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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Friday, October 22, 2010

Road trip to Gordon Biersch

So Friday evening was upon us and the girls were deep into Virginia wine country on their weekend trip and were probably feeling a little giddy after we learned that they had stormed the steps of two wineries and devoured both places of their entire fall wine stock like a flock of blue jays emptying a winter bird feeder. Happy that they were having a much deserved "chick trip", one of our associates, the deacon of boombastic sonic fury himself, Big Audio Dynamite had arranged for the BC4M to take our own road trip and have a few beers at the local Gordon Biersch. Prince Mike, Bim, D-Rail, Fred, Snake and 10pm all arrived promptly at 6:26 to meet up with our host. Big Audio had recently gotten back home after being the head of security for the middle eastern leg of the "Bend over and touch your toes if you love a good Polka" tour by the notorious death metal/polka outfit Accidental Goat Sodomy. "I bet you were shit house drunk every night of the tour" asked Bim, but Big Audio replied "Fuck no, those guys were such boy scouts. I mean, what the fuck does a guy got to do to see the occasional donkey show?" The place was packed, but since Big Audio and the G.M. of the restaurant Sean, were buds, we got a couple of choice tables near the bar. (Maybe its cause the folks at Gordon Biersch knew that The fucking BC4M were in the house, but then again, maybe it was cause Big Audio threatened to crack a few skulls if we didn't get some prime real estate near the beer. Gordon Biersch was one of the first "macro-craft" brewers that we had discovered early on. They make a bunch of fine beers, and they also contract brew for places like Trader Joes. We were hoping to get to sample some beers we hadn't ever had while we were there. The seasonal beer on tap was the always tasty FestBier (5.3%). This is their ode to their Deutschlandic roots and is a classic, easy drinking Oktoberfest lager. "Nothing says good time more than beer and boobs" said Fred, to which Snake raised his stein to concur. Full of flavor, it is a solid good. While we ordered up some grub, we got a few taster flights to see which beers we should get our big boy mugs filled with. We tried the Schwarzbier (4.3%) which was dark yet surprisingly thin. 10pm told our hostess, "Damn, as dark as this is, it still ain't worth a shit." The taste was decent but lacked any ambition to get ahead in life so we gave it a so-so. Next was the Golden Export (4.7%) that "Tastes like a a bowl of fucking soggy Cheerios" said Bim, as Fred added, "Canada Dry Ginger Ale has more ass and body than this crap". "You know how I love me some Canadian ass" said Snake as we watched a seemingly endless bevy of Friday night boobage parade by our table. This beer is on par with say Corona or maybe Miller Lite in that its weak, watery and full of grainy flavors that are typical of the mass marketed swill that most Americans call "beer". The last of the beers we got to try was the Marzen (5.7%). This according to Sean, is their most popular beer. While we were waiting for our dinner to arrive, he gave us a tour of the surprisingly cramped brewing facility that we tagged.

It's amazing how much brewing equipment can get stuffed in a space the size of a double wide trailer. Big Audio said the boys at GB were looking to expand, but according to head brewer Hosiah Morehead, the landlord at their Town Center location was squeezing every tenant like a loan shark causing him to constantly yell "the damn rent is too high". Bim was hoping to learn the secrets to creating a good beer from Hosiah, but we learned he was out of town on "business". "Lets just say he likes to make what the frogs in France call "films" said Big Audio, as we learned that one of the Commonwealth of Virginia's finest film and stage actresses (and the first nekkid chick a horny 15 year old Snake had ever laid eyes on via his Uncle's well used Betamax player), Seka was at that very moment learning why Hosiah has such an unusual last name. Our food arrived by then, and as we began to devour the 3lb Kobe beer burgers that Big Audio had recommended, we saw a cavalcade of pseudo-celebrity lookalikes including Diana Taurasi , Ohio State's Jim Tressel and a obviously drunk or light in the loafers type lad that mistakenly thought it was Halloween as he pretended to be football legend Bear Bryant. "Some dumb ass motherfucker just lost a bet" said Prince Mike as he chuckled toward the plaid wearing doucher sashaying to his group in the corner. As we laughed at the goofy bastard, we ordered another round of beers before we decided to call it a night. As we got up to leave, we thanked Big Audio for a great time and watched as he left a trail of burnt rubber and one nearly emasculated circus midget as he sped off to host a gig on his slick new Buell IDO69 Assassin bike. Another great time was had by all and we looked forward to our next visit as we anxiously await the tapping of Gordon Biersch's next seasonal beer, Winter Bock.


Anonymous said... hilarious. I think I was at Gordon Biersch that same night because I remember seeing (what now I realize MUST have been the BC4M) entourage rushing like hobos on a ham sandwich towards the brew room...knocking over whoever got in their way. Talk about celeb wanna-be's? Led by Penn (from Penn & Teller), there was a young, grinning Jackie Chan...a real-live Fred Flinstone (who knew?)...the less-than-genius-goombah Bobby from the Sopranos (bless his heart)...a tipsy Richard Dreyfuss...and a Ricky Gervais (did anyone ever actually watch the British version of The Office?). I hope the fine folks at GB let you back in next time, ya obnoxious bastages.

Beer Club 4 Men said...

They ain't letting us back in after we trashed their beers!

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