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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, March 28, 2011

Stifler's Big Surprise

From the title, I'm sure that you readers fully expect some type of penis jokes as being the "big surprise". Not here. The BC4M is a very serious group. We never resort to genitalia jokes, boob shots, or Fred telling off-color jokes for cheap laughs. So what was Stifler's Big Surprise? It was the fact that the Beach Brewing Company has a new beer... And it's good! This one is a double IPA called Hoptopus (8.8%). It is by far their best effort (even by our lame standards). A little sweet, a little hoppy, easily drinkable with enough alcohol to get your buzz on and make things interesting. In fact, this stuff has such an alcohol punch that the first time we got together as a group to sample it, the BC4M looked more like a skid row drinking binge with bodies strewn all over the place. Bim and Wilder were located in the back yard, totally wasted, while Snake and Fred were located hours later in a completely different part of town, mumbling incoherently, and D-rail, well, the picture speaks for itself. This stuff may well be the Four Loco version of IPA's. Even Ken was impressed as he declared, "at least it doesn't smell like Fred Flintstone's ass". Despite the near alcohol poisoning, the taste is really good and the beer rated such. With a little more hop flavor this one could be spectacular. If you haven't sampled this beer, get over to Beach and get some before it all disappears.


Jason said...

What follows is a rating of a beer provided to me by Beerclub member Bim. This is one of his vaunted home brews. I've heard that brewers like to use something about themselves in choosing the name of their beers. Bim chose Polesmoker. How appropriate. As I crack open the label-deprived bottle, the first thing to hit me is the aroma. The sweet, slightly hoppy smell caresses my olfactory sense with a promise of good things to come. It never delivers. The first sip conjured up an image of someone ringing a dirty dish rag out in my mouth. You know, one that had been balled up in the sink and never quite dried out. The second was how I would imagine it would taste dumping a jar of old pennies in my mouth that had been collected from a wet alleyway in Detroit. The third sip would be akin to licking the taint of an Indian (dot not feather) curry salesman in August in Calcutta. Each sip successively worse, to the point where I am unable to prucure further vomit inducing imagery. Here lies the problem: I am quite familiar with your own rating system, but I believe it to be lacking when it comes to this particular beer. You see, RFG is the pinnacle. It aptly proclaims "This beer is Really Fucking Good" with boldness. On the opposite end is "Sucks." Whereas it tells the audience that the beer is obviously terrible, it lacks the panache of the RFG. Just as Superman needs his Lex Luthor, RFG needs it's polar opposite, it's antithesis, it's biblical "east from west" analogy. Therefore necessity rightly brings the RFB, the Really Fucking Bad. Polesmoker has found it's home.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the beerclub4men has just found it's latest recruit...i say let the initiation begin!!!!

Beer Club 4 Men said...

Thank you “Jason” (if that is your real name) for your unsolicited, yet insightful review. We at the CHC Brewery strive to bring you the finest craft beers. Like our idol, Sam Calagione from Dogfish Head, we travel the globe to find the most unique and flavorful beer ingredients. We are amazed that your distinguished palate was able to correctly name each of these specialty additives. Snake spent 4 long summer months in Calcutta, every day carefully collecting the taint juice of our sweaty curry salesman Samir Banglev. And the dishrag you identified, while very close, was actually an old, wet towel used to clean the urinal splatter in the men’s room of an I-95 rest area. But your best identification came with the pennies. Bim Jr collected pennies for a year, which we then scattered in a Norfolk alley letting them marinate in bum urine and the elements for 12 months before being collected and added to our beer during secondary fermentation. Your ability to discern the subtle taste of decaying copper is truly a gift. We submitted our Polesmoker Porter to Beer Advocate for tasting, but their review was only three words: “Tastes like shit”. You sir, not only have a gifted palate but are also quite the wordsmith. Our hats off to you “Jason”.

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