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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Sunday, April 4, 2010

1st Annual Popcorn Sutton Smoky Mountain Beerfest

Roadtrip! Off to Maggie Valley, NC for a few days of great beer drinking. Before I go any futher, I need to give props to a truly great beer store, Bruisin Ales in Asheville, NC. If you get within 100 miles of Asheville, check this place out. A very cool spot with 700 beers. We could have spent a week here! In the immortal words of Ricky Bobby from Talledega Nights, "If you don't know who Popcorn Sutton is, then fuck you!" He's only the most famous moonshiner of all time. With 3 members present (Bim, Johnny, and Fred) we had a quorum and were ready to judge. We started with Shiva IPA (6.0%) from the Asheville Brewing Co. This was not all that hoppy, but a good session beer with a cool bottle. MORE HOPS! It was a so/so. French Broad Brewing's Wee Heavy-er Scotch Ale (7%) was next. I once knew a French broad, and she was hot. However, there were no real scotch ale (or French) lovers here, and it rated only a so/so. New Belgium 2 Degrees Below Ale (6.6%) had a mixed start. It was a little citrusy, then the taste dropped off, but still was thought to be a good. New Belgium Mighty Arrow Pale Ale (6%) was better than there other offering. It started sweet, ended hoppy, and kept our tongues feeling dry. It was a good. Lagunitis (Censored) Kronik (5.9%), "rich copper ale", appealed to the pothead deep inside of us, but the taste was not right. It tasted metallic, as if brewed with real copper mining water. Johnny thought it tasted like fajitas (WTF???). New Belgium Fat Tire Ale (5.2%) states that it's "balanced well"... Says who? we thought it tasted more like a flat tire, with too little carbonation. It rated a so/so. As a side note, the home's refrigerator stopped working, causing the milk to spoil before we were able to fix it. This led to the home's owner to text me the following: "keep the beer cold... fuck the milk!" I couldn't have said it better. Boulder Beer Co. provided Hazed and Infused Dry Hopped ale (4.85%). This beer actually tasted like it was brewed by some dope smokers who forgot a few ingredients, and it rated only a so/so. Next was a collaboration between the kings of Scotland (Brewdog) and the Kings of California (Stone). Their little magic gathering of the minds produced a little black labeled bottle of goodness called BASHAH (8.6%). This was a Black Belgian Style Double IPA and it was really damn good. So good, we decided to get more and let our fellow founding fathers give it a rate. You could drink this stuff all night long. SKA Brewing, from Durango CO, provided a can of Modus Hopperandi IPA (6.8%). There was a split decision, as one member thought it tasted like a burnt flat tire, while others commented that it was canned goodness despite the fact that it was brewed by a bunch of dope smoking red diaper doper babies. It rated a good. New Belgium Ranger IPA (6.5%) was next. We were not all that impressed with their first offerings, but this shit was awesome! It was an easy RFG, and called the standard by which IPA's should be measured. Well Done New Belgium! Duck Rabbit Brown Ale (5.5%) ( a beer with a label featuring some weird animal that the straight guys interpret to be a duck, while the gays see a rabbit) , was just OK Dog, and rated a so/so. Nothing we'd ever buy again. Hoptical Illusion IPA (6.8%) from the Long Island Brewing Co., was next. It was good, but it's not an IPA. Are they high? Still, if you ignore the fact that they're passing this off as an IPA, it was a good beer and rated such. Skullsplitter Ale (8.5%) from the Orkney Brewery in Scotland got us on our feet! "Outfuckingstanding!" An awesome RFG, without a doubt, plus, who doesn't like a beer called Skullsplitter? Lefthand Brewing's 400lb Monkey English IPA (6.7%) was a real downer. First, it's solar powered. As said before, the only green you need to brag about is how green your hops are. Someone commented the following, "where are they shipping to, Newfoundland?" If anyone knows what this means, please post a comment. (It was later determined to mean, IPA was meant for shipping to India from England, hence the hops to preserve the beer. Since this crap had no hops, the comment was, how the fuck far are they shipping it from England, cause this swill would go skunky long before it made it to India) This was looking to be a banner night. Thirteen beers down, 3 members, everybody toasted. Somewhere around this point, Fred busted out a damn near perfect rendition of It Takes Two (80's old school rap by Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock).... complete with dance moves. Who knew that beer turns on his hip/hop idiot savant switch! Next up was Fort Collin's Maibock (6.5%). No comments, other than a rating of so/so. Sweetwater's Danktank Quad (11%) was next. The beer was no good, and to make matters worse, the bottle is covered with writing. Do they think they're Pulitzer Prize winning poets? Bim dumped it out after only a sip, a rarity for an 11%'er. It was a split decision between a so/so and sucks. Stone Levitation Ale (4.4%) was next. It was really hoppy and liked by the group, rating an IPA. New Belgium 1554 "enlightened black ale" (5.6%) was next. It says it's "keeping time in a bottle", sort of like our homebrew, which we describe as "keeping crap in the bottle", except that this one is good, and rated such. Oskar Blues is fast becoming one of our favorite breweries. They make good beers, and have the balls to put their beers in cans, right up there with other great beers such as Schlitz, Steel Reserve, and PBR. That said, they really have a winner here in their Ten Fidy Imperial Stout. (9.5%). "This dog'll hunt!" What a great beer! RFG!!! Highland Brewing Co.'s Gaelic Ale (5.8%), followed. This American amber ale was good, but nothing extraordinary. We ended this 21 beer night with Flyingdog's "Horndog" Barleywine style ale (10.2%). The concensus was that this was an RFG, but our nagging wives, who can taste and comment on beers but not officially vote on them, thought that we may have been too innebriated to call this one an RFG. And, in hindsight, they were probably right. I can admit it here since one of them read this blog! Thus, we have repurchased all the potential RFG's from our friends at Bruisin Ales, and will try them again on our home turf.