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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Frank the Tank hosts a "sit down"

It was a balmy Thursday evening when we gathered at Frank the Tank's for an important meeting of the BC4M. Earlier in the week, the group's communications czar, Bim, had sent out a text stating that all available members were to report to Tank's compound for some important "bidness to discuss". Without knowing what the meeting entailed, Fred, Bim, Wilder, Big Mike, 10pm and Snake gathered around the antique Italian Chestnut table that Tank's paternal great-great grandfather had hand carved while "shipwrecked" for 4 months on the isle of Lesbos in the late 1800's. Tank's lovely bride had spent the entire day concocting a feast befitting the Roman army. On the table was what looked like the entire cookbook from the BC4M's favorite TV cook, Giada. As we dug in to such delectable treats as slim jim's and cheese dip, we commenced to listen as Tank opened the floor with a stirring karaoke rendition of Loverboy's classic Hot Girls in Love. After bringing down the house and having us cackle with laughter, we got down to the business at hand, drinking and rating some beers. As we cracked open our first beer, The Bruery Autumn Maple (10.0%), Tank said that the reason he had decided to host the weekly BC4M roundtable was so he could ask the founding fathers if his brother, a cugine by the name of Mickey Boombatz could be made a member in the BC4M. As we tasted a beer that was made with molasses, yams and maple syrup, we comtemplated the idea of initiating a new associate into the "family". The beer was way to cidery and was overpoweringly sugary so we gave it a so-so. Bim told Frank, if we decide to bring Mickey onboard, he would have to pass the initiation ritual that all new members must perform, namely bringing 10 new beers to a meeting. "Consider it done" declared Tank, as we moved on to a Green Flash Summer Saison (4.5%). An unfiltered, golden farmhouse ale, this one was about as fresh as a newly brazilianed pair of meat curtains and tasted just as tangy. "Damn this ain't bad" said 10pm, as we gave it a good. Eel River Triple Exultation (9.7%) was described on the label as a "certified organic" old ale that tasted according to Fred, "like a dry bottle of Maguier's carnuaba wax" so it rated a sucks. Out of the cooler came a Jolly Pumpkin Biere de Mars (7.0%) which was a French style stock ale, "whatever the fuck that means" said Big Mike. This one will curl your tongue like a jar of sour pickles a newly expectant young lady devours while craving a foot massage. "Damn this is sour as fuck!" said Snake, who added, "The more I drink of it, the more I like it, and I still don't like it". Fred and J.Wild loved the tart vibe, but the others hated it so it got the split vote we are accustomed to giving the sour beers and gave it a so-so. Otter Creek Imperial Series IPA (11.0%) was next and it was as dry as the Mojave desert at high noon in August. This stuff was so dry, that one sip would cause your tongue to curl up like a just popped balloon so Bim suggested we should help BP out by dropping a six kicker of this in the Gulf of Mexico to dry up all the spilled oil. So-so at best, we moved on to Weyerbacher Tiny (11.8%), a Belgian style imperial stout. Thick, effervescent, and as dark as the underside of King Kong's ball sack, this one had alot of alcohol bite to it and was like drinking a carbonated booze bomb, but it was still quite tasty and garnered a good. Two beers from Barrel House Brewing Company were next. Cumberland Pale Ale (4.6%) was so-so since it was nothing more than a forgettable Miller Lite style beer while Duveneck's Dortmunder Style Lager (4.5%) was pure crap in a bottle. Named after the famous Cincinnati painter of The Whistling Boy, this one was an utter disaster that tasted like a minty Werther's and was so bad, we all poured it out after one sip. "That was disgusting" said Bim as 10 pm added, "Nope, don't like it". We opened up one final bottle for the night, Schlafly Reserve Imperial Stout (10.5%). Smooth and silky, this is a barrel aged stout that doesn't kick you in the jimmy, but has just the right amount of bourbon heat to balance the rich chocolatey flavor. A solid good, we wrapped up the evening by casting a roundtable vote on the newest member of the B4M. Aye, was the unanimous result, so we adjourned and informed Tank to spread the good news to his brother. We raised our glasses to our host and we bid him farewell with the traditional Italian toast of Salude! Another successful meeting, and a new member of the brotherhood added.