (4.5%). A pale wheat beer, it is easily one of the best examples we have ever tasted. "That is some good shit" said Chicago Mike, "but even better on draft". Smooth and flavor filled, it was a winner and got a really good. A palette cleanser was offered next in the form of Matthew Clark Cider's Williams Sir Perry (6.0%). This is a traditional pear cider and it tasted like a souped up version of a Bartles & Jaymes wine cooler. "Weak as fuck" said Fred, who added "he was a great actor but he sucks as a cider maker". "Thats Michael Clark Duncan you dipshit" said Chicago Mike as we gave this one a so/so. Since it was getting close to time for D-Rail to go have a "skype chat" with his lady, we decided to end the night with one final beer. "What the fuck is skype chat" said Mike, "does that mean you dress up in a tuxedo t-shirt and marble bag and talk dirty to her?". Despite that disturbing visual, we pried open a Surly Wet (7.5%), a fresh hopped beer that was canned only seven days prior. The nose was clean and full of citrus notes, and the taste was phenomenal. Crisp and hoppy, this was easily the best beer of the night and got a really good. As we left, we wished D-Rail well on his upcoming 22 hour flight and hoped he returned alive, well and no longer solo. Until next time kids...thats the story of how D-Rail "met your mother"

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Foothills Brewery...again


If you read this blog, you know that the beer whores known as the Beer Club for Men never miss a bottle release on the east coast. We will abandon our families and responsibilities if it means a shot at some great beers. So with that in mind, Fred, Bim and Nestle headed south. Unfortunately, Johnny Wilder was unable to attend, as he has been busy performing with his new boy band, Big Ups. (You remember them? They opened for O-town). This time we decided to attend the pre-release bottle swap in the back of the brewery the night before. We put on our skinny jeans, wool caps and our best "homeless chic" clothes, and headed out, trying to blend in with the locals. Suffice it to say that we impressed the crowd with some of our "second tier" beers that we brought to share: Firestone Walker Parabola, Sucuba, Williamsburg Alewerks BA Porter, and some decent beers from The Bruery. We had more good beers that we brought for possible trades than most so-called beer stores have on their shelves. The following day, despite Nestle complaining about the early hour, it was up at the ass crack of dawn to go stand in line and wait. We saw some old beer friends from the Jackie O's release as well as our old friend Pike, and met some new friends as well. Our line partner and drinking companion for the day was a gentleman who goes by the name of Crocodile Jim. In talking to Jim, it became apparent that while appearing young, he is apparently old as dirt. Jim was present at the very first GABF, and rumor has it that he met Pliney the Elder on his extensive travels. Jim has visited many great breweries on the east coast, and holds the distinction of having been kicked out of every one of them. As the sun rose, we made our way into the brewery and collected our booty. A few stops on the way back at City Beverage in Winston-Salem,  Sam's Quick Shop in Raleigh, Bestway Grocery Store in Greensboro, and it was back to the hood with a car full of beer. Once back, we gathered at Wilder's to sample some beers from our various cellars. We started with Natty Greene's Freedom American IPA (6.5%). This beer was a decent session IPA, but there are a lot of great IPA's on the market now, and this isn't one of them., rating a good. Sand Creek Brewing Co. Lilja's Heifer Weizen (5.3%) smelled like fresh vomit in an old tennis shoe. The first sip was a little rough, and while each successive sip improved, it never made it past a so/so. Lost Coast Brewing's Great White Beer (4.8%) was very light. It wasn't offensive, just average, rating a so/so. Pyramid Apricot Wheat (5.1%) has been available to us for years, but somehow we never rated it. Surprisingly, it was rated a good. This is a nicely balanced sweet, fruity beer. Ommegang Biere D Hougoumont (7.3%) is an ale aged on maple and oak staves. This was well liked by all, including OMT who hasn't tasted a beer he's liked since they took Champale off the market. Hardywood Park's Virginia Blackberry (6.8%) was lighter on the fruit flavors, despite all the blackberries they dumped into the mix. Still, we liked it, giving it a good. Maui Brewing's Sobrehumano Palena'ole (6.0%), brewed with passion fruit and cherries. Great label, shitty beer (sucks!). Don't waste your money! Real Ale Brewing 15th Anniversary Ale (9.8%) while good, made us ask the question, you've been doing this for 15 years and this is the best you can do? Yazoo Fortuitous (10%) smelled like a band-aid and didn't taste any better. Not sure if they were going for the band-aid taste, but if so, they nailed it! It sucked. Central Waters BBA Cherry Stout (10%)had a really nice bourbony flavor, rating a really good. Sand Creek's Lilja's Sasquatch Stout (7%) had a great label, but the beer was only so/so. Lost Coast Indica IPA (6.5%), would have been awesome if it was a homebrew, but it wasn't. We paid money for that beer, money we want back. It rated a so/so. Saint Arnold's Endeavor IPA (8.9%) was better, rating a good. Darkhorse Brewing's Boffo Brown Ale (6.5%) was a very plain, dull beer, rating a sucks. We followed that with another sucky beer, Michigan Beer Co.'s Celis Grand Cru (8.9%). Sand Creek Lilja's Argosy IPA (7%) was forgettable, rating a so/so. Buzzards Bay Brewing gave us Moby D (5.0%), a "whale of an ale". More like a "glass of ass". This one was so/so. Lightning Brewing's Electrostatic Ale (10%) was a tasteless Belgian turd bomb, rating a sucks. We finished the night with a pair of Brew Kettle beers. These guys have made some dogs in the past. The first one sampled was One-Eyed Jack Porter (6.6%) which was so/so. Their other offering, Old 21 (9.1%) redeemed them as we called it a good. So like that it was over. We staggered home, Bim ate a delicious burger, and we went to sleep with visions of Sexual Chocolate in our heads.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Black Dynamite - Can you Dig it?



Before the BC4M was even a twinkle in founding father Bim's cataract filled eyes, he had somehow managed to squeeze a small homebrewing set up in the cramped cat piss and dog turd filled garage that surrounds his beloved VW bus that he plans to "fix up one day". Using only the finest in all natural extract ingredients, he had churned out an endless supply of drain pours that while boasting witty names and catchy labels generally resulted in the drinker developing an acute case of dysentery.

Even after receiving scathing criticism as well as multiple death threats from the judges at the Greater Piedmont Malt Liquor Festival for dregs like Skidmark Brown and Pole Smoker Porter, Bim was undaunted in his quest to one day deliver a decent if not award winning home brew. Perhaps the worst of the worst was his collaboration with J. Wilder on their Swamp Fire Ale, a wee-heavy style ale brewed with real scorched peat dredged from the depths of the Dismal Swamp after a "guys" camping weekend which resulted in a fire that consumed 20,000 acres of pristine wetlands. It tasted and smelled so bad that when Fred first tried it, he though he had mistakenly poured himself a pint of extra strength Drano. Showing the tenacity exhibited by rabid chipmunks storing walnuts for winter, Bim was relentless in his efforts to brew a beer that was not only tasty but also FDA approved. After a late night hear to heart talk with BC4M's other resident home brewer, Crazy Ken on the virtues of his award winning all grain recipes, Bim decided that was just the trick to finally turn his luck around. Thinking his brewing equipment was outdated and in need of modernization he was desperate to come up with some quick cash. One night after downing a six pack of of high octane, he drunkenly placed an add on Craig's List offering his son's tricked out pizza delivery car for the astonishingly low price of 900 bucks. Awoken the next day to over 300 voicemails and texts from people anxiously wanting to buy the car, Bim quickly mulled through the offers and somehow milked 1500 clams and a lap dance from an industrious young coed with daddy issues. After setting up his new fully automated brewing system, his first recipe was for a Russian Imperial Stout and the results were simply amazing. "Damn, this actually tastes like real beer" said Snake, while Fred added, "This shit is dynamite". Bim then said, "Let's call it Black Dynamite" to which everyone quickly agreed. It wasn't long before the beer was ready to be bottled, and Bim unveiled the new label that stated:

"This beer is guaranteed to make you smarter, improve your stamina, make you attractive to women, make ugly chicks look pretty, improve your kung-fu skills, and make you one bad-ass dude. Can you dig it?"

Only 22 bottles of this were created, and Fred quickly got on Twitter to start trading them away. The recipe was so good, Bim decided he would create a whole lineup of "dynamite" beers, the first one being a vanilla bean infused one called "Ice Ice Dynamite"

Until then...drink up Jive Turkey!

Friday, August 17, 2012

BC4M's "Name the new guy contest"



As many of you loyal readers know, we recently initiated the newest member into our exclusive club. It all started a while back on a random Saturday when Fred and Bim went to check out a new local brewery and happened to walk in on a zymurgy (meaning, Hey look at me I am a super awesome homebrewer) lecture being given by a guy that looked like he was a roadie for some death metal band. After listening to him expound on the beauty and depth of Italian saisons, we actually were relieved to find out he wasn't some Ghent hipster douche bag and actually did know something about beers when he began to rave about BC4M favorites Surly Darkness and 3 Floyd's Dark Lord. We found out he was newly transplanted to our area from Chicago and was looking for places with great beer. We handed him one of our cards and suggested he attend a meeting at some point. A few weeks later, Fred ran into him again, this time at BC4M's favorite bottle shop, Grape and Gourmet. "Chicago Mike" as we christened him, would soon become a regular  at our meetings, always bringing bottles of beer with him. It was an easy decision to welcome him as a fully fledged member, the only problem was, his boring ass nickname which we decided simply had to go. According to his better half, he has had multiple nicknames while growing up. It seems it all started back in the fall of 1986, when a teenage Michael was rapidly ascending the ranks of Eagle Scout by offering free "breast exams" to any and all takers. In fact, he earned his first nickname, "Canteen Boy" after his scoutmaster sought to give Mike his own type of "exam". Shaken by the turn of events, it caused our beloved scout to dive face first into a binge eating depression that caused him to swell up in size and become "Stay-Puff" to his classmates. After a humiliating loss in "Dance Dance Revolution" at the local Chuck-E-Cheese followed by the excruciating pain of a double hernia surgery caused by a drunken "skateboarding accident", he had an epiphany. He decided to become a new man by creating a new fitness routine called "P-89X". Like clockwork, every hour for months on end he would bang out another set and before long he was a back to his fighting weight. Needing some quick money, he decided to use his dancing talents at the local "club" and quickly became a crowd favorite by the name of "Magic Mike". He quickly became the most in demand of the dancers and was destined to make his way to perhaps New York or even stripper hot spot San Francisco. Fate however, intervened one night when his childhood sweetheart Xena the Hop Princess happened to be at a bachelorette party at the club (her 4th that week) and managed to rescue him from the clutches of a tequila and chili dog fueled "patron" who had paid $107.36 for an anything goes all nighter in the "champagne room". A mere 3 hours later, Mike and Xena were married at a nearby bed and breakfast, and have never looked back. They later relocated to the home of the BC4M where after a short stint as "assistant to the regional head brewer", Mike and his "business not life" partner Jean-Pierre LaDouche have begun scouting locations for their newest venture, a brewpub/bottle shop. As you can tell, our newest member has had a story filled existence and the simple moniker of "Chicago Mike" seems a bit underwhelming. We welcome any and all suggestions, the raunchier the better. The winning entry will receive a BC4M pint glass and taster glass or if you prefer, a lapdance from Mike himself. So put your thinking caps on and lets get cracking. Submit your entries to either:

email:
beerclubformen@cox.net

On Twitter:
@beerclub4men or @bc4mbim





Monday, August 13, 2012

Chick Fellatio


Last week was particularly hard for Bim. First came the news that the owner of Chik Fil-A doesn't believe in chicken loving. They have always been very clear in their advertising that cow fucking is cool, but this goes too far. It's apparently okay to raise chickens in small cages, cut their heads off and eat them, but don't you dare make sweet animal love to them! "That's it" said Bim at our last meeting, "I ain't eating there ever again". And to make his point, he began examining the most personal and irrelevant thoughts and ideas of all the beer merchants that the BC4M frequents. Let's start with Grape and Gourmet, our primary beer source. Turns out that the owner thinks he was once probed by space aliens and he now refuses to serve aliens in his store. That's bullshit! First you don't serve the aliens, the next thing they won't serve your sweet old grandma. Not shopping there anymore. Total Wine's owners refuse to use religious affiliation when they hire, meaning they love Satan worshipers...so long Total Wine. Chip's Beer and Wine believe that hipster's are actually modern day prophets. That's just soooo offensive that we cannot support them ever again. Let's Talk Wine? Should rename the place Let's Talk Crazy. The owner believes that surfing is a real sport. Whoa! I think somebody's been hitting the ganja pipe! YNOT Pizza??? They get cat carcasses from a Chinese restaurant and make them into appetizers. Everyone knows that cat meat can only be used in lo mein! And lastly, there's the Lynnhaven Pub. These butt munchers think Ron Jeremy is a viable candidate for president... LUDICROUS! He's a VP at best. So, dear readers, we now have a serious problem. Because of our own bizarre, perverted and rigid belief system, we no longer can find beer locally. Please send us your beer. Unless, of course, you have any weirdo beliefs that we don't agree with. Ok, off the soapbox and onto the beer tasting! We held a rare Sunday tasting at Bim's. The idea was to spend a few hours tasting a dozen or so beers. 6 hrs and 29 beers later, we adjourned. The list is long, so to keep it short, the following beers sucked: Cigar City Cucumber Saison (6%) (this shit is embarrassingly bad. Think Hell or High Watermelon Wheat), Troeg's Scratch 50 (7%), Rogue Old Crustacean Barleywine 2008 (11.5%). The following were so/so: Fort Collins Dopple Bock (10%), Browuery De Graal De Graal Triverius (6.6%), Mikkeller I Beat You (9.75%), Ft. Collins The Incredible Hop (9.5%). Tenaya Creek Red Ryder Ale (6.2%), Mons Abbey Witte (5.0%), Jailhouse Brewing Repreive (6.0%), Jailhouse Brewing Mugshot IPA (6.7%). The following beers were Good: Jailhouse Brewing Hardtime Barleywine (10.5%), Jailhouse Brewing Prison Camp Pils (5.5%), Jailhouse Brewing Slammer Wheat (5.0%), Tenaya Creek Calico Brown Ale (5.6%), Tenaya Creek Hop Ride IPA (7.2%), Schmaltz / Terrapin Reunion Ale 12 (8%), Terrapin / Schmaltz Reunion Ale 12 (8%)  ( this version is definitely better than the first), Hoppin Frog Hop Heathen (8.8%), Brouwery De Molen Zomerhop (6.2%), Triple Digit Brewing Aftermath (10.5%), Great Divide Wolfgang (8.0%), Elysian Idiot Sauvin IPA (6.3%), Troeg's Scratch-60 (5.1%). And finally, the remainder were Really Good: Black Diamond Rampage IPA (9.0%), Black Diamond Brandy Barrel Aged Grand Cru (9.0%), Hoppin Frog Sweet Evil (8.8%), Hoppin Frog Goose Juice (7.0%), and Tenaya Creek Imperial Stout (9.3%). Damn! That's a shitload of beer! Some damn fine beers in the bunch, yet not a single RFG in the group. Until next time, enjoy this video of our very own Snake Plisken, enjoying a day at the beach.

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Most Interesting Gabe in the World


Recently, BC4M's newest initiated member, Chicago Mike (Ace of the dynamic duo of Ace and Gary) offered to play host to the first ever official meeting held outside of the neighborhood. He had promised us a huge surprise when we showed up, which caused Bim to start frothing at the mouth since he thought that Mike's two lovable St Bernard's named Aikman and Emmitt would enjoy a "ride" from him. Bim, had a smile as big as one of those pole smoking falsetto's on Glee the entire ride over thinking about the fun he hoped to have later that evening. Once we arrived, Bim quickly tried to assert himself as the alpha male but the boys would have none of it and soon had Bim squealing like a stuck pig. Thankfully, Chicago rescued our canine lover before he became the meat in a St Bernard sandwich. We then gathered around the table to start the tasting when Mike announced our big surprise would be the subsequent arrival of none other than "the worlds most interesting Gabe". It seems he had recently returned home after a week of preparations as the namesake for the upcoming "Burning Man" festival and had finally found time in his busy schedule to grace us with his presence. Not knowing when he would show up, we got started with a Lawson's Finest Double Sunshine (8.0%)  and it was simply fucking delicious. Hoppy, juicy, and bursting with grapefruit on the palate, it was full of flavor and left a pleasant alcohol tingle on finish. "Holy fuck that is amazing" said Fred, while Chicago added, "I wanna bathe my taint and my nut hamper in that shit". It isn't often that we start the night off with an RFG but this one was truly phenomenal. Hoping we hadn't already peaked for the night, we then tried a Knee Deep Hoptologist (9.0%), another big hoppy IPA that had a very citrusy nose to match its perfect color. Online reviews are mixed on this beer, some calling it better than Pliny to others saying things like, "In all honesty I could have made this beer on my stove using unsanitized everything and would have been better". We agree with the former as this is one delicious IPA. Not quite as perfect as the Double Sunshine, it is extremely tasty and got a really good rating. As Mike went to get the next few beers we heard a car screeching to a halt outside, and soon after, "The Gabe" strolled in with a shit eating grin on his face accompanied to his standard intro theme music. "What's up bitches, this party just got crunked" he said, as he pulled out a couple of gems from his rare beer cellar. "Yo, Husky Hay-Zeus, you be straight trippin homie bringing that jive honkey bullshit up in dis bitch" said Wilder "but I do like your tunes, so welcome to Beer Club 4 Men". To perhaps expound on why he is so internationally beloved and revered, we present the following facts about the world's most lovable ginger.



His body odor is the most popular fragrance from Scentsy.

His beard trimmings are also known as "grains of paradise" in Sam Adams Summer Ale.

His hipster treehouse located in stylish Ghent has a finished basement.

He once trekked the Appalachian Trail backwards...just to get a glimpse of his own perfect shadow.

All of his massages come with a happy ending...even when he is the masseuse.

The Iphone's "Siri" contacts him for information.

He completes sudoku puzzles with his penis.

His NY Times bestselling "mommy porn" novel was originally titled "50 Shades of Gabe".

He is the only man to survive a beard fight with Chuck Norris.

He once made a Brazilian woman orgasm in French by whispering Norwegian to her pet pomeranian.

He plays hacky sack with his own testicles and never loses them.

He invented Viagra to level the playing field for lesser men.

He is his own greatest hits station on Pandora.


He is the Most Interesting Gabe in the World

 In keeping with the IPA theme, Mike pulled out an Alesmith Yulesmith (Summer Holiday) (8.5%) and a Ballast Point Dorado (10.0%). Again, each beer was amazing and showcased how the slightest bit of variation in hop profile and malt bills can be used to make similar yet completely unique masterpieces. Both earned a really good, so we then changed it up with a Jester King Mad Meg (9.6%). "Damn that's a crazy looking bitch with a colander on her head" Bim said when looking at the label, to which Mike replied, "You know I dig on some crazy redheaded broads". This one gushed like a Amsterdam redlight district girl with a bad yeast infection, but the taste wasn't nearly as sour. Decent for a saison, we gave it a good. As Gabe was about to finish describing the time he had escaped being attacked by a marauding Ethiopian king cobra by mesmerizing it into a coma by simply combing his flowing mane, we tried a pair of beers from Dillon Dam Brewing. First was Sweet George's Brown (5.6%), a smoky brown ale that was ok but nothing special rating a so/so and their Extra Pale Ale (5.0%) which had just slightly more flavor than the average beginner's home brew. Since it wasn't a drain pour, it eked out a so/so rating. To change the pace, we then cracked into a Stone Smoked Porter W/Vanilla Beans (5.9%). This one isn't as dark as you would expect and the taste is even lighter. Sort of a cross between a cream soda and a rauchbier, this one was pretty tasty earning a solid good. Only two beers remained to be tasted so we pried the top off a Hangar 24 Double IPA (9.0%). While we watched Gabe intently swirling and sniffing his chalice of beer like a middle school boy finding his first pair of used panties, we discovered this beer was very floral on the nose. Hints of clover honey, melon and orange zest were present while the taste was sweet without being cloying. Really good was the result so we moved on to the final beer of the night, Widmer Brothers Kill Devil Brown (10.0%). "What the fuck, Kill Devil Browns?, that is some racist bullshit" said BC4M's token multinational, D-Rail. "Fuck you suzie chapstick, your yellow not brown, perhaps we should rename you Jaundiced By Nature" said Chicago. Even D-Rail howled with laughter at the new moniker, and the beer turned out to be excellent as well. Brewed with palm sugar, molasses and aged in rum barrels, this one has hints of toffee, licorice, rum and rich brown sugar. "Best fucking brown I ever tasted" said Bim, while Fred added, "What about that mama-san you loved on back at Subic Bay?" "She didn't taste this sweet" he replied. This one rated really good, so since we were finished for the night, we bid farewell to our host, thankful to have shared beers with a world icon. As we left, he graciously gave us proof to show we had broken bread with a legend.......

video


Until next time, Remember, Stay thirsty our friends....




Friday, July 13, 2012

BC4M 100,000th blog hit party




HERE IT IS BOYS AND GIRLS, COME IF YOU DARE....just make sure your shot records are up to date in case Bim comes up and snuggles you like an alpaca in heat. Come out and meet the BC4M, share some drinks, good food and spread the craft beer love. Who knows what events we have planned, you could potentially see the premiere of Ace and Gary's stomach turning sword swallowing act, watch Bim mate with a rabid hyena, or even take your chances at dethroning corn-hole champions Wilder and Fred. Ladies, watch yourself around Snake, he has been known to pretend he is a doctor and perform free breast exams, while Frank the Tank will most likely wanna show off his "machismo". Crazy Ken might be pouring his turbo shaddy (think shandy, except somehow with even less beer) while Big Mike will be checking id's and camel toes at the door. Ladies, remember no shirt, no bra, no fucking problem! Hell, if we are lucky enough, we might even get to finally witness 10pm staying past 10 fucking pm (ice is starting to form in Hades as we speak). Just remember, what happens at BC4M, stays at BC4M, except herpes, that shit stays with you forever.

Cheers Bitches!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

BC4M Road Trip to Hardywood Park



With the craft beer revolution rapidly taking hold across our fruited plains, new breweries are sprouting up as fast as a case of gonorrhea among sailors frequenting the all you can eat pussy buffet at a Subic Bay strip club. All this new brewing has the fine folks in our home state of Virginia finally clawing their ways from the barren depths of what we affectionately call the "Beermuda Triangle". One of the newest entries into the market is Hardywood Park Craft Brewery of Richmond. They have been in operation for less than a year and have already had one of their beers, Gingerbread Stout earn the coveted 100 score from Beer Advocate magazine. Seeing as how they are located a mere 90 miles (45 minute driving time when J. Wilder is at the wheel) and with news of a new beer being released, it only seemed logical that the BC4M would drop in and see "what the fuck was up". This past weekend Fred and Bim hopped in Wilder's "bumblebitch" and jetted up I-64 to the state capitol in search of Hardywood's newest release, Strawberry Wit. Johnny made like a young Dale Earnhardt and shaved 15 minutes off his previous best time to Richmond by utilizing the emergency lane as his own personal hov route. "Why not? that shit's empty and going to waste" he said as we zoomed past a bevy of slow moving tourist traffic bearing yankee (i.e. fucking fast talking northern types named Sal and Vinny) plates. We made our way through the seedy part of old Richmond, narrowly dodging a pair of young panhandlers looking for a good time and arrived at the brewery. A decent sized crowd was gathered so we swiftly made our way towards the door when Bim noticed a maze of vines covering up the front of the building. Bim, an avid green thumber with a backyard cornucopia of vegetables, herbs and fruits, many of which are invasive species that violate not only the Kyoto Protocol but also the Clean Air Act, deduced that the vines were most likely fast growing tasmanian kudzo that can quickly engulf its host and obviously needed a healthy dose of industrial strength Roundup mixed with Agent Orange to be tamed. We went in and found a staff member and told her about the kudzu epidemic out front to which she shrieked, "Those are our citra hop vines you fucking morons!". "Hmm" said Bim, "guess I better get my eyes checked again, that glaucoma thing must setting in". Inside, a pleasantly furnished bar welcomes you, but Fred immediately noticed that the tap list strangely didn't include Strawberry Wit. A quick glance at his phone caused him to realize they had arrived a week too early so he sheepishly told Wilder and Bim, "Ummm, its sorta funny, here I thought today was July 14th". "That's next week I think" said Bim, while Wilder added "So what your saying is we ain't tasting no mother fucking strawberry wit today". A still confused Bim then asked, "so are they or aren't they releasing Strawberry Wit today?" "Sorry guys, looks like I am a fucking maroon" said Fred. Determined to make the best of it, we went to a second bar located in the back and found they were pouring their new session beer, Hardywood Park SB 604 (3.8%), an "American style special bitter". Brewed to honor the recent passage of the bill that allows breweries to sell pints on premises, this beer was utterly forgettable. Watery and weak like 2% milk, Fred asked, "Is this a sample from the rinse bucket, or is this actually the beer?". "I don't taste anything" said Wilder, "sessionable my ass" he added. With little or no taste and definitely no alcohol kick we begrudgingly gave it a so/so. Next we wandered over to a table where a couple of firkins of special one-off beers were available. First we tried  Bourbon Hoplar (8.5%), their IPA aged in bourbon barrels. Dark caramel in color with what appeared to be an army of floaties having an orgy, this one was bourbon forward from the start and never let up. There is the faintest of hop bite at the end, but overall it was still delicious and rated a good despite the beer looking like a batch of pumpkin punch. It was about this time that two young hoochie mamas sauntered up and asked if we wanted any lunch from the mobile gut wagon  parked haphazardly out front. Food trucks are all the rage these days with seemingly every conceivable style of food available from road kill to ice cream. When the girls told Bim about their delicious and exotic "hot dogs", he immediately ran outside thinking he was about to score with either a frisky german shepherd or perhaps an adorable bichon frise. Much to his dismay, they were actually referring to good old fashioned weiners, to which Bim sarcastically replied "I already got one of those". We then sampled a Bourbon Mocha (7.2%), the bourbon version of their delicious Mocha Belgique. Dark as a Tanzanian street walker's ass crack under a moonless sky, it poured with a limited head but the taste was phenomenal. Cocoa and bourbon are expertly paired in a beer that is just thick enough without drinking like cough syrup. "That shit is fucking amazing" said Fred, while Bim added "I just don't get any strawberries at all". Hopefully they put this one in bottles because it is an amazing beer, right on the cusp of RFG status. Since we were short on time and we wanted to hit up local bottle shop Cork's and Kegs on the way home we decided to head out until we realized Bim was missing. Bim, who is prone to wandering off like your grandpa does during a visit to Walmart, was nowhere to be found until Wilder spotted him taking a leak on the hop vines out front. "I got no where else to go" said Bim as he hurriedly finished before being arrested for both crop endangerment and public indecency. All in all, despite the fuck-up from our resident savant, it was a great road trip and we plan on making a return visit. Until next time, when you have travel plans, stick with Travelocity or Expedia before letting Fred book your next trip....




Thursday, June 28, 2012

Who We Are

     In recognition of 100,000 visits to our website, I'd like to take a minute to remind our readers who we are. The Beer Club for Men formed nearly 3 yrs ago. We decided, on Johnny's back porch, to make a valiant attempt to rate every craft beer ever brewed. Little did we know that we were on the verge of a nationwide brewing tsunami, that would make such an attempt nearly impossible. Over the years we've made lots of friends, and even a few enemies. One local drinking establishment has banished us like a big turd from a giant colon. We're offensive and obnoxious, we get that. We don't really care, but we get it.
    We are predominantly white middle aged men, although one guy looks like he could be Mexican, another is surely an illegal (Guatemalan, Pakistani, Himalayan??? we can't tell), and there is one senior citizen, who, like Obama, refuses to provide us his "real" birth certificate. We love babies, but only when they are sucking on some MILF's cans at the mall. We prefer V-8's over electric cars for obvious reasons. We grew up when kids played tackle football and rode bikes without wearing helmets. If you got your noggin smashed, you rode the short bus... end of story. We think Ronald Reagan was the best president, ever. No really, the best fucking president EVER.  We watch football on Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and sometimes Thursdays. We don't wear skinny jeans, and don't tolerate "men" who do. We have salty language, and we don't give a shit if it offends you. There's a disclaimer at the beginning of this blog, if you're too lazy to read it, that's your fucking problem. We actually have real jobs, and support about 1000 shitbags who don't, thanks to our exorbitantly high taxes. We prefer dogs over cats (a little too much so in Bim's case). We love our fellow craft beer bloggers and drinkers, as well as those drinking establishments who really understand the American craft beer scene. We hate to use the word scene, but reserve the right to do so when we feel hip (we hate that word too). We think John Wayne may have been the last true American movie star with balls (Clint Eastwood is a close second, Johnny Depp isn't even on the list). We hate Hitler, but miss Gaddafi with his silly perm and fake military uniforms. We ate lead paint chips and huffed leaded gasoline as children, and out of the 9 members only one is mildly retarded. Just goes to show that the risk was overrated. We will eat a bald eagle, a whale, or loggerhead turtle eggs if given the chance. Who knows, manatees may taste like bacon. We have an elaborate rating system for our farts, and have been known to send each other photos of impressively large stools. We like to dry hump pit bulls to show them who the boss is (Bim insisted we add this). We know that the latest trend among men is that of metrosexuality and political correctness but we just won't go there. We think Michael Bloomberg is an asshole for banning 32 oz sodas, but allowing hobos to buy 40oz Olde English 800. If a movie has foul humor, profanity, zombies, nudity, or lots of gratuitous killing, we'll watch it. If it stars Johnny Depp or Richard Gere, we won't. We freely admit that we watch Nascar hoping to see a wreck. We are always looking to start new chapters with younger beer lovers everywhere. We think "50 Shades of Gray" is a description of dog vision. We hate Nickelback, just like the rest of America. And lastly, we are passionate about American craft beers. Our rating scale may be rudimentary and unsophisticated, but there's no doubt where we stand when we rate a beer. We're not always going to match your opinion of what a beer tastes like, but according to JD Power and Associates, 60% of the time we're right all the time. Now that we've introduced ourselves again, let's rate some beers!
     We started the night with an Virginia brewery, Starr Hill and their All Access Wee Heavy (8.5%). These guys have stepped up there game on this one. It was a real nice example of a Scottish Ale that we all liked a lot, rating a really good. Next was one from the Rare Beer Club, Sly Fox's Ichor (10%). Like most Belgian beers, the over-carbonation was obnoxious but the taste was good, rating such. Finch Beer Co.'s Cutthroat Pale Ale (5.5%) was supposedly brewed with orange peel but we couldn't taste it. A little orange may have helped mask the other offensive flavors. At least no one hurled. It rated a so/so. Deschutes and Boulevard's Conflux Series No. 2 White IPA (7.3%) was like a Manny Pacquiao fight decision, all over the place. Some liked it, others loathed it. Total vote...good. Founders/Green Flash Linch Pin White IPA (7.0%) was a better example of this style of beer, and was a solid good. DuClaw's Soul Jacker is a blend of Black Jack and Devils Milk (9.5%). We like these two separately, and hoped the blend would be awesome, but it was only a good. Terrapin Side Project 16 Phlux Capacitor (9.8%) is billed as an oak aged American Ale. No one liked it, giving it a so/so. Please put that shit back in the barrel! Independence Brewing Co.'s Jasperilla Old Ale(9.3%) was another miss, rating only a so/so. Stone's Bottleworks 13th Anniversary Ale (11%) is a one-off that Stone brews for the famed Seattle bottle store. Someday we hope to see our own BC4M brewery brew some swill for our favorite bottle shop, Grape and Gourmet. Maybe a 200 IBU hop bomb with Jimson weed and bath salts, called Face Eater Angry Hop Zombie. This beer however, unlike anything from us, was good. Dry Dock's Signature Series Bligh's Barleywine (10%) was the surprise of the night. Sweet, with a very complex flavor, we loved this beer, rating it a really good. Despite the Urban Dictionary description of Dry Dock, this beer rocks! Full Pint Brewing Co. supplied us with their Tri-PA, Tripel Batch Imperial IPA (9%) whatever that means. It was drinkable but not overly enjoyable, rating only a good. Next was Crooked Stave's Blackberry Petite Sour (5.0%). Everybody loves blackberry's and we also love sours. This beer hit the nail on the head. It was an easy really good. We followed that with Cantillon's Classic Gueze (9%). Like many beers in this style, it smelled like shit, but once you get past that, this sour beer was a crowd pleaser, rating a really good. We were on a sour run now, so we uncapped a Natty Greene's 230th Anniversary Oak Aged American Sour Ale (6.2%) which was surprisingly good. We have been rather hard on these guys in the past, but this beer was nice, rating a really good. The Bruery's Sans Pagaie (5.8%) is a sour blonde aged in oak with cherries. Another great sour beer, another really good. Goose Island Madame Rose (2010) (6.5%) is a Belgian style ale aged in wine barrels, with cherries, and was another really good. Snake remarked that he hadn't been exposed to this much fruit since the last time he spent a whole week starring at the Folsom Street Fair. And the sours just kept coming. Russian River's Beatification (Batch #5)(6.0%) was the final sour of the night, and maybe the best. Another really good beer, these guys rock!  On to the stouts. We started with  Goose Island's Big John (11.5%). Goose Island makes some outstanding stouts, and this was no exception. All that was missing was 6 months in a bourbon barrel to push this one to RFG status. Still, it easily rated a really good. We ended the night with a Fifty Fifty Eclispe (2011 Buffalo Trace)(9.5%). Another great beer. Dark as night with just the right amount of whiskey flavor, this beer was an easy really good. So smooth! A cool 19 beers down, it was time to call it a night. Cheers from the BC4M! And thanks for your constant support and verbal abuse! We look forward to the next 100,000 visitors!