1st Annual Popcorn Sutton Smoky Mountain Beerfest

Roadtrip! Off to Maggie Valley, NC for a few days of great beer drinking. Before I go any futher, I need to give props to a truly great beer store, Bruisin Ales in Asheville, NC. If you get within 100 miles of Asheville, check this place out. A very cool spot with 700 beers. We could have spent a week here! In the immortal words of Ricky Bobby from Talledega Nights, "If you don't know who Popcorn Sutton is, then fuck you!" He's only the most famous moonshiner of all time. With 3 members present (Bim, Johnny, and Fred) we had a quorum and were ready to judge. We started with Shiva IPA (6.0%) from the Asheville Brewing Co. This was not all that hoppy, but a good session beer with a cool bottle. MORE HOPS! It was a so/so. French Broad Brewing's Wee Heavy-er Scotch Ale (7%) was next. I once knew a French broad, and she was hot. However, there were no real scotch ale (or French) lovers here, and it rated only a so/so. New Belgium 2 Degrees Below Ale (6.6%) had a mixed start. It was a little citrusy, then the taste dropped off, but still was thought to be a good. New Belgium Mighty Arrow Pale Ale (6%) was better than there other offering. It started sweet, ended hoppy, and kept our tongues feeling dry. It was a good. Lagunitis (Censored) Kronik (5.9%), "rich copper ale", appealed to the pothead deep inside of us, but the taste was not right. It tasted metallic, as if brewed with real copper mining water. Johnny thought it tasted like fajitas (WTF???). New Belgium Fat Tire Ale (5.2%) states that it's "balanced well"... Says who? we thought it tasted more like a flat tire, with too little carbonation. It rated a so/so. As a side note, the home's refrigerator stopped working, causing the milk to spoil before we were able to fix it. This led to the home's owner to text me the following: "keep the beer cold... fuck the milk!" I couldn't have said it better. Boulder Beer Co. provided Hazed and Infused Dry Hopped ale (4.85%). This beer actually tasted like it was brewed by some dope smokers who forgot a few ingredients, and it rated only a so/so. Next was a collaboration between the kings of Scotland (Brewdog) and the Kings of California (Stone). Their little magic gathering of the minds produced a little black labeled bottle of goodness called BASHAH (8.6%). This was a Black Belgian Style Double IPA and it was really damn good. So good, we decided to get more and let our fellow founding fathers give it a rate. You could drink this stuff all night long. SKA Brewing, from Durango CO, provided a can of Modus Hopperandi IPA (6.8%). There was a split decision, as one member thought it tasted like a burnt flat tire, while others commented that it was canned goodness despite the fact that it was brewed by a bunch of dope smoking red diaper doper babies. It rated a good. New Belgium Ranger IPA (6.5%) was next. We were not all that impressed with their first offerings, but this shit was awesome! It was an easy RFG, and called the standard by which IPA's should be measured. Well Done New Belgium! Duck Rabbit Brown Ale (5.5%) ( a beer with a label featuring some weird animal that the straight guys interpret to be a duck, while the gays see a rabbit) , was just OK Dog, and rated a so/so. Nothing we'd ever buy again. Hoptical Illusion IPA (6.8%) from the Long Island Brewing Co., was next. It was good, but it's not an IPA. Are they high? Still, if you ignore the fact that they're passing this off as an IPA, it was a good beer and rated such. Skullsplitter Ale (8.5%) from the Orkney Brewery in Scotland got us on our feet! "Outfuckingstanding!" An awesome RFG, without a doubt, plus, who doesn't like a beer called Skullsplitter? Lefthand Brewing's 400lb Monkey English IPA (6.7%) was a real downer. First, it's solar powered. As said before, the only green you need to brag about is how green your hops are. Someone commented the following, "where are they shipping to, Newfoundland?" If anyone knows what this means, please post a comment. (It was later determined to mean, IPA was meant for shipping to India from England, hence the hops to preserve the beer. Since this crap had no hops, the comment was, how the fuck far are they shipping it from England, cause this swill would go skunky long before it made it to India) This was looking to be a banner night. Thirteen beers down, 3 members, everybody toasted. Somewhere around this point, Fred busted out a damn near perfect rendition of It Takes Two (80's old school rap by Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock).... complete with dance moves. Who knew that beer turns on his hip/hop idiot savant switch! Next up was Fort Collin's Maibock (6.5%). No comments, other than a rating of so/so. Sweetwater's Danktank Quad (11%) was next. The beer was no good, and to make matters worse, the bottle is covered with writing. Do they think they're Pulitzer Prize winning poets? Bim dumped it out after only a sip, a rarity for an 11%'er. It was a split decision between a so/so and sucks. Stone Levitation Ale (4.4%) was next. It was really hoppy and liked by the group, rating an IPA. New Belgium 1554 "enlightened black ale" (5.6%) was next. It says it's "keeping time in a bottle", sort of like our homebrew, which we describe as "keeping crap in the bottle", except that this one is good, and rated such. Oskar Blues is fast becoming one of our favorite breweries. They make good beers, and have the balls to put their beers in cans, right up there with other great beers such as Schlitz, Steel Reserve, and PBR. That said, they really have a winner here in their Ten Fidy Imperial Stout. (9.5%). "This dog'll hunt!" What a great beer! RFG!!! Highland Brewing Co.'s Gaelic Ale (5.8%), followed. This American amber ale was good, but nothing extraordinary. We ended this 21 beer night with Flyingdog's "Horndog" Barleywine style ale (10.2%). The concensus was that this was an RFG, but our nagging wives, who can taste and comment on beers but not officially vote on them, thought that we may have been too innebriated to call this one an RFG. And, in hindsight, they were probably right. I can admit it here since one of them read this blog! Thus, we have repurchased all the potential RFG's from our friends at Bruisin Ales, and will try them again on our home turf.

English Night

Hail to our English brothers, tonight's your night! I don't know who decided to do beers from across the pond, but why not? We've all seen those drunken hooligan soccer fans kicking the living shit out of each other. They ain't drinking KoolAid! What is it that makes these guys so violent? We aimed to find out just that. The night started with Wychwood Scarecrow, Golden Pale Ale (4.7%).This is an organic beer, which automatically makes us skeptical. The beer was a little fruity tasting, but the label had a cool picture of a scarecrow, which we all liked. That said, we rate the beer, and this was only a so/so. Next up was Wychwood Fiddler's Elbow (4.5%). Another great bottle with what we believed to be a picture of Willie Nelson jamming on a fiddle. Who knew that Willie was so popular in England? However, the beer was only a so/so. Samuel Smith Old Brewery Tadcaster (5%) was next. It lacked taste, and rated only a so/so. Greene King's Abbot Ale (5%) was our first English canned beer with a widget. We like widgets... magical little devices that shoot carbonation into canned beers when opened. The can had a cool picture of some dude who looked like the pope. Who knew that the pope was a beer drinker? My parish priest used to like to share dozens of beers with me when I was an 8 year old altar boy, until we both passed out, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised. The widget was cooler than the beer, which rated only a so/so. Next up was Morland's Old Speckled Hen Ale (5.2%) which was brewed to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the MG. It's named after some old car that used to sit out on the brewery grounds. Tasted a little like they brewed it with the MG's used oil! The can looked like an Olde English 500 Malt Liquor which earned it a few points. Still, it was a so/so. Tetley's English Ale (3.6%), was the weakest of the alcohol beers, but when you open it, the widget sounds like an F-14 with full afterburners. This beer was smooth and creamy, but rated only a so/so. Boddington's Pub Ale (4.7%) also boasts a widget, but it tasted flat and rated a so/so. Fuller's London Pride Pale Ale (4.7%), finally brought us our first Good. This beer is quite tasty. This was followed by another English staple, Bass Ale (5.0%). This beer is said to have been enjoyed by both Buffalo Bill and Napoleon, among others. If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for the BC4M, and it rated a good. And that was it for the Brits. Time to break out some others... First up was Monty Python's Holy Grail Ale (4.7%) which is brewed in NY. We like the idea of this beer being "tempered over burning witches", but would rather it be brewed the old-fashioned way. It rated a so/so. Ayinger provided the Altbairisch Dunkel (5%). This Bavarian Dark Lager was a thriller. Every sip tasted different. The first sip was dog urine, the second was fairly good beer, and the third was awesome. It rated a solid good. Widmer Brothers Drop Top Ale (5%) was what was in my keg, and it hadn't been rated yet, so tonight was the night. This is a clean amber, easy to chug, slightly sweet. It rated a good. And the last beer of the night was the Rogue Hazelnut Brown Nectar (6.2%). Fred, like the giant squirrel that he is, stocked up on nutty ales, and needed to start unloading them, hence the Rogue. This beer is REALLY HAZELNUTTY!. It is the turtle sunday of beers, and was described as a desert beer, best served warm with whipped cream. It was a good. That was it... all out of beers. So Fred broke out the Blenheim's Ginger Ale. This is some hot, spicy shit! An RFG of ginger ales! The elixir of the South! No doubt the sweetest firecracker in existence! And to cap off the night, in a nod to Tank, we finished with a shot of Maker's Mark, chased with a Dogfish Head Pangea. The Maker's rocked... the Pangea still sucks. It was a jolly good show, but the night was over.

Wilder Turns 37

In honor of Johnny's 37th birthday and Michele's 47th, we gathered at Fred's to sample a few birthday gifts. First up was the newest beer from Rogue. This is called Imperial Youngers Special Bitter (7.4%). This beer has an ass-kicking bottle, and it smelled right, but the taste was bland. Major props to the Rogue guys for their bottle, but the beer netted mixed reviews. Michele liked it, but the others thought it lacked something, namely a beer taste to match the cool bottle. It had a great sweet smell, with a funky aftertaste and rated a so/so. Next up was Rogue's signature pilsner, Morimoto (8.8%), possibly named after Japanese Iron Chef Morimoto-san. Another awesome bottle, white with Japanese kanji writing. Having lived in Japan, I am fluent in the language of our eastern yellow brethren, and I correctly interpreted it to say "Death to America". That said, the beer had an odd smell, but a better taste and rated a good. These bottles are great. We sometimes like to hurl bottles into the woods after really good meetings, and these bottles will sail with the best of them.