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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Inlaw Invasion

Crazy Ken offered to host this week. His in-laws were coming to town and he needed to get all juiced up prior to their arrival. The founding fathers arrived to find Ken with the business end of a clear plastic tube down his gullet with a funnel waiting on the other end. After explaining to Ken that we did not intend to do Jolly Pumpkin beer bongs, beer enemas, or any other unnatural beer instillations, the meeting was officially begun. Bim started the meeting with a little Barry Manilow on the ipod, but was quickly shouted down by the group. Snake, just back from Columbia where he spent a week in the Andes hunting peasants (that's right, people, the ultimate game) cried out that he was dry as toast. With that, we cracked open a Shiner Commemorator (6.7%). Shiner, as you loyal readers will remember, makes the Texas equivalent of Kentucky Horse Piss. This beer was their celebration of 100 years of brewing crap and crap lite beers. This was billed as a German "stark" style beer, but tasted like a weak quad. It's probably the best they can do, and while it is still better than anything the BC4M have ever brewed, it only rated a so/so. Next was Mt. Carmel's Springtime Ale (4.5%). We liked some of their other brews, but this farmhouse ale was just plain weak. "Less IBU's than a bag of potato chips" hollered Fred, although Crazy Ken liked it. It rated a so/so. Not off to a good start, we cracked open a Ringwood Brewery Extra Special Ale, Old Thumper (5.9%). None of us had ever heard of Ringwood, but the beer name was pretty cool and it had a picture of some mysterious warthog on the cover. If you are like us, whenever we see a wart hog, we think good beer! Surprisingly, this was good beer and rated such.It had plenty of body, a well-balanced flavor, and went down real smooth. Then it was back to Ohio breweries, with a Brew Kettle Production Works Four C's American Pale Ale (6.0%). It boasted 4 different types of hops, but surprisingly was really not that hoppy. It was a so/so beer. At this point Big Mike arrived with another of his "illegitimate daughters". We get so tired of Mike constantly bringing another of his "daughters" to the meetings, as if to brag about how much of his seed he's spread across the country. He is the Johnny Appleseed of illegitimate children! One meeting he brought D-rail's grandma to the meeting and had the balls to introduce her as his "daughter". She was a hoot though, and if she hadn't reeked of stale urine and mothballs, we'd probably have invited her back. Next was Brew Kettle's Copperhead Red (5.6%). Bim and Crazy recently caught a copperhead tresspassing in Bim's garage. That snake had guts... this beer did not. Weak, watery, and a real pasty excuse for a beer. If you're gonna name a beer after the poisonous snake that bites more Americans every year than every other snake, give it some balls! This garter snake of a beer was a so/so. Great Divide gave us 2 beers, Hade's Golden Belgian Style Ale (7.8%) which was a so/so, and Denver Pale Ale (5.4%) which Wilder described as "Dishwater Style Pale Ale". It sucked. Hopefully, these two beers were representative of Denver's low-end breweries. Next up was Boulder Beer's Killer Penguin (10%). This was a fine Colorado beer. Stealthily smooth, full-bodied, and rich, with a nice alcohol bite. It states that it's a small batch (50 barrels only) beer, and it rated a really good. Last up were 2 bombers from the Jolly Pumpkin. Luciernaga (6.5%) (The Firefly) was a barrel aged, bottle conditioned ale, full of flavor, and liked by all, getting a good. Last up was their La Roja Artisan Amber Ale (7.2%), a Flander's style (Belgian, not Ned) sour ale. This was like drinking a glass of Lemonheads. Sour as hell, but tasty. There was a split decision on this one, with Fred and Wilder voting really good, and the other votes split between so/so and good. We split the vote, and called it a good. If you like sour patch kids and sour beers, you'll love this one. And with that it was over. We left before the knuckle draggers from the west arrived, leaving Ken to fend for himself. Until next time, Op uw gezondheid!