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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Friday, September 10, 2010

A Three Night Bender - Night Two

The night after the NFL kickoff spectacular, Bim sent out a text that said Crazy Ken was flying solo and had requested a BC4M meeting. Seems his wonderful bride, the All-American kickballer Judy Boom had gone out of town on a recruiting mission to replace the recently departed pitcher for her coed all-star kick ball team, "It ain't gonna kick itself", so Ken thought it would be a good idea to spend the evening with a few new beers. Most of the membership was out of town on various business, so Bim and Fred joined Ken for a quick tasting. First up was a Cricket Hill Hopnotic IPA (6.0%) that poured into the glass like the remains of an aquarium filter. Flavorless and slightly crunchy, this one was a pure splooger that deserved worse than the sucks it got. Atwater Block Brewery Voodoo-Vator (9.5%) was a self described "doppelbock high gravity lager" (which usually means a shit load of sugar) that was also supposed to be "big, black and sweet". "Just the way I like my wet nurses" said Bim, who has never outgrown his desire to suckle. This one was way too bubbly and way to sweet with a hint of sour at the finish. The bottle label featured the skull of little known pulp fictionist Slapjack McFinkleshin, who was famous for his scandalous 1950's era novel Satan Was a Lesbian ghostwritten by his cousin Fred Haley. Despite the cool label and slick name, the taste was average so it got a so-so. The next beer was from Japan, Hitachino Nest Real Ginger Brew (7.0%). Brewed with what must have been 700 tons of pure ginger, this one looked pure and crystal clear and had a distinctively ginger bite to it. The flavor was thirst quenching and refreshing and we were about to give it a really good until Ken finished off the bottle and got a mouthful of what he described as skunky pork rinds. "Holy shit, that is plain awful" he declared, so we decided to drop the rating down to a so-so. Rogue John John Ale (w/Hazelnut) (5.6%) was opened next. The bottle was typical of Rogue in that they spend way too much time on the minutia of the label and not enough time on making good beer. This one was thin but decent with little spiced rum flavor which was a surprise since it is aged in spiced rum barrels. It got a good simply because it didn't have that notorious Rogue yeast flavor that dominates most of their beers. Anchor Porter (5.6%) was another beer with a label that was pretentious enough to cause Fred to drop a f-bomb due to his complete disgust with the nauseating drivel that accompanies most of these mediocre beers. "You know" he said, "If these snobby fucks would put their effort into better beer and not esoteric babble, I might actually enjoy this shit". The beer was dark with a beige hue and tasted like a sweet sweet candy bar. "Not half bad" said Bim, "I could drink a lot of these", so we gave it a good since it would make a decent session beer for cold winter evenings. Next up was a Deschutes Black Butte XXI (11.0%). This is their 21st anniversary birthday reserve beer that is a porter brewed with chocolate beans and coffee mixed with 20% porter aged in bourbon barrels. This one poured so dark that it made the Anchor Porter look like a pale ale. Rich, intense, chocolatey and velvety, this one was amazingly good. Bim thought it was one of the best porters he had ever tasted and said, "I like black butts and I cannot lie". "I guess butte must be how the French spell butt" said Ken, as we gave this one a really good. Another porter was pulled out of the fridge, this time Boulder Beer Planet Porter (5.5%). Compared to the Beyonce we just guzzled, this one was a tasteless mess of carbonated licorice. Sucks was the result so we moved on to the final beer of the night, Bluegrass Brewing Company's Professor Gesser's Mind Blowing IPA (9.0%). Old man Gesser was known for his diabolical experiments with his comely young coeds back in the late 30's and the label featured the brains of one of his "subjects" being bombarded with what would later become known as the popular kids candy, atomic fireballs. This one was supposedly an IPA, but it tasted more malty than hoppy, but it had a unique flavor that we sorta liked. Cloudy as a rainy morning, this got a good as we had runout of new beers to try. As we left Bims, Ken got a call from his better half saying she was on her way back after finding her new hurler, a sharpshooter from Sligo named Pushy Lagore. Another successful night of sampling, and hopefully a 4th straight American Kickball Association SouthEastern Mid-Atlantic tournament title for the CHC's favorite ball kickers.