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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Blacker the Whale, the Sweeter the Brew

With the rest of the BC4M brotherhood out either getting pedicures, mangina waxes or singing alto-tenor for the local "glee" club, Bim, Wilder and Fred decided it was time for the real men of the club to have another round of whale tasting. First up was a new beer from Smuttynose, the sister brewery to Portsmouth Brewing (makers of whale Kate the Great). The Smuttynose Smuttonator Double Bock (9.6%) was a decent take on the always popular doppelbock style. While it had a subtly sweet flavor, it was good but by no means in the same zip code as a Celebrator. We could drink a lot more of these, but the body was just a bit off and so it got a good. Wilder produced a new bottle from the "save the planet one fucking wind turbine at a time" according to atom splitter Fred, the Outer Banks Brewing Station Moondog ESB (5.4%). The beer poured the color of a bad golden shower, (Bim asked, "Is there such a thing as a bad golden shower?") and the taste wasn't any better. "This shit is flat awful" said Wilder, ashamed he had wasted 1.99 on the bottle. Bim added, "Other than that Steamship and Tongs, everything they make is flat fucking terrible, are you sure the ESB doesn't mean extra shitty beer?". This shit is so bad that Madge from Palmolive probably used to use this stuff to remove the warts from under her armpits. A true SUCKS, we poured out the rest of the bottle and moved on to a Sam Adams Chocolate Bock (5.6%). Sam Adams makes both really good beers as well as some really mediocre shit. This stuff poured from the bottle like a carbonated YooHoo, and the taste was akin to the leftover milk in your bowl of koo-koo for Cocoa Puffs, and you know we all love to drink that slightly chocolatey concoction. In fact, they boys in Boston probably bought every stale bowl of cereal that the General Mills cereal folks were throwing out and ground it up to add to this batch. The body was very light, almost like a bottle of cacao pop rocks, but the taste was pretty good, so it ended up getting a good. The final bottle of the night was mini whale Foothill's Brewing Sexual Chocolate (9.75%). Bim pulled out the bottle and decided that the cover model reminded him of the first woman he ever laid in bed punching the clown to, Lt Uhura from Star Trek. Bim has never met a nubian ass he didn't want to mount like a horny beagle with a case of blue balls. Since he was a little tipsy and the bottle label was calling to him like an erotic voodoo priestess, he decided that he needed to serenade the "african queen" with a live version of Dr. Spock's classic interracial love anthem Ruby. As we fell out of our chairs with laughter at the sight of Bim proposing a night of passionate love making to an imaginary "foxy cleopatra", we poured a beer as dark and rich as beloved African dictator Ida Amin. This beer is brewed with cocoa nibs added and it tasted as sweet and delicious as a melted Milky Way bar. Amazing flavor with just a hint of bitterness, the roasted malts stand out and there is just enough alcohol to make you realize that "this bitch don't play". Really good was the result as we decided to end the evening early since Bim obviously needed some alone time to get out all his pent up "aggression". Another successful whale night down, we looked forward to another adventure in whaling down the road.....


krazyitalianirish said...

There you are, the men we have been missing! These posts were RFG's!! Glad to have ya back...and congrats on the new addition to your stellar list! Salute!