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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Friday, April 30, 2010

Snake's pretzel hound rodeo

Thursday night was out for a meeting this week since some of the members were gonna be out of town, so we decided to move our scheduled tasting to Friday night. It was a remarkably pleasant evening, so the gang assembled on the deck at Snake's hacienda for a night that went down as one of the funniest times we have had. Fred brought over a plethora (Latin for a whole shit load) of beers for us to sample. Starting the night off was one that Snake's son in-law had brought back from Canada. Having a Canadian beer to start off was ironic, since earlier in the evening, Fred and BimBim had gone to the oceanfront for a few drinks with their better halves and got the opportunity to share a table with 3 Canadian sailors. They definitely were a hoot to hang with, but they didnt know jack about good beers. One of them ordered a Coors Light and exclaimed, damn thats good. Gahan Brewing's Island Red (5.3%) was the Canuck beer we tried, and it was a decent ale, one which you could drink a lot of, especially if you were catching lobsters off of Prince Edward Island where this is made. We rated it a good, and moved on to Fort Collins Brewery's Barrel Licked Bock (10.2%). The bottle said it took "14 months to get this bock just where we wanted it". Its aged for over a year in a cellar, and 8 weeks in oak barrels. This was a smooth, but very sweet bock, even though the label said it had "ephemeral charred notes". Everyone looked at each other and said, WTF is that supposed to mean?, Fred suggested it was the taste you get when you actually lick the barrel this syrup was fermented in. In hindsight, it meant a taste that was fleeting, but hey, who said any of us were Harvard English professors. Next was Olde Hickory Brewery's Doppelbock Lager (9.0%). This was one of the beers we brought back from our roadtrip and it was a native Carolina beer. Other than the UNC mascot, I never knew bighorn rams lived in North Carolina like the ones shown on the label. Maybe they were lookouts for ole Popcorn Sutton and his moonshine stills. Then again, geographical inaccuracies are often overlooked by us if the beer is good and this one was definitely good. Widmer Brothers The Original Drifter Pale Ale (5.7%) was offered next, and it was decidedly different that the bocks we had just had. This one was very light and rated a good, as one member said "tastes like a grapefruit thirst quencher". Next was a Lagunitas Imperial Stout (8.2%) which had a great story on the side of the bottle, but only if you can read a story written in a font that would easily fit on the side of a grain of rice. Seriously though, look this one up on the net and read the hilarious story of a "wild eyed charlatan in pre-Bolshevik Russia". Another solid beer indeed, so Fred then reached into the cooler and produced a Tucher Bajuvator Doppelbock (7.2%), an import from Bavaria (Germany for those that didn't pass 7th grade cartography). Doppelbocks are our favorite beers as most of you know, but this sure as hell aint one of them. "This sure as fuck isn't a Celebrator" said one while another said, "This tastes like an alcoholic Grape Gatorade", while a third said, "That's a doppelbock? No fucking way". This beer was way too watery to even consider it a bock much less a doppelbock. This is more akin to a real bad quad style beer than a bock. Sucks. On to Smuttynose Big Beer Series Maibock (6.2%). A self described "robust seasonal lager" we all looked forward to trying this "bottle conditioned in 2009,2010,2011, 2012" beer. WTF? Ummm, this is 2010 right? Are we about to jump in the DeLorean with Marty Mcfly for an episode of Back to the Future? I mean, I know the economy is rough and we all need to cut costs, but seriously, you guys are so fucking cheap that you have to pre-print labels 2 years in advance? Minus 2 points already...which isnt good for a beer that only rated a so-so to good. Try again in 2 years fellas. Next was a second chance for Fort Collins Brewery's Maibock (6.5%) which was rated a so-so on the roadtrip. This one was much better than the first and was quite tasty, without being weak or thin and rated a good. It had long since gotten pitch black outside, so we then tried Clipper City Brewing's Heavy Seas Siren Noire (8.0%). This is an Imperial Chocolate Stout and it poured like a batch of melted 80% cacao chocolate. This beer was a real stout, heavy and thick without weighing you down, with a hint of sour (like a dark chocolate) would taste. A solid beer all around. Since we were at it, we poured another dark as night beer, Terrapin Brewing's Side Project The Dark Side (8.5%) which was a Belgian Style Imperial Stout ( they take the fruity yeasts the Belgians are known for and throw it into a stout style beer). "Dark as the underside of Vaders cape" screamed the bottle, and it was velvety smooth, like a "creamy milky way bar", but the taste fell flat and it only received a so-so to good. The first one to finish his glass was Snake, who proclaimed, "I'm dry as toast over here!", to which another heavy battleship of a beer was pulled from the cooler. Full Sail Imperial Stout (8.0%) only got a so-so, cause it tasted like someone had poured the beer out and replaced it with a throwback to our old college days Evan Williams bourbon. Another import was up next, Schloss Eggenberg Doppelbock Dunkel (8.5%) which poured a nice mahogany color but didn't do much for us as it tasted a little flat but still had good flavor so it garnered a so-so. We we 13 beers in, and we had promised not to rate more than 15 beers since our taste buds were probably ruined after more than 10-15 beers in one sitting. We took a little break while we pondered our last 3 beers of the night and had a few snacks. We were all pretty well feeling the effects of these heavy beers, so J Wilder decided to get up and smash a pretzel rod against Bim's forehead. One of the members said, "I just saw a pretzel fly to centerville turnpike." (a road near our hood). This blatant assault with a salty weapon had sent a piece of pretzel flying 200 feet into the backyard. Bim and Wilder decided to go measure just how far it had gone. While they were out there, the dog of Snake's son inlaw went to help find the pretzel. When the boys saw Tucker, they decided they would try and catch him. Tucker is a rambunctious ball of energy and let me tell you, we bout pissed ourselves watching those two numbnuts out in the yard trying to corral that dog. Tucker looked like a 4 legged Barry Sanders as he outfoxed his two drunken foes. After they got winded, they brought themselves back up on the deck for the final beers of the night. Southern Tier Brewing's Jah-va Coffee Stout (11.0%) seemed like the perfect wakeup call. Supposedly brewed using Jamaican coffee beans, this beer had as much coffee taste as a whopper with cheese does. Nonetheless, it tasted pretty good, but maybe they simply mislabeled this one in the brewery. The next to last beer of our pretzel bashing adventure was Mikkeller's Beer Geek Breakfast (7.5%), another Imperial Stout. This one was decent, but nothing overwhelming, as it lacked any standout tastes. We then opened a bottle of Orkney Skullsplitter (8.5%) which had received the coveted RFG in Maggie Valley. The rest of the group enjoyed this one just as much, and Snake said, "Thats fucking good!". And so another drunken evening had ended. Pretzels smashed, dogs chased and beers both good and bad consumed. Until our next adventure......ride that doggy.


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