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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Snake's Meatfest 2013

Snake is a carnivore. If it breathes, he wants to slice it into chunks, grind it into sausage, and fry that shit up. Thus, the Meatmaster himself offered to host a meeting, complete with a collection of wild game sausages (elk, venison,buffalo, boar, and jackalope). The usual suspects showed up, along with a couple of Bim's favorite patients (who will hereby be refered to as the Captain and Tennille in order to preserve their anonymity and reputations) gathered in Snake's palatial palace to eat meat and discuss all things beer. The Captain had recently returned from the great city of Ithaca, and presented us with the gift of beer in the form of  a few great Ithaca beers. We started the night with one of those beers, Ithica Fourteen (8.1%). This hoppy black ale, was a pretty decent beer to start with, rating a good. Kissmeyer Beer Co's My Two Front Teeth (7.5%) was a Christmas beer. It wasn't that good. Maybe it would have been better if we drank it closer to Christmas, but we're not fucking Superman and we can't turn back time, so the rating stands as a so/so. If you are an employee of the Kissmeyer Beer Company and are offended by that rating, you can suck it! After a while, conversation turned to the new Anheuser-Busch offering, Black Crown. As Johnny described it, Black Crown tastes like Bud Light, but with more body. It's as if they forgot to use the special filter that removes the urine from the bottle! Two Roads Honeyspot Road (6%) was a weak, watery, girly beer, a so/so at best. Is Honeyspot Road where all the shitty beers go to die? Two Roads Workers Comp Saison (4.8%) absolutely sucked! Amazingly bad...stop brewing. Crazy thought it was so bad he wished that they made something like Nasty Habit for people that would keep them from drinking shit like this. Next up was a homebrew from Crazy Ken, affectionately named Ken's Jungle Fever, a whiskey barrel stout. By far one of Ken's best beers, it rated a good. Four Friends Brewing's Santa's Dirty Little Secret (9.1%) had one of the best labels we've ever seen. Unfortunately the beer wasn't as good, rating only a good. Kosacken-Hantverksbryggeriet Imperial Stout (7%) was a good beer, but forgettable. Avery's Uncle Jacob's Stout (17.42%) was a little boozy, but oh so good, the first really good beer of the night! Next we did a beer cocktail, mixing the Southern Tier Creme Brulee Stout with their Pumpking. On their own they are decent. Together, it's desert in a pint glass. Back to the tasting... Avery's Marooned on Hog Island (7.9%) is an oyster stout. Crisp and clean, but a little light in the body. It was at this point in the evening that the talk turned to IPA's. Our guest, The Captain, an IPA lover, had never had a Pliny the Elder. Lucky for him, Snake had a fresh cold one in the fridge. Maybe next time we'll treat him to a Heady Topper! Appalachian Brewing Co. Ragged Edge Expresso Stout (4.6%) was a good beer. Strong coffee, but overall very nice. By this time in the night, the writing in the book was getting a little shaky. The scribe was apparently getting surprise there. The last two beers were ones that somehow snuck under the radar for years, Augustiner-Brau Maximator (7.5%) and Spaten Optimator (7.5%). Both beers were dopplebocks, and both were solid goods. That may sound like a pretty weak collection of beers for the BC4M, but if you check out the picture above, you'll see several previously rated beers that were thrown in as "palate cleansers". That's right, we drink BA Boris the Crusher, Sexual Chocolate, and Cafe Royale as palate cleansers. What you'd think we'd use, Black Crown??? We leave you with a Valentine's treat from our favorite web "meatmasters", the boys from Epic Mealtime.