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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Bon Voyage Bitches


This coming Friday, the better halves of our quiet, mild mannered neighborhood, or more commonly known to the BC4M as the Wine Club for Women are heading up for a debauchery filled "girls only" wine trip to the Shenandoah Mountains. The "B's of CHC" as their snazzy new t-shirts proclaim, are heading on their "Bitches and Whine Tour 2010" and have an itinerary that is almost completely hush hush. All that the boys know is that the ladies are going to be staying at a quaint country farmhouse called "A Roll in the Hay", and that several area wineries will be visited by our saucy group of bacchanalians. Who knows what other spicy events the ringleader of the group (Claire Griswald) has planned for our group of wine loving minxes but surely they are in for an amazing time (remember ladies, bras and panties are not optional). Since we would be left flying "solo" for the weekend, Mrs. Wilder (Dr. Cricket Sassafrass) and Mrs Fred (Princess Flirtaliscious) decided we needed to have a celebratory flamingo before the big trip. Mrs. 10pm (Tabletop Tessa), Mrs. Bim (Florence Naughtygale), Mrs. Chip Fontaine (Pera Honeydews) and Mrs. Crazy Ken (Judy Boom) all gathered at Wilder's for a night of food, fun, and of course, drunken booty shaking. Johnny told us he had brought back a few bombers from our favorite Delaware brewery, Dogfish Head. We had tried both of them at the GABF, but we wanted to let the other members have a taste so we first opened a Dogfish Head Chateau Jiahu (8.0%). This is a beer based on a 9000 year old clay pot found in China ("What the fuck is this, a fermented bottle of duck sauce?" asked Fred, the only curmudgeon on the planet that is under 70 years old, and who surely wouldn't be welcome at a United Nations conference). The label had a picture of what could have been a mirror image of Tessa's half step-aunt Jade who was an avant-garde nude fashion model in the late 70's that was famous for her Kanji tramp stamp that our Japanese correspondent Bim correctly translated to mean "please deposit here". We didn't think too highly of it in Denver but it tasted a little better from the bottle. This is a very unique beer that reminded Ken of a bottle of Welch's grape juice. 10pm took one sip and his facial expression said "Thanks for fucking poisoning me, this is fucking awful". Bim and Johnny said it was a so-so to good, while Crazy Ken secretly poured his into the spinach dip on the counter hoping nobody would notice. Maybe it wasn't that good after all, so we gave it a so-so and moved on to a Ska Brewing Local Series Clancy's Black Beer #16 (5.4%). This is a schwarzbier or literally "black beer" that is a homebrew entry from an oil worker in New Mexico named Clancy Calhoun. This one had a noticeable roasted caramel flavor that was quite interesting. It was thin in body but still packed alot of flavor so it got a good. Next was a Hitachino Nest XH (7.0%), a beer that is aged in sake casks. Sake of course is the traditional Japanese alcohol that most of us ignorant Westerners refer to as rice wine. Its actually more akin to beer, but with generally much higher alcohol content. This stubby bottle of strength had a powerful kick but went down as smooth as a 19 year old coed's g-stringed backside. You could really taste the sake barrel influence as the bite from the alcohol was tempered by the crisp rice aftertaste. Even though this was one listed in a recent article that Snake had found suggesting it was one of the 25 best beers in the world, we thought it only deserved a solid good, although we would surely drink it again. As the boys looked for more beers to sample, we noticed that the vino was flowing like Niagara Falls and the girls were getting a tad bit restless and flirty. The thing that usually happens about this time is that the dancing shoes come on and the girls start to boogie down. The entertainment coordinator of the group, The Deacon of Funk himself, J. Wilder busted out his boom box and Ipod and proceeded to flood the house with some rump rustling tunes. Nothing says a great time more than watching our smoking hot wives bouncing their juggies while they danced to wholesome songs like "I'm in Miami Bitch" and "Get Back". As we watched each and every one of the girls gyrating their junk trunks to the dope beats blaring from the speakers, we moved on to a Deschutes Brewing Hop in the Dark C.D.A. (6.5%). A "Cascadian Dark Ale", this is a new style of beer that the flannel wearing set up in the Pacific northwest call their black IPA's. This was slightly bitter like a good IPA, but was full of malty flavorful. Tarry in appearance, and not overly thick in body, Fred, Bim and Johnny loved it while Ken and 10pm thought it was so-so at best. We decided to make it a good since we had such disparate opinions on the beer. As the clock struck midnight, the girls were still shaking their money makers and we had one final beer to try, Dogfish Head Bitches Brew (9.0%), a mixture of imperial stout with honey and gesho root. The african themed label and the gesho root reminded Bim of his days as an undergrad working for UNICEF in Ethiopia back in the early 70's. "Ahhhh, the glorious gesho root, I remember planting and smoking it with the Ugiboogi tribe that I communed with in the Lake Tana region." "If it hadn't been for that bad case of dysentery that caused me to have to come home, I might still be living among those sex craved women that called me Donku Etongyajor or what the English speaking world would know as Gonad the Barbarian". As we cackled with laughter at the hilarious story of Bim's sordid tale of jungle fever, we all agreed that the beer was rated a really good. The honey gave the imperial stout a sweet undertone that balanced perfectly with the roasted malts. The beers were now done, the ladies had danced themselves silly and bedtime beckoned. We gave all the ladies hugs and wished them well on their trip as we looked forward to having them back with us safe and sound and ready to party again......

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John said...

Planning on sending some tasty brews to you guys soon... :)

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