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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Snake goes to NY

The BC4M decided to give founding father Snake, a proper sendoff. Our beloved brother was preparing to depart the commonwealth so that he could help out with the Occupy New York protests. He wasn't sure what his job would be, but he requested either foot massager or latrine duty. What you may not know about Snake is that during the 60's he was a driving force in the hippy movement. His exploits are legendary. He claims to have dropped acid with Timothy Leary and once had a 3 way with Liberace and one of Liberace's Thai "lady" friends. It creeps us out whenever he brings it up, so we prefer not to relive that experience. While in New York, he had hoped to be able to take a side trip to Upper Manhattan in order to kick the shit out of our old pal Dr. Gunthumper, time permitting. But before the festivities could begin, we were treated to a show from Prince Mike, fresh from his dream hands class. Unfortunately, Johnny Wilder and D-rail couldn't make the session. They were on their way to Nigeria to find the guy who keeps emailing us, the "Honorable Joseph Ondago", who keeps filling Johnny's in-box with his spam and his heart with the false hope of striking it rich. Once found, that son-of-a-bitch was either going to cough up some cash or die! Last we heard, Wilder had been sold into slavery by the Dig Dig tribe. But enough of the jibber jabber, let's hear about the beers!

First beer of the night was a Belgian Wit Homebrew by Crazy Ken's strength coach. Once again, a homebrewer attempts to humiliate us and succeeds. The beer was good, which really pisses us off. Next was De Halve Maan Brewery's Straffe Hendrick Quad (11%). We're generally not big Belgian fans, but this one was good. Sam Adams Stony Brook Red (9.0%) was a very nice tarty Belgian beer. Sam Adams, despite the fact that they are nearly a macro, can still brew some good shit. This beer is one of them, rating a really good. Short's Brewing Key Lime Pie (5.5%) was next (thanks to trading partner David Taylor),  was one of the most interesting beers of the night. Brewed with marshmallows and limes, it tasted like Key Lime Pie, but not sure if that should be in a beer. It was a split decision between so/so and good. Harpoon Rich and Dan's Rye IPA (6.9%) was a good beer that, while not spectacular, improved with every sip. Terrapin Midnight Project Peotch (7.2%) had a nice peach bite. We agreed that this was a really good beer. Peak Organic King Crimson (9.0%) was a imperial red ale. This beer, while no Gordon, was nice, despite all the organic bullshit, rating a good. Upland Brewing Co.'s Dragonfly IPA (6.8%) was a malty mess. Where's the hops? Apparently still in the fields. This one was a so/so at best. Thirsty Dog Barktoberfest (6%) was a decent beer in this style, rating a good. Thirsty Dog Apricot Wheat (5.2%) was good for a wheat beer, but apricots are like the hillbilly cousin of the peach, and as such, are not well liked. Carolina Beer's Cottonwood Pumpkin (5.1%) was garbage. Please stop brewing this shit. Ska Local Series Hoperation Ivy #20 smelled like the dogshit in Crazy's yard, and didn't taste much better, rating a so/so. Southern Star Pine (6.3%) was good. The can states "clarity is overrated", and so is this beer. Southern Star's Buried Hatchet Stout (8.25%) advertises its "traditional pre-Industrial Revolution malt profile". WTF??? this is the 21st century! Despite this, it was a good. Berrefico Del Ducatato La Luna Roossa (8%) was a wonderful slightly sour cherry beer which set Bim back $18 and was worth every penny. It was easily a really good. We followed with their Imperial stout (8.2%), which didn't rate as high, but was still good. Smuttynose (what is a smutty nose?) Imperial Stout (8.25%) may be the best beer they make, but still only rated a good. Legend  Brewing Co's Quad (11%), may be the best these guys make as well. It was sweet and was really good. Pub Dog, who brew 100 varieties of shitty beers, provided the Imperial Dog IPA (6.8%), and, surprisingly, it was good! Alaskan Brewery Raspberry Wheat (6.5%) was fucking awesome! Just the right amount of raspberry flavor, it was really good. At this point we should have stopped, but the BC4M is a runaway train! We stop for no one. The Brewer's Art Le Canard (8%) was good. The bar in Baltimore where these beers are brewed, is run by some very pretentious assholes, but this beer was pretty good. Next up was another Pub Dog, Wild Cherry Porter (5.8%). This, like the other beer from these guys, was good. Baird/Ishi/Stone Green Tea IPA (9.2%) was a weird collaboration, but a good beer. Bee Creek Ale (4.8%) smelled like cat piss. It tasted a little better, but not by much. Oaken Barrel Brewing Co.'s Razz Wheat (5%) had low expectations, but was a  good beer. Baying Hound Alewerks Taj Mahound Brown Ale (7%) had a weird flavor, rating a so/so. Peak Organic Hop Noir (8.2%) was a black IPA that was good...but enough of the organic bullshit! The Brewer's Art Green Peppercorn Trippel (10%) was a good. And finally, ending the rated beers was Cervezeria Cucapa (7.2%). Not only are Mexicans are great at sneaking across the border they also can brew some beer! This one was a solid good.

30 beers later, we capped the night off with a Firestone Walker Abacus, which, while delicious, was  probably not what we needed at that point. By the end of the night, Bim was so inebriated that his bottle toss into the woods barely cleared his own feet. One could compare it to the throw from a 90 yr old woman, but that would be an insult to 90 yr old women. Fred, unable to walk the 50 feet to his own home, called himself a cab. Snake staggered home and promptly pissed in his laundry hamper. Now, dear readers, 2 of the preceding events are completely figure it out! Until next time, we leave you with Bim's theme song...

Saturday, October 22, 2011

BC4M meets the "ass monkey"

One of the up and coming young breweries in the area that the BC4M calls home (also known to craft beer fanatics as the "Beermuda Triangle" for its dearth of available micro beer) is O'Connor Brewing. We initially got a taste of their first three brews early last year while at the Norfolk Beer Festival and came away thinking they were decent and at least drinkable but certainly nothing spectacular. Regardless, we are hoping for their continued success and perhaps one day they will be making that next craft beer "whale" ala Black Tuesday or Surly Darkness that will cause hop heads from all over to willingly come stand in line for hours on end for the chance to get a bottle while simultaneously having to fight off both staph infections and dysentery from that group of "herbalists" you're likely to see camped out with you like at a Foothill's Brewing Sexual Chocolate release party. Recently the boys at O'Connor tweeted that they were tapping a firkin of their ODIS (O'Connor Dry Irish Stout, 5.0%)  but infused with vanilla, cocoa and coffee at one of the newer eateries in downtown Norfolk, The Public House. While checking out the menu online, Fred noticed that the place had lots of "rules" that seemed to suggest the joint was going to be a bit pretentious, but maybe thats exactly how the trendy young hipsters that frequent the area like to be seen as. The description of their tap list reads, "We change our beers often. So often, in fact, that our lazy marketing guy recommended that we just tell you to check our chalkboard each day for the list of beers we're currently serving".  Despite arriving to see what appeared to be over 30 available taps, the paltry list written on the chalkboard contained no more than 10 beers, most of which were easily forgettable. Also, they have a "rule" against ordering a drink "strong" since that somehow questions the integrity of the bar staff and that "our staff's 100+ years of combined experience trumps your brief stint slinging "rocket fuel" in your frat house basement". Coincidentally, both Bim and D-Rail were heading downtown as "chaperones" for a Jonas Brothers concert that night, so despite the supposedly "tongue in cheek" rules the Public House has on behavior, we decided to meet up for a few beers prior to the show. Nestle Goodbody arrived first and grabbed a spot at the bar and bought the first round when we arrived. Sitting next to her was perhaps the highlight of the night, a prim and proper douche canoe that explained to her that "he got paid to drink beer for a living" but "wasn't at liberty" to tell us whom he worked for. After about 2 minutes of him speaking to us with utter disdain as if we were ignorant hacks on subjects like proper smelling techniques and how to quaff a beer expertly, the boys in the BC4M were about to shove a broken PBR bottle up his ass to shut him the fuck up. Thankfully the O'Connor ODIS was more palatable than that jackwad blue blood so we turned our attention to drinking the dark as night stout fresh from the firkin. The regular version is easily a nice change of pace from say the most famous dry stout, Guinness, but this special version was much more coffee than vanilla or cocoa. In fact, no one even got a hint of either vanilla or cocoa and everybody universally agreed that there wasn't any balance between the three added ingredients. "Tastes like a cold cup of Nescafe, a bad cup" said Bim, while Fred, who loves the coffee stouts added, "Thin and watery, but not all that great". It was about this time that Johnny Wilder had arrived and we watched him spend the next 30 minutes performing a surgically precise mind fucking on our "beer expert" that caused the poor lad to eventually admit he worked for of all places,  St George's Brewing. Frankly, we think their beers suck but obviously somebody out there likes their product but it sure as fuck isn't us. After he realized it was late (almost 8:30 by then) he rushed out so he could get home to his wet nurse training lessons, so we moved on to an O'Connor Great Dismal Black IPA (7.5%). This is probably the best beer they make right now, and it is delicious with an excellent balance of subtle sweetness and hoppy bite. "This shit is damn good" said Fred, while we all agreed it would make a great session beer for the kegerator. A really good, before we left, we decided to give an official rating to another of their newer beers, the O'Connor El Guapo IPA. Wilder, Fred and Nestle had been at the release party for El Guapo earlier in the year at one of the best pizzerias in the area, Cogan's. Brewed with agave, the sweetness in the beer isn't pronounced but it is a decent session IPA that is a welcome addition to the area. It suffers from a lack of overt hop bite or smell but would make a good transition beer from pale ales to the more aromatic IPA's like those from Alpine Brewing in California. This one rated a good and with some tweaks to the recipe, could easily be made into a really good. Since we had already exhausted the Public House's tap list, we decided to end the night with a delicuous spicy meatzilla pizza at Cogan's while D-Rail and Bim went off to see their show. Until next time, remember kids, never feed the ass monkey, you never know where but you always know they will end up trying to shit on you.....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Bim's Take on 2011 GABF

Once again, BC4M invaded Denver. Only this time, with our spouses at our side, we kept our shit together so as not to embarass the family names. Ordinarily, we might dress like sheep or lumberjacks to such an event. I even toyed with wearing our official BC4M thong. Thank God for our better halves. Instead, I opted for a very casual, hotel robe ensemble, echoing my "continental" character.

BEST PART OF GABF:  The rare beer tasting. Beers were amazing, meeting the brewers was a real pleasure. Sam Calagione was there, as was Brooklyn Beer's Garret Oliver and Foothill's Jamie  Bartholomaus, but the real rock star brewer was Patrick Rue. A down to earth guy who's beers rule!

WORST PART OF GABF: The rare beer tasting. After tasting all 30 rare beers, I had a good buzz going by 4 o'clock, with a whole night of non-rare beer tasting ahead. I am a professional, so after a brief nap, I soldiered on, but it wasn't easy.

THINGS I LEARNED: Some hot dogs have horse buttholes in them (not something I learned at GABF, but I learned this relatively close to it...and I think it's an important thing to know). The Atlanta Airport public restroom is not the best place to poop,  better to hold it until you get home. Airport shitters are scary places. I did get a free ankle massage, but at what what cost.... Fred has dreams involving unicorns...I shit you not. That may be the most frightening thing I learned the entire week.

CONCLUSION:  It's truly a great event. We managed to work in brewery tours in Ft. Collins and Longmont. Met lots of really awesome people, (Joe and Joe the fishing guides in Ft. Collins, Brad Clark, head brewer of Jackie O's, the great staff at the Teatro Hotel, John Holzer of New Brew Thursday, and countless others). Even found some hippy's long forgotten doobie hidden on the hotel windowsill. But what struck me most was that, despite the great diversity, everyone shared one common passion and that was a real love of craft beer. Believe me, that's not as simple as it sounds when one compares the great breweries we visited (Oskar Blues, O'Dell, New Belgium) with some that were damn scary (Big Beaver, in some half-ass garage, with a Joey Ramone clone serving up 8 different beers in mason jars, one worse than the next). In fact, Big Beaver was the weirdest brewery (term used loosely) that I've ever been to, and yet it was full of people (term used loosely) drinking up the swill being served as if it was a Sam Adams Utopia. We all are looking for that unique beer taste, that diamond in the rough (which will not be found at Big Beaver). We are all, in our own way, beer lovers, and for that, I am thankful to be a part of this community. Until next year!