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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Fred turns 40, AGAIN

Recently, the BC4M had a chance to welcome one of Bim's co-workers Dr. Luscious Gunthumper, a rising young star in the suddenly ultra competitive gastro-intestinal field that goes by the call sign "Harry Colonic" over for a meeting. On this particular night, the BC4M was gathered at Fred's to once again celebrate his 40th birthday, an annual tradition started two years prior when he actually achieved that milestone. That first edition of his birthday bash had gone on to achieve legendary status in the hood after seeing some of the ladies doing coed keg stands, and "vodka ice luges", but was topped off by some witnesses reportedly seeing Fred going down the pool slide multiple times wearing only a mischievous grin and his birthday suit. This year however, Fred's better half, the delightfully feisty Nestle Goodbody had put her foot down and declared the pool and hot tub off limits for naked folk, but the rest was fair game. While the girls gathered in the kitchen to tarry at the grape and kill off bottles of some sort of magic panty peeling potion called Hypnotic, a veritable who's who of the BC4M membership showed up to welcome our guest and enjoy a buffet of NC style BBQ and chicken fingers. Snake, Wilder, D-Rail, Bim, Big Mike, OMT, Frank the Tank, Crazy Ken, Fred and 10pm said hello to not only Dr. G but also 10pm's brother, a professional cyclist turned home brewer named Howard Stout. Howie, one of a handful of survivors of the treacherous 2007 Tour de Kabul that saw 15 cyclists killed by a wayward goat herder hopped up on a combination of crystal meth and a belly full of sausage gravy, was in town to participate in the annual "Sand Grundle Invitational", an exhausting 40 mile sprint along water moccasin infested trails deep inside Back Bay. He had brought a sample of his home brew, so we decided to start the night with his Howard Stout Brewing Do or Die Rye (5.5%). This one poured a ruby red with a noticeable amount of chunks left over in the bottle. The taste was pretty good, as it got BC4M brewmaster Bim to tell Howard, "Fuck you, this is damn good". Everyone agreed, this tasted better than many of the commercial beers we had previously rated, and it would make a good session beer. A solid good, we then tried a Great Crescent Bourbon Barrel Stout (7.5%). As you know, we love the bourbon barrel aged beers, but this pile of dog shit had as much bourbon taste as a four day old bowl of soured oatmeal. A so so at best, we moved on to a beer that remarkably was even worse. Craggie Brewing's Burning Barrel:Bourbon Chipotle Porter (5.9%) was as much fun to taste as sharing a growler full of greasy donkey ball sweat. Wilder had purchased it back when we were in Winston Salem for the Barrel Aged Sexual Chocolate release because Fred had thought at the time, "that shit sounds good". Whatever it is that these morons do to the beer, they need to stop, because the beer has a soul as empty as Bim's after he has finished caressing your pet chinchilla Mr Squeeky. This one was a complete drain pour and rated a sucks so we cleansed our palates and cracked open a Jackie O's Oil of Aphrodite (10.0%). Bim had gotten his hands on this beer recently as a token of appreciation from the "Council of Gangrel" for filling in as a guest "wizard" at their weekly LARP gathering while back home in Ohio. The bottle claimed it was a double stout brewed with walnuts, and the taste backed the label up. "A springboard for true nuttiness" said Howard, as we were intrigued by the walnut flavor that gave way to a charcoal like ending but wondering just what the fuck he meant by that. "This needs to age a bit" said Snake, "I bet it gets a whole lot smoother with time". A decent beer, we gave it a good and then tried an Ithaca Brewing Old Habit (9.0%). This one shot out of the glass like a money shot from everybodys favorite adult film star,  "The Milkman". "Damn, what is this, Zima?" said Wilder. Sweet and bubbly, this is a crisp and tart, sorta like a wine spritzer. "What is this, the wine club for pussies?" said Snake, "get this shit out of here" he added. So so at best, we then decided it was time to open up a DuClaw Colossus (21.92%). This beast poured like the Mount Vesuvius of sugar, as you could smell the sticky sweetness in the air as the bottle was passed around. "Holy fuck, I can already feel the cavities forming" said Wilder, as we sipped on this super rich delight that hinted at being a barleywine, but also had smooth velvety finish. This one was a winner, and it received a unanimous really good. Next was a fresh bottle of Kern River Citra DIPA (8.0%) that we had received in trade from our pals Kasey and Ryan out in California. This one smelled amazing as we sniffed the floral nose that said, "fuck yes that's grapefruit". Wow, this one hits the tastes buds so smooth and with a huge rush of hops. An amazing beer, the room was evenly split between really good and RFG, so we had to settle for really good. Next was another trading bottle from the land of fruits, nuts and liberals, this time from our friends Patty and Derek who had sent us an Alpine Exponential Hoppiness (11.0%). Alpine makes some of the best beers on the planet, and this one was simply to quote Fred, "outfuckinstanding". Hops assault your tongue with a hidden alcohol bomb that goes down without a hiccup. "That is sure as fuck an RFG" said Bim, as we enjoyed this immensely tasty worthy peer to our beloved Pliny. Trying to keep the mood going, we then opened a Cigar City Papaya IPA (7.5%). Brewed with unsweetened dried papaya, this one had a very unique taste. Dr G immediately said, "this is awful, like a moldy pop-tart", but everyone else said it was either "interesting" or "not too bad" so it got a good. It probably suffered from having followed the two nearly perfect beers prior, so maybe we will try this one another time. Moving on, we opened a The Bruery 100% Barrel Aged Cuir (14.5%), their 3rd anniversary beer. As many of you may know, Fred and Nestle got to meet Bruery founder Patrick Rue while they were out on a 5 day beer drinking marathon earlier this year in California. Fred, the chairman of the BC4M's right wing faction had asked Patrick just how the hell you pronounced the name of this beer, and like a college lad discovering the joys of "dutch ovening" your new girlfriend, he got a chuckle upon learning the proper way to say it is QUEER. The regular version had been rated earlier and was still green and needed aging, but this one is super rich, sweet and boozy, sorta like that Aunt with the floppy cans that likes to give u hug after hug at Christmas time. The jokes were flying while we sipped this, as Dr G added, "I really like the Cuir" while Bim added, "it goes in and around the mouth so easily". Despite the name (it means leather in French, the traditional third anniversary item), it was easily an RFG, so we happily moved on to a The Bruery Batch 300 Trippel (8.2%), a homebrew contest winner that is an oaked trippel brewed with those delicious Citra hops. This one was pretty damn good, and BC4M head brewer Bim once again shouted out, "Another fucking homebrew that tastes awesome, well fuck him!" A solid good, we then tried a DuClaw Naked Fish (4.6%), a raspberry chocolate stout that tasted like a watery Whitman's sampler cordial. "This shit sucks" said Snake, as we were all let down by this watery mess. If they could make it more robust and richer in body they would have a winner, but this is thinner than a melted Andes mint. So-so was the result, so we then got out the last two beers of the night. First was a Jolly Pumpkin Maracaibo Especial (7.5%). This one take the chocolate flavor and adds some barnyard funk and sour notes to it. It envelops your tongue with the tartness and then dissolves into a chocolate fountain  as it rolls over your tonsils. This was a really good, a huge hit among the sour lovers at the table. To end the night, we decided to crack open an Olde Rabbits Foot 2011 (11.0%). Pouring as dark as the tan on Dr G's fiance, this one is a real delight. Chocolate, toffee and vanilla meld seamslessly with the bourbon notes from the Pappy Van Winkle barrels used to age this beast. Another winner, this one also just missed out on RFG status with a really good. By this time, the entire entourage was cooked, and while we watched D-Rail and Dr G polish off the last remaining scraps of food like a pair of junkyard hounds we decided to call it a night. Another successful birthday down and nary a naked person to be seen, (a first for the neighborhood), we looked forward to our next meeting, where we would usher Snake one year closer to the big 5-0. Until next time...