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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Bimigan's Island

To the tune of Gilligan's Island (with a link to refresh the memory of those too stoned to remember the 60's or any year for that matter and those that haven't yet discovered this TV land classic)

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale
A tale of an awesome trip
That started from a Virginia Beach port
Aboard Snake's cruisin' ship
The mate was a mighty medicine man
The skipper was cocksure
Eight passengers set sail that day
For a 4-hour tour, a 4-hour tour

The blazing sun had worn us down
The swimming did some too
If not for the ice cold beers on board
Paramedics would be on the move
Paramedics would be on the move

So Snake then brought the boat ashore
To a rundown pub nearby
With Bimigan, J. Wilder and Big Mike too
Fred Flintstone........... and his wife
The migrant worker girls
The soccer mom and The Bengals fan
Here on Bimigan's island.......

It was a gorgeous, cloudless day in the Tidewater area, and the President of the CHC yacht club, Snake, had offered to take a few of the BC4M members and their better halves out for a cruise on one of the many boats in his stable of watercraft. We loaded up the coolers with beer and snacks and headed out for a trip up and down Broad Bay. The engines were humming and the beers were going down smooth as the talented hands of our Captain skillfully guided the vessel up the shoreline. We watched as jet skis zipped around us like schools of dolphins at play while party boats filled with drunken coeds from havens of academia such as JMU and Longwood shook their skimpily clad booties to the "give me dat boom boom boom" that filled the air. After cruising for an hour or so, Snake parked the yacht for a swim call. Even though the water was infested with Portuguese man-o-war jellyfish, the CHC crew jumped right in and swam like horny teenagers. Bim, an amateur marine biologist in his spare time, spent most of his swim time examining crab pots to ensure that the critters were being caught in a humane manner so as not to suffer needlessly. Wilder, a proponent of the new extreme sport of freediving, had descended to the murky depths below and returned with a treasure trove of artifacts that included a weathered "6 Million Dollar Man" lunchbox. After enduring a few stings from the jellyfish horde, the synchronized swim team known as "Snap Bean and Sugar Pea" thats consists of the wives of Big Mike and Snake called it a day and came back aboard. We headed back home after enjoying a sun drenched day on the water only to discover that right across the street from the marina was a dive bar that Wilder had discovered on one of his "sales" trips to the beach. "One drink" he promised to the ladies, so we headed in to find what turned out to be a closet sized hole in the wall that actually had a damn fine selection of beers. The decor was a mixture of Rastafarian beach meets 1980's porn as a signed picture of the Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy adorned the wall behind the barkeep. "Seems like we might just be having a BC4M session boys" said Snake as we each picked a different beer to sample. First was a re-tasting of Brewdog 5 A.M Saint (5.0%), which we had tried at the Richmond beer fest. Liked it there and liked it again, so it got a good. Flying Dog Garde Dog (5.5%) was next and it boasted a label that featured a rabid version Bim's recently departed dog Faye. This one was very smooth and its mellow flavor belied its vicious label, but it too rated a good. Sea Dog Blue Paw Wild Blueberry Wheat Ale (4.6%) was brought to our attention by Wilder's wife, so we sipped what tasted like blueberry waffles in a bottle. Decent, but probably brewed for the limp-wristed pansies and turd-tappers of the world, it only rated a so-so to us. 21st Amendment Back In Black IPA (6.8%) was a can of pure brute force that is blacker that the ace of clubs. This is not overly hopped but had a very rich flavor and it rated a really good. Full Sail Session Premium Lager (5.1%) was shared next and it was a solid drinking beer made for case sized consumption. Decent, and with a much better taste than the mass marketed swill most people consume, it rated a good. Weyerbacher Merry Monks (9.3%) was a Belgian style Trippel that was off the mark. Grape flavors dominated and the typical American over use of Belgian yeast caused this one to be ok at best and it rated a so-so. The final beer (and since we all ordered only one each, we hadn't broken the promise that Wilder had put out) was Brewdog's Speyside Paradox Macallan (10.0%). An American dubbel style (made in Scotland no less) that is aged in sherry casks, it was dark, sugary and rich all at the same time. A little thin, but still full of flavors, this one was a solid good. We paid our tab and watched as Big Mike almost had put the slobberknocker on one drunk moron that had made the mistake of asking him if we were members of a traveling glee club. Another successful tasting session had come upon us as quick as an afternoon thunderstorm. We then made our way back to the hood for some midnight adult swim time in the casa de Wilder lagoon (but thats a whole other story for another time dear readers). Until our next visit, Ahoy you scurvy dogs.......