So they call it Friendship Day

The weekend started out early as we gathered at Bim's on Friday evening to celebrate his last hurrah in the so-called swinging 40's (so called because of the miracle of a little pill known as Cialis that has "raised " his level of play). We toasted his last year as a 40-something by sharing a bottle of Flying Dog Wild Dog Barrel Aged Imperial Porter (9.5%). A "snarling raging bitch" said Bim as he eagerly lapped up the dark rich chocolate goodness that filled his glass. Not too much heat was added from the barrel aging, so this was one special treat and it rated a good. Since this wasn't an official meeting, we went back to drinking from the keg and made plans for a tasting the next night since the ladies of the hood were gonna be gathered at Fred's for a celebration of friendship. Evidently, the saps at Hallmark or perhaps Lifetime (Entertainment for Women and Ladyboys) have decided to invent a holiday where people get suckered into buying more greeting cards and watching cheesy made for tv movies like "Mother, may I sleep with danger?" What is this awesome new holiday you ask? Well its called Friendship Day and supposedly it was created by Congress in 1935. Apparently, we needed a special day set aside to let our friends know that they are indeed our friends. Fred said "thats a stupid fucking reason for a holiday" and hadn't realized this day even existed until his charming bride decided to play hostess to the ladies of the hood for a little vino and relaxation on the deck. All of the neighbors were invited as it was sorta like a flamingo, only no kids were involved. Most of the regulars were off doing other things, and Big Mike and Snake along with their better halves couldn't make it since they were out of town competing in an Junior AARP shuffleboard tournament. This left Fred, J Wilder and Bim to sit around the fire pit and consume a "few" beers in honor of this glorious holiday. First up was Super Bock Sabor Autentico (5.2%) which was probably made in some third world jungle by a group of Machete wielding guerrillas and tasted like a bad case of trench foot. Since 1927 proclaimed the bottle, yet with a taste this awful, we wondered how it had made it to 1928. "This is fucking awful" said Fred, as this skunky watery mess would probably give the average person dysentery and it rated a sucks. We thankfully moved on to Mad River Brewing Steelhead Extra Stout (6.5%). "Stout my ass" said Bim, as this thin bodied beer was as much a stout as a bottle of Coors Light although unlike Coors it was still drinkable. Since it was such a poor example of the stout style, it only garnered a so-so. Breckenridge Oatmeal Stout (4.95%) was a bland bottle of Quaker Oats without flavor and bite. Dark but certainly not delicious, this was a disappointment and earned a sucks. "Hey, I thought we were friends" said Wilder, "Cause friends don't let friends drink shitty beers". We hoped to salvage our evening with the opening of a Laughing Dog Alpha Dog IPA (8.7%). Very hoppy but with a crisp dry finish, this one was a solid good. Rogue Morimoto Black Obi Soba Ale (4.8%) was next. "Ahh" exclaimed Bim, "The Iron Chef also makes beer". The bottle design was a Rising Sun overlaid with some mysterious Kanji writing. Our resident Japanese cultural attache, Bim said it translated to mean "Immaculate Smoothginer ", which probably denotes something smooth, wet and delicious. Over-carbonated but still tasty, this one produced a frothy head like a root-beer float but once the bubbles had decayed away, the remains were pretty good. We moved on to a four pack of beers from one of our newest favorites in the craft beer world, 3 Floyd's. Brought to us by our pal Cliffy upon his triumphant return home following his crowning as Tippecanoe County Indiana Corn Cob Festival King, we delved into a 3 Floyd's Pride and Joy (6.5%). This is their base beer, an American mild ale that was simply great. "I wish we could get a keg of this shit" said Bim, as we all agreed this was an awesome session beer that rated a really good. Next was 3 Floyd's Brian Boru (5.9%) , an old Irish red ale that was also excellent. "Fuck, these guys are good" said Wilder as we wished we had more of this flavorful elixir. Hoping we could continue the trend, we opened a 3 Floyd's Alpha King (6.0%). This is their version of a pale ale and it was easily the best pale ale we have ever tasted, it too was really good. The final beer from them was 3 Floyd's Robert the Bruce (6.5%). A scottish style ale, this was simply outstanding and was sweet and malty without having a peat like flavor that is prevalent in most scotch ales. "Another fucking winner" said Bim, as we again declared it a really good. Thinking we would continue to hit the proverbial jackpot, we reached for the next beer and got an Oaken Barrel Brewing Co. Snake Pit Porter (6.0%). Highly fizzy with no taste, this was a letdown and rated a so-so. Another bottle from Rogue, Double Rogue Double Mocha Porter (8.2%) was next and it was a huge improvement over the Snake Pit as Bim declared it to be the best porter he had ever tasted and it too got a really good. We moved on Sierra Nevada Tumbler (5.5%) which is their new autumnal release. We enjoy their Glissade and Pale Ale as session beers, and this one is also quite good. Flavorful but not too powerful, this one will keep you upright and slinging mack to the ladies all evening long. Another stellar session beer, this one is keg worthy. Evolution Craft Brewing Primal Pale Ale (5.0%) featured a picture of a rabid female bulldog on the cover baying at the moon. "Not bad" said Wilder, as we thought this one was a good. Yards Brewing ESA Extra Special Ale (6.0%) was also very tasty and got a good, while their Poor Richards Tavern Spruce (5.0%) was a odd mixture of molasses, spruce tips and sprigs. "What the fuck?" asked Fred, "They trying to win a boy scout survival badge?" We all were in amazement that they had actually used spruce tips to liven up this odd concoction that was merely a so-so. We were moving past the stages of buzzed and onto pure drunkendom, so we agreed to end the night after we tried the final three beers in the cooler. All three are special collaboration beers, whereby three different brewers get together and make a batch of beer, then take the recipe and brew it again at the other two locations. Dogfish Head/Victory/Stone's Saison Du Buff (6.8%) was another mishmash of kitchen supplies that left us pondering WTF. Parsley, rosemary and thyme were the key ingredients to what Wilder thought was a new chicken recipe. "You know fellas," said Bim, "this shit aint half bad" although the contents of the bottle looked like dishwasher liquid. It rated a good, so we moved on to a 21st Amendment/Firestone Walker/Stone El Camino (Un)Real Black Ale (9.5%). If you thought the last beer had some weird shit in it, imagine our surprise as Fred read that this beer was brewed with pink peppercorns, fennel seed, chia seed and mission figs. Evidently, from the brew master, these were the crops that were grown in the 1800's by the settlers of the land in California known as "El Camino Real". "Hell, I thought an El Camino was just a dope ass ride" said Wilder as we again were shocked that the beer tasted pretty damn good despite the menagerie of ingredients. The final collaboration beer, was BrewDog/Cambridge/Stone Juxtaposition Black Pilsner (10.0%). This beer poured black as night, and was awash in flavors. "Fuck that is amazing" said Bim, as Fred declared, "this shit is out fuckin standing". Wilder mentioned, "I won't lie, I love this fucking shit" while we decided that this one had crossed the boundaries from merely really good to the elite class of RFG. "This is the Black Dynamite" of beers my righteous brothers, said the jive talking peacock strutting J. Wilder as we toasted to great friendship and great beers. As we stumbled home, we thought that even though Friendship Day was a made up holiday, we at least got to drink some beers, so it maybe it isn't so useless after all.

The Prodigal Son returns

--------- Faster leaving a BC4M meeting than an Alcoholics Anonymous Sponsor

--------- More elusive than the mighty Sasquatch

--------- Able to skip BC4M meetings for weeks on end with no remorse

Look everyone, its an incoming text message. Is it a spam message trying to get you to buy a year long supply of Enzyte to "enhance" your performance? Is it your broker reminding you that your 401k just dropped 5000 big ones in one day? NO!, Its 10pm Branigan and he is volunteering to host a BC4M meeting. As the Founding Fathers rejoiced that their long lost brother had finally returned to the fold, we wondered where he had been for these long months. J. Wilder opined that perhaps 10pm had simply given up beer since he had been rumored to be training for the Ironman Triathlon. Bim declared, "Maybe he shaved his head and joined that Hare Krishna cult that begs for money at airports." Fred wondered, "Perhaps he has been out in Vegas headlining his new night show act "Macho Macho Men". Whatever the case may be, we were happy to assemble at 10pm's compound for another round of beer tasting. The beers were pulled from the cooler, and it looked as if the bottles to be sampled represented each of the major countries from World War 2. As we gathered around the hand stained mahogany Ryukyu pine table that 10pm had received for winning the Great White Devil square dancing contest that is held every summer in Okinawa, we were greeted outside by a fairly violent summer thunderstorm. As the skies filled with 40 million-volt bolts of lightning and the tremendous boom of crashing thunder shook the house, we opened up our first beer, Joseph Brau Stockyard Oatmeal Stout (5.0%). This was one of three beers 10pm had brought back from the local Trader Joes, who happen to get their beer made for them by prominent craft breweries like Firestone Walker and Gordon Biersch. This one is contract brewed by one of our favorite brewers, Goose Island and while decent, the body was dark and viscous and the stout flavors were so prominent that it was called a "sipper, not a session" beer by Crazy Ken. A so-so was the result. Next was Trader Joe's Hofbrau Bock (7.0%). A self described "rich golden bock beer", this tastes exactly like the Gordon Biersch Blonde Bock and was probably the exact same recipe. Even the bottle top looks like a typical GB cap, and since it tasted the same it too got a good. Next was Trader Joe's Bavarian Hefeweizen (5.3%). As we cracked the top, we noticed Bim had leapt from the table to take cover behind the sofa in the living room. "What the crap? asked Fred. Bim retold the story of how as a young Catholic schoolboy he had visited his grandfathers "massage parlor" in Dusseldorf, Germany. One day he found himself in the cellar looking through the floor at a couple performing what he would later learn was the Viennese Oyster. A torrential thunderstorm developed, and as the lightning illuminated the dark and musty cellar, and before Bim could pull his pants up, he was caught "redhanded" by a local nun who had sought shelter from the rain. She proceeded to shriek in horror at the sight of Bim punching the clown and subsequently chased him out into the rain with a shovel that was hanging on the wall. The now pantless Bim narrowly avoided being struck by lighting as he scurried into the kitchen to escape the mortified sister. To this day, lightning storms bring back those treasured memories of that enchanted afternoon to our beloved brother. Seeing as no nuns were actually at the BC4M meeting, we resumed our tasting of this Hefeweizen. Typical of most wheat beers, the clove flavors dominated, and the bottle looked like the inside of a lava lamp due to all the floaties in it. Bim said, "Looks like a urinary tract infection in a bottle", while 10pm said he thought it was good. Since everyone didn't care for it, we gave it a so-so. Orion Premium Draft Beer (5.0%) was next, and we had tasted it before, but never in an official setting. Excellent, crisp and refreshing, this is a great beer and other than Crazy Ken calling it "about a good", the rest of us gave it a really good rating. Brewery Ommegang Hennepin (7.7%) was poured next. This is a Belgian-style saison that is cellared and bottle conditioned. Supposedly named after the friar that had discovered Niagara Falls, this was a solid good that had subdued hints of sour that were balanced with a warm finish. Next was Christian Moerlien Northern Liberties IPA (6.3%). This is a throwback beer to the liberal days of the mid 19th century. The label had what looked like Lady Gaga dressed as Lady Liberty sucking down a cold beer. The back of the bottle described the area of northern Cincinnati that had been deemed "loose" with respect to the laws of the day. This one reminds you of that spunky pixie that could charm you in an instant with her smile, but also had a tree hugging "peace, love, and don't hurt the animals" side that you could never quite curtail. The beer was merely ok, as the bottle label showed more effort than the beer itself and so it rated a so-so. Next was Southern Tier IPA (6.5%), which was drinkable and not super hoppy. This is the type of IPA that you can drink a lot of, and still have the enamel on your teeth, unlike some of the hopsicles that are on the market today. The last beer of the evening was another IPA, this time the Russian River Blind Pig IPA (6.1%). This is an amazing beer, not quite as good as its sister beer, Pliny the Elder, but a light crisp taste is balanced perfectly with the bold hop flavors. Crazy Ken is not a hophead, so he thought it was simply ok, but the rest of the group loved it and called it a really good. Snake said, "This is some tasty stuff boys, I could drink a whole mess of this". As we finished our glasses, we noticed the clock had struck 10pm, and as you loyal fans know, thats the witching hour for our host. After we thanked him for hosting, the group left for the night as Snake and Crazy Ken had to work the next morning. Bim and Fred ventured over to J. Wilder's for a nightcap since he had missed the meeting due to a last minute scheduling conflict. We arrived to find the daring fashion coordinator of the BC4M hard at work for the new Polo style shirt we will be sporting for the upcoming fall CHC Beerfest (get your tickets now before they are gone). We opened an Alesmith Yulesmith Holiday (Summer) Ale (8.5%) which was said to be a super hopped Imperial IPA. "Damn that shit is good" said Wilder, as Fred and Bim both agreed that this was a damn fine beer. Full of flavor and hopped enough to curl your tongue, this one rated a really good. Out of beers to rate, we cracked open a few previously reviewed beers and turned on a BC4M classic, Dodgeball. Another stellar night was in the books, and more importantly a Founding Father was re-discovered. Until next time, remember, keep your fly shut and your beer cold.

Celebrating Reinheitsgebot

It was a warm and humid Friday evening in the hood and we had gathered at Johnny Wilder's house for our weekly BC4M meeting. Johnny, as many of you know, is an avid extreme sports fanatic, and has traveled the globe in search of ever more intense sporting feats to try his hand at. From skeet shooting with automatic weapons to playing golf on horseback, he will do whatever it takes to push the limits. This past winter, he had journeyed to his ancestral homeland of Austria to try his luck at a new level of sporting insanity, topless luge. While he was there, he had been given a gift from his uncle, Johan Franz Longendinger; a leather bound family journal detailing the exploits of Wilder's paternal great-great-great grandfather, Field Marshal Wilhelm Heinrich von Assengrauber. The Field Marshal was a Bavarian officer that had opposed the idea of German unification in the late 1800's unless the Reinheitsgebot or Purity Order was recognized by all parties involved. He was a dedicated zymurgist that had made what was considered at the time, the best beer in all of Bavaria, the Pfostenschwalbe Pilsner or as your prim and proper English butler Jeeves would say, "perhaps another Pole Swallower Pilsner sir?" Known throughout the local hamlets and villages as the beer that grabbed hold of your tongue and wouldn't let go till you were satisfied, this light lager was also a favorite among the hard working Baltic Sea stevedores that needed to relax their heavy loads. To celebrate the Reinheitsbegot and the Wilder family tradition of adventure seeking, we opened a bottle from the first brewery in America to earn that coveted distinction, Christian Moerlein. The Friend of an Irishman Stout (4.7%) was in one word, SUCKS. This one tasted like a Guinness Light and smelled like the burnt coffee from a power plant coffee machine that had been left on for 4 days. We have had some good Moerlein beers, but it seems that maybe being labeled as pure doesn't always translate into good taste. Next was Uinta Labyrinth Black Ale (13.2%). Sporting a label that had one of those eye-glazing mazes on the cover, we dove into this "ale aged in oak barrels". This one had a definite cocoa taste to it, and Fred mentioned that it tasted like a "bowl of cocoa krispies with a hint of trouble" and it rated a good. The next bottle, Stone Emperial 14th Anniversary IPA (8.9%) featured a picture of a steroid injecting gargoyle with what looked like two gigantic johnsons hanging from his loins. "What the hell are they trying to do, ruin every available woman in the world for me? I can't compete with one dick that big, much less two" said the only single member of the group, D-Rail. Bim laughed and told him, "You know, women must be the only sex with ESP, because they always know if men are gonna get laid". The bottle also featured an ode to Yeates on the back, as it went on and on about seafaring vessels, three-toed albino howler monkeys, and other nonsense that is typical of Stone. This one was decent and got a so-so. We then moved onto a slew of beers that Bim had brought back from the Party Source in Kentucky. This is actually a Home Depot sized place that has thousands of beers. Hoping he had found some new members for the RFG council, we opened four beers from Berghoff, which is actually contract brewed by Minhas Brewing. Sundown Dark (5.6%) is probably the worst beer we have ever tasted. "This shit is worse than Horse Piss Beer" shouted Fred as he immediately poured his out. This is the kind of beer that you would only serve to those maniacal haji-haji terrorists as a means of torture and even then, the Supreme Court would say it was cruel and unusual punishment. The true definition of sucks, we then tried a Berghoff Solstice Wit Bier (5.1%). They claim to be America's second oldest brewery, so Bim said, "You would think after all this time they would get better, but they sure as fuck haven't". This one smelled like the dead skunk you caught whiff of 3 miles before you actually see him lying in the road and tasted just as bad. Another sucks, so we then tried a Berghoff Pale Ale (5.8%) that was a little better only because it didn't suck so bad, so it got a so-so. We thankfully came to the end of the Berghoffs with a Traditional Bock Beer (5.4%). Frank the Tank said, "more like a traditional bottle of shit" as we spit out the remains of this skank ass beer. Hoping to better our evening, we cracked into an Outer Banks Brewing Santa's Little Helper (10%). This one tasted like drinking a hot toddy and even though the spicy noted outshone the hops and malts, this one got a good. Next was Left Hand Brewing Co. Smoked 2007 Goosinator Doppelbock Lager (7.2%). Like watching a momma duck lead her hungry chicks to the lake, we anxiously anticipated Bim pouring us each a glass of this highly rated beer. A difference of opinions developed with this one. "Tastes like burnt rubber meets jack links beef jerky" said Fred, while Wilder exclaimed, "snap into a left hand!". "This is drinkable for sure" said D-Rail while Snake said, "tastes like a greasy deer hoof". This one was a so-so for some and good to others. Next was Ballast Point Big Eye IPA (6.0%). Snake told of us the time back in 1993 when he had taken his boat, Booty Town Express , out for a day trip along with a bevy of pigtailed Danish softball players that were in town for a tournament. They had chartered Snakes boat because he was known the world over as The man for catching the infamous horse-eye jack featured on the label. "What a day it was boys" said Snake, "nothing beats watching a pair of dd's reeling in the ole big eye". As we howled in laughter, we loved the taste of this beer and gave it a really good. Next was a pair of beers from Mikkeller, the Beer Geek Brunch Weasel (10.9%). This is a unique beer, because it tasted like a cup of Starbucks dark Italian roasted coffee with just a hint of alcohol. Fred said he liked it, but when he read the label that said it had been brewed with coffee recovered from civet cat dung, we all about threw up in our mouthes. "Holy shit" said Bim, "this shit is made from shit?" The group encyclopedia, Fred, said he had heard about the immense amounts of money people pay for getting coffee beans that have been eaten by the civet cat and then pooped out. "A fool and his money soon part" said Tank as we all recoiled in horror at the thought of drinking any more of this "crap". Another Mikkeller, Jackie Brown (6.0%) was a brown ale that reminded us of one of the BC4M all time favorite movies, Black Dynamite. This one was very tasty, and as we drank this really good beer down, we were treated to a now obviously inebriated Tank's spot on rendition of the Who classic, "I can see for miles". The next two beers were from Germany, Aecht Schlenterla Rauchbier's Urbock (6.5%) and Marzen (5.1%). Both of these beers poured like the remains of a charcoal pit and tasted even worse. The smokey taste permeated everything, and the tasting glasses had to be steam cleaned to remove the charred odor. Fred remarked, "I would rather drink a microwaved Tactical Nuclear Penguin than this toxic waste", while Bim added, "Hitler died for this?". The beer tasted as if the burned out cinders from the Dresden fire bombings of WWII were used as a base material. Both of these ashtrays rated a sucks and after we thoroughly cleansed our tasting glasses (with a mixture of hydrochloric acid, all temperature Cheer and baking soda) we moved on to a five pack of beers from Schlafly. This brewery is located in St Louis, and is supposedly developing a reputation for putting out some quality beers. Schlafly Pilsner (4.8%) was more hoppy than the typical Pilsner and rated a so-so, Schlafly Helles Style Summer Lager (4.5%) was an alcohol free Miller Lite wanna be and rated a so-so, Schlafly Kolsch Ale (4.8%) was very drinkable and was easily the best Kolsch style we had tasted and it got a good, Schlafly ESB (6.2%) was lighter than the typical bitter, but was decent and it got a so-so, and the final Schalfly, Dry Hopped American Pale Ale (5.9%) was a great session beer, not overly hopped and easy going down the hatch so it rated a good. "I could drink this damn beer all fucking night" said D-Rail. As we drunkenly moved forward, we opened a New Holland Night Tripper Imperial Stout (10.8%). The label boasted a cross between what looked like the clown face from Saw VI with the demonic Chucky doll which caused BC4M's champion pugilist Tank to say, "I used to crack skulls on dipshits that looked like that back in the day". This one poured like an ice cold glass of chocolate milk and was really good. Smooth as a bowl of ice cream, it went down easy and left us wanting more. Thornbridge Brewery Halcyon IPA (7.7%) had a picture of a topless Medusa we christened Flora on the label which caused D-Rail to pontificate on the frightening memory he had of his childhood Brazilian nanny who had forced him to join her in the tub to wash and braid her dreadlocks on a weekly basis. The beer however, was much better than the imagery of a 300 pound dreadlocked wearing senorita that had been D-Rails introduction to the mysterious world of women and it rated a really good. Another beer from New Holland, El Mole Ocho (8.0%) was next and it tasted like a bottled mixture of ancho chiles, chocolate syrup and butt crack sweat. "This is terrible" said Fred, while somehow both Bim and Wilder didn't seem to mind the funky taste. So-so to good was the result, so we kept going, this time with a Southern Tier Farmer's Red Tan (9.0%). This one was supposedly an Imperial Pale Lager, but none of us had ever seen a beer in this style before. Quite tasty, we gave it a good and pulled out the final two bottles of this incredible night. Fuller's 2008 Vintage Ale No. 110613 (8.5%) was sweet and filling, like the kisses you got from that girl who you thought was off limits but somehow found your rugged good looks irresistible. This one was also really good and we would drink more of this anytime we can get some. The final beer was Stone Old Guardian Barleywine (11.26%). This one hit you in the stomach like the sugar rush you get from eating an entire white chocolate cheesecake, but it was still quite good. As we stumbled out of Wilder's compound, we raised our glasses for one final toast to celebrate great beers and great friends......PROST!