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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, December 10, 2012

Ice Ice Dynamite

As many of you know, the boys of the BC4M have been vainly attempting to make a palatable home brew for many years. Timeless drain pours like "Swamp Fire Ale", "Bim's Dirty Old Brown Eye" and "The Milkman Cometh" usually caused those that tasted the beers to come down with a case of dysentery, bubonic plague or more often both. Off flavors consisting of rotting cabbage, sweaty skunk taint or even Aunt Mabel's mothball ridden lingerie left most of our followers hoping and praying that we would stop the madness. But then, out of the blue, Bim came up with a homebrew recipe that was actually decent and unbelievably drinkable. "Black Dynamite" was his first foray into boozy imperial stouts and it was an instant hit. After receiving an abundance of compliments from our craft beer loving brethren, the merchandising arm of BC4M decided to come up with other recipes that used the same base but added some "flay-va, You dig?". "Pepe Dynamite" is our chili pepper infused stout that is hot enough to make a Mexican landscaper's taint weep for joy only to be followed by a intensely vanilla version we named after the only "cracka" (besides our own Johnny Wilder) who could ever pull off the douche canoe pants look paired with a Aquanet styled mane. "Ice Ice Dynamite" is our ode to one Robby Van Winkle, the lyrical daddy mack to white suburbia's favorite f-bomb dropping masochist, Eminem. Like Mix Master Jay spinning tracks on the turntable, Grand Master Bim, spent one drunken night perfecting a stout that combined non-fair trade Ethiopian cacao with deforested vanilla imported in the anal cavity of a Madagascan smuggler Bim had met  after spending one glorious evening on Skype talking their shared love of canines. "Holy fuck, Bim got one right" said Wilder, while Snake added, "You sure you brewed this?" With this unbridled support from his BC4M brothers, Bim decided to take a chance and enter both Pepe and Ice Ice in the 6th annual Virginia Beer Blitz, an annual home brew competition that had over 350 entries from 39 states and Canada. Even though Pepe actually outscored Ice Ice, they were in different categories, and at the end of a grueling 8 hour competition, a stunned Bim, Fred and Nestle heard "and the winner of the wood aged beer category, Ice Ice Dynamite". A tearful Bim raced on stage to collect his winnings and thanked the assembled crowd who appeared to be more at home at a weekend LARPer convention than a craft beer competition. On fact, one young craft beer enthusiast repeatedly begged Bim to adopt him ala Obi-Wan Kenobi to teach him his master brewing ways. "The first step, is to move out of your granny's basement you fucking tool", said Fred, while Bim coddled the young lad and whispered sweet nothings in his ear in his sweetest Herbert the Pervert voice. Before Bim could be arrested for lewd conduct, Fred and Nestle hauled him away and we headed back to the hood to celebrate in style. An amazing day indeed, we couldnt be happier for our beloved pooch pumper.
     So in honor of Bim's stunning victory at the 6th annual C.A.S.K. Virginia Beer Blitz, Fred penned an ode to his winning brew....sung to the words of the original Ice Ice Baby

Yo B.I.M, Lets Brew It

Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite
Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite

All right STOP, shut the fuck up and listen
Bim has brewed up a brand new invention
A magical elixir that drinks so nicely
Dark as a motherfucker, you'll crave it fortnightly
Will he ever stop, we don't know
But Bim is a certified award winning mofo
Expecting to win it was never a gamble
Pontificating on stage like the motherfucking preamble

Boom, a wave of vanilla hits the room
Wetting your tongue like a dope ass waterflume
Boozy, when it stings your throat
Drink too much, and it's time to motorboat
Titties, whether big or small
Bim is the Doctor who's always on call
Silky as it makes its way
Down to your stomach it's a taste buffet

Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite
Ice Ice Dynamite, Ice Ice Dynamite

   To all our homies across the land....Word to Yo Mother! We outta here bitches...


Foxy Flamingo said...

Love it!!!!

Anonymous said...

What the eff is this crap you're trying to pass off as beer? I could brew something better in my sleep, you jerk off. Ice, Ice Dynamite? More like Ice Ice Suck-A-Big-Fat-Donkey-Dick-A-Mite. Oh, and how original are these labels? Let's jump in our time machine and revisit 1990... not! My advice? Quit your "BC4M" gang bang and actually do the world a favor... leave brewing and beer reviews to real men. I want my mountains BLUE... "Word to your mother!"

Anonymous said...

That comment above is like the nicest thing anyone has ever said to us....Thank YOU from the bottom of our souless hearts sweet friend...whomever you may be

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Anonymous said...

Is Bim the shit dick in clown face?

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Beer Club 4 Men said...

Sorry for the late reply. Had to wade through the plethora of spanish pharmacy ads...Yes, Bim is the "shit dick in clown face"

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