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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, July 30, 2012

The Most Interesting Gabe in the World

Recently, BC4M's newest initiated member, Chicago Mike (Ace of the dynamic duo of Ace and Gary) offered to play host to the first ever official meeting held outside of the neighborhood. He had promised us a huge surprise when we showed up, which caused Bim to start frothing at the mouth since he thought that Mike's two lovable St Bernard's named Aikman and Emmitt would enjoy a "ride" from him. Bim, had a smile as big as one of those pole smoking falsetto's on Glee the entire ride over thinking about the fun he hoped to have later that evening. Once we arrived, Bim quickly tried to assert himself as the alpha male but the boys would have none of it and soon had Bim squealing like a stuck pig. Thankfully, Chicago rescued our canine lover before he became the meat in a St Bernard sandwich. We then gathered around the table to start the tasting when Mike announced our big surprise would be the subsequent arrival of none other than "the worlds most interesting Gabe". It seems he had recently returned home after a week of preparations as the namesake for the upcoming "Burning Man" festival and had finally found time in his busy schedule to grace us with his presence. Not knowing when he would show up, we got started with a Lawson's Finest Double Sunshine (8.0%)  and it was simply fucking delicious. Hoppy, juicy, and bursting with grapefruit on the palate, it was full of flavor and left a pleasant alcohol tingle on finish. "Holy fuck that is amazing" said Fred, while Chicago added, "I wanna bathe my taint and my nut hamper in that shit". It isn't often that we start the night off with an RFG but this one was truly phenomenal. Hoping we hadn't already peaked for the night, we then tried a Knee Deep Hoptologist (9.0%), another big hoppy IPA that had a very citrusy nose to match its perfect color. Online reviews are mixed on this beer, some calling it better than Pliny to others saying things like, "In all honesty I could have made this beer on my stove using unsanitized everything and would have been better". We agree with the former as this is one delicious IPA. Not quite as perfect as the Double Sunshine, it is extremely tasty and got a really good rating. As Mike went to get the next few beers we heard a car screeching to a halt outside, and soon after, "The Gabe" strolled in with a shit eating grin on his face accompanied to his standard intro theme music. "What's up bitches, this party just got crunked" he said, as he pulled out a couple of gems from his rare beer cellar. "Yo, Husky Hay-Zeus, you be straight trippin homie bringing that jive honkey bullshit up in dis bitch" said Wilder "but I do like your tunes, so welcome to Beer Club 4 Men". To perhaps expound on why he is so internationally beloved and revered, we present the following facts about the world's most lovable ginger.

His body odor is the most popular fragrance from Scentsy.

His beard trimmings are also known as "grains of paradise" in Sam Adams Summer Ale.

His hipster treehouse located in stylish Ghent has a finished basement.

He once trekked the Appalachian Trail backwards...just to get a glimpse of his own perfect shadow.

All of his massages come with a happy ending...even when he is the masseuse.

The Iphone's "Siri" contacts him for information.

He completes sudoku puzzles with his penis.

His NY Times bestselling "mommy porn" novel was originally titled "50 Shades of Gabe".

He is the only man to survive a beard fight with Chuck Norris.

He once made a Brazilian woman orgasm in French by whispering Norwegian to her pet pomeranian.

He plays hacky sack with his own testicles and never loses them.

He invented Viagra to level the playing field for lesser men.

He is his own greatest hits station on Pandora.

He is the Most Interesting Gabe in the World

 In keeping with the IPA theme, Mike pulled out an Alesmith Yulesmith (Summer Holiday) (8.5%) and a Ballast Point Dorado (10.0%). Again, each beer was amazing and showcased how the slightest bit of variation in hop profile and malt bills can be used to make similar yet completely unique masterpieces. Both earned a really good, so we then changed it up with a Jester King Mad Meg (9.6%). "Damn that's a crazy looking bitch with a colander on her head" Bim said when looking at the label, to which Mike replied, "You know I dig on some crazy redheaded broads". This one gushed like a Amsterdam redlight district girl with a bad yeast infection, but the taste wasn't nearly as sour. Decent for a saison, we gave it a good. As Gabe was about to finish describing the time he had escaped being attacked by a marauding Ethiopian king cobra by mesmerizing it into a coma by simply combing his flowing mane, we tried a pair of beers from Dillon Dam Brewing. First was Sweet George's Brown (5.6%), a smoky brown ale that was ok but nothing special rating a so/so and their Extra Pale Ale (5.0%) which had just slightly more flavor than the average beginner's home brew. Since it wasn't a drain pour, it eked out a so/so rating. To change the pace, we then cracked into a Stone Smoked Porter W/Vanilla Beans (5.9%). This one isn't as dark as you would expect and the taste is even lighter. Sort of a cross between a cream soda and a rauchbier, this one was pretty tasty earning a solid good. Only two beers remained to be tasted so we pried the top off a Hangar 24 Double IPA (9.0%). While we watched Gabe intently swirling and sniffing his chalice of beer like a middle school boy finding his first pair of used panties, we discovered this beer was very floral on the nose. Hints of clover honey, melon and orange zest were present while the taste was sweet without being cloying. Really good was the result so we moved on to the final beer of the night, Widmer Brothers Kill Devil Brown (10.0%). "What the fuck, Kill Devil Browns?, that is some racist bullshit" said BC4M's token multinational, D-Rail. "Fuck you suzie chapstick, your yellow not brown, perhaps we should rename you Jaundiced By Nature" said Chicago. Even D-Rail howled with laughter at the new moniker, and the beer turned out to be excellent as well. Brewed with palm sugar, molasses and aged in rum barrels, this one has hints of toffee, licorice, rum and rich brown sugar. "Best fucking brown I ever tasted" said Bim, while Fred added, "What about that mama-san you loved on back at Subic Bay?" "She didn't taste this sweet" he replied. This one rated really good, so since we were finished for the night, we bid farewell to our host, thankful to have shared beers with a world icon. As we left, he graciously gave us proof to show we had broken bread with a legend.......

Until next time, Remember, Stay thirsty our friends....

Friday, July 13, 2012

BC4M 100,000th blog hit party

HERE IT IS BOYS AND GIRLS, COME IF YOU DARE....just make sure your shot records are up to date in case Bim comes up and snuggles you like an alpaca in heat. Come out and meet the BC4M, share some drinks, good food and spread the craft beer love. Who knows what events we have planned, you could potentially see the premiere of Ace and Gary's stomach turning sword swallowing act, watch Bim mate with a rabid hyena, or even take your chances at dethroning corn-hole champions Wilder and Fred. Ladies, watch yourself around Snake, he has been known to pretend he is a doctor and perform free breast exams, while Frank the Tank will most likely wanna show off his "machismo". Crazy Ken might be pouring his turbo shaddy (think shandy, except somehow with even less beer) while Big Mike will be checking id's and camel toes at the door. Ladies, remember no shirt, no bra, no fucking problem! Hell, if we are lucky enough, we might even get to finally witness 10pm staying past 10 fucking pm (ice is starting to form in Hades as we speak). Just remember, what happens at BC4M, stays at BC4M, except herpes, that shit stays with you forever.

Cheers Bitches!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

BC4M Road Trip to Hardywood Park

With the craft beer revolution rapidly taking hold across our fruited plains, new breweries are sprouting up as fast as a case of gonorrhea among sailors frequenting the all you can eat pussy buffet at a Subic Bay strip club. All this new brewing has the fine folks in our home state of Virginia finally clawing their ways from the barren depths of what we affectionately call the "Beermuda Triangle". One of the newest entries into the market is Hardywood Park Craft Brewery of Richmond. They have been in operation for less than a year and have already had one of their beers, Gingerbread Stout earn the coveted 100 score from Beer Advocate magazine. Seeing as how they are located a mere 90 miles (45 minute driving time when J. Wilder is at the wheel) and with news of a new beer being released, it only seemed logical that the BC4M would drop in and see "what the fuck was up". This past weekend Fred and Bim hopped in Wilder's "bumblebitch" and jetted up I-64 to the state capitol in search of Hardywood's newest release, Strawberry Wit. Johnny made like a young Dale Earnhardt and shaved 15 minutes off his previous best time to Richmond by utilizing the emergency lane as his own personal hov route. "Why not? that shit's empty and going to waste" he said as we zoomed past a bevy of slow moving tourist traffic bearing yankee (i.e. fucking fast talking northern types named Sal and Vinny) plates. We made our way through the seedy part of old Richmond, narrowly dodging a pair of young panhandlers looking for a good time and arrived at the brewery. A decent sized crowd was gathered so we swiftly made our way towards the door when Bim noticed a maze of vines covering up the front of the building. Bim, an avid green thumber with a backyard cornucopia of vegetables, herbs and fruits, many of which are invasive species that violate not only the Kyoto Protocol but also the Clean Air Act, deduced that the vines were most likely fast growing tasmanian kudzo that can quickly engulf its host and obviously needed a healthy dose of industrial strength Roundup mixed with Agent Orange to be tamed. We went in and found a staff member and told her about the kudzu epidemic out front to which she shrieked, "Those are our citra hop vines you fucking morons!". "Hmm" said Bim, "guess I better get my eyes checked again, that glaucoma thing must setting in". Inside, a pleasantly furnished bar welcomes you, but Fred immediately noticed that the tap list strangely didn't include Strawberry Wit. A quick glance at his phone caused him to realize they had arrived a week too early so he sheepishly told Wilder and Bim, "Ummm, its sorta funny, here I thought today was July 14th". "That's next week I think" said Bim, while Wilder added "So what your saying is we ain't tasting no mother fucking strawberry wit today". A still confused Bim then asked, "so are they or aren't they releasing Strawberry Wit today?" "Sorry guys, looks like I am a fucking maroon" said Fred. Determined to make the best of it, we went to a second bar located in the back and found they were pouring their new session beer, Hardywood Park SB 604 (3.8%), an "American style special bitter". Brewed to honor the recent passage of the bill that allows breweries to sell pints on premises, this beer was utterly forgettable. Watery and weak like 2% milk, Fred asked, "Is this a sample from the rinse bucket, or is this actually the beer?". "I don't taste anything" said Wilder, "sessionable my ass" he added. With little or no taste and definitely no alcohol kick we begrudgingly gave it a so/so. Next we wandered over to a table where a couple of firkins of special one-off beers were available. First we tried  Bourbon Hoplar (8.5%), their IPA aged in bourbon barrels. Dark caramel in color with what appeared to be an army of floaties having an orgy, this one was bourbon forward from the start and never let up. There is the faintest of hop bite at the end, but overall it was still delicious and rated a good despite the beer looking like a batch of pumpkin punch. It was about this time that two young hoochie mamas sauntered up and asked if we wanted any lunch from the mobile gut wagon  parked haphazardly out front. Food trucks are all the rage these days with seemingly every conceivable style of food available from road kill to ice cream. When the girls told Bim about their delicious and exotic "hot dogs", he immediately ran outside thinking he was about to score with either a frisky german shepherd or perhaps an adorable bichon frise. Much to his dismay, they were actually referring to good old fashioned weiners, to which Bim sarcastically replied "I already got one of those". We then sampled a Bourbon Mocha (7.2%), the bourbon version of their delicious Mocha Belgique. Dark as a Tanzanian street walker's ass crack under a moonless sky, it poured with a limited head but the taste was phenomenal. Cocoa and bourbon are expertly paired in a beer that is just thick enough without drinking like cough syrup. "That shit is fucking amazing" said Fred, while Bim added "I just don't get any strawberries at all". Hopefully they put this one in bottles because it is an amazing beer, right on the cusp of RFG status. Since we were short on time and we wanted to hit up local bottle shop Cork's and Kegs on the way home we decided to head out until we realized Bim was missing. Bim, who is prone to wandering off like your grandpa does during a visit to Walmart, was nowhere to be found until Wilder spotted him taking a leak on the hop vines out front. "I got no where else to go" said Bim as he hurriedly finished before being arrested for both crop endangerment and public indecency. All in all, despite the fuck-up from our resident savant, it was a great road trip and we plan on making a return visit. Until next time, when you have travel plans, stick with Travelocity or Expedia before letting Fred book your next trip....