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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Return Of Dr. Gunthumper

Ahhh yes, the esteemed Dr. Gunthumper. Star of such childhood classics as "Dr. Gunthumper Bangs a Fat Chick," and "Gunthumper Gets Herpes." And who can forget Dr. Gunthumper in "Oops, I Think I Screwed a Transvestite," or his educational videos, such as "Your Dingus and You." When Gunthumper isn't on the set making quality movies for teens, he's sampling beers. In years past he's been the harshest critic of the Beer Club for Men's CHC Brewery. He once claimed that one of our beers tasted like we used "the taint sweat of an Indian curry salesman on a hot August day." Despite that, we still love the rascal, and continue to supply him with beers to rate. The following is a totally unbiased review from the one guy who hates the CHC Brewery more than anyone else in the world!

Dr. Gunthumper writes: When Bim first informed me that he was going to be sending three
different home brews for me to sample and review, I thought, "Great, I'll only have to take one sip of each, because any more would likely kill me or ruin my taste buds forever." You see, I only had his prior efforts to compare to. Then he told me that he won some sort of contest with his beers. I was unaware that they had beer brewing competitions for people with no ability. However, I am man enough to admit when I am wrong. Thankfully, my error came with the pleasure of being able to sample some delicious beers. I was also not disappointed to find that Bim was able to work in some of the racism that is a part of his personality. I started with Ice Ice Dynamite. Boldly showing Mr. Rob Van Winkle on the label, this Russian Imperial Stout had subtle vanilla, and you could really taste the Wild Turkey, making this a solidly good brew. Next up was Jemima Dynamite, with the tag line, "Mrs. Butterworth can kiss my big, black ass!" This delicious concoction with it's maple flavor was smooth, dark and creamy, not unlike Aunt Jemima's inner thighs. Lastly, and my favorite of the three, was Pepe Dynamite. This Russian Imperial Stout, brewed with chipotle peppers, really catches your attention on the back end, with a spicy burn in the back of the throat. Bim said he wanted to brew a beer that reminded him of deep throating his lawn guy. I'll have to take his word on that, but regardless it's a hell of a beer. Overall, I was very happy to be proven wrong, and look forward to

Dr Gunthumper


Monday, March 18, 2013

Beer City? BC4M Calls Bullshit!

Asheville... Hippies, mountains, beggars, and beer. Asheville has named itself "Beer City". But is it really deserving of the name? Is it a better beer destination than Portland, Seattle, or San Diego? The hippies out west may take exception to that, which, if we are lucky, could ignite a massive hippy war! Snake, Bim and their loving spouses Blackberry Pamcakes and Florence Naughtygale made the trip south to find out what all the hype was about. After arriving at our "hotel" we were greeted by the the hotel clerk, with some bad news...and we quickly moved on. First stop was the Oysterhouse Brewing Company. They advertise that they use real oysters in their beer. We sampled the Moonstone Stout (4.5%). The beer was good, but not great, without a hint of oysters. Not a good start. We considered returning the next night to sample their other offerings, but the bartender assured us that there would be "over 500 people" in the restaurant, and we would never get in. Shit buddy, just cut to the chase and tell us we're not welcome! Snake wanted to de-throat him right then and there, but decided to grant him mercy, as Snake is a just and merciful Beer God. Next stop was Jack of the Wood Public House. Now this was more our kind of place. Irish music and a good selection of beers. We started with the Foothills Jade IPA (6%), which we have sampled in the past. This is a damn fine IPA. Full of citrusy flavor and crisp, rating a really good. Next up was the Green Man Porter (5.6%) which was decent, but sorta forgettable. We chased that with a Green Man Norwegian Wood, a Baltic Porter (8.3%) aged in Maker's Mark barrels. Now your talking! This beer had a touch of sweet bourbon, easily rating a really good. Four beers down, and it was time for a change of venue. Luckily, the Asheville beer scene is designed for drunks, with a different pub on every corner. We headed across the street to the Thirsty Monk, where there was a Belgian bar downstairs and a American Craft beer bar upstairs. What a great idea! Separate the men from the eurotrash right at the door. We started with a Atwater Vanilla Java Imperial Stout (6%), which was a really good, with a smooth vanilla/coffee flavor. The Anderson Valley Brewing Company's Wild Turkey Bourbon Barrel Stout (5.8%) was another winner, also rating a really good. Having hit what we figured to be the best 2 bars in Asheville, we headed out to dinner. Snake, our carnivore friend, quickly told the skinny waiter that if he didn't produce a leg of lamb pretty fucking quick, he was going to "tear off his arm and start eating it". After being escorted out, we headed over to Barley's Tap Room. This place was packed, with a mix of hippies and "English". The beer selection was top heavy with session pales and porters. By this time in the evening, Bim was starting to fall into the hippy spell. He was ranting about the evils of soap, and searching his Iphone-3 for the nearest second-hand store. Things were getting crazy.
The next day, Snake awoke to find Bim fully embracing his new lifestyle, wandering around Asheville begging for change. Things weren't looking good. Luckily, the allure of beer was enough to get Bim back on track. After a day of sightseeing, we sampled the Biltmore Brewing Company's Cedric's Brown Ale (5.5%), named after George Vanderbilt's St. Bernard dog, Cedric. If Vanderbilt had known they were going to one day brew this swill on his property, he'd have burned the place to the ground and named his dog Shithead. Enough said. We ended up at one of Asheville's newest breweries, Wicked Weed. The name had us initially concerned, as it suggested something altogether different. We quickly learned that this place was no daisy at all! We started with a Hey Porter (7.5%). This beer was aged in bourbon barrels, with a hint of smoke and vanilla. What a great beer to start with, rating a really good. Then came probably the most unique beer of the whole trip, Black Angel Cherry Stout (6.6%) another barrel aged beer that was amazing. Next up was Dark Age Bourbon Stout (10.5%) the first RFG of the night. By the time we finished this beer, Snake was weeping uncontrollably, as Bim tried to cheer him up with some simple clown antics. We ended the night with another great beer, Freak Double IPA (8%). This beer is every bit as good as Pliny, and just a notch below Heady Topper. And to think that this brewery only opened several months ago. Our hat's off to the Wicked Weed, by far the best brewery in Asheville.
Another day, another brewery. The final day in Asheville was spent at another touted brewery, Wedge Brewing. We sampled their Iron Rail IPA (7%) and Vadim Bora Russian Imperial Stout (9.2%), a RIS brewed with raspberries. The IPA was good but not special, while the Vadim Bora was really good. The location, in the River Arts  district, offers a great view of the passing freight trains, which Snake loved immensely (what a loser...). Unfortunately, the dude pouring the beer was a douchebag, making the beer taste a little worse. Their strict "one sticker per person" policy is ridiculous, and if you've never heard of the Great American Beer Festival, as this pretentious idiot hadn't, you probably need to quit pouring beer and try your hand at selling roller dogs at the 7-11. The "eclectic" clientele may enjoy this place for it's artwork, but from the BC4M's point of view, there is only one place to visit when in Asheville, and that's Wicked Weed.
The following day, the group packed up and started heading back to Virginia, minus one member. Last we saw of Bim, he was settling in with his new friends, never to be seen again. So, has Asheville really earned the title Beer City? The jury's still out. But one thing is for sure. If more breweries like Wicked Weed start popping up, then the BC4M will be certain to make a return trip.