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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, August 13, 2012

Chick Fellatio


Last week was particularly hard for Bim. First came the news that the owner of Chik Fil-A doesn't believe in chicken loving. They have always been very clear in their advertising that cow fucking is cool, but this goes too far. It's apparently okay to raise chickens in small cages, cut their heads off and eat them, but don't you dare make sweet animal love to them! "That's it" said Bim at our last meeting, "I ain't eating there ever again". And to make his point, he began examining the most personal and irrelevant thoughts and ideas of all the beer merchants that the BC4M frequents. Let's start with Grape and Gourmet, our primary beer source. Turns out that the owner thinks he was once probed by space aliens and he now refuses to serve aliens in his store. That's bullshit! First you don't serve the aliens, the next thing they won't serve your sweet old grandma. Not shopping there anymore. Total Wine's owners refuse to use religious affiliation when they hire, meaning they love Satan worshipers...so long Total Wine. Chip's Beer and Wine believe that hipster's are actually modern day prophets. That's just soooo offensive that we cannot support them ever again. Let's Talk Wine? Should rename the place Let's Talk Crazy. The owner believes that surfing is a real sport. Whoa! I think somebody's been hitting the ganja pipe! YNOT Pizza??? They get cat carcasses from a Chinese restaurant and make them into appetizers. Everyone knows that cat meat can only be used in lo mein! And lastly, there's the Lynnhaven Pub. These butt munchers think Ron Jeremy is a viable candidate for president... LUDICROUS! He's a VP at best. So, dear readers, we now have a serious problem. Because of our own bizarre, perverted and rigid belief system, we no longer can find beer locally. Please send us your beer. Unless, of course, you have any weirdo beliefs that we don't agree with. Ok, off the soapbox and onto the beer tasting! We held a rare Sunday tasting at Bim's. The idea was to spend a few hours tasting a dozen or so beers. 6 hrs and 29 beers later, we adjourned. The list is long, so to keep it short, the following beers sucked: Cigar City Cucumber Saison (6%) (this shit is embarrassingly bad. Think Hell or High Watermelon Wheat), Troeg's Scratch 50 (7%), Rogue Old Crustacean Barleywine 2008 (11.5%). The following were so/so: Fort Collins Dopple Bock (10%), Browuery De Graal De Graal Triverius (6.6%), Mikkeller I Beat You (9.75%), Ft. Collins The Incredible Hop (9.5%). Tenaya Creek Red Ryder Ale (6.2%), Mons Abbey Witte (5.0%), Jailhouse Brewing Repreive (6.0%), Jailhouse Brewing Mugshot IPA (6.7%). The following beers were Good: Jailhouse Brewing Hardtime Barleywine (10.5%), Jailhouse Brewing Prison Camp Pils (5.5%), Jailhouse Brewing Slammer Wheat (5.0%), Tenaya Creek Calico Brown Ale (5.6%), Tenaya Creek Hop Ride IPA (7.2%), Schmaltz / Terrapin Reunion Ale 12 (8%), Terrapin / Schmaltz Reunion Ale 12 (8%)  ( this version is definitely better than the first), Hoppin Frog Hop Heathen (8.8%), Brouwery De Molen Zomerhop (6.2%), Triple Digit Brewing Aftermath (10.5%), Great Divide Wolfgang (8.0%), Elysian Idiot Sauvin IPA (6.3%), Troeg's Scratch-60 (5.1%). And finally, the remainder were Really Good: Black Diamond Rampage IPA (9.0%), Black Diamond Brandy Barrel Aged Grand Cru (9.0%), Hoppin Frog Sweet Evil (8.8%), Hoppin Frog Goose Juice (7.0%), and Tenaya Creek Imperial Stout (9.3%). Damn! That's a shitload of beer! Some damn fine beers in the bunch, yet not a single RFG in the group. Until next time, enjoy this video of our very own Snake Plisken, enjoying a day at the beach.

22 comments:

Anonymous said...

Way to phone it in. Worst Blog Ever

ILuvTheBirch said...

Wow! Who is responsible for this literary masterpiece? Why even bother? Why not take the covk out of your mouth long enough to be creative. Thanks for wasting 10 minutes of my life I will never get back!

Beer Club 4 Men said...

Wow, tough crowd! But you're right. I had writers block. I started to write, then surfed some porn, then write, then more porn. I eventually gave up and just watched porn all day and the results are evident. That picture of satan's butthole? That's me. I know, pure laziness. And no, Obama isn't eating a cat, it's a chicken wing, but I tried not to be a stereotypical racist so I photoshopped a cat. Guilty as charged. The Ron Jeremy shot is real. I promise to try harder next time, not that I really give a crap how our non-paying audience feels. You can all bite me! Love, Bim

TheItalianSaison said...

Yup, not even gonna waste my time on using any material on this steaming pile of horse shit. Fire that writer and ban him from tasting any beer for a while. He can bring beer but no tasting. What an ass bag.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like hearing about some old dog humper getting writer's block. Cry me a river gramps, and for goodness sake, if you tried to write with as much energy as you use to molest family pets, we might get some laughs here for a change...

Unshaved Creamsicle

ILuvTheBirch said...

Im not sure how you ever frequented any of thoose shit holes. Grape & Gourmet???I used to go there but couldnt stomach any more of Kevins purple shirt collection.Total Wine, Really?? Wouldnt mind stopping by Ynot and having a beer at the bar but cant seem to find a time when there is not an unemployed brewer sitting there asking me for money.Not to mention the owner is a real Douche Bag!Lynhaven Pub? I refuse to go to any bar that sells Stiflers contaminated beer. Lets talk Wine is Ok. At least he really is a surfer and doesnt just put it on his logo to sell beer even though he has never been in the water.

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