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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Cheers to you Richard Dawson

For many of us who grew up in the 70's and 80's, one of the golden standards of television was the afternoon game show. From Match Game, to The Newlywed Game to Bob Barker and The Price is Right, game shows filled the schedule on all 3 of the major networks (that's right you spoiled fucktards living in grandma's basement with your 500 channels of Japanese anime porn, we only had 3 back then and we even had to get up to change the channel). Perhaps the greatest of them all starred a dashing English transplant who had risen to fame earlier in his career by playing Corporal Newkirk on the smash comedy series Hogan's Heroes. The game show of course was Family Feud, and no one owned the set like the horny bloke from the U.K. that would start each show by planting his lips on every female contestant regardless of size, race or age. With a quick wit and a charming smile that even ultimate pantie peeling crooner Tom Jones could have taken a lesson from, Dawson was the original TV pimp master. Show after show, year after year, our affable host watched as some of the most "gifted" and "educated" people on the planet took their chances on winning the "Feud" and going home with the then monumental sum of $5000 bucks. They just don't make them like they used to, and it was with much sadness that the BC4M's version of Richard Dawson, hooter aficionado Snake Pliskin himself, delivered the news to the rest of us that the greatest host of all time had been called up to the big game show in the sky. Snake, who's hearty laugh and endless supply of machismo captivates all the ladies, usually spends most of his time at a BC4M meeting making like Richard by kissing and fondling our better halves instead of drinking beer. He thought it was only fitting to call a special meeting to have a few drinks to honor the "kissing bandit" himself. First up was a new wild ale from The Bruery, Otiose (8.2%). Aged in oak barrels with guava added, the sour notes puckered Snakes lips and he asked, "did you say guano added?, cause this tastes funky as fuck!" Everyone else seemed to enjoy it and we rated it a solid good. Next up was the newest release from another of our favorite brewers, Firestone Walker Wookey Jack (8.3%). Black IPA's are all the rage in the craft beer world, as seemingly every brewer is coming out with one, most of which are watery messes that are better left in a portajohn. This one however, is simply amazing, "Holy fuck that is good", said Fred, as Bim added, "Does everything they make have to be so fucking good?". With a crisp hoppy body and a touch of rye that gives it a slight peppery finish this is one fine beer and it received the coveted RFG. We then moved on to a collaboration between The Bruery and Bootlegger's Brewing, Chocosaurus Rye (7.0%), a rye beer that has cocoa nibs and vanilla beans added to the mix. Only the most subtle hints of vanilla could be detected although there was a substantial amount of milk chocolate flavor that was sadly a tad flat for our liking. Still it was a solid effort on a style we hadn't ever had and it got a good. The next beer was from another west coast great, The Lost Abbey Cuvee de Tomme (11.0%). This is a big brown ale that they use 4 types of sugars in before throwing it into bourbon barrels for over a year all the while sitting on a bed of sour cherriesThis is one massively complex beer that tantalizes your tongue with a barrage of bold flavors including raisins, dates, cherries, and bourbon. "This is my type of beer" smiled Snake, as Fred added, "Too many of these and someone is going home without panties". A really good was the rating so we then tried a Old SchoolHouse Brewer's Reserve Imperial Stout (10.0%). This one had a solid but not spectacular stout body with a a roasted malt backbone that screamed mediocre. Merely a good, we then tried The Bruery Sans Pagaie (5.8%). This is another wild ale from Patrick Rue and the boys and it was yet another winner. Sour lemon and sour cherry combined with a surprisingly ripe smell that could stop a horny billygoat in his tracks, although the taste was simply crisp and refreshing. "That shit smells like shit" said Snake, while Bim added, "Hmm, smells sorta like the uterus of that cum dumpster I saw today at the clinic". As he dunked a handful of chips into the cheese dip he laughed and added, "Or did I just forget to wash my hands after I saw her?" Despite the stomach turning description of the meat flaps Bim had massaged earlier in the day, this one was a real treat and got a really good. Our final beer of the night was The Bruery Barrel Aged Smoking Wood (13.0%). As many of you know, we generally despise three types of beers, light lagers like Bud, hefeweizens and rauchbiers. To us, the typical rauchbier tastes like they took the ashes from a fire bombed towel-head hideout and fermented it through a baby's soiled diaper before bottling it. This one however, is simply divine. Not overpoweringly smokey like your great aunt Gertrude and her 5 pack a day Pall Mall habit, this one is much more subtle and allows the porter base to shine through with a surprisingly sour finish. "Guys, I gotta tell ya, this is my favorite beer of the night" said Snake. We all agreed it was phenomenal and it too garnered an RFG rating. By this time, we were a bit tipsy and decided to call it a night with one final salute to a one of kind television icon.....Survey Says...........Rest in peace brother.... 


Iluvthebirch said...