defrLatest Breaking News..

We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Bimigan's Ark

And God said, "Gather your beers two by two and get your sorry asses to Bim's Ark while I drown you drunken bastards with 3 days of rain!" And so it was written, and so it was done. Like cows heading to the barn, the BC4M braved wind and treacherous flooding, gathered the womenfolk, loaded our beer into buckets, and headed to Bim's. 3 days of flood waters had everybody pissed off and ready to throw down. Besides, with the bad weather, our 1950's era Direct TV had lost it's signal and we were starved for entertainment. And what better way for a bunch of craft brew alcoholics to entertain themselves (besides a circle jerk of course) than to drink good beer. Bim had the house well prepared for the flood, so it was the logical place to meet. Ok, enough of the gratuitous links, let's rate some beers! As we often like to do, we opened the night with "The RFG of IPA's", a Pliny the Elder. Our stock is running low, but until we run out, we intend to savor every one of these bitches! Next up was St. Georges Brewing Co.'s Octoberfest (5%). This beer had the odd smell that we've come to expect from this brewery, and the odd taste to match, but still rated a good. Abita Amber Beer (5%) tasted like weak Louisiana swamp water and rated a sucks. Boulder Beer Pass Time Ale (5%) was a sweet, smooth session beer, and the whole group agreed it was good. Next up was some weird Italian beer called Nuova Mattina (5.8%). This shit is brewed with ginger, coriander, green pepper and chamomile. WTF??? Were they using up all the crap spices from the spice cabinet? Not good fellas. Who brews with chamomile? The same dickwads that brought us theFiat, that's who. Breckenridge Lucky U IPA (6.2%) was a so/so, making all of us feel less than lucky for having tasted it. Finally it was time for a real beer, as we cracked open the Lost Abbey Serpents Stout (11%). This shit was pure deliciousness! Chocolaty smooth with just the right amount of alcohol heat. By the time we opened the next beer, the skys had opened up again, J. Wilder arrived in his "water skeeter", and we retreated to the boathouse (sorry, more gratuitous links). Ballast Point's Victory at Sea Coffee Vanilla Imperial Porter (10%) reminded us of our own old sea daddy, Tank, and his incredulous stories of battling Barberry pirates and sea monsters. This beer had a nice vanilla flavor and was a really good. Great Divide followed with their Oak Aged Yeti Imperial Stout (9.5%). We love yeti's (see "Prince Mike") but this one was weak and was only a so/so. If we wanted to drink oak chips, we'd ferment the runoff off Fred's fire pit. Next up was a beer we drank at Fred's birthday, but were too stewed to record... Great Divide's 16th Anniversary Wood Aged Double IPA (10%). No one can really remember what we thought of it initially, but on this night it was a good. At this point Snake, in his typical over the top fashion, stood and screamed, "Way too much talking and not enough fucking drinking!" Shipyard produced two losers, their IPA (5%) which sucked, and their Shipyard Expert Handcrafted Ale (5%) which was only marginally better and rated a so/so. CHC homebrew is "handcrafted" too, which says nothing about quality, as every one of our beers tastes like pure ass. Green Flash supplied the Barleywine style ale (10.9%) which are liked by some members and feared by others. It was a mixed vote, and rated a good. The Bruery's Mischief (8.5%) was really good, although there were no comments. Widmer Brothers have produced a mixed bag of beers, but their Prickly Pear Braggot (10%) was a unanimous good. We were on a roll now, tearing through new beers like a bunch of fat kids in a candy store. Bell's Best Brown Ale (5.8%) featured a nice rendition of Woodsie the Owl on the label, and tasted cool too, rating a good. Blue Moon Harvest Moon (5.7%) (the Coors Light of craft brews) was a decent session beer and rated a good. Brooklyn Brewery Post Road Pumpkin Ale (5%) tasted like they used the month old neighborhood pumpkins that Bim used to litter the street with on Halloween as a delinquent child (he now confines his shenanigans to sexually molesting lawn ornaments). Saranac Pumpkin Ale (5.5%) was a little better, but still only a so/so. We closed the night with a Shipyard Pumpkinhead (4.5%) that Fred described as a cinnamon cookie in a bottle and rated a good. And just like that, the party was over. Time for the BC4M to strap on the speedos and swin home

Monday, September 20, 2010

Bim's Thoughts from the GABF

The Great American Beer Festival has come and gone. Now it's time to look back on our favorite parts of the whole Denver experience. I think for me, meeting the other bloggers and brewers was my favorite part. Take, for instance, the Beer and Whiskey Brothers. For starters, Jim is 9 ft 6 inches tall and his brother is 10 ft tall. They look much shorter on the computer screen. Really nice guys who have their shit together when it comes to alcoholic beverages. Then there were the New Brew Thursday guys. I can relate to them, as we meet Thursday nights, and at one time considered calling ourselves the "Twenty New Brew Thursday Boys". Although they were from California, I felt like they would feel right at home with the Virgina based BC4M. And who could forget the Beer Monster... not quite sure what her gig was, but loved her style. I even got to speak with the Drunken Polack, who has sampled more rare beers than I ever will in my lifetime. His web page is a must read for serious craft beer enthusiasts. We met some wonderful brewers, the group from 6 Rivers Brewing Co., in California. They make some cool beers, and were down home friendly folks that took in our sorry asses when we needed a seat at the bar. With the beer selection in the thousands, it was impossible to taste them all. We started with a few of the better knowns in the group, but I was really impressed with some brewers whom I had never heard of, namely Fegely's Brew Works and the Mad Fox Brewing Co. Both these brewers were serving up really excellent beers, and I certainly am planning on hunting down their other beers to sample later. And to top that off, they had employees pouring beers! And lastly, I was able to speak to a Dog Fish Head rep regarding their beers. They are my favorite brewer, which I related, but I couldn't help but let the guy know that they make some real dogs as well (can you say Sah Tea?). Gotta keep the Big Dogs humble after all, and challenge them to continually step up their game. Almost everyone was exceptionally friendly, with the exception of one cornhole playing jackass by the name of John, who was, by the way, from Virginia! And a very special thank you to our Denver host and shuttle driver, Dawn, who probably endured more noxious internal gas exposure in that short weekend than she has her entire life. We were tired and cold and she gave us shelter, hungry and she gave us food, thirsty and she gave us beer. Jesus himself couldn't have done better. It was a most memorable trip, from the crazy costumes, to the cheers every time a glass was dropped, it's something that everyone who loves good beer, should experience. Plus, there are actually bars in Denver where Pliny the Elder is served on draught!!! We were in heaven.

Ratings from the Great American Beer Festival

The following is the list of beers we tried at the Great American Beer Festival in no particular order. Most of the beers were mediocre at best, but a few of them got a really good and 3 of them got the coveted RFG. There were a lot of unique names among the couple hundred beers we tried yet some of the most creative names ended up tasting like bad dishwashing liquid. Maybe if they spent as much time on the beer as on coming up with a witty name, the beer would be much better. Next time, we will try even more, (if our livers can handle it)

Oskar Blues
Barrel Aged Ten Fidy (RFG!)
Barrel Aged Sour Cherry Old Chub (Really Good)

Adirondack Pub and Brewery
Dirty Blonde Ale (so-so)
Beaver Tail Brown Ale (so-so)

America's Brewing Company @ the Roundhouse
Paddler's Porter (so-so)
Beauregard's Blueberry Beer (so-so)

Augusta Brewing Company
Hyde Park Stout (so-so)
Augusta Witbier (sucks)
1856 I.P.A. (so-so)

Backcountry Brewery
May Bock (good)
Ptarmigan Pilsner (sucks)

Barley Island Brewing Company
Dirty Helen Brown Ale (good)

Battered Boar Brewing Company
Briarpatch Amber Ale (sucks)
Company Man Pale Ale (sucks)
Chuck's Pumpkin Ale (so-so)
Coconut Cream Stout (sucks)

Big Rock Chop House
Flying Buffalo Imperial Stout (really good)
Norm's Raggedy Ass IPA (good)
American Brown Ale (so-so)

Black Diamond Brewing Company
Le Beau Fils Dirige Rouge (so-so)
Rampage Imperial IPA (so-so)
Jagged Edge IPA (so-so)

Sam Adams
Longshot Rae Rae's Ale (sucks)
Longshot Don Tiburon Ale (sucks)
Longshot Lavender Honey Brew (so-so)

Bull and Bush Brewery
The Tower ESB (good)
Big Ben Brown Ale (so-so)

Cambridge House Brew Pub
CPA (sucks)
Leopold's Gold (good)
Bumble Bock (good)

Cascade Brewing Company
Vlad the Imp Aler (really good)
Kriek (good)

Cascade Lakes Brewing Company
Blonde Bombshell (sucks)
Centennial IPA (good)
20" Brown (so-so)

Chuckanut Brewery
Bock (so-so)
Dunkel (so-so)
Pilsner (so-so)

Cigar City Brewing
Marshal Zhukov's Final Push (really good)
Jai Alai IPA (so-so)
Oatmeal Raisin Cookie Brown Ale (really good)
Guava Grove (really good)

Cocoa Beach Brewing Company
Orange Avenue Wit (so-so)

Cumberland Brewery
Bourbon Barrel Keister (really good)
Bases 10 IPA (good)

Dogfish Head
Chateau Jiahu (so-so)
Bitches Brew (really good)
Tamarillo (so-so)
Grain to Glass (sucks)

Dunedin Brewery
The Rock (good)

Elysian Brewing Company
Mens Room Original Red Ale (sucks)
Mr. Yuck (good)

Emerald City Beer Company
Dotties Seattle Lager (so-so)

Evolution Craft Brewing
Rise Up Stout (good)
Lot #3 IPA (so-so)

Fegley's Brew Works
Kriek (good)
Bagpiper's Scotch Ale (so-so)
Hop'solutely (really good)
Pawn Shop Porter (so-so)
Devious Imperial Pumpkin (really good)

Five Seasons Brewing Company
Hopgasm (good)
Scotch Ale (good)
Seven Sisters (sucks)

Flying Fish Brewing Company
Exit 1 (really good)

Foothills Brewing Company
Hoppyum IPA (so-so)
Seeing Double IPA (good)
Baltic Porter (good)
Oktoberfest (so-so)

Great Lakes Brewing Company
Glockenspiel (good)
Rye of the Tiger (sucks)
Christmas Ale (good)

Hoppin Frog Brewing
Turbo Shandy Citrus Ale (really good)
Frog's Hollow Double Pumpkin Ale (good)
Hop Master's Abbey Double IPA (good)
Cafe Beans Imperial Coffee Stout (really good)

Holy Mackerel Brewing
Tripel (good)

Big Bear Brewing
Paw Print Pilsner (so-so)

Iron Hill Brewery & Restaurant
Shokolod Stout (good)

Karl Strauss Brewing Company
Amber Lager (so-so)

Kuhnhenn Brewing Company
Fourth Dementia Old Ale (really good)
Hefeweizen (so-so)
DRIPA (good)
Solar Eclipse (really good)

Lagunitas Brewing Company
Old Gnarlywine (so-so)
Voodoo Hop Juice (so-so)

Lone Rider Brewing Company
Peacemaker (sucks)
Sweet Josie (sucks)
Shotgun Betty (sucks)

The Lost Abbey
Red Poppy (really good)
Angel's Share Grand Cru (good)
Framboise de Amorosa (good)
Judgement Day (really good)
Carnavale (so-so)

Mad Fox Brewing Company
Wee Heavy (really good)
Golden Strong (really good)
George's Southern Bitter (sucks)
Kolsch (so-so)
Molotov Hoptail (good)

Stone Brewing
San Diego Session (so-so)
Double Dry Hopped IPA (so-so)

Kona Brewing
Coco Loco (good)
Oceanic Orgasmic (sucks)
Castaway IPA (so-so)

The Mash House Brewery & Chophouse
Hoppy Hour IPA (so-so)
Red Ale (so-so)
Hopnotic (so-so)

Moon River Brewing
Captain's Porter (good)
Apparition Ale (so-so)
Rosemary Swamp Fox (so-so)

New Belgium Brewing Company
Abbey Belgian Style Ale (good)
Imperial Berliner-Style Weiss (good)
Belgo-IPA (sucks)

New Glarus Brewing
Raspberry Tart (RFG!)
Spotted Cow (so-so)
Enigma (good)

Odell Brewing Company
St. Lupulin (so-so)
Bourbon Barrel Stout (good)
5 Barrel Pale Ale (good)
Woodcut #4 (really good)
Mercenary (good)

Pisgah Brewing Company
IPA (so-so)
Vortex I (so-so)
Valdez (so-so)

Pizza Port Brewing
Skidmark Brown (so-so)
Z-Man Stout (good)
The Jetty IPA (sucks)
Bacon & Eggs Imperial Breakfast Coffee Porter (really good)
O.B. Chronic (sucks)
InFamous (really good)
Luck O' the Irish (so-so)
Big Wednesday (so-so)
One Down Brown (good)
Jules Winnfield (good)
Shark Attack (so-so)

Port Brewing Company
Panzer Pils (good)

Portsmouth Brewing Company
Milk Stout (good)

Redrock Brewing Company
Rauch Beer (so-so)

Rock Bottom Breweries
Udder Goodness (really good)
Heaven and Hop (so-so)

Russian River Brewing Company
Hopfather IPA (so-so)
Salvation (good)

San Diego Brewing Company
Hop Goddess (so-so)
Hopnotic (so-so)
Trophy Wife (good)

The Sandlot
Where the Helles Bill? (so-so)
Goat Rancher (so-so)
Pinch Hit Pils (sucks)

Seabright Brewery
Whale Tail Ale (sucks)
St. Hubbins Imperial Red (sucks)

Sierra Nevada Brewing
Estate Homegrown Ale (good)
Life and Limb (RFG!)

Six Rivers Brewery
Smokey Joes Spicy Porter (so-so)
Sour Grapes (so-so)
Rosie's Strawberry Wheat (so-so)
Raspberry Lambic Style (good)
Chile Beer (sucks)

Swamp Head Brewery
Midnight Oil (so-so)
Wild Night (so-so)

Magnolia Brewing
Blue Bell Bitter (sucks)

Terrapin Beer Company
Iron Tankard (good)
Monk's Revenge (good)
Side Project Volume 12 Hopzilla (good)

Thirsty Bear Brewing Company
Golden Vanilla (sucks)
Rum Runner (sucks)

Left Hand Brewing Company
Snowboard Winter Ale (good)
Marzen October (so-so)
Twin Sisters (good)
Starsky and Scotch (really good)
Good JuJu (sucks)
Blackjack Porter (so-so)
Oxymoron (good)
Black Jack Cask Ale (so-so)
Sawtooth Ale (so-so)
Jackman's APA (so-so)
Milk Stout (really good)
Imperial Stout (good)
Widdershins Barleywine (really good)

MacTarnahan's Brewing Company
Goose Bump Imperial Stout (good)

Two Brothers Brewing Company
Resistance IPA (sucks)
Public Domain 10 (good)
Cane and Ebel (good)

Titletown Brewing Company
Dry Eye Stout (sucks)
Railyard Ale (sucks)
Canadeo Gold (sucks)

Three Floyd's Brewing
Ich Bin Schwartz Genug Fur Dich (good)
Infanitus Attero (sucks)
Muenster Fest (so-so)

Yazoo Brewery
Sly Rye Porter (sucks)
Summer Ale (sucks)
Hop Project (sucks)

Avery Brewing Company
Cask Maharaja Dugame (really good)
Beast from the Wood (good)
Bourbon Barrel Aged Black Tot ( really good)
Ruminator (good)
White Rascal (good)

Boulder Beer Company
Black Lager (so-so)

Fred's GABF roundup

What an amazing experience it was at the Great American Beer Festival. Bim and I booked a flight several weeks prior to the event, but J. Wilder decided to call in a favor with one of his surfing buddies who doubles as a FedEx pilot. The plan was for Wilder to wrap himself up like a Chinese porcelain doll and then be boxed up like a package for the trip to Denver. All this to save a few bucks, but hey, the trip wouldn't have been the same without him. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 6:50 in the morning, so we left the CHC at 5 to ensure our arrival in time for the cavity check that Bim would either be getting or volunteering to provide to the TSA agents at the gate. We landed in Atlanta and waited on the tarmac for 30 minutes while the 400 airplanes that had all landed at the exact same time were taxied to their terminals. Once we deboarded we made like that non-convicted double homicidist O.J. trying to get through the airport to our connecting flight. After knocking down two old ladies, and bowling over a stroller filled with triplets, we arrived exhausted at our plane and ready to make the final trek to the Rockies. The plane landed in Denver, but it might as well have been the moon. Flat as a pancake and just as golden brown, the terrain in Denver was flat, and empty, with nary a tree to be found. The mountains appeared in the distance, but since you are already so high up in elevation, they don't seem to be that big. We had to take a bus to the rental car place since they park all the rental car places about 15 miles away. Funny how having a convention in town that is hosting about 50,000 people will cause the rental car place to be backed up like a bad case of constipation. We survived another 45 minute delay as Bim had to deal with the rental car agent that smelled like she hadn't bathed in a month and barely spoke English. We finally got through the red tape (word to the wise, when you are in town for a BEER drinking festival, leave that small detail out of the conversation with the rental car people....), got the car and headed into Denver to meet up with our trusted sidekick, J. Wilder. He had set up accommodations for us, and he had delivered. Expecting to find us sleeping at a homeless shelter or perhaps in a 2 man sleeping bag, we instead found ourselves at a downtown Swiss chalet that was convenient to both the convention center where the GABF was being held and a few neighborhood bars that would serve us well into the wee hours of the morning. We went to all 3 nights of the festival, and each one was unique. We got to sample several beers that will never make it to Virginia, and we got to try a few one-offs that will never be made again. We got to see dumb ass frat boys drinking Miller Lite and Bud as if they actually tasted any good as well as seeing large bosomed and small bosomed and medium sized bosomed hot chicks dressed like frauleins at an Octoberfest. We ran in to our blogging neighbor, the Drunken Polack who writes a much more informative beer review than we could ever do. We also ran into the Beer and Whiskey Brothers, who also happen to have a very cool website that is more colorful and more user friendly than the tripe we spit out at you. It was a blast meeting all the guys that love craft beer like we do and can appreciate a good beer as well as tell you where some really good beers are at the festival. Another of my highlights was meeting the brewer of Kate the Great Imperial Stout. He told me that the 2009 vintage that I had might not be the best and if it didn't taste right, to email him and he would make it up to us. That's the kind of people we ran into all over Denver, eager to share whatever they had and eager to spread the word about great craft beer. We also got to hang out with a pair of groovy chicks that own a brewpub out in "California Gold" country, 6 Rivers Brewery. They gave us a seat at the crowded as fuck bar we went to right when we got to the downtown area, The Falling Rock Taphouse. Imagine our happiness at finding a place that has Pliny the Elder on tap. Hell, after finding this place, I didn't wanna leave. We also ventured out on a day trip to try beers at Oskar Blues, Avery and Left Hand Brewing. We had a blast rolling down the interstate trying to avoid the army of Lance Armstrong wannabe's that ride along the shoulder as if the roadway was built for them. All in all, it was an amazing trip, and we look forward to going back again in the future. Hopefully, the other members of the BC4M can join us next time. Special thanks to our gracious hostess, the Queen of Cornhole herself, Double Deuces Delilah for taking us in and making us feel like we were family. We had a great time, we drank a few really fucking good beers, like Cigar City Marshal Zhukov's Final Push and New Glarus Raspberry Tart and we drank some really fucking shitty beers with names like Oceanic Orgasmic and Shotgun Betty. Even having to sample beers that tasted like Formula 409 cleaner was worth it to sample some of the truly amazing beers that were available at the GABF. We eventually made it back home, our liver enzyme levels still in the acceptable range, and still ready to keep drinking..........

Friday, September 10, 2010

A Three Night Bender - Night Two

The night after the NFL kickoff spectacular, Bim sent out a text that said Crazy Ken was flying solo and had requested a BC4M meeting. Seems his wonderful bride, the All-American kickballer Judy Boom had gone out of town on a recruiting mission to replace the recently departed pitcher for her coed all-star kick ball team, "It ain't gonna kick itself", so Ken thought it would be a good idea to spend the evening with a few new beers. Most of the membership was out of town on various business, so Bim and Fred joined Ken for a quick tasting. First up was a Cricket Hill Hopnotic IPA (6.0%) that poured into the glass like the remains of an aquarium filter. Flavorless and slightly crunchy, this one was a pure splooger that deserved worse than the sucks it got. Atwater Block Brewery Voodoo-Vator (9.5%) was a self described "doppelbock high gravity lager" (which usually means a shit load of sugar) that was also supposed to be "big, black and sweet". "Just the way I like my wet nurses" said Bim, who has never outgrown his desire to suckle. This one was way too bubbly and way to sweet with a hint of sour at the finish. The bottle label featured the skull of little known pulp fictionist Slapjack McFinkleshin, who was famous for his scandalous 1950's era novel Satan Was a Lesbian ghostwritten by his cousin Fred Haley. Despite the cool label and slick name, the taste was average so it got a so-so. The next beer was from Japan, Hitachino Nest Real Ginger Brew (7.0%). Brewed with what must have been 700 tons of pure ginger, this one looked pure and crystal clear and had a distinctively ginger bite to it. The flavor was thirst quenching and refreshing and we were about to give it a really good until Ken finished off the bottle and got a mouthful of what he described as skunky pork rinds. "Holy shit, that is plain awful" he declared, so we decided to drop the rating down to a so-so. Rogue John John Ale (w/Hazelnut) (5.6%) was opened next. The bottle was typical of Rogue in that they spend way too much time on the minutia of the label and not enough time on making good beer. This one was thin but decent with little spiced rum flavor which was a surprise since it is aged in spiced rum barrels. It got a good simply because it didn't have that notorious Rogue yeast flavor that dominates most of their beers. Anchor Porter (5.6%) was another beer with a label that was pretentious enough to cause Fred to drop a f-bomb due to his complete disgust with the nauseating drivel that accompanies most of these mediocre beers. "You know" he said, "If these snobby fucks would put their effort into better beer and not esoteric babble, I might actually enjoy this shit". The beer was dark with a beige hue and tasted like a sweet sweet candy bar. "Not half bad" said Bim, "I could drink a lot of these", so we gave it a good since it would make a decent session beer for cold winter evenings. Next up was a Deschutes Black Butte XXI (11.0%). This is their 21st anniversary birthday reserve beer that is a porter brewed with chocolate beans and coffee mixed with 20% porter aged in bourbon barrels. This one poured so dark that it made the Anchor Porter look like a pale ale. Rich, intense, chocolatey and velvety, this one was amazingly good. Bim thought it was one of the best porters he had ever tasted and said, "I like black butts and I cannot lie". "I guess butte must be how the French spell butt" said Ken, as we gave this one a really good. Another porter was pulled out of the fridge, this time Boulder Beer Planet Porter (5.5%). Compared to the Beyonce we just guzzled, this one was a tasteless mess of carbonated licorice. Sucks was the result so we moved on to the final beer of the night, Bluegrass Brewing Company's Professor Gesser's Mind Blowing IPA (9.0%). Old man Gesser was known for his diabolical experiments with his comely young coeds back in the late 30's and the label featured the brains of one of his "subjects" being bombarded with what would later become known as the popular kids candy, atomic fireballs. This one was supposedly an IPA, but it tasted more malty than hoppy, but it had a unique flavor that we sorta liked. Cloudy as a rainy morning, this got a good as we had runout of new beers to try. As we left Bims, Ken got a call from his better half saying she was on her way back after finding her new hurler, a sharpshooter from Sligo named Pushy Lagore. Another successful night of sampling, and hopefully a 4th straight American Kickball Association SouthEastern Mid-Atlantic tournament title for the CHC's favorite ball kickers.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

A Three Night Bender - Night One

Even though it was still hot as Hades each day, the school year had just started and that meant one thing for the BC4M.......NFL football was making its long awaited return to the 65 inch LED display at Fred's house. What better way to kick off the 2010 NFL campaign than with a BC4M meeting. The troops gathered at Fred's on opening night that Thursday to watch the Who Dats from N'awlins take on the Purple People Eaters from the land of 10,000 lakes. While working virtually every one of those 10,000 lakes as an itinerant fish cleaner/love shaman during his summers while going to school at the University of Minnesota-Mankato, J. Wilder had become a huge Vikes fan. As Wilder was hoping Father Time himself, Brett Favre could conjure up one more drama filled run at a Super Bowl title, we opened up our first bottle, Alesmith IPA (7.25%). The bouquet was piney and hoppy but the taste didn't live up to the scent. Crazy Ken said, "a good at best" while Bim declared, "I sure as fuck ain't bowled over by it, but its decent", so we gave it a good. Next was Southern Tier Imperial Extra Pale Ale Hoppe (8.0%), that featured a snooty label that stated "We craft this much like a sculptor who uses only a hammer and chisel to shape stone into a masterpiece". Fred said, "who the fuck are these guys, this beer reminds me of a redneck eating chicken fingers at a European film festival", but even with all that, the taste was smooth and refreshing with surprisingly little hoppy bite at all, so it only got a good. Two Brothers Hop Juice (9.9%) was offered, and it held 100 IBU's of tongue bittering flavor inside the bottle. The label had what looked like a pair of Channelock pliers squeezing a virgin hop cone for all she was worth. This one was too dry for our taste so it got a so-so. Cricket Hill Nocturne Dark Lager (4.75%) poured like a flat Barq's Root beer, and it tasted like the runoff from the garbage disposal so it rated a sucks. Fred disliked it so much, he talked about adding a category to the rating system for "really fucking sucks", but we figured why beat the brewer while he is down since sucks seems to be a bad enough rating. New Belgium Lips of Faith Eric's Ale (7.0%) was a peachy flavored sour ball that caused Ken to say, "I could use this shit to fuel my weed whacker, this is terrible", while Fred and Wilder both liked it. Ken, while still trying to uncurl his tongue said, "smells like waterlogged tennis shoes that have been dried out". This one was in the words of our immortal sour beer lover Bim, "sour as fuck!", and once again we gave it a split rating of good. The next two beers were collaboration beers from Dogfish Head, Stone and Victory, Saison du Buff (6.8%). As you may recall, we had tried the Saison du Buff that was brewed at Stone and had given it a good. The brewers take the same recipe and brew a batch at each brewery and then send it out to the market. This beer is a weird mixture of rosemary, parsley, sage and thyme. "What the fuck" said Ken, "is this a Martha Stewart recipe?" The Victory version smell reminded Wilder of fresh cut crabgrass mixed with dandelions and the taste reminded Bim of "pisswater mixed with sweaty socks", although no one is sure how he knows what that tastes like. The taste was awful, so it got a sucks, while the Dogfish Head version was actually much better and cleaner tasting. It was amazing that the exact same recipe could taste that much different, but maybe the boys in Rehoboth Beach used better ingredients, like Papa John's claims for their pizza. Rogue John John Juniper Ale (5.2%) was next and this one uses barrel aged gin to add flavor to their Juniper Ale. This one was actually pretty good as we generally despise the Rogue "pacman" yeast and free range coast water that these guys use in every one of their mediocre beers. The label was cool, cause it had a picture that looked like the two old fishermen, Cooter and Spider that lease out Wilder's new trawler "Spreader Boots" to fish down in Wanchese, NC. The final beer of the night was Founder's Breakfast Stout (8.3%). Pouring as dark as the bottom of the Titanic on a moonless February night, this one was rich and full of coffee and chocolate flavors. "I fucking love this" said Fred, while Ken added, "I ain't impressed". Like a iced coffee for breakfast, this one was a melted Hershey's chocolate bar mixed with Starbucks and it got a good, although Fred was ready to utilize the parliamentary procedure of Host Makes the Fuckin Rules to call it an RFG. The boys talked him down off his soap box and we agreed to give it a good. Since the game was almost over, and the Saints looked to be squeaking out a win, we called it a night so that Wilder could go release his frustration by landing a donkey punch to his neighbors barking chihuahua Paco. Until next time.........

Mickey Boombatz bares "gifts"

The moon was out, the kids were in bed, and the 6th annual Mr. and Mrs. Johnny Wilder Labor Day Luau was on tap the next day. What better way to get in the mood for the neighborhood free for all that is considered the blowout to end the flamingo season here in the CHC than to gather for a small beer tasting. There have been scattered reports that one morning following a particularly bohemian Luau party, the 350 year old live oak in the compound de Wilder backyard displayed a misplaced "juggy holder" from some buxom mischief maker while the party lagoon had a pair of her "cheek grabbers" clogging up the skimmer and an artificial leg was found sunk at the bottom of the pool. No one truly knows what the real story behind all that debauchery was but someone got "lucky" and we figure as long as we have some fun and nobody gets their "feelings" hurt then fuck it. With this in mind, Bim and Fred ventured to Johnny's poolside lounge for a quick sampling from our stash. First up was a Southern Tier Harvest Special Ale (6.4%). Featuring four types of hops and two types of malt, we tasted a beer that was way more malty than hoppy but was still fantastic. "This is gonna be my new session beer" declared Wilder as we gave this a really good. A can of Surly Cynic Ale (6.5%) was opened next. The list of ingredients read as long as the list of countries in the United Nations, to which Fred said, "damn they need a can this fucking big just to get all that fucking writing on it". Bim's first reaction was "off putting by the first sip, but its getting a whole lot better". A Belgan style ale, this one didn't overpower you with the typical Belgian yeast flavor and so it got a good. Just as we were about to pour our next beer, Frank the Tank sent out a text that said he was coming over with his brother, the newest member of the BC4M, Mickey Boombatz. Mickey, as you may recall, recently got inducted into the brotherhood, and was coming to town for Labor Day and of course the Luau. While we awaited their arrival, we opened a Surly Furious (6.2%) that was described as a hop tempest. 99 IBU's awaited us as we sipped what at first seemed like a can of Mr. Clean. Hoppy bite with a piney scent, but smooth as silk, this one was a solid good. We then opened a Trouble Brewing Amber Ale (4.7%), which had a slightly odd fruity flavor that even while very subtle, left a bad taste in your mouth so we gave it a so-so. Dominion Octoberfest (5.8%) was next, and it was a Marzen style beer that was an empty soul-less mess that cried out kill me now. Sucks was the rating, so we moved on to a Leinenkugel's Octoberfest (5.1%) which turned out to be decent and drinkable, so it got a good. As we were about to try our next beer,we heard the unmistakable rumble from Mickey's painstakingly restored "coochie hauler" as it pulled into Tank's driveway. "Fellas, Fellas, Fellas", said Mickey as he greeted each of us with a spine wrenching bear hug. "I come bringing gifts", he said as we watched him pull out what seemed like 20 different beers from the Jersey shore. Riverhorse Hop Hazard (6.5%) was hop free but tasty and would make a good lawnmower beer even though the boys in Jersey all live in houses with yards made of cement and astro turf. Flying Fish Farmhouse Summer Ale (4.6%) was decent, light and refreshing so it got a good. New Jersey Beer Company's Hudson Pale Ale (5.8%) was a wheat style beer that was about as pale as a used tea bag and tasted about as good, so it only got a so-so. Flying Fish Exit 16 Wild Rice Double IPA (8.2%) was opened and it was fantastic. "No wonder all those Mexicans are in Jersey" said Bim, "they gotta harvest all that rice". The wild rice (who knew that New Jersey is the 11th largest producer in the world of wild rice) added a crisp texture to the beer and it got a really good. Blue Point Hoptical Illusion (6.8%) had a label that made it look like it belonged on the altar of sacrifice in a Masonic lodge ritual. While we savored a decently good beer, Tank busted out his Ipod and serenaded us with a lounge version of one of the lamest songs to survive the 70's, "Dream Weaver". As we all threw up a little in our mouths, Tank said, "Ahh man, this is such a groovy tune, how could you not absolutely love it?" "Probably cause we ain't teabagging pole smokers", said Wilder as we moved on to a New Holland Ichabod (5.2%). A pumpkin beer, this one wasn't overly sugary or clovey so it was actually decent and got a good. Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale (5.2%) on the other hand, was the Paula Deen of pumpkin beers. Full of apparently 3 tons of pure sugar and 50 pounds of melted butter, this was a complete train wreck and made us wanna "put the lotion in the basket". "This is like a 6 cylinder Mustang, weak as a turd tapping male ice dancer" said Mickey, "Get this fucking soccer mom beer out of my face before I wreck somebodys teeth". Sucks was the rating as we moved on to a Brooklyn Brewing Octoberfest (5.5%). Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn was of course the stop on the subway that Bim (along with his adoring wife) decided to take at 3:30 am earlier this year when they were in New York City for a prophylactic maker's convention. "I can't believe you didn't get butchered", said Mickey, "you must be touched by an angel, go play the lottery you lucky bastard", he told Bim. We had tried 14 new beers and the beer cooler was empty but no one wanted to end the evening, so Fred mentioned, "we just tried our 686th beer, lets get to 700 tonight". "What's that mean, another 24 beers? asked the 1981 Nobel prize winning mathematician of the group, Bim. "Yea, something like that Einstein" wisecracked J. Wilder. Fred then went to gather the required number of beers from his garage stash. Blue Point Brewing Rastafa Rye (7.5%) was first and it was a so-so since it tasted like a liquid loaf of rye bread. The next four beers were gifts returned from the wilds of Michigan by Fred's sassy coworker, Sunshine Chucklefanny. The beers were her prize for winning a "Shake Your Booty" dance contest that the local Future Farmers of America had put on while she was on vacation. The first beer, Big Buck IPA (5.6%) featured a picture of a what looked like a metrosexual tiger on the label but the beer was actually pretty good. Big Buck Doc's ESB Ale (6.7%) was light in the ass and only got a so-so due to a profound lack of taste. Short's Brewing Humalupalicious (6.6%) was a hop bomb that exploded in your mouth like a box of Pop Rocks. "Damn this is some tasty shit" said Fred, as we gave it a really good. The last beer was a Big Buck "Buck Naked" (3.5%) that featured a pair of free-loving nudists getting ready to play a game Wilder likes to call "just the tip". The beer was as weak as the handshake you would get from a cross dressing Cher impersonator but the flavor was actually decent, so it got a so-so. We moved on to a few more Jersey beers with Climax Brewing Extra Special Bitter (5.5%). This one had a dark color and rich taste that had Bim saying, "this shit is too sweet for me", while the rest of us liked it so we gave it a good. Bell's Brewing Oarsmen Ale (4.0%) was offered up next, and it was a wheat beer that tasted as if it was fermented with a case of Lemon pledge cleaner. "Fuck this is awful" said Tank, as we moved on to Kuichi Brewing Hitachino Nest Espresso Stout (7.5%). Fred is a huge fan of coffee flavored beers, yet he said this one missed the mark completely. Mickey stated, "I'd rather drink a bottle of Jersey Turnpike concrete than this bullshit", so we gave it a sucks. Cricket Hill East Coast Lager (4.0%) was another major disappointment, as it was flavorless and weak. Tank said it should be renamed, "Up Yours Lager" since it definitely left you "hanging". We then moved on to one of the gems of the mariachi loving crowd, Pacifico (4.8%) which was a watery cerveza with just a hint of flavor but much more tasty than Corona, so it got a so-so. Atwater Brewing Dirty Blonde (4.5%) was then passed around, and what a piece of work this bitch was. "It's like drinking a container of Life Buoy soap" said Bim. Mickey declared, "I remember seeing skeezers like this broad walking down near the docks in Newark, and I used to donkey punch them for fun". This one was another sucks, so we hoped for the best with a Lagunitas Little Sumpin Sumpin Ale (7.5%). This was yet another beer that featured a hoochie on the cover, but this one was worth the price of admission. Tasty and strong it rated a solid good. Brouwerij Van Steenberge Cherish Kriek Lambic (5.0%) was the next to last beer of the night. Sour cherries gave this one a tart tongue wagging flavor that ended with a smooth texture so we gave it a really good. The final beer of the night was Surly Coffee Bender (5.1%). Tall dark and flavorful, this one tasted like an alcoholic frappacino and went down smooth. "Damn this is fucking awesome" said Fred, as we decided to tone down his delight by only giving it a really good. "Thats number 700, motherfuckas" said Bim, as we finished up the final beer. Another successful night, we drunkenly stumbled home to rest up before starting all over again at the Luau.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

My Name is Hurricane Earl

As many of you that can actually read know, we live in the Virginia Beach area, an area which is prone late in every summer to be a potential target for hurricanes. Now, we have been lucky as to not have had any major storms like Andrew or Hugo, but we have had some pretty big storms wash out the area (namely a sweet Category one bitch named Isabelle). Knowing that any storm could wreak havoc and chaos, we looked on anxiously as Hurricane Earl loomed offshore. Prince Mike, who while majoring in 15th century Moroccan Architecture at Florida A&M University, had also minored in meteorology. His detached garage houses a virtual NOAA approved weather station, filled with quadrupel big fucking doppler radars, so he had been tracking the movements of this potential monster ever since it was launched of the coast of Africa. Knowing that the storm could swerve and slam head on into us, he and Snap Bean decided to host a rare Thursday night hurricane flamingo party to snub our noses at the impending peril at our doorstep. The boys of the BC4M decided to make it a regular meeting and showed up with all the essentials to survive a storm, namely, high alcohol beers. First up was Lagunitas Hop Stoopid Ale (8.0%) which was delightfully hoppy and smooth, almost up there with the quintessential double IPA, Pliny the Elder. This one started the night off strong and we gave it a really good. Next was a Southern Tier Unearthly IPA (11.0%). Southern Tier either is either hit or miss, they either swing for the fences and get a bloop single or strike out looking, so we didn't expect much from this one. Way too sweet for an IPA, it was relatively smooth but was a sure letdown from the first beer so it only rated a so-so. Boulevard Brewing's Double Wide IPA (8.5%) was opened next. Self describes as "twister-proof" and bottle conditioned, this one had a unique dry hopped flavor that was quite tasty so it rated a good. While Prince Mike brought up a multicolored scan of the storm's track on his 63 inch plasma display, we cracked into a Koning's Hoeven Quad Trappist Ale (10.0%). This was a ultra smooth elixir that tasted to Fred, "Like a boozy Welch's grape juice", while Snake said it reminded him of a dessert wine. This one got a really good as it didn't have the stuffiness that most quads have, and the alcohol didn't overpower your palate. Next were a pair of growlers freshly returned from the OBX by the resident Bc4M longboardist, J.Wilder. Outer Banks Brewing Station Hip Hop IPA (8.4%) was first, and it was about as hip hop as Bim's favorite dance tune "Circle Circle Dot Dot" . This one left us wondering WTF? as it didn't have any interesting characteristics and was simply plain so it got a so-so. Their other offering was Lemongrass Wheat Ale (5.3%) which was pure unadulterated sewer water. Crazy Ken took one taste and declared, "this is like a container of leftover carpet cleaner that has been baking in the sun for a week", while Snake vomited and then said, "I can't drink this, I already got the squirts". Sucks was the result so we moved on to Goose Island Sofie (6.5%), a Belgian style ale that is blended with barrel aged ale. This one got mixed reviews, as some felt like they were drinking a salt and pepper mill, while others gave it a good. The flavors were mixed and so it got a so-so. Two Brothers Heavy Handed Oak Foudre Aged IPA (8.1%) was on the agenda next. "Damn, I love a good fondue" said Prince Mike, until Bim looked it up and found out it the word actually meant a big oak barrel, not a boiling cauldron of delicious melted cheese. "Fucking pretentious french fucks" said Fred, as we tasted a beer that was mossy, and woody like a deciduous forest. The strange earthy tastes that lingered on the tongue caused Fred to think of barefooted ecotarians hugging giant trees and so it got a so-so. Alesmith Horny Devil (11.0%) was next, and it is a Belgian style ale brewed with coriander and belgian candy sugar. Horny devil huh?, said our occasional guest rater, Big Audio Dynamite, then why isn't my handsome mug on the bottle label, cause everybody knows I am one horny devil. This one was citrusy more than sweet and was a good. Next was a can from a Minnesota brewer we have been dying to try, Surly. Bender (5.1%) was rich and cocoa flavored with a hint of spicy smoke that caused Johnny to say, "I feel like I just woke up in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory", The vote was split, as some liked the taste, others said ehhh so it garnered a so-so. One cool thing about this brewer is that the beer comes in 16 oz cans, with some neat graphics on the side, so hopefully the others beers we try from them will taste as good as their def labeling. With the storm looking like it was going to skip by us with just a light dusting of rain, we moved on to a Deschutes Mirror Mirror (11.0%). A barleywine style beer, this one was tasty, but one of the members declared it to be the "chicken pot pie" of beers. Everybody likes chicken pot pie, so I suppose he meant that it stuck to your innards like a hearty bowl of mama's pot pie. A solid good, we then tried a beer brought back to us from Michigan by one of Fred's coworkers, Giggles Houlihan. Short's Brewing Pandemonium Pale Ale (5.4%) looked sorta like a glass of pink lemonade, full of floaties, but this was a really good beer as Prince Mike declared, "I could pound this shit all day", while Crazy Ken, suddenly becoming the enlightened beer vivant of the group , said, "smooth, but not a big set of balls". As we all chuckled, we arrived at a Green Flash Grand Cru (9.1%). This one tasted like a bigger version of a belgian wheat beer, so it only got a so-so since it had that typical clove taste that we simply haven't aquired yet. Boulder Beer Sundance Amber Ale (4.85%), was next, and the label looked like an ad for the funny as fuck film, Hot Tub Time Machine. Too bad the beer didn't live up to the movie, cause it tasted as shallow as a kiddie pool that had been urinated in by a dozen pre-k hooligans, so it got a sucks. Atwater Block Brewery Pale Ale (5.5%) was offered next and Snake said, "did they brew this shit with dingleberries instead of hops?". Another sucks, the night was starting to go downhill, so we tried a Lightning Brewing Old Tempest Ale (9.0%). This one wasn't any better as it was like drinking a dried up prune, so we poured it out and tried a Great Divide Chocolate Oak Aged Yeti (9.5%). Sporting a label that featured what looked like the CHC's own Yeti, Prince Mike, we poured what appeared to be liquid asphalt meant for the repaving of I-664. Even though the bottle promised an oak aged stout infused with cocoa and cayenne pepper, it tasted like the sweat soaked shirt of an immigrant cabbage picker. Another sucks, we began to wonder if there were any decent beers left. Another Great Divide Beer, Old Ruffian (10.2%) was a barleywine style beer that was better than the Yeti, but still only got a so-so. With the ladies mingling on the back deck discussing their upcoming wine trip, we pulled out an Arcadia Ales Cocoa Loco (7.0%). While the BC4M chief scribe (Fred) got up to blowup the lavatory, 10pm's smiling bride, Sugarshack Sadie, decided to fill in. Using her masters in secondary education, she proceeded to give a minus 2 for Arcadia's spelling of "mollasses", wrote a dissertation in our beloved journal about the joys of eating molasses cookies as a little girl on the family commune in Utah, and then tasted the beer and declared, "its fucking good!'. Knowing full well that her vote counted as much as a vegetarian's at a Texas cattle ranch, she glared at us with disdain as we gave it a so-so. Boulder Beer Company Flashback India Style Brown Ale (6.8%) was next, and it was another so-so, since it was watery and lacked any conviction. Sadie decided to add her 5 cents and declared it a "sucks", just as Fred returned from the loo. Brewdog Paradox Isle of Arran (10%) was opened next. A stout aged in Isle of Arran whiskey barrels (I didn't know Iranians were allowed to drink whiskey opined Crazy Ken), this one was according to Wilder with a grin on his face "sweet as fuck, but goes down good". Finally, a good rating was given, but the party was winding down. Many of the guests had to work the next day, so we adjourned for the evening, thankful that the storm was going to miss us, and glad we got to drink a few decent beers. As we left, Bim and Wilder, suggested we drink a couple of more beers so we made our way down the street to Bim's for a night cap. We opened the final two beers of the night, Boulder Beer Company Mojo Risin Double IPA (7.8%) was first, and it was about as much a double IPA as a Bud Select 55. Watery and not hoppy in the least, this one got a so-so. The final beer of the night was a Breckenridge Brewing Extreme ESB (7.8%). Maybe it was the stomach full of cheese dip and pretzels, or perhaps it was the earlier 21 beer salute we had for Old Earl, but this one didn't have any legs to it and it was only a so-so. It was well past midnight by now, so we decided to call it an evening and stumble home. Another smashing success, we had ridden the storm out and anxiously awaited our next chance to taste new beers.