tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60869428220605516082024-03-05T13:27:27.564-05:00Beer Club 4 MenThe home of the most discriminating beer drinkers on the planet. Come join us as we conduct weekly tastings and rate every beer in the world, using simple, childlike language, and a rating system that a friggin monkey could understand.Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-27422512640142052652013-11-19T23:16:00.000-05:002013-11-21T07:38:21.070-05:00Creation According To Bim<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_oLCuiZPtqKfG4TaNwZuz_TdkVLe4bF2ATM8njIV8TZojAYVQHScp5cIc8Za79OvZYBHz_OvIBc9I65H1vhQUcC_H4a6bi3uNcKjuWONc_fhgIrp8-7UdtQzMvxS3laL7Ns7EOdFdsVgu/s1600/beer+church%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_oLCuiZPtqKfG4TaNwZuz_TdkVLe4bF2ATM8njIV8TZojAYVQHScp5cIc8Za79OvZYBHz_OvIBc9I65H1vhQUcC_H4a6bi3uNcKjuWONc_fhgIrp8-7UdtQzMvxS3laL7Ns7EOdFdsVgu/s1600/beer+church%5B1%5D.jpg" /></a></div>
The following is a totally fucked up view of the creation of the universe, by our own fucked up clown in residence.<br />
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On the first day, God created barley. It looked cool, and he thought that someday he'd come up with something to do with it. The next day, water. He mixed the barley and the water, but it tasted like <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Hell or High Watermelon Wheat,</span></b></i> and he immediately <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqkVxnVTHnkBQQY1JzlaLgzcfRlSlJk3QgcwlaU-d9Ty-w1m2Ep6MqYblzOOI-j7BKzMfh5pfd0_BMbsZ8xZdawb-J3FQORgfCWRB9i-zJ4YrpdJRCQuwj2gEZ-lY-IjLYmnOMgj91NnNE/s1600/cat+vomiting+rainbow.jpg">puked</a>. On day 3 he came up with Hops. He was trying to make weed, but missed by a hair. Day 4, he created some really cool <a href="http://miniganb.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/hipster_douche.jpg">dude</a> that he could make his new drink that he would call beer, followed by Day 5's creation of a woman to keep his brewmaster entertained. Day 6 he created yeast. Being a bit of a mischief maker, God thought the yeast would be a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUjMwiOm8sA">funny joke</a> to play on the woman. He had no idea it could be used in brewing. Ha ha ha! You've got crotch rot! Then came Sunday, Day 7. God declared that this was his day to kick back. He told the brewmaster to quit jerking it and get to work making something cool, like <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Black Tuesday.</span></b></i>..and beer was born! So, with this little lesson on creation complete, what better day for a little tasting session than a Sunday. Fred called out the troops, and broke out the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Crooked Stave Wild Wild Brett</i>, ROY-G-BIV collection</strong></span>, a beer for every color of the rainbow, all brewed with brettanomyces wild yeast.<br />
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First up was <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Rouge (5.2%)</i>,</strong></span> a beer combining rose hips, hawthorn berries, and hibiscus. Sounds like somebody ran out of ingredients so he raided the neighbors garden. This was a bubbly, slightly tart beer, rating a good. <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>Orange (6.0%)</strong></span> </span></i>was next. Sounded good on paper, but it had an artificial, plastic taste, not unlike orange Tang. You know, the stuff the astronauts drank when they <a href="http://pactiss.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/fake-moon-landing-set-300x300.png">faked the moon landing</a>. It rated a so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Yellow (6.0%)</i></strong></span> combined honey, turmeric, mango and spices, which sounds more like a curry recipe than a beer. However, it had a real nice sour taste and rated a good.<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong> <i>Green (7.0%)</i></strong></span> showcased Galaxy hops, and the hop flavor was nice. The exploding carbonation combined with the floating flotsam and jetsam, was not so nice, causing this one only a so/so rating. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Blue (7.3%)</i></strong></span> was brewed with spruce tips and tasted like a bubbly Christmas tree, rating a so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Indigo (7.0%)</i></strong></span> was brewed with blueberries, giving it a great, tart taste, and a really good rating. And lastly, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Violet (7.0%)</i>,</strong></span> brewed with lavender and pomegranates. It was heavy on the lavender, rating a good. There you have it, the whole Wild Wild Brett Collection from Crooked Stave. Stay tuned until next time when we determine just what Muhammed was thinking when he asked for those 77 nubile virgins.Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-71111796573344862912013-10-08T22:28:00.002-04:002013-10-08T22:37:30.480-04:00BC4M Gives Back<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdz2gevR8_igPMvEwIM23xx5ubSpuztZaTtUYOsM9nJF4v3x5YvOmtWQpgX2gDFbVuLhJ6fXxjiZKj8Y8kZgQmnvywHwIK69wHGQkM69hGToECFJic-oMZ-nfg9Patylzt_QXnLZI4_NI/s1600/free+breast+exams.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdz2gevR8_igPMvEwIM23xx5ubSpuztZaTtUYOsM9nJF4v3x5YvOmtWQpgX2gDFbVuLhJ6fXxjiZKj8Y8kZgQmnvywHwIK69wHGQkM69hGToECFJic-oMZ-nfg9Patylzt_QXnLZI4_NI/s1600/free+breast+exams.jpg" /></a></div>
Ok, we admit that we have been lazy bastards all summer, but the summer is over and it's time to get back to work. By the time you read this, the beer encyclopedia will have been updated and our most recent charity event will be in full swing. In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, the BC4M will be offering all women, ages 18-40 a free breast exam for the entire month of October. Unfortunately, mammograms are not recommended for women under 40. That's where we come in. We will gently massage your supple breasts, carefully feeling for any unusual lumps and bumps. Your breasts will be photographed, and those photos maintained by the BC4M in order to compare subsequent photos for changes. And for this worthy service, we will not charge a dime. Instead, all we ask is that you bring a 22 oz beer, preferably something from the RFG list, that we will in turn donate to some worthy charity (or not). <br />
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In honor of our 4th anniversary, lets play a little game, shall we? Below is a list of truly memorable beers. Simply match the beer with the description. Unfortunately, there is no prize (unless you are a woman. In that case, we will offer you a free breast exam).<br />
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1) Hell or High Watermelon Wheat A. Sweat in a Bottle<br />
2)Allagash Les Deux Brassuers Ale B. Pure paint thinner<br />
3) Extra Billy's Red Ale C. D.L. Geary's shitty shitbrew<br />
4) Flying Horse Lager D. Like a bitter bandaid taste<br />
5) Three Floyds Bully Guppy E. Tastes like Sherwin Williams paint<br />
6) Sam Adams Lemon Pepper Saison F. You like corn? This one has plenty<br />
7) Ranger Creek Small Batch #2 G. Lucky Charms and baby shit<br />
8) Horny Goat Hopped up and Horny H. Only drink this if you're dying<br />
9) Big Beaver Potent Peter I. Tastes like burning flesh<br />
10) D.L. Geary's Summer Ale J. Tilapia in a bottle<br />
11) Hook and Ladder Anniversary Ale K. Terrible spittoon leavings<br />
12) Longtrail IPA L. Piss<br />
13) Fordham Brewing Pamlico Amber M. Made with VMI Keydette ball sweat<br />
14) Dogfish Head Ta Henket N. Mix a lot of shit no one likes and you get this shit<br />
15) Blue Lab Fresh Hop O. Exploded like a Peter North Money Shot<br />
16) Birradamare SRL Na Biretta Kuasapa P. Tea + piss - tea = this<br />
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There you have it. How good is your beer knowledge? If you got them all, you really need to drink better beer. If you missed them all, you may be Cicerone material!<br />
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Answer key: 1-A, 2-G, 3-L, 4-F, 5-B, 6- J, 7-D, 8-H, 9-E, 10-C, 11-I, 12-K, 13-P, 14-N, 15-M, 16-OBeer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-32699890176109462552013-07-22T13:48:00.001-04:002013-07-22T13:48:27.438-04:00Straight Outta Charleston<br />
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Recently, a firestorm of controversy erupted over a word that Food Network's Paula Deen uttered many years ago. I know you all have your opinions and maybe even some outrage about what transpired, but we at BC4M are the ones that probably need to take the blame for her indiscretion. You see, back then, Fred, Bim and J Wilder all lived in the quintessential southern town of Charleston, SC, living the craft beer dream in its infancy. It was a time when a Samuel Adams Cherry Wheat was as sought after as Heady Topper is today. To make money to buy a "make your own six pack" that the local Publix supermarket offered, we often played bar mitzvah's, weddings and bachelorette parties as the rap/dance group known as "C.W.A." It was one sultry August weekend that we were hired to be the live entertainment for an evening "soiree" that Paula hosted for a bunch of ladies who were anxious to throw down and get "jiggy" with it. Maybe it was too much plantation punch or maybe it was just the wet your blouse humidity, but that night, as we as we debuted our east coast reply to west coast gangstas <i><b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgInoVbM77E">N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton"</a></b></i>, them bitches got up and made us blush like school boys. Paula was busting a move all over the floor, and it was then that she uttered her now infamous slur. She meant nothing by it, it was just her going with the flow of the evening, mainly due to our pantie throwing inducing stage show. It sucks that such a kind hearted gal got the cold hard shaft of liberal bias shoved up her backside, but we still dig her cooking. As an ode to her, we present to you the lyrics to our one time hit....hope you enjoy bitches...<br />
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<b>"Straight Outta Charleston"</b></div>
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<i>Your about the witness the strength of beer knowledge</i></div>
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(VERSE ONE FRED FLINTSTONE)</div>
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Straight outta Charleston, crazy motherfucka named Flintstone</div>
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From the group called Cracka's with Attitude</div>
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When I'm logged on, I get my trades on</div>
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Pull the trigger and boxes are hauled off</div>
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You too playa, if ya trading wit me</div>
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Local beer stores wanna try and stop me</div>
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Fedex, that's how I am shipping out</div>
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To dope ass traders if they got the clout</div>
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Trader's get to yappin, lets get this crackin</div>
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Mixin and matchin I am the King of packin</div>
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Bottles going out wrapped in plastic</div>
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Anxious to get them, bitches be spastic</div>
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I'm always down for a 12 bottle trade move</div>
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Here's a little tip to teach a lesson</div>
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I'm the pimp of tradin, I aint messin</div>
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Beer Advocate is the tool</div>
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Keep taking punk ass noobs to school</div>
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Making them deals, ain't no maybes</div>
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Sending out shipping boxes daily</div>
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Fedex bill is costing me dearly</div>
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Until motherfuckers realize that clearly</div>
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BC4M is driving this bus</div>
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Punks, you cant fuck with us</div>
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So when I'm in your beer store you better duck</div>
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Cause Fred Flintstone is raining them bucks</div>
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As I leave believe I'm grabbing</div>
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Every fucking whale that you be stashing</div>
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I'm coming straight outta Charleston</div>
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<i>Yo Bim, whassup, </i></div>
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<i>Tell em where you from</i></div>
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(VERSE 2 DR. BIM)</div>
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Straight outta Charleston, another crazy ass clown</div>
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Looking for mutts all across town</div>
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I'm a crazy motherfucka but you knew that</div>
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Pimpin your hood wearing my top hat</div>
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But I don't give a fuck, I'm ma make my rounds</div>
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I'm picking out canines from any old pound</div>
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Just like stealing the definition is jackin</div>
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And when I mount you dog, its called packin</div>
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All it takes is a couple of minutes</div>
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I find your dog unleashed, I get up on it</div>
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So if your outta town or not home</div>
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Imma make a house call on your ho</div>
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She'll probably run away like a dog is supposed to</div>
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But I'll just follow, I am not opposed to</div>
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Chasing a bitch down the street</div>
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Morality fuck! I don't give a shit</div>
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Dr Bim controls the antibiotic</div>
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For any rabid dog, that causes static</div>
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Telling your dog to not lick itself</div>
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Everytime I grab a milkbone off the shelf</div>
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The penalty is maximum, that's the law</div>
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But I don't give a fuck, like you just saw</div>
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See cuz I am an animal loving villain</div>
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After I'm done, I need some penicillin</div>
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To take away the doggy flu</div>
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And once she's on the menu, her ass is through</div>
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Look you might think I'm being flip</div>
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But a clown named Bim ain't putting in just the tip</div>
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Straight outta Charleston</div>
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<i>Johnny is his name and he's coming...</i></div>
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(VERSE 3 Johnny Wilder)</div>
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Straight outta Charleston</div>
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is a brother that will smother ya sofa</div>
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when I end up staying ova</div>
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Drinking all night raising hell</div>
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Always the last one to leave without fail</div>
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See, I don't wanna stop, I got a problem</div>
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Find any open bottles, I don't dodge them</div>
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Cuz I'm smooth, sit back, and sip awhile</div>
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And when I see something barrel aged, I just smile</div>
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To me its kinda funny, watching bitches be drivin</div>
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All over creation, sometimes even flyin</div>
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Looking for the one they call Johnny</div>
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Blowing up my phone while they text me</div>
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Dangerous!, on my skateboard after dark</div>
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Rollin in my hood, ain't no hesitation</div>
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I'll even take a piss on your pretty impatiens</div>
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Expense report my tab then I'm jettin</div>
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Plastering BC4M stickers so you ain't forgettin</div>
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So what about the time I passed out, fuck that!</div>
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You think I care about spilling beer on your carpet, I ain't no punk ass</div>
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This is the autobiography of the J and when you bitches be ready to play</div>
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You'll be drinking with a smooth talking rapper, blowin up your pristine crapper</div>
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Word to the motherfucka, </div>
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Straight outta Charleston</div>
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Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-87137038055379036792013-07-02T22:48:00.001-04:002013-07-03T17:17:15.241-04:00BC4M Goes Vertical<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">With the imminent departure of our own Frank the Tank, the
BC4M decided it was time for the Founding Fathers to give our senior member a
proper send-off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And what better day to
do it than on Father’s Day, that one day a year for dad’s everywhere to drink a
few beers to try and ease the pain that their <a href="http://ninjamotorhome.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/FatGothKid1.jpg">children</a> have caused them. The BC4M is no exception. Yes we've made a <a href="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lica48t8Qg1qdol8e.jpg">few parental mistakes</a>... so what? Our 9 members have a total of 93 children with 26
different women. We are the Johnny Appleseed’s of human impregnation. Just last
week, Bim introduced us to the <a href="http://writemaniacswrite.com/weblog/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/BabySantaClown2.jpg">newest member</a> of his circus family. Apparently,
the bearded lady really was a woman after all! And Johnny Wilder also introduced his new "<a href="http://thechemicalleper.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/lame_goth_kid.jpg">son</a>". We all know how proud he is. It was with this in mind that we
gathered at Fred’s to toast our <a href="http://images.stopgame.ru/games/logos/6588/pirates_of_the_xxi_century.jpg">pirate hunter</a> with a most rare vertical, the
Firestone Walker anniversary collection. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 1996, in celebration of their 10<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
anniversary, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Firestone Walker began
blending different beers to produce an annual anniversary beer. Fred managed to
procure the 11<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>-16<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> in that collection. I know… you
people reading this right now are thinking “what a bunch of pussies! The Beer
Club for Men is only drinking 7 beers? Lightweights!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But before we got to the main course, like
all great meals, we started with some hearty appetizers. First up was a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Kane Head High IPA (6.5%).</em></strong></span> This beer had a great nose, and was a realy decent IPA, rating a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Kane's Oak Aged Head High IPA (6.5%)</em></strong></span> had a nice, mild bourbon flavor. Another solid good. Next up was a bomber of <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Westbrook/Evil Twin</em></strong></span> collaboration <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Mini-Growler Imperial Stout (12%)</em></strong></span> which was wonderful. Two great breweries, one great beer, rating a really good. Next up were some
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Perennial</em></strong></span> beers from our trading partner in St. Louis. We started with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><em><strong>17 (11.5%),</strong></em></span>
their mint chocolate stout. This beer is a thin mint cookie in a glass. Not a
beer that you could drink a lot of, but the perfect beer to pour when your
scarfing down some Samoas and realize you don’t have any milk to go with them.
This beer was an easy really good. Next up was <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Barrel Aged Sump (10.5%), </em></strong></span>a whiskey barrel aged
stout with coffee added. What a great beer! Smooth as silk, with the perfect
amount of coffee and just a hint of booze. The first RFG of the night! Then it was on to the FW beers. First up was <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>XI (11%)</em></strong></span> with a sweet toffee flavor, a really good beer. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>XII (12%)</em></strong></span> was sweeter and had a heavier bourbon flavor, another really good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>XIII (12%)</em></strong></span> has a smooth, Parabola-type flavor, another really good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong><em>XIV (12.5%)</em></strong></span> </span>was amazing when we first drank it, and still is. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>XV (12.5%)...</em></strong></span> what can you say, still RFG. And the final FW, the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>XVI (13%)</em></strong></span>, is another RFG!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">The following week, Fred called for a mid-week meeting for
another vertical surprise. This time, we chose the </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Founder's Kentucky Breakfast Stout </span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">for
a 2006-2013 vertical tasting. KBS is a great beer. Difficult for those on the
east coast to obtain, but generally well worth the effort. We began the tasting
with</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Kane Solitude (9.5%) </span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">a nice, smooth dark beer without a hint of pesky Belgian influence! It rated a unanimous really good. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">Then it was onto the KBS.
Surprisingly, Founders began brewing their signature beer using screw top
bottles. Maybe they got a deal from the fellas over at Schlitz. The first 3
beers in this group (2006-2008) were flat. Taste was OK, but drinking a flat beer is a lot
like french kissing your </span><a href="http://www.celebitchy.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/77246PCN_Tanning08-1024x682.jpg" style="font-family: Calibri;">grandma</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">. Sure, you’re getting to first base with a
chick, but</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;">she smells like old lady
perfume and urine soaked mothballs, ruining what should be an awesome experience. Starting with
the 2009 version, the beers started improving, right up to the latest
incarnation. My advice to those hoarders out there who are cellaring old KBS,
drink it now or try trading it, as this is one beer that probably peaks fairly
quickly. We ended the night on our old standby,</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Williamsburg Ale Werks Café Royale.</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Calibri;"> Not to brag too much, as this beer
is produced in our own backyard, but Café Royale can hold it’s own with any
other coffee stout. In fact, we think it’s as good or better than KBS.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So if you live in the San Diego area, watch out for Frank
the Tank! He has an insatiable appetite for Bourbon barrel-aged beers and big titted hermaphrodites, and,
together with his brother <a href="http://steroidsforsale.info/files/2012/10/Remarkable-Steroid-Effects.png">Mickey Boombatz</a>, will crush anyone who gets between
him and the nearest tap!</span></div>
Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-3653709580712999262013-05-12T21:33:00.000-04:002013-05-12T21:33:20.756-04:00BC4M's Wild West Frog Rodeo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgua99c2akRMD4hPSVUPF6_oVChsErFLmJwquPsVfbM8Vm3ghmLqd61fzFq9iG3DJjD2DeipfJCx7CDF2JC_SWEGGg3siAJ3i_oTdH4MZnx8D8rI8J0Zfb6wydJ4_rpHsaYnK36k6xOWqzt/s1600/IMG952331.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="332" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgua99c2akRMD4hPSVUPF6_oVChsErFLmJwquPsVfbM8Vm3ghmLqd61fzFq9iG3DJjD2DeipfJCx7CDF2JC_SWEGGg3siAJ3i_oTdH4MZnx8D8rI8J0Zfb6wydJ4_rpHsaYnK36k6xOWqzt/s640/IMG952331.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
It seemed to be the typical lazy Saturday evening in the hood, with most of the members out pursuing other interests instead of being available to share a few beers. Coach Johnny Wilder was away with his softball team the "<a href="http://media.knoxnews.com/media/img/photos/2013/03/27/0601_KCFE_SP599_t607.JPG"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Donkey Punching Kangaroos</span></a>", who were in the midst of a heated tournament battle to prevent being relegated to the "chicken, beer and Mexican gardener league". <a href="http://img.metro.co.uk/i/pix/2011/06/12/article-1307874111006-0C85F54F00000578-701971_466x310.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Crazy Ken</span></a>, who recently decided to become carbon neutral, was out on a 500 mile bicycle pilgrimage to D.C. to spread the alarming news that offshore oil drilling is apparently killing rednosed snail darters around the globe, while 10 PM was out in "B.F.E." judging a "<a href="http://api.ning.com/files/xeW8*hVptWIZ9PVc1mluC6bPLrkuEGu-mZNYCOmcKBR6NECoTHoduOiqf1I0Ky1DNgTZe10HUPvN3nvK*nU5Y3sWP0YOpkJK/ATT1198401.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">world's strongest redneck competition</span></a>". However, Snake, his better half Blackberry Pamcakes along with Bim and his bride Florence Naughtygale had decided that a few beers needed to be culled from Snake's growing cellar. They started off with a pair of <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Three Floyd's</span></i> beers, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Robert the Bruce </i></span>and <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Alpha King</i></span>, both of which are phenomenal for their style. They then popped the top on several bombers of the RFG rated <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Firestone Walker Double Jack,</span></i> when all of a sudden, a thunderstorm descended upon the neighborhood with the vengeance of a hobo on a ham sandwich. The howling winds, crackling lightning and booming thunder had Bim running in circles trying to find his "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_MxE3E8xfE"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">thunder buddy</span></a>". It was about the time Snake found his grandson's <a href="http://www.justsaypictures.com/images/fun-pacifier-1yz3.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">pacifier </span></a>to give to the bawling like a colicky baby Bim that Fred and Nestle rolled in, just in time to partake in a fresh bottle of <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Avery Maharaja</span></i>. As we listened to the storm dump copious amounts of rain and hail, we also enjoyed some <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Sierra Nevada Hoptimum</span></i> followed by a pair of newly arrived cans of <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Alchemist Heady Topper</span></i>. After an hour or so of steady precipitation, the rains finally died off and we adjourned to Snakes <a href="http://www.digsdigs.com/photos/small-sunroom-as-a-house-extension.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">palatial sunroom</span></a> to the ear shattering cacophony of a frog singing like he was trying out for "American Idol". "Holy fuck, thats annoying", said Snake, while Pamcakes replied, "shut up you big head, it reminds me of growing up in the summer, let them froggies sing, they ain't hurting nobody". As we tried to drown out the amphibious opera with Snake's classic 70's tunes filled ipod, we switched from IPA's to heavier beers by opening a <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Beach Brewing Blackfin </span></i>barleywine followed quickly by a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Founder's Backwoods Bastard</i></span>. As the frog continued to drone on, Snake got up and left the room, only to return with his Crossman 66 Powermaster assault BB rifle and a thousand yard stare in his eyes. "That's about to be one dead fucking frog" he decreed, so we got up and went to the deck to begin the hunt. Former Scoutmaster <a href="http://pixel.nymag.com/content/dam/daily/vulture/2013/03/07/07-alec-baldwin-canteen-boy.jpg"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Bim</span></a> immediately took charge of the expedition and using his GPS, laser scope, and a little bit of "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWaxYpcdfDo"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Magruber</span></a>", eventually found our prey sitting in the open with a tauting gleam in his eye. Snake proceeded to unload a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMqbla4bPSA"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">fusillade </span></a>of metal at the frog, only to end up putting multiple dents in his newly erected composite fence while the frog simply continued to sing. "Motherfucker moves as fast as a cheetah" Snake said, while Bim replied, "I think he's on to us, evacuate evacuate!" The smoke then cleared and we went inside to reload and have another beer, this time we chose the fruity and delicious <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">New Glarus Serendipity</span></i> followed by a coffee/bourbon bomb in <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Alewerks Cafe Royale</span></i>. About the same time, a second frog decided to showcase his vocal abilities and we soon had a duet. A thoroughly agitated Snake grabbed the gun and stormed outside, saying he would unleash a thousand rounds if necessary to "annihilate those bastards". "Let me have a try" said Nestle, so while Fred painted the targets, we watched as she fired two quick rounds which produced two <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S06nIz4scvI"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">confirmed kills</span></a>. "She shut those fuckers up good and dead" said Snake, while Fred added, "We would have won the Vietnam War in under a year if the Army had her shooting old Charlie." After witnessing the deadly pinpoint accuracy of our own "Annie Oakley", Fred suggested that perhaps <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YwjHhJdhY0I"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Gunnery Sgt Hartman</span></a> </span>had gotten it wrong in describing the deadliest person in the world in the BC4M Hall of fame classic "Full Metal Jacket". "Fucking-A, my girl can flat out hunt bitches!" he said, while Bim howled with drunken laughter and replied, "You best mind your mouth or she might pop a cap in yo ass". By now, the clock was well past midnight, and Bim was beginning to look like a stroke victim eating oatmeal. We decided to call it a night, but not before opening the final beer of the night, ironically enough, a <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><i>Hoppin Frog Barrel Aged BORIS the Crusher</i> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">while we heard Robert Plant and the boys from Led Zeppelin serenade the two fallen aquatic balladeers with a little ditty called Stairway to Heaven. Another classic BC4M evening in the books, if you ever need varmints taken care of, just remember to have "</span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJQCLzJKy2M"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">Nestle, "Get your gun</span>"</a>Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-4332008835025806922013-04-09T11:06:00.000-04:002013-04-10T08:40:56.768-04:00The Unauthorized Biography Of Fred Flintstone<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFhgwkrv2nQ-nfk-nx8MVy3smb3bIUedAZ-SnAbhBfARhlxFwb1I7ROiBASkxmQGpCoBGqmJUouhXql-JIDPfQXXEDYU2ub5z1UbJhNPRqQ9WRcKe8A449EzZgxv0iXkxQrYaZnwdo_ksm/s1600/side_oscar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFhgwkrv2nQ-nfk-nx8MVy3smb3bIUedAZ-SnAbhBfARhlxFwb1I7ROiBASkxmQGpCoBGqmJUouhXql-JIDPfQXXEDYU2ub5z1UbJhNPRqQ9WRcKe8A449EzZgxv0iXkxQrYaZnwdo_ksm/s320/side_oscar.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
<br />
It started as any normal day. Bim, who runs the web site Deathwatch.com, was scanning celebrity obituaries to see who croaked that day. Bim has an entire office wallpapered floor to ceiling with names of celebrities and politicians, and his site hosts an elaborate gambling scheme where people bet on who will die next. It was a big day for some luck bettor. Margaret Thatcher and Roger Ebert had been circling the drain for years, but Mouseketeer Annette Funicello had died unexpectedly, and somebody just hit the jackpot. Bim received a panicked phone call from Fred, "They've really done it now! I can't believe it, but someone has stolen my identity!" "Whoa now big boy", said Bim, "what's going on?"According to Fred, a feature length film had been made, documenting his beer trading escapades. "They know about everything", he said, "they know about the cellar, they know my drinking habits, my trading partners, even my beeradvocate.com trading name...EVERYTHING!" Did we have a spy in our club? Was the envy of having the club's number 2 cellar too much for Johnny Wilder to handle? Was it 10pm or Snake, trying to increase their own self worth by bringing down the trading king? Or maybe it was just sheer jealousy on the part of Crazy Ken, who has no trading partners, no beer fridge, and no cellar? The mystery was deepening with no suspect. But one thing was clear, whoever produced this beautifully shot film, complete with all the latest computer generated special effects and Spielberg-like directing was no rookie. They had done their research, and spent a small fortune to produce a masterpiece. We may never know who the culprit was, but, like it or not, this film, "The Unauthorized Biography of Fred Flintstone" is sure to be a classic for generations to come. So sit back, grab some popcorn, maybe a fresh IPA, and enjoy the show...<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bbvO5eB1wI">"The Unauthorized Biography of Fred Flintstone"</a>Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-56837259877263005532013-03-21T22:53:00.000-04:002013-03-21T23:01:09.620-04:00The Return Of Dr. Gunthumper<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZSC4Tbut4mjkLt0gwhrF_OjDBjvcXkHTvsYeHlTusLHbf0oFTMh7anGjsOmf8_hkRc6WS0cVUXgVNGIB4cPDy2AZk0swHOfTTqvg5fI8xcaXA0Fsl8XxDVqkAE57zwzl4dv_ZztsnaBVt/s1600/gunt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZSC4Tbut4mjkLt0gwhrF_OjDBjvcXkHTvsYeHlTusLHbf0oFTMh7anGjsOmf8_hkRc6WS0cVUXgVNGIB4cPDy2AZk0swHOfTTqvg5fI8xcaXA0Fsl8XxDVqkAE57zwzl4dv_ZztsnaBVt/s320/gunt.jpg" width="186" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<em>Ahhh yes, the esteemed Dr. Gunthumper. Star of such childhood classics as "<strong>Dr. Gunthumper Bangs a Fat Chick</strong>," and "<strong>Gunthumper Gets Herpes</strong>." And who can forget Dr. Gunthumper in "<strong>Oops, I Think I Screwed a Transvestite</strong>," or his educational videos, such as "<strong>Your Dingus and You</strong>." When Gunthumper isn't on the set making quality movies for teens, he's sampling beers. In years past he's been the harshest critic of the Beer Club for Men's CHC Brewery. He once claimed that one of our beers tasted like we used "the taint sweat of an Indian curry salesman on a hot August day." Despite that, we still love the rascal, and continue to supply him with beers to rate. The following is a totally unbiased review from the one guy who hates the CHC Brewery more than anyone else in the world!</em><br />
<br />
Dr. Gunthumper writes: When Bim first informed me that he was going to be sending three <br />
different home brews for me to sample and review, I thought, "Great, I'll only have to take one sip of each, because any more would likely kill me or ruin my taste buds forever." You see, I only had his prior efforts to compare to. Then he told me that he won some sort of contest with his beers. I was unaware that they had beer brewing competitions for people with no ability. However, I am man enough to admit when I am wrong. Thankfully, my error came with the pleasure of being able to sample some delicious beers. I was also not disappointed to find that Bim was able to work in some of the racism that is a part of his personality. I started with Ice Ice Dynamite. Boldly showing Mr. Rob Van Winkle on the label, this Russian Imperial Stout had subtle vanilla, and you could really taste the Wild Turkey, making this a solidly good brew. Next up was Jemima Dynamite, with the tag line, "Mrs. Butterworth can kiss my big, black ass!" This delicious concoction with it's maple flavor was smooth, dark and creamy, not unlike Aunt Jemima's inner thighs. Lastly, and my favorite of the three, was Pepe Dynamite. This Russian Imperial Stout, brewed with chipotle peppers, really catches your attention on the back end, with a spicy burn in the back of the throat. Bim said he wanted to brew a beer that reminded him of deep throating his lawn guy. I'll have to take his word on that, but regardless it's a hell of a beer. Overall, I was very happy to be proven wrong, and look forward to <br />
more. <br />
<br />
Dr Gunthumper <br />
<br />
<img alt="photo.JPG" src="https://webmail.east.cox.net/do/mail/message/document?msgId=INBOXDELIM44688&part=2&l=en-us&v=cox" title="photo.JPG" /><br />
Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-12076836704184039462013-03-18T14:49:00.000-04:002013-03-18T14:49:26.543-04:00Beer City? BC4M Calls Bullshit!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Asheville... Hippies, mountains, beggars, and beer. Asheville has named itself "Beer City". But is it really deserving of the name? Is it a better beer destination than Portland, Seattle, or San Diego? The hippies out west may take exception to that, which, if we are lucky, could ignite a massive hippy war! Snake, Bim and their loving spouses Blackberry Pamcakes and Florence Naughtygale made the trip south to find out what all the hype was about. After arriving at our "<a href="http://www.ironmistress.com/Campervan1.JPG">hotel</a>" we were greeted by the the hotel clerk, with some <a href="http://nicedeb.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/hippy-no-alcohol.jpg?w=780">bad news</a>...and we quickly moved on. First stop was the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Oysterhouse Brewing Company</em></strong></span>. They advertise that they use real oysters in their beer. We sampled the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><em><b>Moonstone Stout (4.5%)</b>.</em></span> The beer was good, but not great, without a hint of oysters. Not a good start. We considered returning the next night to sample their other offerings, but the bartender assured us that there would be "over 500 people" in the restaurant, and we would never get in. Shit buddy, just cut to the chase and tell us we're not welcome! Snake wanted to de-throat him right then and there, but decided to grant him mercy, as Snake is a just and merciful Beer God. Next stop was <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jack of the Wood Public House</span></i>. Now this was more our kind of place. Irish music and a good selection of beers. We started with the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Foothills Jade IPA (6%),</em></strong></span> which we have sampled in the past. This is a damn fine IPA. Full of citrusy flavor and crisp, rating a really good. Next up was the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Green Man Porter (5.6%)</em></strong></span> which was decent, but sorta forgettable. We chased that with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Green Man Norwegian Wood</em></strong></span>, a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Baltic Porter (8.3%)</em></strong></span> aged in Maker's Mark barrels. Now your talking! This beer had a touch of sweet bourbon, easily rating a really good. Four beers down, and it was time for a change of venue. Luckily, the Asheville beer scene is designed for drunks, with a different pub on every corner. We headed across the street to the Thirsty Monk, where there was a Belgian bar downstairs and a American Craft beer bar upstairs. What a great idea! Separate the men from the eurotrash right at the door. We started with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Atwater Vanilla Java Imperial Stout (6%)</i></strong></span>, which was a really good, with a smooth vanilla/coffee flavor. The <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Anderson Valley Brewing Company's Wild Turkey Bourbon Barrel Stout (5.8%)</em></strong></span> was another winner, also rating a really good. Having hit what we figured to be the best 2 bars in Asheville, we headed out to dinner. Snake, our carnivore friend, quickly told the skinny waiter that if he didn't produce a leg of lamb pretty fucking quick, he was going to "tear off his arm and start eating it". After being escorted out, we headed over to Barley's Tap Room. This place was packed, with a mix of hippies and "English". The beer selection was top heavy with session pales and porters. By this time in the evening, Bim was starting to fall into the hippy spell. He was ranting about the evils of soap, and searching his Iphone-3 for the nearest second-hand store. Things were getting crazy.<br />
The next day, Snake awoke to find Bim fully embracing his new <a href="http://parisparfait.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341c8d9f53ef01348967f44a970c-800wi">lifestyle</a>, wandering around Asheville begging for <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FlBtlDj-ARE">change</a>. Things weren't looking good. Luckily, the allure of beer was enough to get Bim back on track. After a day of sightseeing, we sampled the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Biltmore Brewing Company's</em></strong></span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Cedric's Brown Ale (5.5%),</em></strong></span> named after George Vanderbilt's St. Bernard dog, Cedric. If Vanderbilt had known they were going to one day brew this swill on his property, he'd have burned the place to the ground and named his dog Shithead. Enough said. We ended up at one of Asheville's newest breweries, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Wicked Weed</em></strong></span>. The name had us initially concerned, as it suggested something altogether different. We quickly learned that this place was no daisy at all! We started with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Hey Porter (7.5%).</em></strong></span> This beer was aged in bourbon barrels, with a hint of smoke and vanilla. What a great beer to start with, rating a really good. Then came probably the most unique beer of the whole trip, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Black Angel Cherry Stout (6.6%) </em></strong></span>another barrel aged beer that was amazing. Next up was <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Dark Age Bourbon Stout (10.5%) </em></strong></span>the first RFG of the night. By the time we finished this beer, Snake was <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-zf0TAiV70">weeping uncontrollably</a>, as Bim tried to cheer him up with some simple clown <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbeqIAwKrdg">antics.</a> We ended the night with another great beer, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Freak Double IPA (8%).</em></strong></span> This beer is every bit as good as Pliny, and just a notch below Heady Topper. And to think that this brewery only opened several months ago. Our hat's off to the Wicked Weed, by far the best brewery in Asheville.<br />
Another day, another brewery. The final day in Asheville was spent at another touted brewery, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Wedge Brewing</em></strong></span>. We sampled their <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Iron Rail IPA (7%)</em></strong></span> and <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Vadim Bora Russian Imperial Stout (9.2%),</em></strong></span> a RIS brewed with raspberries. The IPA was good but not special, while the Vadim Bora was really good. The location, in the River Arts district, offers a great view of the passing freight trains, which <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lutNECOZFw">Snake loved immensely</a> (what a loser...). Unfortunately, the dude pouring the beer was a douchebag, making the beer taste a little worse. Their strict "one sticker per person" policy is ridiculous, and if you've never heard of the Great American Beer Festival, as this pretentious idiot hadn't, you probably need to quit pouring beer and try your hand at selling roller dogs at the 7-11. The "<a href="http://ifoundzion.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/richie-jackson.jpg?w=620">eclectic</a>" clientele may enjoy this place for it's artwork, but from the BC4M's point of view, there is only one place to visit when in Asheville, and that's Wicked Weed.<br />
The following day, the group packed up and started heading back to Virginia, minus one member. Last we saw of Bim, he was <a href="http://img.blogster.com/view/thelookingglass/post-uploads/hippy-one-true-love.jpg">settling in</a> with his new friends, never to be seen again. So, has Asheville really earned the title Beer City? The jury's still out. But one thing is for sure. If more breweries like Wicked Weed start popping up, then the BC4M will be certain to make a return trip.Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-16602015643204648262013-02-20T23:05:00.000-05:002013-03-04T18:46:43.911-05:00Snake's Meatfest 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Snake is a carnivore. If it breathes, he wants to <a href="http://gaygeek.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/Dont-want-to-get-your-hands-confused-on-that-chopping-block.jpeg">slice it into chunks</a>, grind it into sausage, and fry that shit up. Thus, the <a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7256/6954564796_a87c256979_z.jpg">Meatmaster</a> himself offered to host a meeting, complete with a collection of wild game sausages (elk, venison,buffalo, boar, and <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/6f/Aden's_Jackalope_Kill.jpg">jackalope</a>). The usual suspects showed up, along with a couple of Bim's favorite patients (who will hereby be refered to as the <a href="http://userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/76022132/Captain++Tennille+png.png">Captain and Tennille</a> in order to preserve their anonymity and reputations) gathered in Snake's palatial palace to eat meat and discuss all things beer. The Captain had recently returned from the great city of Ithaca, and presented us with the gift of beer in the form of a few great Ithaca beers. We started the night with one of those beers, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Ithica Fourteen (8.1%).</em></strong></span> This hoppy black ale, was a pretty decent beer to start with, rating a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Kissmeyer Beer Co's My Two Front Teeth (7.5%)</em></strong></span> was a Christmas beer. It wasn't that good. Maybe it would have been better if we drank it closer to Christmas, but we're not fucking Superman and we can't turn back time, so the rating stands as a so/so. If you are an employee of the Kissmeyer Beer Company and are offended by that rating, you can suck it! After a while, conversation turned to the new Anheuser-Busch offering, Black Crown. As Johnny described it, Black Crown tastes like Bud Light, but with more body. It's as if they forgot to use the special filter that removes the urine from the bottle! <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Two Roads Honeyspot Road (6%)</em></strong></span> was a weak, watery, girly beer, a so/so at best. Is Honeyspot Road where all the shitty beers go to die? <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Two Roads Workers Comp Saison (4.8%)</em></strong></span> absolutely sucked! Amazingly bad...stop brewing. Crazy thought it was so bad he wished that they made something like <a href="http://cdn2.bigcommerce.com/server2400/b0008/products/71/images/160/99910-3a_1___73297.1293559659.1280.1280.jpg">Nasty Habit</a> for people that would keep them from drinking shit like this. Next up was a homebrew from Crazy Ken, affectionately named <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Ken's Jungle Fever</em></strong></span>, a whiskey barrel stout. By far one of Ken's best beers, it rated a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Four Friends Brewing's Santa's Dirty Little Secret (9.1%) </em></strong></span>had one of the <a href="http://media-cache-ec2.pinterest.com/upload/360006563932661473_CPQmdtUq_b.jpg">best labels</a> we've ever seen. Unfortunately the beer wasn't as good, rating only a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Kosacken-Hantverksbryggeriet Imperial Stout (7%) </em></strong></span>was a good beer, but forgettable. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Avery's Uncle Jacob's Stout (17.42%)</em></strong></span> was a little boozy, but oh so good, the first really good beer of the night! Next we did a beer cocktail, mixing the Southern Tier Creme Brulee Stout with their Pumpking. On their own they are decent. Together, it's desert in a pint glass. Back to the tasting... <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Avery's Marooned on Hog Island (7.9%)</em></strong></span> is an oyster stout. Crisp and clean, but a little light in the body. It was at this point in the evening that the talk turned to IPA's. Our guest, The Captain, an IPA lover, had never had a <b><i>Pliny the Elder</i></b>. Lucky for him, Snake had a fresh cold one in the fridge. Maybe next time we'll treat him to a Heady Topper! <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Appalachian Brewing Co. Ragged Edge Expresso Stout (4.6%)</em></strong></span> was a good beer. Strong coffee, but overall very nice. By this time in the night, the writing in the book was getting a little shaky. The scribe was apparently getting drunk...no surprise there. The last two beers were ones that somehow snuck under the radar for years, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Augustiner-Brau Maximator (7.5%)</em></strong></span> and <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Spaten Optimator (7.5%).</em></strong></span> Both beers were dopplebocks, and both were solid goods. That may sound like a pretty weak collection of beers for the BC4M, but if you check out the picture above, you'll see several previously rated beers that were thrown in as "palate cleansers". That's right, we drink BA Boris the Crusher, Sexual Chocolate, and Cafe Royale as palate cleansers. What you'd think we'd use, Black Crown??? We leave you with a Valentine's treat from our favorite web "meatmasters", the boys from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86eVxuBkqeU">Epic Mealtime</a>.Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-81636485348590418042013-01-31T19:04:00.000-05:002013-02-01T12:13:27.161-05:002012...Going, going, GONE!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Another year down, as the BC4M turned three in 2012. Time to look back at our accomplishments from the past year.<br />
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<strong>The Beers</strong>: We drank a shit ton of beer, and are fast closing in on 3000 beers rated. We drank some great ones too, thanks mainly to Fred and his army of traders across the country. Utopias, Westvleteren 12, Heady Topper (lots of Heady Topper), Black Tuesday, Grey Monday and Chocolate Rain, and who can forget Lawson's Finest Double Sunshine and Three Floyd's Zombie Dust! We tasted some great beers from Hill Farmstead too, but we can't say where we got them as they get a little weird about that stuff. And, we lost a few good friends in 2012 as well. Pliny the Elder, our dear old friend, was dethroned as the king of the IPA's by the aforementioned Heady Topper. When his boy Younger gets bottled, the Pliny name may rise again. Until then, fuck you old man!<br />
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<strong>Fred</strong>: His hoarding continues, despite our best efforts to reduce it's size. He currently has a small <a href="http://www.barking-moonbat.com/images/uploads/99_bottles_of_beer_on_the_.....jpg">pathway</a> through the house, with beer stacked 6 feet high on either side. His bedroom is completely full, and he and Nestle have been sleeping in the bathtub. He hasn't seen his son (who resides in a inaccessible section of the house) in over a month. Despite this, he continues to deny there is a problem.<br />
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<strong>Snake</strong>: This year Snake realized his dream of killing one of every species of animal on the endangered species list. He ate such delicacies as fried snail darter and roasted spotted owl. He also travelled to India where he bought a couple <a href="http://capitalismisover.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/sale-on-body-parts.jpg">slightly used livers</a> on the illegal organ market, and had them implanted into his ball sack. <br />
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<strong>Johnny</strong>: After spending the past year collecting vintage bikes, Johnny Wilder started his own <a href="http://danieldickey.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/funny_motorcycle_gang-300x213.jpg">motorcycle gang</a>. That gang disbanded, so he started <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?um=1&hl=en&sa=N&tbo=d&biw=1366&bih=685&tbm=isch&tbnid=ECcE8HjHGtp3yM:&imgrefurl=http://funny-pictures.feedio.net/biker-gang-funny-pictures-387-pic-6/lolpix.com*_pics*Funny_Pictures_387*Funny_Pictures_3876.jpg/&docid=VcEIqTJLsNHe8M&imgurl=http://lolpix.com/_pics/Funny_Pictures_387/Funny_Pictures_3876.jpg&w=600&h=410&ei=JAX2UIONNITY9ATxzYA4&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=119&vpy=134&dur=730&hovh=185&hovw=272&tx=160&ty=91&sig=104582773538267543900&page=1&tbnh=149&tbnw=236&start=0&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:88">another one</a>, and <a href="http://doctor808.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/mopedS.jpg">another one</a>.<br />
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<strong>10PM</strong>: Throwing caution to the wind, 10PM managed to stay out past 10:30 at least 3 times this year. One night he actually made it to almost midnight! Well done!<br />
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<strong>Big Audio Dynamite</strong>: He continues to perfect his acting ability, recently starring in a <a href="http://www.the-medium-is-not-enough.com/images/Beautyt3LindaHamiltonRonPearlman.jpg">community theater production</a>... and without requiring any make-up!<br />
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<strong>Bim</strong>: Rumors of Bim's demise were premature. On average, a clown is killed by a psycho with an assault rifle in this country every 4 seconds, and yet we stand by idly and laugh (because clowns are funny, even when they're getting mowed down). Thankfully, Bim wasn't <a href="http://atomicgator.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/clown-funeral1.jpg">one of them</a>. And remember, if you have a small child that you're really not all that fond of, Bim is available for some demented children's party entertainment that's sure to make the little bastard want to move out by the time he's 12.<br />
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<strong>Prince</strong>: Another successful year convincing all who know him that he's <a href="http://static.flickr.com/144/324131916_29bf40198b.jpg">straight</a>. Well done Prince, and we hope 2013 is just as successful at keeping up the elaborate charade!<br />
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<strong>Crazy Ken</strong>: Crazy Ken continues to work on his brewing skills, and this year he finally achieved his lifelong dream of figuring out <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gyJxOv1oJCo">how to brew Bud Light</a>. Congratulations Ken!<br />
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<strong>OMT</strong>: Continues to fight crime wherever he finds it. Including a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiRni994hbA">major bust at the local mall.</a><br />
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<strong>D-rail</strong>: Following his deportation, D-rail spent some <a href="http://www.inminds.co.uk/vietnam-tiger-cage.jpg">quality time</a> back in the jungles of his youth, before he was able to escape and sneak back across the border using the kind of <span id="goog_1374167091"></span><a href="http://www.tvgasm.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Giant-Sombrero.jpg">disguise<span id="goog_1374167092"></span></a> that would make a CIA operative jealous.<br />
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<strong>Frank the Tank</strong>: Having spent years attacking pirates, Tank decided to become one himself. He was last seen on the Jersey shore <a href="http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/87/551602d10d0d08ab3deeccf31bf647ba/l.jpg">assembling his crew</a> for his new;y christened ship, "Thar She Blows"<br />
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<strong>The Blog</strong>: Despite all our lame attempts to increase our international audience (primarily with the use of intriguing search terms like "cock tease of Calcutta") we remain a mostly American enterprise. We have had some recent spam from some Spanish dude with an escort service, but the douche bag didn't even have the courtesy to send us any photos. We had a big party in July celebrating the blog and all things beer, but I can't remember any of it...Supposedly, it was a lot of fun. The most popular search terms people used to find us in 2012 on Google, were the following: Lithuanian MILF; Big Black Ass; Naked Keg Stand; Poop Chart; Ron Jeremy Doggystyle; Black Women Have Milky Pussy Juice; and MILF on a Scooter. You people are sick! That said, here is a <a href="http://i37.tinypic.com/21jmx51.jpg">MILF on a scooter</a> and a chick doing a <a href="http://durangoherald.com/storyimage/DU/20120629/ARTS04/706299970/AR/0/AR-706299970.jpg&ExactW=620">keg stand</a>. I'm sure lots more happened in 2012, but most of it we can't disclose until the statue of limitations runs out.<br />
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Following the annual New Year's Eve boozefest known as the CHC Crawl, the few members who could stand upright gathered at Bim's for a few post New Years beers. We started with an <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Ommegang XV Anniversary (9.6%).</em></strong></span> The packaging is awesome. Who doesn't like a giant Pringles can with beer in it? Unfortunately, it appears most of the money went towards packaging instead of brewing. This beer was a so/so at best. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>New Belgium</em></strong></span> is quickly becoming the Anheuser-Busch of the west coast. Too many of their beers are lackluster forgettables. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Lips of Faith Coffee Chocolate Stout (9%)</em></strong></span> is the exception. This beer had a rich coffee flavor and was liked by all, rating a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Jester King/Mikkeller Weasel Rodeo (10.1%) </em></strong></span>was smooth as silk, prompting Snake to remark, "Where are the cat turds?" This beer was rated really good. Next we opened a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Cortland Sunrise Coffee Stout (6%)</em></strong></span>, a so/so beer that tasted like stale Waffle House coffee. We closed the night with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Fremont B-Bomb (9.5%)</em></strong></span> which caused us to drop our own F-Bomb, as in Really Fucking Good! Sweet, boozy, awesomeness! <br />
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Thanks for checking in with us in 2012. The next year promises to be even better as we will attempt to cross the 4000 beer mark, or die trying! Stay tuned...Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-88609611678347386482013-01-16T11:58:00.000-05:002013-01-16T11:58:03.738-05:00Hail and Farewell<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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About a year and a half ago, Bim, Fred and Nestle went to check out the newest brewery in our area, Beach Brewing. While in their tasting room trying some of of their frankly forgettable early efforts, we met a <a href="http://www.moneyandshit.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/happy_goth_guy.jpg">menacing looking</a> fella that appeared to have just gotten back from a 3 month tour as a roadie for either Pantera or Lady Gaga, or perhaps both. We talked beers and found him to be knowledgeable and easy to talk to despite the fact he looked primed to <a href="http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/picture/mrclean2557/DonkeyPunch.png">donkey punch</a> every one of the Jonas Brothers at a moments notice. We discussed our favorite beers, and were shocked when he mentioned he could easily name 10 IPA's better than our highly regarded Pliny the Elder. Hailing from the "meat packing" capitol of the world, <a href="http://www.packerpalace.com/blog/images/bears-biggest-loser.jpg">Chicago</a>, after weeks of deliberation, we christened him "Chicago Mike" and invited him to join us in our pursuit of all things craft <a href="http://moneypennydd.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/boobsbeer.jpg?w=604">beer.</a> He had a major hand in creating Beach Brewing's best beer, their double IPA hop monster "<i>Hoptopus"</i>. It was so good, Fred sent it around the country in trades and even our pals on the west coast who have had their palates wrecked by the plethora of great IPA's available out there all agreed it was phenomenal. Unfortunately, after a drunken afternoon playing "water under the bridge" style "<a href="http://ficdn.fashionindie.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/NakedTwister-560x378.jpg">twister</a>" at the Brewery went a tad too far, Chicago quit and set out on his own. His first gig was driving an ice cream truck dressed as "<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg66-7Ftvy0kPt9G9L4xlXmU937K3YnKVN2aCGeZfp88p9QSs6LeC1AQfhrQCIyinSUfK-uA91zUxLTHMni7g-Tt55fBbB8Nq-HR4sQEu3Y8LIkRWYqoNMfJ-SrAqv_pyriDkXw76-cBK4/s1600/tumblr_m0ws2nym5p1rn060wo1_400.jpg">Sprinkles the Clown"</a>, and then upon being released on bond after an all night bat mitzvah went bad (something about whipped cream and cherries), he set up a <a href="http://stat.mobli.com/media_stills/media_20423549.jpg">mobile car detailing</a> team called "Wash and Blow" that promised a thorough scrub and tug<i> </i>with every purchase. When he wasn't busy spreading the message on the glories of a polished trailer hitch to the hordes of sailors that are stationed in our area, he was busy interviewing at various breweries around the country pitching his newest beer recipe, a 17% behemoth barleywine ale called "<a href="http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/96/a8a023a1fa963bb5f53077d7727aa3e1/l.jpg">Moose Knuckler</a>" that had an amazing floral nose because of all the <a href="http://www.stupid.com/assets/images/IGAS_2.jpg">hops</a> he added to it. Months went by and right before Christmas, he received a call from one of America's best breweries, Fat Head's of Cleveland Ohio. They are the creators of the RFG rated double ipa, "Head Hunter", and were looking for a new "associate brewer" (i.e. <a href="http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/mediaFiles/picture/434305/80520779.jpg">glory hole cleaner</a>), and offered him a spot on their staff after watching him make quick work of the mess in their backdoor "champagne room". He quickly accepted and made plans to be at work promptly in early January. Since most of us are veterans, we decided the only way to properly send him off was to throw a hail and farewell. Every member of BC4M arrived at Fred's for a night that had debauchery written all over it. Fred pulled out some big guns from the cellar, including previously RFG rated<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> <b><i>Heady Topper</i>, <i>Pliny the Elder</i>,<i> Westvleteren 12, Avery Rumpkin, New Glarus Raspberry Tart</i>, and <i>Goose Island Coffee Bourbon County Stout</i></b>.</span> Mixed in with all that greatness were some beers that frankly weren't too hot. Most rated a so/so or good, like <i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;">Cigar City Florida Cracker (5.0%), Blue Point Toxic Sludge (7.0%), Great Divide 18th Anniversary (10.0%) </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">and</span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;"> Dominion Double D (10.0%).</i> However, a pair of beers were downright drainpours. <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Aviator Brewing Black Mamba (6.3%)</span></b></i> was an oatmeal stout that had about as much body as a 18 yr old anorexic that had just binged and purged. "This sure as fuck aint too damn <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36f-6my1LZs">boo-coo</a>" said Mike as Bim added, "I had a patient in today with a discharge way thicker than this crap". It was easily a sucks, while another beer got perhaps the worst rating of any we have ever tried. Surprisingly, it was <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">3 Floyd's Bully Guppy</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: large;"> </span></b></i>and it was a fucking disaster. Upon opening, it smelled like wet cat urine mixed with paint thinner. Could it taste even worse than it smelled? You bet your sweet ass it did, as Fred said, "I'll be surprised if I don't go blind drinking this poison", Wilder mentioned, "Did they fucking age this in Turpentine barrels?". "Tastes like a bad bottle of Windex" said Snake, while Bim woke up long enough to bellow, "Smells like the perfume my <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><a href="http://i25.tinypic.com/1445j5w.jpg">Thai pedicurist</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: normal;"> uses at the salon". This is without a doubt the worst beer any of us had tasted and wondered how in the fuck it made it past quality control. Two beers that did however, taste amazing, were <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lawson's Finest Kiwi Double IPA (8.1%) </span></b></i>which combined a generous grapefruit nose with a smooth lemony body that went down as easy as a two bit street urchin jonesing for a meth hit. The second was <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hill Farmstead Juicy (7.4%)</span></b></i>, a slightly sour saison that balanced hops and brett with a crisp finish. Both rated really good, and just when we thought the night was ending, local pizza baron <a href="http://crackernationnews.files.wordpress.com/2011/07/nambla-1.jpg">RaiderFost and his liege Reginald</a> showed up with a bottle of <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Surly Darkness '12 (10.3%)</span></b></i>. Pouring as dark as the meat flaps of a Ugandan midwife, it had a silky body and was ultra smooth. It almost had a "nitro" mouthfeel, and the taste was phenomenal, full of milk chocolate and dark fruits. Easily a really good, it just missed the coveted RFG mark. We killed a few more mediocre beers afterward and the hours flew by. It was late and Mike had to get home to pack for his trip. Before he left, we presented him with a few special beers and perhaps the most fitting gift we could think of, a framed picture of his former mentor at Beach Brewing, President Steve Stifler who wrote a simple but eloquent message, "Water under the bridge" which we figured was a sweet homage to their ill fated "twister" day.</span><br />
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To our testosterone fueled brother, fair winds and following seas and long may your big jib draw</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: large;"><b>Atque in perpetuum, frater, ave atque vale.</b></span><br />
<br />Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-90912472859051103072012-12-10T11:40:00.000-05:002012-12-10T11:40:12.036-05:00Ice Ice Dynamite<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As many of you know, the boys of the BC4M have been vainly attempting to make a palatable home brew for many years. Timeless drain pours like "<i>Swamp Fire Ale</i>", "<i>Bim's Dirty Old Brown Eye</i>" and "<i>The Milkman Cometh</i>" usually caused those that tasted the beers to come down with a case of dysentery, bubonic plague or more often both. Off flavors consisting of rotting cabbage, sweaty skunk taint or even <a href="http://www.tacamateurs.com/whatsnewpics2/17422/4.jpg">Aunt Mabel's</a> mothball ridden lingerie left most of our followers hoping and praying that we would stop the madness. But then, out of the blue, Bim came up with a homebrew recipe that was actually decent and unbelievably drinkable. "<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Black Dynamite</span></b></i>" was his first foray into boozy imperial stouts and it was an instant hit. After receiving an abundance of compliments from our craft beer loving brethren, the merchandising arm of BC4M decided to come up with other recipes that used the same base but added some "<i>flay-va,</i> You dig?". "<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Pepe Dynamite</span></b></i>" is our chili pepper infused stout that is hot enough to make a Mexican landscaper's taint weep for joy only to be followed by a intensely vanilla version we named after the only "cracka" (besides our own <a href="http://cdn.motinetwork.net/demotivationalposters.net/image/demotivational-poster/0808/gangsta-rap-demotivational-poster-1217876010.jpg">Johnny Wilder</a>) who could ever pull off the <a href="http://cdn.motinetwork.net/douchearchives.com/douche/1211/neon-crush-dorks-neon-parachute-pants-douche-1353943462.jpg">douche canoe pants</a> look paired with a Aquanet styled <a href="http://liketotally80s.wikispaces.com/file/view/m964205.jpg/191996734/m964205.jpg">mane</a>. "<b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Ice Ice Dynamite</span></i></b>" is our ode to one Robby Van Winkle, the lyrical daddy mack to white suburbia's favorite f-bomb dropping masochist, Eminem. Like Mix Master Jay spinning tracks on the turntable, Grand Master Bim, spent one drunken night perfecting a stout that combined non-fair trade Ethiopian cacao with deforested vanilla imported in the anal cavity of a Madagascan smuggler Bim had met after spending one glorious evening on Skype talking their shared love of canines. "Holy fuck, Bim got one right" said Wilder, while Snake added, "You sure you brewed this?" With this unbridled support from his BC4M brothers, Bim decided to take a chance and enter both Pepe and Ice Ice in the 6th annual Virginia Beer Blitz, an annual home brew competition that had over 350 entries from 39 states and Canada. Even though Pepe actually outscored Ice Ice, they were in different categories, and at the end of a grueling 8 hour competition, a stunned Bim, Fred and Nestle heard "and the winner of the wood aged beer category, Ice Ice Dynamite". A tearful Bim raced on stage to collect his winnings and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rl_NpdAy3WY">thanked</a> the assembled crowd who appeared to be more at home at a weekend <a href="http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Fat-LARPERS-600x454.jpg">LARPer</a> convention than a craft beer competition. On fact, one <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeeuXmo8T6TLkXnoemWxyCVkB5v3dBQtgDhKcGyPEdbUHkqqHr9znvZe0DkmFgbTTm886nptLESoiItl9wh-kD6xju_NhrQe7aQJPq5Hi4JH4EWiEMU5Im9GwAuHnoJozkoj-dWZR9shg/s1600/fat_gamer_kid.jpg">young craft beer</a> enthusiast repeatedly begged Bim to adopt him ala Obi-Wan Kenobi to teach him his master brewing ways. "The first step, is to move out of your granny's basement you fucking tool", said Fred, while Bim coddled the young lad and whispered sweet nothings in his ear in his sweetest <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgnoukKJIaU">Herbert the Pervert </a>voice. Before Bim could be arrested for lewd conduct, Fred and Nestle hauled him away and we headed back to the hood to celebrate in style. An amazing day indeed, we couldnt be happier for our beloved pooch pumper.<br />
So in honor of Bim's stunning victory at the 6th annual C.A.S.K. Virginia Beer Blitz, Fred penned an ode to his winning brew....sung to the words of the original <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=149jGeIlx3I">Ice Ice Baby</a><br />
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Yo B.I.M, Lets Brew It</div>
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Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite<br />
Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite</div>
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All right STOP, shut the fuck up and listen</div>
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Bim has brewed up a brand new invention</div>
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A magical elixir that drinks so nicely</div>
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Dark as a motherfucker, you'll crave it fortnightly</div>
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Will he ever stop, we don't know</div>
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But Bim is a certified award winning mofo</div>
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Expecting to win it was never a gamble</div>
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Pontificating on stage like the motherfucking preamble</div>
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Boom, a wave of vanilla hits the room</div>
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Wetting your tongue like a dope ass waterflume</div>
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Boozy, when it stings your throat</div>
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Drink too much, and it's time to motorboat</div>
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Titties, whether big or small</div>
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Bim is the Doctor who's always on call</div>
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Silky as it makes its way</div>
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Down to your stomach it's a taste buffet</div>
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Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite</div>
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Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite</div>
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To all our homies across the land....Word to Yo Mother! We outta here bitches...</div>
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Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-19930880900445240722012-11-25T17:34:00.001-05:002012-11-25T17:40:50.099-05:00A BC4M Intervention<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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While all the BC4M members love beer, one member in particular, Fred, has taken things to the extreme. Fred has more quality beers stashed around his house than most reputable beer stores have on their shelves. Need a Firestone Walker Abacus? Fred has a case. How about 6 years worth of Bourbon County stouts? Got that too. And Bruery's Black Tuesday? There as plentiful as whores in a whorehouse. Lately, the Founding Fathers expressed concern that Fred's buying and trading habits may be getting out of control. We decided to stage an intervention. Under the guise of a Bourbon County Stout vertical tasting, the founding fathers gathered at 10pm's. Once we'd all arrived, Bim appeared, dressed as <a href="http://lizzeesolomon.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/candyfinnigahintervention1.jpg">Candy Finnigan</a>. As the others sat quietly and with Fred obviously confused, Bim began... "Fred, your addiction has negatively affected me in the following ways: you have made me feel inferior with your superior beer collection. With my confidence shattered, I am now getting humped by my dog on a regular basis. If you don't stop hoarding beers, I will no longer be a clown for you. You need to accept this gift we are offering you." "Fuck you!" snarled Fred. Next up was Johnny. "Fred, your beer hoarding has negatively affected me in the following ways: Well, it really hasn't hurt me at all. Keep up the strong work buddy!" As we got to 10pm, he pulled out his written speech. "Fred, your crazy behavior has negatively affected me as well. The constant pet molestation, running through the neighborhood naked and masturbating in the mailboxes has got to stop. Yesterday I caught you defecating on my lawn. You are terrorizing all the neighbors and we wont take it anymore.The clown makeup was humorous initially, now it's just downright disturbing." Fred looked astonished. "What the hell are you talking about?" A sheepish 10pm replied, "Oops, wrong speech. That one's for Bim's intervention next week." Now it was Snake's turn. "I don't know what the fuck you assholes are even talking about... I'm dry as toast. Let's drink!" And that we did, starting with a 2006 Goose Island Bourbon County Brand stout right on through 2012. Then it was off to a 2011 Bourbon County Coffee and a 2011 Bourbon County Stout Bramble Rye Barrel. While each year had some specific nuances, they all held up well. The 2006, while a paltry 11% ABV, was smooth as silk, almost syrupy. 2007 (13%) was more carbonated and lighter. 2008 was more reminiscent of 2006, heavier and sweeter. 2009 was a tad flat, but still awesome. 2010 was the best yet, boozy, rich and smooth. 2011, while still an RFG, was the highest yet in alcohol at 14.5%, and should definitely improve with age. With the vertical complete, we changed gears and tasted a 2010 Bourbon County Coffee Stout, a 2011 Bourbon County Bramble Rye, and a 2010 Vanilla all of which are still RFG's. And to finish the night, we ended with a 2010 Bourbon County Rare. After his first sip, Snake exclaimed, "I just busted a nut in my pants! Damn this is good!" Time will tell how Goose Island does under the direction of Annheiser Busch. With the intervention over and the only thing accomplished being lessening Fred's cellar by 11 beers, we headed home as we had a 6AM wake-up call for a trip to Hardywood Park Brewery in Richmond for their release of the Gingerbread Stout. Stay tuned for more on that. Cheers!Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-62118954218552313742012-11-04T17:45:00.000-05:002012-11-04T21:47:43.660-05:00Beer Reviews, BC4M Style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Are you one of those douchers that loves beer reviews? We have 3 of them for you. The first is one we did of our own shitty home brews. The second is one of our favorites from the wordsmith <a href="http://beeradvocate.com/community/members/economicirony.572935/"><b>EconomicIrony</b></a> from Beeradvocate.com. This guy can describe a beer better than most cicerones! The last review is that of a beer that is truly horrible. It was an Indian beer that surely is only preferred by the same folks who brought us the ''Cock <a href="http://www.divawhispers.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/unkept.jpg">Tease of Calcutta</a>". And yes, the mention of this mythical Indian slut is a cheap attempt to inflate our numbers by drawing in our friends from Bombay. <br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong><em>Hopslam clone</em></strong></span><br />
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You one of those snifter sipping ninnies who likes long detailed beer reviews? We are here to accommodate. While we usually save the flowery reviews for really great beers, we can be as verbose as the next beer snob when the situation calls for it. From time to time we too try our hand at brewing. The following is our own Michael Jacksonesque beer review of the most recent attempt at a Hopslam clone.<br />
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"Looking at this beer in the bottle, it reminds one of Lake Erie, circa 1965, long before the passing of the Clean Water Act. Thick in the bottle, cloudy, lots of floating particles, you just know that this is going to be a treat! What is all that stuff? Yeast? Bacteria? old stuff from bottles that haven't been cleaned? YES, it's all that and more. Pouring this beer into a frosty mug reveals a 12 finger head. The foam sticks to the sides of the glass like tan latex paint, as the beer bubbles and churns like a witches cauldron. Take a long deep whiff. The pungent smell of rotting garbage mixed with an overpowering dose of hops stings the nostrils. Festering pluff mud, raw sewage and the smell of a 2 week old dead possum on a hot August day fills your senses. As much as you may want to immediately drink this beer, fight the urge. Savor the nose just a little longer. This isn't an experience that you get every day. The rancid fragrance brings you back to the urine soaked nursing home where you visited great aunt Phyllis as a child. You know, the one who liked to stuck her withered old tongue in your ear when you were forced into uncomfortably close contact. Now slowly, bring this baby to your lips. As it enters your mouth, you immediately taste sweet honey rolling across your tongue, lingering for only a millisecond and followed immediately by the distinct taste of liquid Drano. Pickle juice, stinky french cheese, and cauliflower are apparent, as is just a hint of brussel sprouts and spoiled milk. The complexity of this brew is truly astounding. Go ahead, close your eyes and take a long draw. You instantly get the image of drinking goat urine with hints of congealed blood and feces. Is this beer special? You bet! We have tasted thousands of beers, and yet there is nothing that compares to this "devil's brew". Belching reveals a toxic gas cloud the likes of which hasn't been seen since Bhopal, India circa 1984. There's no doubt that you've had a one-off masterpiece, brewed with impeccable craftsmanship. Food pairings are a dream with this beer. We recommend pairing with Imodium, Maalox, and if you're planning on drinking more than one, a healthy helping of ipecac. Our hats off to the BC4M master brewers on another unique offering to the craft beer world." <br />
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And you know what??? It was still better than Hell or High Watermelon Wheat! If you are a professional brewer and want the recipe, hit us up. We'd love to share it with the world!<br />
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<strong><em>Anti-hero IPA</em></strong><br />
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The following is a fantastic, descriptive beer review by Econimocirony at Beeradvocate.com.<br />
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"Walking back to your Bridgeport flat at night; gripping your church key for the twit who tries to make off with the seventeen dollars in your pocket; you can’t help but reluctantly notice the city’s new cohort of young trollops multiplying across your back alley and front step alike. No corner goes unadorned as they mount themselves to the chipped, green primer on the avenues’ lampposts and entice you with their slim figures borne of a steady diet comprised of apricot flavored cigarettes and White Castle sliders. You’re headed home, but weren’t expecting to now. The boss told you to take a vacation - probably forever. Her immaturity, dim-wits, and newly purchased fishnets go hand-in-hand, so you invite her in. She calls you daddy, so you scold her and tell her to shut up. Nothing fits her right. The AquaNet hairspray she applied this afternoon as she rolled out of bed at 3:30pm has now cracked; flaking like the white stain on her black, loosely ill-fitting B-cup brassiere - thanks to genetics, she got at least two “A”s in her life. She needs a place to stay: you only have seventeen dollars, minus the amount you were planning on spending for dinner at the Bucky’s gas station. Again, she’s thin, rail thin; she would look fuller if she didn’t immerse herself in Tropical Agent Orange spray tan, which is nothing more than not-so-cleverly disguised Kool-Aid concentrate; sailors call it bug juice. Despite your efforts to engage her with offers of hand-rolled clove beedis and a tipple of Rittenhouse Rye, she immediately goes flat and reveals her insipid personality. The remnant aroma of what she smoked and ate last night had more character than the hoax of her projected imagination, which was nothing more than repeating punch lines from sitcoms and laughing first every time. With each sip, you wished she at least had the bubbly demeanor of a neophyte, but she bypassed the best part in favor of a feigned bitterness that faded as she lost interest. You follow suit upon finishing, but quickly realize you’ve committed for the remainder of the week; she’s staying five more days. You’ve been had, friend; you probably could have done a better job yourself. Look on the bright side; at least your dinner at Bucky’s exceeded your expectations: you still have your seventeen dollars and they carry Sculpin IPA in the icebox now.<br />
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Serving type: can"<br />
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Well said sir! Reading this one can almost taste the beer!<br />
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<strong><em>Flying Horse</em></strong><br />
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And lastly, the BC4M review of an Indian classic, Flying Horse Lager, as read by Master Cicerone Dr. Suess:<br />
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I would not drink this with a fox,<br />
I would not drink it in a box;<br />
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Not in a box, not with a fox,<br />
It tastes like shit and smells like socks;<br />
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This beer they call the Flying Horse, <br />
It tastes of stool, no surprise of course;<br />
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It says that it's a lager beer,<br />
But smells quite like a horses rear;<br />
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Was Ganges water used to brew?<br />
And hops? Seems like they forgot that too;<br />
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I would advise you pour this out,<br />
It will give you the runs and probably gout;<br />
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No, I will not drink this Indian swill;<br />
You shouldn't either, or you'll be ill.<br />
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Now for some of our own tasteless reviews from a recent meeting. We started the night with <span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Mother Earth Old Neighborhood Oatmeal Porter (9.9%).</strong></span> This beer was so/so. A little too light and watery, although not at all offensive.</span> </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">We chased that with another North Carolina beer, <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Highland's Thunderstruck Coffee Porter (5.9%).</strong></span> This was better than the first, more body, and nice coffee flavor. Sticking with the stouts and porters, we decided to sample the latest <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>CHC homebrew, Ice Ice Dynamite (8.4%),</strong></span> a Russian Imperial Stout aged with whole vanilla beans and Wild Turkey soaked oak chips. Hard to believe, but this was by far the best beer of the night. Heavy vanilla flavor in a full bodied imperial stout with a touch of whisky on the back end. Another winner in the Dynamite series. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Ska Brewing Mole Stout (5.5%),</strong></span> was a surprise beer, Nice pepper notes, not over the top, with plenty of cocoa as well. It was well liked and rated a good. <span style="font-size: large;"><strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Hinterlands IPA (6.8%</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">)</span></strong></span> ...let's start with the label. It appears cheap, kind of thing you'd find on generic beer at a WalMart. The beer itself has tons of shit floating around in it. Looks like someone may have <a href="http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110618115141/necyklopedia/sk/images/f/fd/PUKING.jpg">puked</a> into the Brite tank!The smell can only be described as rough, although the taste was a little better. This beer needs work, rating a generous so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Speakeasy Payback Porter (7.5%)</strong></span> was a solid porter. Nice flavor, good body, and a good overall rating. We ended the night with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Highland Tasgale Ale (8%)</strong></span>, a wee heavy scotch ale. This beer was very drinkable, although at 8%, you're not going to drink too many. We rated this one a good, and called it a night. Cheers!</span><br />
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<br />Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-54149551737057826402012-10-21T22:20:00.000-04:002012-10-21T22:20:00.866-04:00Andy's Big Adventure<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Bim's daughter recently decided to tie the knot with her now husband Andy. Prior to the sweet nuptuals, Andy, Bim, and Andy's buddies headed to the only strip club in the Outer Banks of North Carolina, Headlights. After a lengthy application process rivaled only by a trip to the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yz3bDON9bNo&feature=endscreen&NR=1">DMV</a>, we were finally allowed into the club, Having experienced the other Headlights in rural North Carolina, we anticipated lots of <a href="http://www.gossipcop.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Screen-Shot-2012-06-05-at-12.40.46-PM-400x329.png">farm girls</a> with beer guts, <a href="http://dkm80tng5uqm9.cloudfront.net/full/468819679274a0c9147b61bece6295dd/460469-713690.JPG">bad C-section scars</a>, and <a href="http://accordingtojewels.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/scary-stripper.jpg">rotten teeth</a>. What we got was titties and beer, OBX style! Within minutes Andy was hammered and clearly confused about where and who he was. Meanwhile, Andy's sadistic brother paid one of the strippers $50 to give him a "stage show". And just like that he was led on stage by two sultry vixens, for a very public lap dance. They mesmerized him with their titties while they casually undid his belt. Was our honorary BC4M brother about to get a very public mouth hug? No such thing! Like rabid dogs, they instantly turned on him, wrapped the belt tightly around his neck, and drove him to the ground on all fours. Rage was in their eyes as they saw, in sweet, sweet Andy, every father figure and perverted uncle who ever touched them inappropriately (undoubtedly a very long list, as these two were PISSED). They went from sexy babes to members of <a href="http://racketmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/gwar2.jpg">GWAR</a>. Defenseless Andy, being dragged around like a dog, confused, drunk out of his mind, was about to have a life changing experience as the second whore took another leather belt, doubled it up, and commenced to whipping the shit out of him. Crack after crack, probably 20 in all, silenced every man in the crowd as we wondered if we were watching a snuff film. Andy <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dW3SR6aCR24&playnext=1&list=PLAAA6A9FA9750DEC5&feature=results_main">screamed</a> in pain with each crack of the whip, clearly not knowing what in the hell was happening. Finally, these two crazy bitches relented as their arms tired, and they allowed our ass-bruised friend to stagger back to his side of the strip bar. Then, the unthinkable happened... Andy grabbed his belt, and in an instant gave one of his captors a hard smack across the back of her legs, bringing her to her knees. The rest of us feared for our lives, as we expected a swift bouncer response. Instead, the two skanks pounced on him, hitting him a dozen more times as he staggered off stage. And during all this mess, Andy's brother sat, <a href="http://mimg.ugo.com/200809/6449/cuts/JudeLaw-HatSmirk_288x288.jpg">grinning</a>, the entire time. I guess payback is a bitch (one with a leather belt). We left the club happy to be alive with the only casualties being our drunken friends' red ass and our belief that a strip club is a safe place for a man to kill time. <br />
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Following Andy's assault, the BC4M decided that such an experience was worthy of an honorary membership, even for our wine drinking sommelier brother. The following week, Brother Bim shared the above story while we shared another stellar collection of beers. We started with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Cisco Brewers Island Reserve Tripel Ale (9.5%). </em></strong><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;">It</span><strong><em> </em></strong></span>was not great. Not bad, but not spectacular. Kind of like purgatory...could be better, but could have been a whole lot worse. It rated a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Buzzards Bay (Just Beer) The Golden Flounder (4.6%)</em></strong></span> was a big bottle of nothingness, getting a so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Cucapa Green Card Barleywine (10%)</em></strong></span> tasted like carbonated blood. Too boozy, nothing subtle about this beer. A so/so rating was generous on our part. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Fremont Interurban IPA (6.2%)</em></strong></span> was full of tropical flavors, prompting Fred to remark that he tasted "starfruit on the front end and chocolate starfish on the back end," whatever that means. Regardless, we all liked it, rating it a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Sly Fox 113 IPA (6.6%)</em></strong></span> was a weird mess. Grape flavors, very dry, not what we want in an IPA. It was the first pour out of the night rating a sucks. We followed that with the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Yeastie Boys Rex Attitude (7%).</em></strong></span> As soon as the first glass was poured, Bim dumped his out. The odor was beyond offensive. Snake said it reminded him of burning elephant dung in the African bush. Chicago Mike commented that the taste was either Sucrets or paint thinner, or both. This shit was horrible. Really guys, people can't really be drinking this shit can they? Oh the humanity!!!We chased that disaster with the <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Yeastie Boys Pot Kettle Black (6%).</em></strong></span> This American Black Ale was good, but tasted more like a porter. Anything would have been better than their previous offering. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Green Man Imperial Stout, The Dweller (9.5%),</em></strong></span> while rating a good, it had nothing special to offer for a Imperial Stout. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Ass Kisser Smoked Porter (8.03%)</em></strong></span> was surprisingly good, coming from this brewery, rating a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Mikkeller It's Alive (8.0%)</em></strong></span> is a Belgian Wild Ale, full of funk, but very little sour. In general, there was very little taste at all, rating a so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Flying Dog Road Dog Porter (6%)</em></strong></span>was light and weak for a porter, rating a so/so. We ended the night with a <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><em>Heretic Brewing Co. Worry Belgian Strong Ale (9.8%).</em></strong></span> This beer had a buttery, fruity flavor with a hint of soap. Regardless, we liked it, rating it a good. We ended the night, tossed a few bottles, and reminded each other to always go beltless and never get the "managers special" when visiting strip clubs!<br />
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<br />Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-66071851900613134612012-10-06T00:14:00.003-04:002013-02-01T13:12:39.863-05:00D-Rail's "How I met Your Mother"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Many years ago, in the small Guatemalan fishing village of Aguacatan (Spanish for "<i><b>nectar of the prostate</b></i>"), BC4M's D-Rail was a bright and gregarious young lad who was the rising star on the local "<a href="http://rudeboys.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/gay-soccer.jpg">futbol</a>" pitch. Although his family's bamboo and guacamole leaf hut was meager by even Sub-Saharan Africa standards, the living room held a 70 inch plasma display tv and both an Xbox 360 and PS3 thanks to the extra coin he received from moonlighting as a "<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzJ1_W4Y46xMSPihe2klushz2hutIF-7dCnRfIUg8XtGs4Ww5ofkdALaPPnq9toe1M9mxdF7dT17rLpPun0dGEpBz3LWuxJVnSVigOhfhsDPA6qMKGc6_kLIMaf8eXz6ng_VmnB0leIXI/s400/thai-boy598.jpg">companion for hire"</a>. One night his life would be forever changed when a visiting turnip green heiress named <a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/com.clixtr.picbounce/photos/7b809c3f07e7469a2edde6879ec30797/big.jpg">Matilda Throbinson</a> hired him sight unseen to be her escort for the evening. One evening turned into 3 weeks of conjugal bliss traipsing through the dense rain forests of Central America and D-Rail became both smitten and suffering from an acute case of chlamydia. Despite his penile malady, he agreed to leave his homeland and accompany Matilda back to her country manor in rural Virginia. She spared no expense on his education, and after only 15 years of intense study, aided by countless hours of practice with Rosetta Stone, he eventually spoke broken English. He spent his winters in Milan and Paris as a "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D519hT7-ytY">fashionista</a>" and summers traveling the U.S. on the "<a href="http://www.spencersonline.com/images/spencers/products/interactivezoom/processed/02199818.interactive.a.jpg">cornhole</a>" circuit chasing a championship title in the hotly contested "bilingual left handed latino" category. His fanciful existence was short lived, as one day after being crowned the "<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW-kPvCiTy8HoJ3B6e3Z_W7p3XsvqCcV8iRbLmpkrTO7-7xoR1Z-3lMHSYc-14mftlRSvMqIN5ZQX0vbPQqtzwZ30QMiBDKS_kt_NMnNJEyS9Wbq4VDYAjooQAA6IsuQgRt8hhYLuJuM4/s1600/feels_good_man.jpg">Culo Maestro</a>" of Des Moines, he received a telegram saying Matilda had passed away suddenly after becoming in the parlance of the adult film world, <i>"airtight"</i>, with a group calling themselves the "<a href="http://verydemotivational.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/demotivational-posters-midget-a-team.jpg">A-Team</a>". Depression set in and after many lost years chasing an endless line of streetwalkers, lamaze class <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO3tihJA_ak">mothers</a> to be and "<a href="http://media.heavy.com/media/2010/03/pink-catgirl.jpg">furries</a>", D-Rail took a chance on finding love from an online dating/mail order bride website. Months of searching profiles led him to be enamored with a fetching young mamasan named Kokohontas who, according to her profile was a virginal 19 who worked as an "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4UQo0lEHEM">entertainment ambassador"</a> in an upper class suburb of Hanoi. He informed us that he was soon headed east to claim his bride, so we gathered at Bim's to drink a few to both celebrate his new found love and to send him off in style in case he found himself locked away in a Vietnamese prison on charges of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Chicago Mike and Fred joined the small gathering and commenced the proceedings by opening a <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Triple Digit Aftermath (10.5%).</span></b></i> A wee heavy style, this one was sweet and not too boozy rating a good. Next was a brown ale, <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Half Acre's Over Ale (6.0%)</span></b></i> which was smooth and easy drinking also rating a good. Moving on, we tried a <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Freetail Brewing Velocihoptor (6.5%)</span></b></i> which Bim kept calling Velociraptor. "This ain't Jurassic Park you old fuck" said Fred, while Bim simply replied "I like dinosaurs". A decent IPA, it was more malty than hoppy, so it got a good, the same rating as<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"> Flat 12 Brewing's Half Cycle IPA (6.0%).</span></b></i> While we pulled more beers from the cooler, we watched D-Rail attack the appetizers with the voracity of a polesmoker wolfing down a specialty "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYqib4Qj3gw">donut</a>". Next was a <b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Caldera Hopportunity Knocks (6.8%)</span></i></b>, an IPA that tasted like an infected bar of Dial soap. "This shit sucks" said Bim, as Chicago Mike added, "I wouldn't scrub my taint with this crap". A sucks, we moved on to <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Rock Art Brewery's Black Moon (10.0%)</span></b></i>. A nice black IPA, this one was mellow and ultra smooth, belying its high alcohol content. "Fuck that is good" said Fred, while D-Rail, who's face by this time was smeared with cheese dip agreed. Next up was a new one from <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Tyranena, Dirty Old Man (7.90%)</span></b></i>, which featured a picture of Bim on the label.<br />
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"I love sponge baths", Bim exclaimed, in his best "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=fvwp&v=pxwvpLq7mMQ">Herbert the Pervert</a>" voice. Aged in rye barrels, the taste was a bit thin but still decent so it got a good. We then tried <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Rogue's Double Chocolate Stout (8.0%)</span></b></i> which once again proved Rogue has some sweet bottles with less than stellar beer inside. "Tastes like a cheap bowl of generic Cocoa-Puffs" said D-Rail, while Bim added, "I love sponge baths". So/so was the result as we turned towards a <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">3 Floyd's Gumballhead (4.5%)</span></b></i>. A pale wheat beer, it is easily one of the best examples we have ever tasted. "That is some good shit" said Chicago Mike, "but even better on draft". Smooth and flavor filled, it was a winner and got a really good. A palette cleanser was offered next in the form of <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Matthew Clark Cider's Williams Sir Perry (6.0%)</span></b></i>. This is a traditional pear cider and it tasted like a souped up version of a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=uXj9sj3QsSg">Bartles & Jaymes</a> wine cooler. "Weak as fuck" said Fred, who added "he was a great actor but he sucks as a cider maker". "Thats Michael Clark Duncan you dipshit" said Chicago Mike as we gave this one a so/so. Since it was getting close to time for D-Rail to go have a "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8C766BSe4yE&feature=related">skype chat</a>" with his lady, we decided to end the night with one final beer. "What the fuck is skype chat" said Mike, "does that mean you dress up in a tuxedo t-shirt and marble bag and talk dirty to her?". Despite that disturbing visual, we pried open a <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Surly Wet (7.5%),</span></b></i> a fresh hopped beer that was canned only seven days prior. The nose was clean and full of citrus notes, and the taste was phenomenal. Crisp and hoppy, this was easily the best beer of the night and got a really good. As we left, we wished D-Rail well on his upcoming 22 hour flight and hoped he returned alive, well and no longer solo. Until next time kids...thats the story of how D-Rail "met your mother"Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-72246769689411343592012-09-16T21:07:00.001-04:002012-09-16T22:10:11.032-04:00Foothills Brewery...again<br />
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If you read this blog, you know that the <a href="http://cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/250x250/19909939.jpg">beer whores</a> known as the Beer Club for Men never miss a bottle release on the east coast. We will abandon our families and responsibilities if it means a shot at some great beers. So with that in mind, Fred, Bim and Nestle headed south. Unfortunately, Johnny Wilder was unable to attend, as he has been busy performing with his new <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zp0NkYNhO4">boy band</a>, Big Ups. (You remember them? They opened for O-town). This time we decided to attend the pre-release bottle swap in the back of the brewery the night before. We put on our skinny jeans, wool caps and our best <a href="http://hopeforzombies.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/homeless-bum-bird.jpg">"homeless chic"</a> clothes, and headed out, trying to blend in with the locals. Suffice it to say that we impressed the crowd with some of our "second tier" beers that we brought to share: Firestone Walker Parabola, Sucuba, Williamsburg Alewerks BA Porter, and some decent beers from The Bruery. We had more good beers that we brought for possible trades than most so-called beer stores have on their shelves. The following day, despite <a href="http://pwwwblog.ibeatyou.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/amy-winehouse.jpg">Nestle</a> complaining about the early hour, it was up at the ass crack of dawn to go stand in line and wait. We saw some old beer friends from the Jackie O's release as well as our old friend Pike, and met some new friends as well. Our line partner and drinking companion for the day was a gentleman who goes by the name of Crocodile Jim. In talking to Jim, it became apparent that while appearing young, he is apparently old as dirt. Jim was present at the <a href="http://www.peachridgeglass.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Drinking_BeerCorbis.jpg">very first GABF</a>, and rumor has it that he met Pliney the Elder on his extensive travels. Jim has visited many great breweries on the east coast, and holds the distinction of having been kicked out of every one of them. As the sun rose, we made our way into the brewery and collected our booty. A few stops on the way back at <a href="http://www.citybeverage.com/">City Beverage</a> in Winston-Salem, <a href="http://samsquikshop.com/">Sam's Quick Shop</a> in Raleigh, Bestway Grocery Store in Greensboro, and it was back to the hood with a car full of beer. Once back, we gathered at Wilder's to sample some beers from our various <a href="http://kimriddlebarger.squarespace.com/storage/beer%20fridge%202.jpg">cellars</a>. We started with <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Natty Greene's Freedom American IPA (6.5%).</i></strong></span> This beer was a decent session IPA, but there are a lot of great IPA's on the market now, and this isn't one of them., rating a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Sand Creek Brewing Co. Lilja's Heifer Weizen (5.3%)</i></strong></span> smelled like fresh vomit in an old tennis shoe. The first sip was a little rough, and while each successive sip improved, it never made it past a so/so. <i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Lost Coast Brewing's Great White Beer (4.8%)</strong></span> </i>was very light. It wasn't offensive, just average, rating a so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Pyramid Apricot Wheat (5.1%)</i></strong></span> has been available to us for years, but somehow we never rated it. Surprisingly, it was rated a good. This is a nicely balanced sweet, fruity beer.<i> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Ommegang Biere D Hougoumont (7.3%)</strong></span></i> is an ale aged on maple and oak staves. This was well liked by all, including OMT who hasn't tasted a beer he's liked since they took <a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/champale.jpg">Champale</a> off the market. <i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Hardywood Park's Virginia Blackberry (6.8%)</strong></span> </i>was lighter on the fruit flavors, despite all the blackberries they dumped into the mix. Still, we liked it, giving it a good.<i> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Maui Brewing's </strong></span></i><i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Sobrehumano Palena'ole (6.0%)</strong></span>,</i> brewed with passion fruit and cherries. Great label, shitty beer (sucks!). Don't waste your money! <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Real Ale Brewing 15th Anniversary Ale (9.8%)</i></strong></span> while good, made us ask the question, you've been doing this for 15 years and this is the best you can do? <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Yazoo Fortuitous (10%) </span></b></i>smelled like a band-aid and didn't taste any better. Not sure if they were going for the band-aid taste, but if so, they nailed it! It sucked. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Central Waters BBA Cherry Stout</i> <i>(10%)</i></strong></span>had a really nice bourbony flavor, rating a really good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Sand Creek's Lilja's Sasquatch Stout (7%)</i></strong></span> had a great label, but the beer was only so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Lost Coast Indica IPA (6.5%)</i>,</strong></span> would have been awesome if it was a homebrew, but it wasn't. We paid money for that beer, money we want back. It rated a so/so. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Saint Arnold's Endeavor IPA (8.9%)</i></strong></span> was better, rating a good. <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Darkhorse Brewing's Boffo Brown Ale (6.5%)</i></strong></span> was a very plain, dull beer, rating a sucks. We followed that with another sucky beer,<i> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Michigan Beer Co.'s Celis Grand Cru (8.9%).</strong></span> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Sand Creek Lilja's Argosy IPA (7%)</strong></span></i> was forgettable, rating a so/so. <i><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Buzzards Bay Brewing</strong></span> </i>gave us <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Moby D (5.0%)</i>,</strong></span> a "whale of an ale". More like a "glass of ass". This one was so/so.<i> <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Lightning Brewing's Electrostatic Ale (10%)</strong></span></i> was a tasteless Belgian turd bomb, rating a sucks. We finished the night with a pair of <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Brew Kettle</i></strong></span> beers. These guys have made some dogs in the past. The first one sampled was <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>One-Eyed Jack Porter (6.6%)</i></strong></span> which was so/so. Their other offering, <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Old 21</span></b></i> <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">(9.1%)</span></b></i> redeemed them as we called it a good. So like that it was over. We staggered home, Bim ate a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dkGUI4bnQbQ">delicious burger</a>, and we went to sleep with visions of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=otEm_aI2Vac">Sexual Chocolate</a> in our heads.Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-2094720848540835352012-09-03T19:06:00.000-04:002012-09-03T19:07:09.742-04:00Black Dynamite - Can you Dig it?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Before the BC4M was even a twinkle in founding father Bim's cataract filled eyes, he had somehow managed to squeeze a small <a href="http://beerutopia.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/mr_beer_brewing_00011.jpg">homebrewing</a> set up in the cramped cat piss and dog turd filled garage that surrounds his beloved VW bus that he plans to "<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxjohjhNnW0k4iILeCXkigDPCfPBWSjLylSJoGB1SVxfRZlMLC-G4tGBNMU761q10wz6UoG253pwdgeYeCjhSF16kMom9Czb_OStSapqVGqMbUxKCXXBr9-THazV7yUwBUIA8Y9EzS_kQ/s1600/exbus.jpg">fix up one day</a>". Using only the finest in all natural extract ingredients, he had churned out an endless supply of drain pours that while boasting witty names and catchy labels generally resulted in the drinker developing an acute case of dysentery.<br />
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Even after receiving scathing criticism as well as multiple death threats from the judges at the Greater Piedmont <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgpdoGKDTqM">Malt Liquor</a> Festival for dregs like <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Skidmark Brown </span></b></i>and <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Pole Smoker Porter</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, Bim was undaunted in his quest to one day deliver a decent if not award winning home brew. </span>Perhaps the worst of the worst was his collaboration with J. Wilder on their <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Swamp Fire Ale,</span></b></i> a wee-heavy style ale brewed with real scorched peat dredged from the depths of the Dismal Swamp after a "<a href="http://www.pblob.com/files/styles/large/public/post/698.jpg">guys</a>" camping weekend which resulted in a fire that consumed 20,000 acres of pristine wetlands. It tasted and smelled so bad that when Fred first tried it, he though he had mistakenly poured himself a pint of extra strength Drano. Showing the tenacity exhibited by rabid chipmunks storing walnuts for winter, Bim was relentless in his efforts to brew a beer that was not only tasty but also FDA approved. After a late night hear to heart talk with BC4M's other resident home brewer, Crazy Ken on the virtues of his award winning all grain recipes, Bim decided that was just the trick to finally turn his luck around. Thinking his brewing equipment was outdated and in need of modernization he was desperate to come up with some quick cash. One night after downing a six pack of of <a href="http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/27029/">high octane</a>, he drunkenly placed an add on Craig's List offering his son's tricked out <a href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs179.ash2/44182_156184581082227_134422473258438_322323_5500847_n.jpg">pizza delivery car</a> for the astonishingly low price of 900 bucks. Awoken the next day to over 300 voicemails and texts from people anxiously wanting to buy the car, Bim quickly mulled through the offers and somehow milked 1500 clams and a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWj382GTO6E">lap dance</a> from an industrious young coed with daddy issues. After setting up his new fully automated brewing system, his first recipe was for a Russian Imperial Stout and the results were simply amazing. "Damn, this actually tastes like real beer" said Snake, while Fred added, "This shit is dynamite". Bim then said, "Let's call it Black Dynamite" to which everyone quickly agreed. It wasn't long before the beer was ready to be bottled, and Bim unveiled the new label that stated:<br />
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"<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">This beer is guaranteed to make you <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=loFiUVtKCX4&feature=fvwrel">smarter,</a> improve your <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=927QJ3q__nQ">stamina</a>, make you <a href="http://static.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/7624054125643de64900543ca3f2ec9781.png">attractive</a> to women, make <a href="http://www.motivationals.org/demotivational-posters/demotivational-poster-17697.jpg">ugly chicks</a> look pretty, improve your <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N-l8ppnLS8">kung-fu</a> skills, and make you one <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nUc2rnwcTdw">bad-ass dude</a>. Can you dig it?"</span></i><br />
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Only 22 bottles of this were created, and Fred quickly got on Twitter to start trading them away. The recipe was so good, Bim decided he would create a whole lineup of "dynamite" beers, the first one being a vanilla bean infused one called "Ice Ice Dynamite"<br />
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Until then...drink up <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlcqSsQfK68">Jive Turkey</a>!Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-7037124465529493772012-08-17T16:13:00.000-04:002012-08-17T16:13:58.521-04:00BC4M's "Name the new guy contest"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As many of you loyal readers know, we recently initiated the newest member into our exclusive club. It all started a while back on a random Saturday when Fred and Bim went to check out a new local brewery and happened to walk in on a zymurgy (meaning, Hey look at me I am a super awesome <a href="http://drinkwiththewench.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/randy_homebrew.jpg">homebrewer)</a> lecture being given by a guy that looked like he was a <a href="http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/262/f/c/metal_101__the_pantera_guy_by_lusoskav-d2z34vv.jpg">roadie</a> for some death metal band. After listening to him expound on the beauty and depth of Italian saisons, we actually were relieved to find out he wasn't some Ghent hipster douche bag and actually did know something about beers when he began to rave about BC4M favorites <i>Surly Darkness</i> and <i>3 Floyd's Dark Lord</i>. We found out he was newly transplanted to our area from Chicago and was looking for places with great beer. We handed him one of our cards and suggested he attend a meeting at some point. A few weeks later, Fred ran into him again, this time at BC4M's favorite bottle shop, Grape and Gourmet. "Chicago Mike" as we christened him, would soon become a regular at our meetings, always bringing bottles of beer with him. It was an easy decision to welcome him as a fully fledged member, the only problem was, his boring ass nickname which we decided simply had to go. According to his better half, he has had multiple nicknames while growing up. It seems it all started back in the fall of 1986, when a teenage Michael was rapidly ascending the ranks of Eagle Scout by offering free "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBFBwfBGJVo">breast exams"</a> to any and all <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY5BCcDkyuM&feature=fvwrel">takers</a>. In fact, he earned his first nickname, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/canteen-boy-and-the-scoutmaster/999462/"><b><i>Canteen Boy</i></b></a>"</span> after his scoutmaster sought to give Mike his own type of "exam". Shaken by the turn of events, it caused our beloved scout to dive face first into a binge eating depression that caused him to swell up in size and become <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OyNOd0lm3_E"><i><b>Stay-Puff</b></i></a>" </span>to his classmates. After a humiliating loss in "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0BuY8GjBWs">Dance Dance Revolution</a>" at the local Chuck-E-Cheese followed by the excruciating pain of a double hernia surgery caused by a drunken "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRbcuONvfGY">skateboarding accident</a>", he had an epiphany. He decided to become a new man by creating a new fitness routine called "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRdWntqCLwg">P-89X</a>". Like clockwork, every hour for months on end he would bang out another set and before long he was a back to his fighting weight. Needing some quick money, he decided to use his dancing talents at the local "<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbPJV-04NMCluWu_VJ_wxN6TpMJTEjqvRqPlYSmyWk_-see3CMBbVtG8kDBPa_FIvmiXlOsKEAmuKxeAARUTQJAJpqPOhAZKlCNL0_hw47pbQXmKkoDwjjzBN8K9juJwP3Y30Vv1IF1T4G/s400/108WorstResortNameEver5108.jpg">club"</a> and quickly became a crowd favorite by the name of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvyQ7lX6uYY&feature=BFa&list=SP5E948A95110A0BE2"><i><b>Magic Mike</b></i>"</a></span>. He quickly became the most in demand of the dancers and was destined to make his way to perhaps New York or even stripper hot spot San Francisco. Fate however, intervened one night when his childhood sweetheart Xena the Hop Princess happened to be at a bachelorette party at the club (her 4th that week) and managed to rescue him from the clutches of a tequila and chili dog fueled "<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1v-4XT9GJF1y_78NPavhu1r_zfHn_CCpwtkP67d2lWgzY6JPlqHkj3t9dSIz9Y-Zwel-Azi0zyr_1ba8F1cdcCAdqg0fbun0wYw0b0WVPcLxbPvsJZmDSDBv-xSVWdU9Nrq-x-wyUM_o1/s1600/fat-woman-hooters-hooter-sue-phat-girls-wings.jpg">patron</a>" who had paid $107.36 for an anything goes all nighter in the "champagne room". A mere 3 hours later, Mike and Xena were married at a nearby <a href="http://sadmanstonguerockabillybar.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/viva-las-vegas-wedding-chapel1.jpg">bed and breakfast</a>, and have never looked back. They later relocated to the home of the BC4M where after a short stint as "assistant to the regional head brewer", Mike and his "business <i>not</i> life" partner Jean-Pierre LaDouche have begun scouting locations for their newest venture, a <a href="http://www.tycho.com.au/events/2009-human-league-omg-tour/29_The-Dick-Liquor.jpg">brewpub/bottle shop</a>. As you can tell, our newest member has had a story filled existence and the simple moniker of <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"<i><b>Chicago Mike</b></i>"</span> seems a bit underwhelming. We welcome any and all suggestions, the raunchier the better. The winning entry will receive a BC4M pint glass and taster glass or if you prefer, a lapdance from Mike himself. So put your thinking caps on and lets get cracking. Submit your entries to either:<br />
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<b>email:</b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">beerclubformen@cox.net</span></b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b>
<b>On Twitter:</b><br />
<b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">@beerclub4men</span></b> or <b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">@bc4mbim</span></b><br />
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<br />Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-2668433638768532442012-08-13T22:29:00.000-04:002012-08-13T23:06:34.047-04:00Chick Fellatio<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt_gfXSuPDXmWCzFtTuhZeQ_jYky3lV6ttt0_A6UQiS6CgevbIojDf5kHZhwep3_6LDw6iAc9OMeUhNdcxkw-EbgqmptORx3oBzAlCw-wvSI8yDKwMocego3iuuEwvkPbaE61XK76Qb4oG/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgt_gfXSuPDXmWCzFtTuhZeQ_jYky3lV6ttt0_A6UQiS6CgevbIojDf5kHZhwep3_6LDw6iAc9OMeUhNdcxkw-EbgqmptORx3oBzAlCw-wvSI8yDKwMocego3iuuEwvkPbaE61XK76Qb4oG/s320/photo.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Last week was particularly hard for Bim. First came the news that the owner of Chik Fil-A doesn't believe in <a href="http://www.rebelart.net/wp-database/uploads/2007/huhn.jpg">chicken loving</a>. They have always been very clear in their advertising that <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNaTeFNjPtw6cqcYF7_I274QvFjL3Ty_6mTnUjNkrcAB4VjbY4fzGvdWIMSi_vgdhujiNSxcPfMv8UbHleX79NjhKOfVzkhefv5AxAA8Q2C9QRe_9dKBHWnNoYuamcdQpN7kw5oLfGIro/s1600/cow+woman.jpg">cow fucking </a>is cool, but this goes too far. It's apparently okay to raise chickens in small cages, cut their heads off and eat them, but don't you dare make sweet animal love to them! "That's it" said Bim at our last meeting, "I ain't eating there ever again". And to make his point, he began examining the most personal and irrelevant thoughts and ideas of all the beer merchants that the BC4M frequents. Let's start with Grape and Gourmet, our primary beer source. Turns out that the owner thinks he was once <a href="http://www.thorninpaw.com/u/htdocs/thorni/image/kang_and_kodos.jpg">probed by space aliens</a> and he now refuses to serve aliens in his store. That's bullshit! First you don't serve the aliens, the next thing they won't serve your sweet old grandma. Not shopping there anymore. Total Wine's owners refuse to use religious affiliation when they hire, meaning they love <a href="http://www.crazyshit.com/site/pics/images/2009/02/022409_gay_ass_tattoo.jpg">Satan worshipers</a>...so long Total Wine. Chip's Beer and Wine believe that <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m186ouVsRz1r46py4o1_500.jpg">hipster's</a> are actually modern day prophets. That's just soooo offensive that we cannot support them ever again. Let's Talk Wine? Should rename the place Let's Talk Crazy. The owner believes that <a href="http://thebuyosphere.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/fat-surfer.jpg?w=600">surfing</a> is a real sport. Whoa! I think somebody's been hitting the ganja pipe! YNOT Pizza??? They get cat carcasses from a Chinese restaurant and make them into <a href="http://christopherfountain.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/obama-eating-a-cat-53852.jpg">appetizers</a>. Everyone knows that cat meat can only be used in lo mein! And lastly, there's the Lynnhaven Pub. These butt munchers think Ron Jeremy is a viable candidate for <a href="http://www.politifake.org/image/political/1203/ron-jeremy-ron-jeremy-president-long-shot-politics-1332846480.jpg">president</a>... LUDICROUS! He's a <a href="http://www.omdoubleg.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/ron-jeremy-mitt-romney2a.jpg">VP</a> at best. So, dear readers, we now have a serious problem. Because of our own bizarre, perverted and rigid belief system, we no longer can find beer locally. Please send us your beer. Unless, of course, you have any weirdo beliefs that we don't agree with. Ok, off the soapbox and onto the beer tasting! We held a rare Sunday tasting at Bim's. The idea was to spend a few hours tasting a dozen or so beers. 6 hrs and 29 beers later, we adjourned. The list is long, so to keep it short, the following beers sucked: <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Cigar City Cucumber Saison (6%)</i> </strong><span style="font-size: small;">(<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">this shit is embarrassingly bad. Think Hell or High Watermelon Wheat</span>)</span><strong>, <i>Troeg's Scratch 50 (7%), Rogue Old Crustacean Barleywine 2008 (11.5%)</i>.</strong></span> The following were so/so: <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Fort Collins Dopple Bock (10%), Browuery De Graal De Graal Triverius (6.6%), Mikkeller I Beat You (9.75%), Ft. Collins The Incredible Hop (9.5%). Tenaya Creek Red Ryder Ale (6.2%), Mons Abbey Witte (5.0%), Jailhouse Brewing Repreive (6.0%), Jailhouse Brewing Mugshot IPA (6.7%)</i>.</strong></span> The following beers were Good: <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Jailhouse Brewing Hardtime Barleywine (10.5%), Jailhouse Brewing Prison Camp Pils (5.5%), Jailhouse Brewing Slammer Wheat (5.0%), Tenaya Creek Calico Brown Ale (5.6%), Tenaya Creek Hop Ride IPA (7.2%), Schmaltz / Terrapin Reunion Ale 12 (8%), Terrapin / Schmaltz Reunion Ale 12 (8%)</i></strong></span> ( this version is definitely better than the first), <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Hoppin Frog Hop Heathen (8.8%), Brouwery De Molen Zomerhop (6.2%), Triple Digit Brewing Aftermath (10.5%), Great Divide Wolfgang (8.0%), Elysian Idiot Sauvin IPA (6.3%), Troeg's Scratch-60 (5.1%)</i></strong></span>. And finally, the remainder were Really Good: <span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Black Diamond Rampage IPA (9.0%), Black Diamond Brandy Barrel Aged Grand Cru (9.0%), Hoppin Frog Sweet Evil (8.8%), Hoppin Frog Goose Juice (7.0%), and Tenaya Creek Imperial Stout (9.3%)</i></strong></span>. Damn! That's a shitload of beer! Some damn fine beers in the bunch, yet not a single RFG in the group. Until next time, enjoy this video of our very own <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYR0-vUJ7Uo&NR=1&feature=endscreen">Snake Plisken</a>, enjoying a day at the beach.Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-20098655652126053042012-07-30T22:36:00.003-04:002012-07-30T23:08:36.962-04:00The Most Interesting Gabe in the World<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyOTuFF2cZ9MlcqjPZ3wg1qEgisTwfC4fZiXDkQ5WfZssszFo4SMMyQFilKVtMEFl3ucyKtgowdL_oP1Skvtqh_PTBWP9PPv3EY2za7P-slY9Ti8CSh4x5uaBp-T8lROWnJD_cQxYcixOw/s1600/IMG951580.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyOTuFF2cZ9MlcqjPZ3wg1qEgisTwfC4fZiXDkQ5WfZssszFo4SMMyQFilKVtMEFl3ucyKtgowdL_oP1Skvtqh_PTBWP9PPv3EY2za7P-slY9Ti8CSh4x5uaBp-T8lROWnJD_cQxYcixOw/s320/IMG951580.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
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Recently, BC4M's newest initiated member, Chicago Mike (Ace of the dynamic duo of Ace and Gary) offered to play host to the first ever official meeting held outside of the neighborhood. He had promised us a huge surprise when we showed up, which caused Bim to start frothing at the mouth since he thought that Mike's two lovable St Bernard's named Aikman and Emmitt would enjoy a "ride" from him. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUnhfvGdmmw">Bim</a>, had a smile as big as one of those pole smoking falsetto's on<i> Glee</i> the entire ride over thinking about the fun he hoped to have later that evening. Once we arrived, Bim quickly tried to assert himself as the alpha male but the boys would have none of it and soon had Bim squealing like a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gLN3QoN-q8">stuck pig</a>. Thankfully, Chicago rescued our canine lover before he became the meat in a St Bernard sandwich. We then gathered around the table to start the tasting when Mike announced our big surprise would be the subsequent arrival of none other than "the worlds most interesting Gabe". It seems he had recently returned home after a week of preparations as the <a href="http://theshroom.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/hal-rainbow1.jpg">namesake</a> for the upcoming "Burning Man" festival and had finally found time in his busy schedule to grace us with his presence. Not knowing when he would show up, we got started with a <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Lawson's Finest Double Sunshine (8.0%)</span></b></i> and it was simply fucking delicious. Hoppy, juicy, and bursting with grapefruit on the palate, it was full of flavor and left a pleasant alcohol tingle on finish. "Holy fuck that is amazing" said Fred, while Chicago added, "I wanna bathe my taint <i>and</i> my nut hamper in that shit". It isn't often that we start the night off with an RFG but this one was truly phenomenal. Hoping we hadn't already peaked for the night, we then tried a <b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Knee Deep Hoptologist (9.0%)</span></i></b>, another big hoppy IPA that had a very citrusy nose to match its perfect color. Online reviews are mixed on this beer, some calling it better than <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><b>Pliny</b></span></i> to others saying things like, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"In all honesty I could have made this beer on my stove using unsanitized everything and would have been better". We agree with the former as this is one delicious IPA. Not quite as perfect as the </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Double Sunshine</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, it is extremely tasty and got a really good rating. As Mike went to get the next few beers we heard a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjBBDJ5OiT0">car screeching</a> to a halt outside, and soon after, "The Gabe" strolled in with a shit eating grin on his face accompanied to his standard intro theme <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwc4gCVXTcM">music</a>. "What's up bitches, this party just got crunked" he said, as he pulled out a couple of gems from his <a href="http://cdn.instructables.com/FR5/WKH8/FABDYVIU/FR5WKH8FABDYVIU.MEDIUM.jpg">rare beer</a> cellar. "Yo, Husky Hay-Zeus, you be straight trippin homie bringing that jive honkey bullshit up in dis bitch" said Wilder "but I do like your tunes, so welcome to Beer Club 4 Men". To perhaps expound on why he is so internationally beloved and revered, we present the following facts about the world's most lovable ginger.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>His body odor is the most popular fragrance from Scentsy.</i></span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His beard trimmings are also known as "grains of paradise" in Sam Adams Summer Ale.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His hipster treehouse located in stylish Ghent has a finished basement.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He once trekked the Appalachian Trail backwards...just to get a glimpse of his own perfect shadow.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">All of his massages come with a happy ending...even when he is the masseuse.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Iphone's "Siri" contacts him for information.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He completes sudoku puzzles with his penis.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">His NY Times bestselling "mommy porn" novel was originally titled "50 Shades of Gabe".</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He is the only man to survive a beard fight with Chuck Norris.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He once made a Brazilian woman orgasm in French by whispering Norwegian to her pet pomeranian.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He plays hacky sack with his own testicles and never loses them.</span></i></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He invented Viagra to level the playing field for lesser men.</span></i></div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He is his own greatest hits station on Pandora.</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>He is the Most Interesting Gabe in the World</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> In keeping with the IPA theme, Mike pulled out an </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Alesmith Yulesmith (Summer Holiday) (8.5%)</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> and a </span><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Ballast Point Dorado (10.0%)</span></i></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. Again, each beer was amazing and showcased how the slightest bit of variation in hop profile and malt bills can be used to make similar yet completely unique masterpieces. Both earned a really good, so we then changed it up with a </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Jester King Mad Meg (9.6%)</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. "Damn that's a crazy looking bitch with a colander on her head" Bim said when looking at the </span><a href="http://jesterkingbrewery.com/images/414.png" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">label</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, to which Mike replied, "You know I dig on some crazy redheaded broads". This one gushed like a Amsterdam redlight district girl with a bad yeast infection, but the taste wasn't nearly as sour. Decent for a saison, we gave it a good. As Gabe was about to finish describing the time he had escaped being attacked by a marauding Ethiopian king cobra by mesmerizing it into a coma by simply </span><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boXe1OUbmsk" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">combing</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> his flowing mane, we tried a pair of beers from </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Dillon Dam Brewing</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. First was </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sweet George's Brown (5.6%)</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">, a smoky brown ale that was ok but nothing special rating a so/so and their </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Extra Pale Ale (5.0%) </span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">which had just slightly more flavor than the average beginner's home brew. Since it wasn't a drain pour, it eked out a so/so rating. To change the pace, we then cracked into a </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Stone Smoked Porter W/Vanilla Beans (5.9%)</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. This one isn't as dark as you would expect and the taste is even lighter. Sort of a cross between a cream soda and a rauchbier, this one was pretty tasty earning a solid good. Only two beers remained to be tasted so we pried the top off a </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hangar 24 Double IPA (9.0%)</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">. While we watched Gabe intently swirling and sniffing his chalice of beer like a middle school boy finding his first pair of </span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCWivy3c3CsfQdVfeLtcPxnmR8nbE1yAdqvaDg2Vx0QFGFBB1lS4dM84a8kO7edn_wDAVz3RENuhlc2IEyqCnyJic55SQL_1zb47AVjxb82S4-uoKLrnAyfYKDwMWKM8ftwlqcMLFZQVP/s1600/Dirty+Worn+Panties+With+Period+Menstrual+Blood+Stain+-+Dirty+Worn+Panties+Pic.jpg" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">used panties,</a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> we discovered this beer was very floral on the nose. Hints of clover honey, melon and orange zest were present while the taste was sweet without being cloying. Really good was the result so we moved on to the final beer of the night, </span><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Widmer Brothers Kill Devil Brown (10.0%).</span></b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> "What the fuck, Kill Devil Browns?, that is some racist bullshit" said BC4M's token multinational, D-Rail. "Fuck you suzie chapstick, your yellow not brown, perhaps we should rename you Jaundiced By Nature" said Chicago. Even D-Rail howled with laughter at the new moniker, and the beer turned out to be excellent as well. Brewed with palm sugar, molasses and aged in rum barrels, this one has hints of toffee, licorice, rum and rich brown sugar. "Best fucking brown I ever tasted" said Bim, while Fred added, "What about that mama-san you loved on back at Subic Bay?" "She didn't taste this sweet" he replied. This one rated really good, so since we were finished for the night, we bid farewell to our host, thankful to have shared beers with a world icon. As we left, he graciously gave us proof to show we had broken bread with a legend.......</span><br />
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<i>Until next time, Remember, Stay thirsty our friends....</i><br />
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<br />Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-1104478601013965592012-07-13T13:52:00.000-04:002012-07-13T13:52:15.886-04:00BC4M 100,000th blog hit party<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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HERE IT IS BOYS AND GIRLS, COME IF YOU DARE....just make sure your shot records are up to date in case Bim comes up and snuggles you like an alpaca in heat. Come out and meet the BC4M, share some drinks, good food and spread the craft beer love. Who knows what events we have planned, you could potentially see the premiere of <a href="http://drkronner.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/ace-gary.png">Ace and Gary's</a> stomach turning sword swallowing act, watch Bim mate with a <a href="http://mesorandy.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/doggy-style-sex.jpg">rabid hyena</a>, or even take your chances at dethroning <a href="http://failfun.com/wp-content/uploads/imagesfat-naked-tattoo-man_small.jpg">corn-hole champions</a> Wilder and Fred. Ladies, watch yourself around Snake, he has been known to pretend he is a doctor and perform <a href="http://www.turdfergusonblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Boob-grab.jpg">free breast exams</a>, while Frank the Tank will most likely wanna show off his <a href="http://sixers4guidos.files.wordpress.com/2006/12/abbronzatura.jpg">"machismo"</a>. Crazy Ken might be pouring his<a href="http://pghbulldogs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/lemonade-guy.jpg"> turbo shaddy</a> (think shandy, except somehow with even less beer) while <a href="http://bossip.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/midget1.jpg">Big Mike</a> will be checking id's <i>and</i> camel toes at the door. Ladies, remember no shirt, no bra, no fucking problem! Hell, if we are lucky enough, we might even get to finally witness <a href="http://becauseofbooze.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Drunk-guy-funny-man-person-beer-bottles-passed-out-thumb.jpg">10pm</a> staying past 10 fucking pm (ice is starting to form in Hades as we speak). Just remember, what happens at BC4M, stays at BC4M, except herpes, that shit stays with you forever.<div>
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Cheers Bitches!</div>Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-18904746660511691232012-07-11T16:28:00.000-04:002012-07-11T16:28:09.006-04:00BC4M Road Trip to Hardywood Park<br />
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With the craft beer revolution rapidly taking hold across our fruited plains, new breweries are sprouting up as fast as a case of gonorrhea among sailors frequenting the all you can eat pussy buffet at a Subic Bay <a href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3294/2730193736_84b5e870bd.jpg">strip club.</a> All this new brewing has the fine folks in our home state of Virginia finally clawing their ways from the barren depths of what we affectionately call the "Beermuda Triangle". One of the newest entries into the market is Hardywood Park Craft Brewery of Richmond. They have been in operation for less than a year and have already had one of their beers, <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Gingerbread Stout</span></b></i> earn the coveted <a href="http://www.hardywood.com/content/hardywood-gingerbread-stout-earns-perfect-100-rating-beeradvocate-magazine">100 score</a> from <i>Beer Advocate</i> magazine. Seeing as how they are located a mere 90 miles (45 minute driving time when J. Wilder is at the wheel) and with news of a new beer being released, it only seemed logical that the BC4M would drop in and see "what the fuck was up". This past weekend Fred and Bim hopped in Wilder's "<a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7206/6841875600_931e879ec3_b.jpg">bumblebitch</a>" and jetted up I-64 to the state capitol in search of Hardywood's newest release, Strawberry Wit. Johnny made like a young Dale Earnhardt and shaved 15 minutes off his previous best time to Richmond by utilizing the emergency lane as his own personal hov route. "Why not? that shit's empty and going to waste" he said as we zoomed past a bevy of slow moving tourist traffic bearing yankee (i.e. fucking fast talking northern types named Sal and Vinny) plates. We made our way through the seedy part of old Richmond, narrowly dodging a pair of <a href="http://assets.matchbin.com/sites/351/assets/9R8_DSC_6174.JPG">young panhandlers</a> looking for a good time and arrived at the brewery. A decent sized crowd was gathered so we swiftly made our way towards the door when Bim noticed a maze of vines covering up the front of the building. Bim, an avid <a href="http://data6.blog.de/media/873/4277873_99c92daab8_m.jpeg">green thumber </a>with a backyard cornucopia of vegetables, herbs and fruits, many of which are invasive species that violate not only the Kyoto Protocol but also the Clean Air Act, deduced that the vines were most likely fast growing tasmanian kudzo that can quickly engulf its host and obviously needed a healthy dose of industrial strength Roundup mixed with Agent Orange to be tamed. We went in and found a staff member and told her about the kudzu epidemic out front to which she shrieked, "Those are our citra hop vines you fucking morons!". "Hmm" said Bim, "guess I better get my eyes checked again, that glaucoma thing must setting in". Inside, a pleasantly furnished bar welcomes you, but Fred immediately noticed that the tap list strangely didn't include Strawberry Wit. A quick glance at his phone caused him to realize they had arrived a week too early so he sheepishly told Wilder and Bim, "Ummm, its sorta funny, here I thought today was July 14th". "That's next week I think" said Bim, while Wilder added "So what your saying is we ain't tasting no mother fucking strawberry wit today". A still confused Bim then asked, "so are they or aren't they releasing Strawberry Wit today?" "Sorry guys, looks like I am a fucking maroon" said Fred. Determined to make the best of it, we went to a second bar located in the back and found they were pouring their new session beer, <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hardywood Park SB 604 (3.8%)</span></b></i>, an "American style special bitter". Brewed to honor the recent passage of the bill that allows breweries to sell pints on premises, this beer was utterly forgettable. Watery and weak like 2% milk, Fred asked, "Is this a sample from the rinse bucket, or is this actually the beer?". "I don't taste anything" said Wilder, "sessionable my ass" he added. With little or no taste and definitely no alcohol kick we begrudgingly gave it a so/so. Next we wandered over to a table where a couple of firkins of special one-off beers were available. First we tried <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bourbon Hoplar (8.5%)</span></b></i>, their IPA aged in bourbon barrels. Dark caramel in color with what appeared to be an army of floaties having an orgy, this one was bourbon forward from the start and never let up. There is the faintest of hop bite at the end, but overall it was still delicious and rated a good despite the beer looking like a batch of pumpkin punch. It was about this time that two young <a href="http://a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/105/28d4b1c65db64296a26e635182f04489/l.jpg">hoochie mamas</a> sauntered up and asked if we wanted any lunch from the <a href="http://csulbsnow.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/p10105271.jpeg">mobile gut wagon </a> parked haphazardly out front. Food trucks are all the rage these days with seemingly every conceivable style of food available from <a href="http://roaminghunger.com/img/trucks/original/4e6eea8c-f694-47e5-b5fe-5e8146204482.jpg">road kill</a> to <a href="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.slashfood.com/media/2010/09/big-gay-ice-cream-truck-590.jpg">ice cream</a>. When the girls told Bim about their delicious and exotic "hot dogs", he immediately ran outside thinking he was about to score with either a frisky german shepherd or perhaps an adorable bichon frise. Much to his dismay, they were actually referring to good old fashioned weiners, to which Bim sarcastically replied "I already got one of those". We then sampled a <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bourbon Mocha (7.2%)</span></b></i>, the bourbon version of their delicious Mocha Belgique. Dark as a Tanzanian street walker's ass crack under a moonless sky, it poured with a limited head but the taste was phenomenal. Cocoa and bourbon are expertly paired in a beer that is just thick enough without drinking like cough syrup. "That shit is fucking amazing" said Fred, while Bim added "I just don't get any strawberries at all". Hopefully they put this one in bottles because it is an amazing beer, right on the cusp of RFG status. Since we were short on time and we wanted to hit up local bottle shop Cork's and Kegs on the way home we decided to head out until we realized Bim was missing. Bim, who is prone to wandering off like your grandpa does during a visit to Walmart, was nowhere to be found until Wilder spotted him taking a leak on the hop vines out front. "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjNPH06A24g">I got no where else to go</a>" said Bim as he hurriedly finished before being arrested for both crop endangerment and public indecency. All in all, despite the fuck-up from our resident savant, it was a great road trip and we plan on making a return visit. Until next time, when you have travel plans, stick with Travelocity or Expedia before letting Fred book your next trip....<br />
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<br />Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-11387993893488320922012-06-28T12:19:00.000-04:002012-06-28T12:19:04.937-04:00Who We Are<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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In recognition of 100,000 visits to our website, I'd like to take a minute to remind our readers who we are. The Beer Club for Men formed nearly 3 yrs ago. We decided, on Johnny's back porch, to make a valiant attempt to rate every craft beer ever brewed. Little did we know that we were on the verge of a nationwide brewing tsunami, that would make such an attempt nearly impossible. Over the years we've made lots of friends, and even a few enemies. One local <a href="http://cdn.walyou.com/wp-content/uploads//2010/09/geek-bars-restaurants-rectum-bar-in-vienna.jpg">drinking establishment</a> has banished us like a big turd from a giant colon. We're offensive and obnoxious, we get that. We don't really care, but we get it.<br />
We are predominantly <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiDeXBM5RpzLKLC0_T_XF_hdxi5QbkBT5RR334rBRFM8EPYETXqFK4uoYsUEOTjub3KlgLbTEpG4AZxOuDdFdhfRoaV57OkiFYXa7m7565sIXEGKO5WkZhRD28mJYcs_QEeC1zQm_4lDiyV/s1600/menbeer.jpg">white middle aged men</a>, although one guy looks like he could be Mexican, another is surely an illegal (Guatemalan, Pakistani, Himalayan??? we can't tell), and there is one senior citizen, who, like Obama, refuses to provide us his "real" birth certificate. We love babies, but only when they are sucking on some <a href="http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/05/16/article-2145242-131DABC7000005DC-547_634x646.jpg">MILF'</a>s cans at the mall. We prefer V-8's over electric cars for obvious reasons. We grew up when kids played tackle football and rode bikes without wearing helmets. If you got your noggin smashed, you rode the short bus... end of story. We think Ronald Reagan was the best president, ever. No really, the best fucking president EVER. We watch football on Saturdays, Sundays, Mondays, and sometimes Thursdays. We don't wear <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_7rh0E6Qz2Hh5zhknHllmewJa18at04-N-NOzjJ8q8j5PkklKU1DGScHgNVN2CFAL3VGrYTxc8FP-7UGlAFzGFTmzYQQfCmK5TMfKTVvT2jaHWIkKIpwbMQPOzOuZn1Eca38EVH69emif/s640/hipster-Hitler.jpg">skinny jeans</a>, and don't tolerate "men" who do. We have salty language, and we don't give a shit if it offends you. There's a disclaimer at the beginning of this blog, if you're too lazy to read it, that's your fucking problem. We actually have real jobs, and support about 1000 shitbags who don't, thanks to our exorbitantly high taxes. We prefer dogs over cats (a little too much so in Bim's case). We love our fellow craft beer bloggers and drinkers, as well as those drinking establishments who really understand the American craft beer scene. We hate to use the word scene, but reserve the right to do so when we feel hip (we hate that word too). We think <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9b33e96IGo">John Wayne</a> may have been the last true American movie star with balls (Clint Eastwood is a close second, <a href="http://fashioneyeformen.com/wp-content/uploads/stars-411-johnny-depp-not-in-england.jpg">Johnny Depp</a> isn't even on the list). We hate <a href="http://www.warmphotos.net/img/funny/funny-hitler/funny-hitler07.jpg">Hitler</a>, but miss <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp8aOgLhAFcmu25Pn863ZSbdIVBBF2Ad7mXe1qZqjySVbucujcVw77f8QQBbNDmIxYQXexTOJBKaG4f6II81AhgcBrHum1DWFh96cSd2Bj-VxZWtMYkzx7AmO2ekPtXX1NSv7ERH-OzlNE/">Gaddafi</a> with his silly perm and fake military uniforms. We ate lead paint chips and huffed leaded gasoline as children, and out of the 9 members only one is mildly retarded. Just goes to show that the risk was overrated. We will eat a bald eagle, a whale, or loggerhead turtle eggs if given the chance. Who knows, <a href="http://www.monkeyspit.net/sites/manatee/recipes.html">manatees</a> may taste like bacon. We have an elaborate <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Pettersen%20scale&defid=2785971">rating system for our farts</a>, and have been known to send each other photos of impressively <a href="http://bestcoloncleaning.typepad.com/.a/6a00e553eddd3788340120a58cfc98970b-320pi">large stools</a>. We like to dry hump pit bulls to show them who the boss is (Bim insisted we add this). We know that the latest trend among men is that of metrosexuality and political correctness but we just won't go there. We think Michael Bloomberg is an asshole for banning 32 oz sodas, but allowing <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1cXOlRSI9DlWN6gMus2bvKAI3lYDrHssI90piuDyfE4_Y28t6OpDp7aFQLO7Kc0kk7LjwlNE8Ssra4fi9Bq1lCWgkRupgUC29XciZoyRe26NnZekXqFNjSnW_vuskHmXRN2BqK4CvuxMq/s1600/OldeEnglish800.jpg">hobos to buy 40oz Olde English 800</a>. If a movie has foul humor, profanity, zombies, nudity, or lots of gratuitous killing, we'll watch it. If it stars Johnny Depp or Richard Gere, we won't. We freely admit that we watch Nascar hoping to see a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIxSSbjz1k8">wreck</a>. We are always looking to start new chapters with <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhssgd3kNbTXaE_Jb3AMGqG3esaSJ3tXnS1JFEP9H0AFODqvc2oZKbo4N0n7QeWBWa84TTW_oWIGuzZOyllhJNnsHSfLLdjdXPnfRjfL3HctyGLMAp0ingD4Kurr0v6mDOI4gf4638kZBQ/s1600/baby+drinking+red+horse+beer+smoking.jpg">younger beer lovers</a> everywhere. We think "50 Shades of Gray" is a description of dog vision. We hate <a href="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4fkl0F7Nt1rv9jk2o1_500.png">Nickelback</a>, just like the rest of America. And lastly, we are passionate about American craft beers. Our rating scale may be rudimentary and unsophisticated, but there's no doubt where we stand when we rate a beer. We're not always going to match your opinion of what a beer tastes like, but according to JD Power and Associates, 60% of the time we're right all the time. Now that we've introduced ourselves again, let's rate some beers!<br />
We started the night with an Virginia brewery, <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Starr Hill</i></strong></span> and their <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>All Access Wee Heavy (8.5%)</i>.</strong></span> These guys have stepped up there game on this one. It was a real nice example of a Scottish Ale that we all liked a lot, rating a really good. Next was one from the Rare Beer Club, <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Sly Fox's Ichor (10%).</i></strong></span> Like most Belgian beers, the over-carbonation was obnoxious but the taste was good, rating such.<i> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Finch Beer Co.'s Cutthroat Pale Ale (5.5%)</strong></span></i> was supposedly brewed with orange peel but we couldn't taste it. A little orange may have helped mask the other offensive flavors. At least no one hurled. It rated a so/so. <i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Deschutes and Boulevard's Conflux Series No. 2 White IPA (7.3%)</strong></span> </i>was like a Manny Pacquiao fight decision, all over the place. Some liked it, others loathed it. Total vote...good.<i> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Founders/Green Flash Linch Pin White IPA (7.0%)</strong></span></i> was a better example of this style of beer, and was a solid good. <i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>DuClaw's Soul Jacker</strong></span> </i>is a blend of <i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;">Black Jack and Devils Milk (9.5%)</span></b></i>. We like these two separately, and hoped the blend would be awesome, but it was only a good. <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Terrapin Side Project 16 Phlux Capacitor (9.8%)</i></strong></span> is billed as an oak aged American Ale. No one liked it, giving it a so/so. Please put that shit back in the barrel! <i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Independence Brewing Co.'s Jasperilla Old Ale(9.3%)</strong></span> </i>was another miss, rating only a so/so. <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Stone's Bottleworks 13th Anniversary Ale (11%)</i></strong></span> is a one-off that Stone brews for the famed Seattle bottle store. Someday we hope to see our own BC4M brewery brew some swill for our favorite bottle shop, Grape and Gourmet. Maybe a 200 IBU hop bomb with Jimson weed and bath salts, called Face Eater Angry Hop Zombie. This beer however, unlike anything from us, was good. <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Dry Dock's Signature Series Bligh's Barleywine (10%)</i></strong></span> was the surprise of the night. Sweet, with a very complex flavor, we loved this beer, rating it a really good. Despite the Urban Dictionary description of <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dry%20dock">Dry Dock</a>, this beer rocks! <i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Full Pint Brewing Co</strong></span>.</i> supplied us with their <i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Tri-PA, Tripel Batch Imperial IPA (9%)</strong></span> </i>whatever that means. It was drinkable but not overly enjoyable, rating only a good. Next was <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Crooked Stave's Blackberry Petite Sour (5.0%).</i></strong></span> Everybody loves blackberry's and we also love sours. This beer hit the nail on the head. It was an easy really good. We followed that with <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Cantillon's Classic Gueze (9%).</i></strong></span> Like many beers in this style, it smelled like shit, but once you get past that, this sour beer was a crowd pleaser, rating a really good. We were on a sour run now, so we uncapped a <i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Natty Greene's 230th Anniversary Oak Aged American Sour Ale (6.2%)</strong></span> </i>which was surprisingly good. We have been rather hard on these guys in the past, but this beer was nice, rating a really good. <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>The Bruery's Sans Pagaie (5.8%)</i></strong></span> is a sour blonde aged in oak with cherries. Another great sour beer, another really good.<i> <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>Goose Island Madame Rose (2010) (6.5%)</strong></span></i> is a Belgian style ale aged in wine barrels, with cherries, and was another really good. Snake remarked that he hadn't been exposed to this much fruit since the last time he spent a whole week starring at the <a href="http://www.jillstanek.com/fsf-thumb.jpg">Folsom Street Fair</a>. And the sours just kept coming. <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Russian River's Beatification (Batch #5)(6.0%)</i></strong></span> was the final sour of the night, and maybe the best. Another really good beer, these guys rock! On to the stouts. We started with <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Goose Island's Big John (11.5%)</i>.</strong></span> Goose Island makes some outstanding stouts, and this was no exception. All that was missing was 6 months in a bourbon barrel to push this one to RFG status. Still, it easily rated a really good. We ended the night with a <span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><i>Fifty Fifty Eclispe (2011 Buffalo Trace)(9.5%)</i>.</strong></span> Another great beer. Dark as night with just the right amount of whiskey flavor, this beer was an easy really good. So smooth! A cool 19 beers down, it was time to call it a night. Cheers from the BC4M! And thanks for your constant support and verbal abuse! We look forward to the next 100,000 visitors!Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6086942822060551608.post-50875647941784072642012-06-25T11:03:00.000-04:002012-06-25T11:03:19.648-04:00BC4M's 100,000 Blog Hit Contest<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">The BC4M blog is nearing the coveted 100,000 hits mark. If </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><b>YOU</b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> are the lucky 100,000th visitor, take a screen shot showing hit number 100,000 and send it to beerclubformen@cox.net and you will receive a BC4M prize pack which includes a T-shirt, pint glass, tasting glass, bottle opener and a RFG rated beer from our cellar. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Beer Club 4 Menhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02714657886550878831noreply@blogger.com1