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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Festivus......BC4M style

For some of our loyal readers, the holiday season doesn't mean Christmas cards, Santa Claus and getting up early to watch the kids play with that cardboard box that formerly housed that impossible to find (except for that douche bag extortionist on Craig's list who hoarded all of them back in July) 400 dollar toy that is probably being chewed on by the new puppy Poopzilla. Some of you are perhaps like our club pagan, Bim, who will still celebrate certain parts of Christmas but also like to partake in the made up holiday known to other druids as Festivus. To promote diversity and to accumulate "credit hours" for his Master's degree in "anger management amongst a multi-culturist society", Fred had a dinner party for both the Founding Fathers of the BC4M and their better halves. The menu called for a seasonal favorite, prime rib, to which Bim declared, "Thats a sacred deity to my Hindu brethren". "Don't you imperialistic Christians know that the cow symbolizes wealth, strength and abundance?". "Abundance and strength of what, smelly ass farts? asked our charming host Fred. "Seems to me, that country wouldn't be full of starving call center workers if they would just eat a few fucking Baconators" he continued. "Damn right, bacon makes anything taste good", chimed in Snake. "Even pussy?" asked Johnny Wilder, to which Snake somehow replied "Fuck yes" with a straight face. After dinner, we decided to try a few special beers to celebrate the evening. First up was Uinta Brewing's Cockeyed Cooper (11.10%), a barleywine that featured a label that boasted a cartoon depiction of the hilarious "Dude" at our favorite new blog, "It's a fucking beer". This beer was full of flavor and had a decent kick. Smooth without making you feel like you were drinking alcoholic cough syrup, it was a really good. Next was a new beer from 3 Floyd's, The Creeper (9.0%), a doppelbock style beer that true to 3 Floyd's form, didn't seem like a doppelbock at all. Celebrator is the standard for which the BC4M judges doppelbocks, and The Creeper seems more like a second cousin, but what a sweet ass bitch she is. Dark roasted malts combine with a hidden kick in the nads to create an amazing beer. Another really good was the result, so we finished the tasting for the night with a Goose Island Vanilla Bourbon County Stout (13.0%). We have raved about both the regular Bourbon County Stout as well as the Coffee version, (both receiving the RFG rating) and this one is even better. Smoother than the honeypot under the ass floss of a Belgian street walker, this was an incredible beer. The alcohol was just enough to give you a hint of bourbon and the finish left you with a taste of vanilla ice cream. Each and every member immediately said, "That's a fucking RFG". Done with tasting for the night, we pulled out the remainders of the truckload of beers that had been brought for the festivities. No one can recall how many beers were consumed, but sometime after midnight, a seriously inebriated Bim and stone cold sober Wilder got the idea that that various Christmas decorations that adorned the neighborhood yards needed to be "inspected". To commemorate the occasion, Fred decided to rewrite a few stanzas from the Christmas classic,
"Twas the night before Christmas"

Twas the night before Christmas, And all through the hood
The yard ornaments were trembling, for Santa Bim was sporting wood

With Johnny Wilder riding shotgun,
Foxy Flamingo brought camera and flash
This naughty trio set out for a sodomizing dash

First up was the Nutcracker, all rigid and straight
His poor rear got worked over, by a dirty Santa looking to mate

Then what to my disbelieving eyes should appear
But Wilder and Bim, humping two innocent reindeer

An inflatable Santa was brought to his knees

A lonely "For Sale" sign was covered in pee

And on that storied night, not a creature was missed

And as the sun arose, the neighbors were pissed

But we still laugh at the tale we recall so well
Even if Bim and Johnny are going straight to hell.......

Merry Christmas from the BC4M.......In the immortal words of our dear friend Ricky Bobby......"If you don't like Santa Claus, then FUCK YOU"........