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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, September 20, 2010

Fred's GABF roundup

What an amazing experience it was at the Great American Beer Festival. Bim and I booked a flight several weeks prior to the event, but J. Wilder decided to call in a favor with one of his surfing buddies who doubles as a FedEx pilot. The plan was for Wilder to wrap himself up like a Chinese porcelain doll and then be boxed up like a package for the trip to Denver. All this to save a few bucks, but hey, the trip wouldn't have been the same without him. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 6:50 in the morning, so we left the CHC at 5 to ensure our arrival in time for the cavity check that Bim would either be getting or volunteering to provide to the TSA agents at the gate. We landed in Atlanta and waited on the tarmac for 30 minutes while the 400 airplanes that had all landed at the exact same time were taxied to their terminals. Once we deboarded we made like that non-convicted double homicidist O.J. trying to get through the airport to our connecting flight. After knocking down two old ladies, and bowling over a stroller filled with triplets, we arrived exhausted at our plane and ready to make the final trek to the Rockies. The plane landed in Denver, but it might as well have been the moon. Flat as a pancake and just as golden brown, the terrain in Denver was flat, and empty, with nary a tree to be found. The mountains appeared in the distance, but since you are already so high up in elevation, they don't seem to be that big. We had to take a bus to the rental car place since they park all the rental car places about 15 miles away. Funny how having a convention in town that is hosting about 50,000 people will cause the rental car place to be backed up like a bad case of constipation. We survived another 45 minute delay as Bim had to deal with the rental car agent that smelled like she hadn't bathed in a month and barely spoke English. We finally got through the red tape (word to the wise, when you are in town for a BEER drinking festival, leave that small detail out of the conversation with the rental car people....), got the car and headed into Denver to meet up with our trusted sidekick, J. Wilder. He had set up accommodations for us, and he had delivered. Expecting to find us sleeping at a homeless shelter or perhaps in a 2 man sleeping bag, we instead found ourselves at a downtown Swiss chalet that was convenient to both the convention center where the GABF was being held and a few neighborhood bars that would serve us well into the wee hours of the morning. We went to all 3 nights of the festival, and each one was unique. We got to sample several beers that will never make it to Virginia, and we got to try a few one-offs that will never be made again. We got to see dumb ass frat boys drinking Miller Lite and Bud as if they actually tasted any good as well as seeing large bosomed and small bosomed and medium sized bosomed hot chicks dressed like frauleins at an Octoberfest. We ran in to our blogging neighbor, the Drunken Polack who writes a much more informative beer review than we could ever do. We also ran into the Beer and Whiskey Brothers, who also happen to have a very cool website that is more colorful and more user friendly than the tripe we spit out at you. It was a blast meeting all the guys that love craft beer like we do and can appreciate a good beer as well as tell you where some really good beers are at the festival. Another of my highlights was meeting the brewer of Kate the Great Imperial Stout. He told me that the 2009 vintage that I had might not be the best and if it didn't taste right, to email him and he would make it up to us. That's the kind of people we ran into all over Denver, eager to share whatever they had and eager to spread the word about great craft beer. We also got to hang out with a pair of groovy chicks that own a brewpub out in "California Gold" country, 6 Rivers Brewery. They gave us a seat at the crowded as fuck bar we went to right when we got to the downtown area, The Falling Rock Taphouse. Imagine our happiness at finding a place that has Pliny the Elder on tap. Hell, after finding this place, I didn't wanna leave. We also ventured out on a day trip to try beers at Oskar Blues, Avery and Left Hand Brewing. We had a blast rolling down the interstate trying to avoid the army of Lance Armstrong wannabe's that ride along the shoulder as if the roadway was built for them. All in all, it was an amazing trip, and we look forward to going back again in the future. Hopefully, the other members of the BC4M can join us next time. Special thanks to our gracious hostess, the Queen of Cornhole herself, Double Deuces Delilah for taking us in and making us feel like we were family. We had a great time, we drank a few really fucking good beers, like Cigar City Marshal Zhukov's Final Push and New Glarus Raspberry Tart and we drank some really fucking shitty beers with names like Oceanic Orgasmic and Shotgun Betty. Even having to sample beers that tasted like Formula 409 cleaner was worth it to sample some of the truly amazing beers that were available at the GABF. We eventually made it back home, our liver enzyme levels still in the acceptable range, and still ready to keep drinking..........