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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Let's Make a Deal

As you may know, we are beer trading fools at the BC4M. Fred spends countless hours online working out deals for rare beers like a carnival barker hopped on on a case of "Chernobly" and has even managed to score a Tahitian "masseuse" for D-Rail's enjoyment for only a few empty bottles of PBR. Show us some new beer, and we simply have to have it, so much so that we are fast becoming the "hoarders" of the craft beer world. The weirder or more rare the better. We have a list on the web page of beers we have for trade, but there's a few we haven't listed. These are special beers that should command a high price in the trading world. What follows is the world's first look into out secret stash.....Read on if you dare,

Big Beaver Brewing's Rosey Cheek's Whore Juice (made with real vaginal discharge from real whores, but only the real classy high dollar ones. A tasteless beer from the most tasteless brewery in the world)

Dog Fish Head Egyptian Dog Dick Ale (brewed with petrified dog cock from the tomb of noted dog lover Pharaoh Tutankhamen)

Lagunitas Sensimillia Hydroponic IPA (the original pot head brewers take this one to eleven by adding sweet Mexican bud to the mix. Unfortunately, they were all high and forgot to add the yeast, so after shotgunning a case of this swill, all you get is an increased desire to visit Taco Bell)

Rogue Sextuple Dead Guy Ale (who needs plain ole Double Dead Guy Ale when you can get this bomber filled with 6 times the coastal free range water and 6 times the Pacman yeast. Hooray!! Just what the world needs, supercharged shit water)

Three Floyds Satan's Piss Imperial Stout (these devil worshiping brewers sold their souls to make this one, feel the burn as this thick milkshake coats your tonsils with intense heat)

Beach Brewing Crotch Crab Pale Ale (are pubic lice really seafood for small animals? Who cares! They make a great addition to the malt character of this beer, but damn does it make your throat itch like hell)

Clipper City Heavy Seas Black as a Somalian Pirate  Porter (celebrating piracy in the 21st century with an ultra thin and weak porter fit for the malnourished modern pirate who's primed to be used as target practice by the U.S. Navy)

Epic Brewing Brainless on Meth (capturing the brainless spirit of Meth zombies everywhere)

Foothills Sex Panther Porter (Brewed with real bits of Panther...60 percent of the time it tastes good all the time. With a pungent scent that stings the nostrils, I gotta be honest, it smells like pure gasoline.)

Jolly Pumpkin Esta Mierda Chupa Bolas (don't be lazy, rosetta stone this yourself, chico)

Evil Twin's Watching a Porno by Yourself in an Empty NYC Hotel Room at 1am High on Crack (like all their brews, the name is clever, but the beer doesn't live up to the high price tag, sorta like that spanktravision movie that cost you 24.99 last night)

Bollywood Brewing Company's American Pale Ale (isn't it ironic that India's best beer maker can't brew a decent India Pale Ale so they resort to making this swill?)

If you think you have something rare or special and wanna get your hands on one of these exclusive beers, get in touch with us and ..Lets make a deal mother fuckers!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Crazy Ken's RV

Fresh back from visiting his in-laws in Ohio, Crazy Ken saw the benefit of owning a home on wheels, and he promptly squandered his nest egg on a new "trailer house" he bought from a former "pharmaceutical manufacturer". He had clearly outgrown his old trailer house and was in need of an upgrade. Never missing an opportunity for adventure, the BC4M plied Ken with dozens of high alcohol beers until he volunteered his party wagon for the trip to Foothills Brewery for the 2012 Sexual Chocolate release. This beer draws hippies and ne'er-do-wells from all over the east coast (yes, the BC4M is in that clip, but our identities are concealed), in search of an above average Russian Imperial Stout with a picture of a smoking hot Foxy Cleopatra on the bottle. The trip started well, with a jovial Crazy at the wheel, Bim as the co-pilot, and the rest of the merry makers (Johnny Wilder, Fred, Nestle, The Drunken Polack, and Polly Pocket) in the back. We left at 1130 pm, and by the time we left our street, the beers were cracking. Hopslam, Heady Topper, Hoptopus were flowing like water. The karaoke began when we left the driveway, and didn't end until we arrived in Winston-Salem, upon which time Johnny, exhausted from singing "Dancing Queen" for the 800th time, passed out in sheer exhaustion. 5 hrs later, after the rest of us had frozen our salami's off sitting in sub-freezing temperatures, he rolled out of the trailer house looking all warm and toasty just in time to join us as we were entering the brewery to claim our dark rich and sultry prize. We found a table and decided to sample all the beers Foothill's had on tap while we recovered from the according to Doctor Bim, "mild case of hypothermia". He then added, "Generally, the ball sack thaws out before amputation becomes necessary." We started with a Salem Gold (3.75%). This light, colored water is a great beer for the Bud Light crowd, earning a so/so. Pilot Mountain Pale Ale (4.75%) was a little better, but not by much, rating a good although the label art is fucking amazing. Torch Pilsner (5.3%) had a bit less of the skunk spray smell that pilsners are known for, and was liked by all, rating a good. Peoples Porter (5.8%) was a session porter, with a little too much bitterness, but still an easy drinker, rating a good. And the last beer tasted was the Jade West Coast IPA (6.4%). This IPA rocks, rating a really good. If Foothills weren't 5 hrs away, we'd drink this shit every night. The first really good beer of the night/day. Crazy was already getting cranky before we left, as he attempted to give RV tours to passer-by's, and things only got worse. When we finally arrived back to the shaggin wagon, he was wild-eyed from sleep deprivation and a case of 5 hr energy drinks, stripped down to his undies, and directing traffic. WTF?  The ride back was a wild one as our host driver repeatedly swerved to avoid phantom animals all the while cackling like a Howler Monkey. Add to that the fact that a new Guinness World Record was recorded on the way back (Johnny Wilder was able to stuff 32 cheese puffs into his mouth at once! (Without gagging!....So, for a good time you know who to call.....)
and you have the making of another great adventure for the BC4M!