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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, July 31, 2010

So they call it Friendship Day


The weekend started out early as we gathered at Bim's on Friday evening to celebrate his last hurrah in the so-called swinging 40's (so called because of the miracle of a little pill known as Cialis that has "raised " his level of play). We toasted his last year as a 40-something by sharing a bottle of Flying Dog Wild Dog Barrel Aged Imperial Porter (9.5%). A "snarling raging bitch" said Bim as he eagerly lapped up the dark rich chocolate goodness that filled his glass. Not too much heat was added from the barrel aging, so this was one special treat and it rated a good. Since this wasn't an official meeting, we went back to drinking from the keg and made plans for a tasting the next night since the ladies of the hood were gonna be gathered at Fred's for a celebration of friendship. Evidently, the saps at Hallmark or perhaps Lifetime (Entertainment for Women and Ladyboys) have decided to invent a holiday where people get suckered into buying more greeting cards and watching cheesy made for tv movies like "Mother, may I sleep with danger?" What is this awesome new holiday you ask? Well its called Friendship Day and supposedly it was created by Congress in 1935. Apparently, we needed a special day set aside to let our friends know that they are indeed our friends. Fred said "thats a stupid fucking reason for a holiday" and hadn't realized this day even existed until his charming bride decided to play hostess to the ladies of the hood for a little vino and relaxation on the deck. All of the neighbors were invited as it was sorta like a flamingo, only no kids were involved. Most of the regulars were off doing other things, and Big Mike and Snake along with their better halves couldn't make it since they were out of town competing in an Junior AARP shuffleboard tournament. This left Fred, J Wilder and Bim to sit around the fire pit and consume a "few" beers in honor of this glorious holiday. First up was Super Bock Sabor Autentico (5.2%) which was probably made in some third world jungle by a group of Machete wielding guerrillas and tasted like a bad case of trench foot. Since 1927 proclaimed the bottle, yet with a taste this awful, we wondered how it had made it to 1928. "This is fucking awful" said Fred, as this skunky watery mess would probably give the average person dysentery and it rated a sucks. We thankfully moved on to Mad River Brewing Steelhead Extra Stout (6.5%). "Stout my ass" said Bim, as this thin bodied beer was as much a stout as a bottle of Coors Light although unlike Coors it was still drinkable. Since it was such a poor example of the stout style, it only garnered a so-so. Breckenridge Oatmeal Stout (4.95%) was a bland bottle of Quaker Oats without flavor and bite. Dark but certainly not delicious, this was a disappointment and earned a sucks. "Hey, I thought we were friends" said Wilder, "Cause friends don't let friends drink shitty beers". We hoped to salvage our evening with the opening of a Laughing Dog Alpha Dog IPA (8.7%). Very hoppy but with a crisp dry finish, this one was a solid good. Rogue Morimoto Black Obi Soba Ale (4.8%) was next. "Ahh" exclaimed Bim, "The Iron Chef also makes beer". The bottle design was a Rising Sun overlaid with some mysterious Kanji writing. Our resident Japanese cultural attache, Bim said it translated to mean "Immaculate Smoothginer ", which probably denotes something smooth, wet and delicious. Over-carbonated but still tasty, this one produced a frothy head like a root-beer float but once the bubbles had decayed away, the remains were pretty good. We moved on to a four pack of beers from one of our newest favorites in the craft beer world, 3 Floyd's. Brought to us by our pal Cliffy upon his triumphant return home following his crowning as Tippecanoe County Indiana Corn Cob Festival King, we delved into a 3 Floyd's Pride and Joy (6.5%). This is their base beer, an American mild ale that was simply great. "I wish we could get a keg of this shit" said Bim, as we all agreed this was an awesome session beer that rated a really good. Next was 3 Floyd's Brian Boru (5.9%) , an old Irish red ale that was also excellent. "Fuck, these guys are good" said Wilder as we wished we had more of this flavorful elixir. Hoping we could continue the trend, we opened a 3 Floyd's Alpha King (6.0%). This is their version of a pale ale and it was easily the best pale ale we have ever tasted, it too was really good. The final beer from them was 3 Floyd's Robert the Bruce (6.5%). A scottish style ale, this was simply outstanding and was sweet and malty without having a peat like flavor that is prevalent in most scotch ales. "Another fucking winner" said Bim, as we again declared it a really good. Thinking we would continue to hit the proverbial jackpot, we reached for the next beer and got an Oaken Barrel Brewing Co. Snake Pit Porter (6.0%). Highly fizzy with no taste, this was a letdown and rated a so-so. Another bottle from Rogue, Double Rogue Double Mocha Porter (8.2%) was next and it was a huge improvement over the Snake Pit as Bim declared it to be the best porter he had ever tasted and it too got a really good. We moved on Sierra Nevada Tumbler (5.5%) which is their new autumnal release. We enjoy their Glissade and Pale Ale as session beers, and this one is also quite good. Flavorful but not too powerful, this one will keep you upright and slinging mack to the ladies all evening long. Another stellar session beer, this one is keg worthy. Evolution Craft Brewing Primal Pale Ale (5.0%) featured a picture of a rabid female bulldog on the cover baying at the moon. "Not bad" said Wilder, as we thought this one was a good. Yards Brewing ESA Extra Special Ale (6.0%) was also very tasty and got a good, while their Poor Richards Tavern Spruce (5.0%) was a odd mixture of molasses, spruce tips and sprigs. "What the fuck?" asked Fred, "They trying to win a boy scout survival badge?" We all were in amazement that they had actually used spruce tips to liven up this odd concoction that was merely a so-so. We were moving past the stages of buzzed and onto pure drunkendom, so we agreed to end the night after we tried the final three beers in the cooler. All three are special collaboration beers, whereby three different brewers get together and make a batch of beer, then take the recipe and brew it again at the other two locations. Dogfish Head/Victory/Stone's Saison Du Buff (6.8%) was another mishmash of kitchen supplies that left us pondering WTF. Parsley, rosemary and thyme were the key ingredients to what Wilder thought was a new chicken recipe. "You know fellas," said Bim, "this shit aint half bad" although the contents of the bottle looked like dishwasher liquid. It rated a good, so we moved on to a 21st Amendment/Firestone Walker/Stone El Camino (Un)Real Black Ale (9.5%). If you thought the last beer had some weird shit in it, imagine our surprise as Fred read that this beer was brewed with pink peppercorns, fennel seed, chia seed and mission figs. Evidently, from the brew master, these were the crops that were grown in the 1800's by the settlers of the land in California known as "El Camino Real". "Hell, I thought an El Camino was just a dope ass ride" said Wilder as we again were shocked that the beer tasted pretty damn good despite the menagerie of ingredients. The final collaboration beer, was BrewDog/Cambridge/Stone Juxtaposition Black Pilsner (10.0%). This beer poured black as night, and was awash in flavors. "Fuck that is amazing" said Bim, as Fred declared, "this shit is out fuckin standing". Wilder mentioned, "I won't lie, I love this fucking shit" while we decided that this one had crossed the boundaries from merely really good to the elite class of RFG. "This is the Black Dynamite" of beers my righteous brothers, said the jive talking peacock strutting J. Wilder as we toasted to great friendship and great beers. As we stumbled home, we thought that even though Friendship Day was a made up holiday, we at least got to drink some beers, so it maybe it isn't so useless after all.

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