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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Chocolate Rain

The event was a birthday party. Johnny Wilder's wife was turning 15, her quinceanera. To celebrate the day, the girls decided on a chocolate party. Some broad was hired to bring in all kinds of chocolate, and while she entertained the ladies in one room, the boys moved to another to celebrate life's biggest gifts: some special meat that Snake brought over and beer. About 15 minutes into the extravaganza, Bim showed up. The resident proctologist that he is, Bim crashed the all-female chocolate party and wowed the ladies with his unique perspective on the chocolate treats and how closely they resembled the characters in the Bristol Stool Chart, the subject on which he based his doctoral dissertation. Barely escaping with his nutsack intact, he was immediately banned to the male side of the party. With that, the tasting kicked off. It was a full tasting group, as interlopers from all across the east coast joined us this night. We started the night with Scuttlebutt Weizenbock (7.9%). This beer had a slightly boozy feel to it, and was a good start to the night, rating a good. Diamond Knot Ho!Ho! (8.5%) was more like Whoa Whoa! Don't buy this shit! It sucks! Stuff tasted like liquid sawdust and was the first pour out of the night. Lagunita's Cappucino Stout (9.26%) had a very robust coffee smell, but a light body, rating a good. Bavik Petrus Oude Bruin (5.5%) had a slightly sour taste, a hard as hell name to pronounce, but all in all was really good. Otter Creek's 20th Anniversary Ale  (12%) was sweet as fuck, which everyone loved, rating it a really good. It was about this time that Bim decided to entertain the group with his stories of youthful indescretion. He regalled us with his telling of how he used to urinate in the ball washers on public golf courses. Everyone laughed at Bim's loveable story, except for Wilders brother-in-law, Rory, a golf pro who specializes in schooling young ladies on the finer points of golf. Apparently young Rory had recently used such a ball washer, and was not so amused. Fred quickly eased the tension by cracking a previously reviewed beer, Cigar City's Marshal Zhukov. This stout is spectacular, and only gets better with age. Twisted Pine's Bigshot Expresso Stout (6.0%) was opened next. This thing tasted like a strong shot of coffee, but not much else, and rated a so/so. Brouwery De Dochter van de Korogaar Embrasse (9.0%), was a beer with a really long fucking name, but a pretty good taste. Bayerischer Bahnhof Brettanomyces Lambicus (3.0%) was tart, tangy, and while not enjoyed by all, still was a good by split decision. We next had a Founders Breakfast Stout extravaganza, comparing the Breakfast Stout, 2009 Kentucky Breakfast Stout, 2010 KBS, and the recently released Canadian Breakfast Stout (10.6%). The CBS was the only new beer, an instant RFG. The smoothness of the stout with the sweetness of the Canadian Whiskey was truly amazing. Worth the wait! Foothills 2010 Baltic Porter (9.0%) was a good follow-on, a really nice smooth porter, rating really good. Alaskan Brewing's Smoked Porter (6.5%) tasted like a cross between a campfire and a used bandaid, and was not very good at all, rating a so/so. Epic's Brainless on Cherries (10.3%) tasted like a Belgian farm ale up front, with a smooth cherry finish, rating a good. The Lost Abbey's Devotion (6.75%) was a very tasty beer. Smooth and refreshing, it was an easy really good. Last up was a special treat from our beer blogging, home brewing buddy out in California,  John Holzer. John was kind enough to give us one of his homebrews, a Habanero Saison (9.1%) that was easily one of the better beers of the night. This spicy bomb was just right, not too hot and damn smooth, rating a really good. The night was a good one. Lots of good beers, and some sweet chocolate and meat as well! We closed the night by having our dancin' fool, Johnny Wilder, lead the boys in a little all-male dance party, BC4M style!