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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Prodigal Son returns

--------- Faster leaving a BC4M meeting than an Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsor
--------- More elusive than the mighty Sasquatch
--------- Able to skip BC4M meetings for weeks on end with no remorse

Look everyone, its an incoming text message. Is it a spam message trying to get you to buy a year long supply of Enzyte to "enhance" your performance? Is it your broker reminding you that your 401k just dropped 5000 big ones in one day? NO!, Its 10pm Branigan and he is volunteering to host a BC4M meeting. As the Founding Fathers rejoiced that their long lost brother had finally returned to the fold, we wondered where he had been for these long months. J. Wilder opined that perhaps 10pm had simply given up beer since he had been rumored to be training for the Ironman Triathlon. Bim declared, "Maybe he shaved his head and joined that Hare Krishna cult that begs for money at airports." Fred wondered, "Perhaps he has been out in Vegas headlining his new night show act "Macho Macho Men". Whatever the case may be, we were happy to assemble at 10pm's compound for another round of beer tasting. The beers were pulled from the cooler, and it looked as if the bottles to be sampled represented each of the major countries from World War 2. As we gathered around the hand stained mahogany Ryukyu pine table that 10pm had received for winning the Great White Devil square dancing contest that is held every summer in Okinawa, we were greeted outside by a fairly violent summer thunderstorm. As the skies filled with 40 million-volt bolts of lightning and the tremendous boom of crashing thunder shook the house, we opened up our first beer, Joseph Brau Stockyard Oatmeal Stout (5.0%). This was one of three beers 10pm had brought back from the local Trader Joes, who happen to get their beer made for them by prominent craft breweries like Firestone Walker and Gordon Biersch. This one is contract brewed by one of our favorite brewers, Goose Island and while decent, the body was dark and viscous and the stout flavors were so prominent that it was called a "sipper, not a session" beer by Crazy Ken. A so-so was the result. Next was Trader Joe's Hofbrau Bock (7.0%). A self described "rich golden bock beer", this tastes exactly like the Gordon Biersch Blonde Bock and was probably the exact same recipe. Even the bottle top looks like a typical GB cap, and since it tasted the same it too got a good. Next was Trader Joe's Bavarian Hefeweizen (5.3%). As we cracked the top, we noticed Bim had leapt from the table to take cover behind the sofa in the living room. "What the crap? asked Fred. Bim retold the story of how as a young Catholic schoolboy he had visited his grandfathers "massage parlor" in Dusseldorf, Germany. One day he found himself in the cellar looking through the floor at a couple performing what he would later learn was the Viennese Oyster. A torrential thunderstorm developed, and as the lightning illuminated the dark and musty cellar, and before Bim could pull his pants up, he was caught "redhanded" by a local nun who had sought shelter from the rain. She proceeded to shriek in horror at the sight of Bim punching the clown and subsequently chased him out into the rain with a shovel that was hanging on the wall. The now pantless Bim narrowly avoided being struck by lighting as he scurried into the kitchen to escape the mortified sister. To this day, lightning storms bring back those treasured memories of that enchanted afternoon to our beloved brother. Seeing as no nuns were actually at the BC4M meeting, we resumed our tasting of this Hefeweizen. Typical of most wheat beers, the clove flavors dominated, and the bottle looked like the inside of a lava lamp due to all the floaties in it. Bim said, "Looks like a urinary tract infection in a bottle", while 10pm said he thought it was good. Since everyone didn't care for it, we gave it a so-so. Orion Premium Draft Beer (5.0%) was next, and we had tasted it before, but never in an official setting. Excellent, crisp and refreshing, this is a great beer and other than Crazy Ken calling it "about a good", the rest of us gave it a really good rating. Brewery Ommegang Hennepin (7.7%) was poured next. This is a Belgian-style saison that is cellared and bottle conditioned. Supposedly named after the friar that had discovered Niagara Falls, this was a solid good that had subdued hints of sour that were balanced with a warm finish. Next was Christian Moerlien Northern Liberties IPA (6.3%). This is a throwback beer to the liberal days of the mid 19th century. The label had what looked like Lady Gaga dressed as Lady Liberty sucking down a cold beer. The back of the bottle described the area of northern Cincinnati that had been deemed "loose" with respect to the laws of the day. This one reminds you of that spunky pixie that could charm you in an instant with her smile, but also had a tree hugging "peace, love, and don't hurt the animals" side that you could never quite curtail. The beer was merely ok, as the bottle label showed more effort than the beer itself and so it rated a so-so. Next was Southern Tier IPA (6.5%), which was drinkable and not super hoppy. This is the type of IPA that you can drink a lot of, and still have the enamel on your teeth, unlike some of the hopsicles that are on the market today. The last beer of the evening was another IPA, this time the Russian River Blind Pig IPA (6.1%). This is an amazing beer, not quite as good as its sister beer, Pliny the Elder, but a light crisp taste is balanced perfectly with the bold hop flavors. Crazy Ken is not a hophead, so he thought it was simply ok, but the rest of the group loved it and called it a really good. Snake said, "This is some tasty stuff boys, I could drink a whole mess of this". As we finished our glasses, we noticed the clock had struck 10pm, and as you loyal fans know, thats the witching hour for our host. After we thanked him for hosting, the group left for the night as Snake and Crazy Ken had to work the next morning. Bim and Fred ventured over to J. Wilder's for a nightcap since he had missed the meeting due to a last minute scheduling conflict. We arrived to find the daring fashion coordinator of the BC4M hard at work for the new Polo style shirt we will be sporting for the upcoming fall CHC Beerfest (get your tickets now before they are gone). We opened an Alesmith Yulesmith Holiday (Summer) Ale (8.5%) which was said to be a super hopped Imperial IPA. "Damn that shit is good" said Wilder, as Fred and Bim both agreed that this was a damn fine beer. Full of flavor and hopped enough to curl your tongue, this one rated a really good. Out of beers to rate, we cracked open a few previously reviewed beers and turned on a BC4M classic, Dodgeball. Another stellar night was in the books, and more importantly a Founding Father was re-discovered. Until next time, remember, keep your fly shut and your beer cold.