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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Creation According To Bim

The following is a totally fucked up view of the creation of the universe, by our own fucked up clown in residence.

On the first day, God created barley. It looked cool, and he thought that someday he'd come up with something to do with it. The next day, water. He mixed the barley and the water, but it tasted like Hell or High Watermelon Wheat, and he immediately puked. On day 3 he came up with Hops. He was trying to make weed, but missed by a hair. Day 4, he created some really cool dude that he could make his new drink that he would call beer, followed by Day 5's creation of a woman to keep his brewmaster entertained. Day 6 he created yeast. Being a bit of a mischief maker, God thought the yeast would be a funny joke to play on the woman. He had no idea it could be used in brewing. Ha ha ha! You've got crotch rot! Then came Sunday, Day 7. God declared that this was his day to kick back. He told the brewmaster to quit jerking it and get to work making something cool, like Black Tuesday...and beer was born! So, with this little lesson on creation complete, what better day for a little tasting session than a Sunday. Fred called out the troops, and broke out the Crooked Stave Wild Wild Brett, ROY-G-BIV collection, a beer for every color of the rainbow, all brewed with brettanomyces wild yeast.

First up was Rouge (5.2%), a beer combining rose hips, hawthorn berries, and hibiscus. Sounds like somebody ran out of ingredients so he raided the neighbors garden. This was a bubbly, slightly tart beer, rating a good. Orange (6.0%) was next. Sounded good on paper, but it had an artificial, plastic taste, not unlike orange Tang. You know, the stuff the astronauts drank when they faked the moon landing. It rated a so/so. Yellow (6.0%) combined honey, turmeric, mango and spices, which sounds more like a curry recipe than a beer. However, it had a real nice sour taste and rated a good. Green (7.0%) showcased Galaxy hops, and the hop flavor was nice. The exploding carbonation combined with the floating flotsam and jetsam, was not so nice, causing this one only a so/so rating. Blue (7.3%) was brewed with spruce tips and tasted like a bubbly Christmas tree, rating a so/so. Indigo (7.0%) was brewed with blueberries, giving it a great, tart taste, and a really good rating. And lastly, Violet (7.0%), brewed with lavender and pomegranates.  It was heavy on the lavender, rating a good. There you have it, the whole Wild Wild Brett Collection from Crooked Stave. Stay tuned until next time when we determine just what Muhammed was thinking when he asked for those 77 nubile virgins.