defrLatest Breaking News..

We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, June 10, 2010

D-Rail's Dieu Dieu Chili Night

Thursday had rolled around and we actually got to do a meeting on our normal night. Bim once again proved to be a competent host as we sat out under the stars listening to the soothing sounds of the babbling water feature in his back yard. Actually, the noises we were hearing were from the 5 billion bugs that migrate to Bim's backyard pond every summer to reproduce and cause general mayhem in the neighborhood. Armed with an industrial strength aerosol bug repellent that was probably on the EPA banned substances list, we set out to try another grouping of new beers. The lineup assembled for the evening included some remains from Fred's cache and amazingly enough even a few gifts from D-Rail himself. Fresh back from a job harvesting plantains on his Bolivian uncle Julio "Dirty" Rodriguez's Costa Rican commune, D-Rail had finally earned enough "dineros" to actually afford to bring the group a beer or two. Before we cracked open his offerings, we poured a Hoppin Frog Mean Manalishi Double IPA (8.2%). Fred mentioned it had to be named for the famed Judas Priest song that rocked during Bim's mullet wearing Z-28 Camaro driving days of the late 70's, but the ultra-hip and urbane J Wilder said it was actually a term describing someone who could "make it rain bitches". Snake said "I don't give a fuck what it means, pour me a damn beer". This tasted very hoppy and was a smooth concoction that made Bim say, "oh hell yea" and it rated a good. Next was a Voodoo Brewery Pilzilla Lager (6.7%) which featured a hop covered T-rex that supposedly depicted the power of the beer that resided inside. Clever names and snazzy labels aside, this beer in one word FUCKING SUCKS. The bottle should have had Godzilla's goofy nephew Godzookie on it cause it was weak as hell and it tasted like warm goat piss (well at least D-Rail says it does). Prince Mike even got into the discussion by describing this as "a failed short bus home-ec project". We moved on to a Pikes Naughty Nellie Artisan Golden Ale (4.7%). Malt, hop, and taste free, artisan evidently is Latin for 'alcohol free'. This beer was simply awful. Wilder wanted to know what made this fair haired Nellie so naughty, and we found out this beer was named after the saucy minx who ran the brothel in the town where this brewery was founded. Thin as a rail with no curves at all, this blonde could have made a fortune as the nightly entertainment at the local hoosegow, but as for us, we said no thank you madam. Further research shows that Naughty Nellie's are also cast iron boot jacks popular during the late 1800's that depict a spread legged harlot that would help you get your boots off when you went indoors. Nothing says "welcome home honey" from a long day slaving in the coal mines than a corseted floozy with her legs akimbo. Next was another from Voodoo Brewery, 4 Seasons IPA (8.0%) which according to the lads that make this suck ass chocolate IPA is a rotating release that is supposed to be a different recipe each season of the year. Bim said, "If I had brewed this, I'd walk around the neighborhood in my banana hammock with a chub". D-Rail proclaimed this to be "the Coors Light of IPA's" which was very astute of him. This one was so-so at best so we moved onward with a Heavy Seas Loose Cannon Hop3 IPA (7.25%). This hop-cubed ale is very drinkable and even though it claims to use 3 pounds of hops per barrel, it isn't overly hoppy at all. We finally decided to break out the D-Rail gift pack, starting with some new Canuck beers from a French-Canadian outfit called Brasserie Dieu Du Ciel (which Fred incorrectly interpreted to mean, "She has some big ole hooters", until the multi-lingual D-Rail chimed in that his Slovenian wet nurse had taught him how to speak fluent French and the words loosely meant the "God of the Sky" or "Heaven" restaurant. First up was Dieu Du Ciel Derniere Volonte (6.5%) which turned out to mean "last will". An abbey style ale, it was a typical Belgian style that was decent but nothing out of the ordinary. Dieu Du Ciel Corne Du Diable (6.5%) which we thought meant "chili con creamed corn" featured the devil with a goatee so big that according to Wilder "you could roast marshmallows on that sucker". This was a Belgian style IPA that was ok at best, but the label was swanky enough to elicit some praise from Bim, the resident art critic. River Horse Hop-A-Lot-Amus (8.5%) was a unfiltered double IPA that was simply ok and was not at all hoppy. It seems that many of the craft brew folks these days are spending more time on making up cutesy names rather than making beers that stand up to the designer label. Magic Hat Blind Faith IPA (6.2%) was offered next, and true to form, this was a watery mess that just didn't have any legs. IPA my ass exclaimed Wilder, and D-Rail put in his usual "this shit ain't as good as Bud Light". We then tried a Magic Hat Odd Notion Summer 2010 (5.5%). This ginger flavored bottle of crap was about as worthless as an ass tickling cum bubble. "Why the hell do they waste time with this shit" said Fred, as he went to pour his out. " I would rather lick the underside of a toilet seat at a truck stop than drink another ounce of this piss" said Wilder. To try and get the stench of this swill off our tongues, we moved to a Heavy Seas Peg Leg Imperial Stout (8.0%) which was as smoky as a Mississippi juke joint. Watery, but very tasty, this was a thin stout that at least rated a good and helped us erase the memories of the pooptastic Odd Notion. Dominion's Oak Barrel Stout (5.2%) was opened, and it was described by Snake as "a flat vanilla Coke". "Snap, Crackle and Stout", Prince Mike chimed in describing this weak ass brew that he said must have been made by the Keebler Elves. Another of D-Rails beers was brought to the table next, the Nogne O IPA (7.5%), a beer from Norway that was also a Belgian style IPA, that tasted better than the doo doo chili version and got a good. Bim produced another "beer" from the Magic Hat folks, #9 (5.1%), that was grape like in flavor without being too sweet. Easily the best beer these fools make, it was decent. The final beer of the evening was a Dieu Du Ciel Peche Mortel (9.5%) or "Mongo's Peach Sack" (really meaning Mortal Sin) was an imperial coffee stout that hit like a kick to the taint. This was probably the best beer of the night, and it had a remarkably easy drinkability so it rated a good. Upon finishing this one up we decided to call it a night as many of us had to work the next day, but fear not, we are fast approaching beer number 500, and we will have a special tasting to honor that feat. Until next time....don de doo motherfucka's.....