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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

BC4M bids farewell to Dr. Gunthumper


Another week and yet another birthday was upon the BC4M as our beloved world traveling big game hunter, Snake, was turning 48, or was that 58? To answer that question, we have sent Freedom Of Information Act requests to not only the Social Security Administration, but Ducks Unlimited as well as the AARP. We are also anxiously awaiting the results from DNA testing at the Centers for Disease Control on some of Snake's hair follicles that he left behind after a pillow fight with a six pack of young "beavers" to determine just how old his crusty ass is. At the same time, we were sadly bidding farewell to our newest associate member, Dr. Luscious (pronounced LOO-SHUS) Gunthumper. Dr G,  Bim's closest associate at the local "free clinic", had recently been attending our weekly meetings and was poised to become the youngest member of the BC4M had it not been for his falling madly in lust with one of his patients. It seems our young lothario once had a secret past as a strip o'gram performer and cabaret singer that was unknown to anyone that wasn't light in the loafers or living in Ghent until that fateful day when a former recipient of his famous "blindfold surprise"  had shown up at the clinic with a stubborn case of vaginal itching resulting from a late night clitoral piercing gone bad. Upon entering the examining room, Luscious was immediately taken back to that fateful day when he had played an illicit game of "roasting the broomstick" with the thoroughly buxom yet innocent vixen that had suddenly gone 'goth' who was now anxiously awaiting more his soft touches, soothing vocals and most importantly, gyrating hip action. Who was this minx that captivated the empty soul of our young intern you might ask. Peaches Huggybottoms was the naive young lass that had become addicted to lap dances after receiving her first at the hands of our dancing doctor. She had gone on to spend a large chunk of her husbands retirement savings on an endless supply of beef stick and cheap tequila, always hopeful to once again be gazing up at the meat hammock of her first love, Dr. G. Touched by her heart warming story of love triumphing over both an empty bank account and a restraining order filed against her by a male dancer named Biff, who had mistakenly confided to her that he liked to wear her panties, Luscious decided to go against common sense and take her out for a romantic night of "furry play" that cemented their status as soul mates. Since this was his last night in town before he was to head out with Peaches in her deluxe RV for a month long trip to catch every show on Justin Beiber's sold out teeny bopper tour, we decided to send him off in true BC4M style. First up was a Founder's Blushing Monk (9.2%). Smelling like a fresh jar of raspberry preserves, this is one sensuous beer. Highly carbonated from its Belgian yeast, it is extremely rich and decadent, and was almost as good as the fruit beers from New Glarus. Really good was the score, so we moved on to a Laughing Dog Barrel Aged The Dogfather (11.0%). We had previously rated this one, but since Dr G likes his stouts like he likes his patients, dark and inviting, we poured him some of this sweet and boozy stout. A solid good, we then tried a Speakeasy Imperial Red Ale (8.2%) from that bastion of conservative values, San Franfreako. Despite hailing from the butt wrangler capitol of the planet, the beer was decent albeit a slight bit too malty for most of the attendees. Easy drinking though, it would make a solid session beer and earned a good. Next was a New Belgium Lips of Faith Kick (8.5%). Claiming to be made with pumpkins, the jackolantern covered bottle was instead the holder of a delicious sour that wasn't overpowering. "Damn this shit is awesome" said Fred as Frank the Tank added, "Pumpkins my ass, but its good". Another damn fine beer, we gave it a good and headed on to a New Belgium Hoptober (6.0%). Slightly hoppy, this is supposed to be a souped up version of Fat Tire, their everyday beer. This one is much better than Fat Tire and at $3 bucks a bomber, this is a great beer for enticing those tight boy shorts off your girl while not breaking the bank and forcing you to eat off the 99 cent menu. Another good, we cracked open a Troeg's Perpetual IPA (7.5%) from our favorite brewer in the Quaker state. Even hoppier than the last beer, this one was a hop bomb reminiscent of our favorites from the west coast and earned a really good. Continuing the hop parade, we tried a COAST Brewing HopArt (7.7%) which we had received from our buddy SCBeerguy. Despite the fact that the bottle was over a year old, we dived into it hoping to find the hop flavors still there. Sadly, it seems that the freshness date had long since passed by, so this one was off tasting and this old and decrepit bottle scored only a so-so. Next was another trader, this time it was a Bootlegger's Brewing Plum Riot (7.8%). Made with rock candy and plums, the bottle had a sick label featuring what looked like a plum jacked up on crystal meth and hankering for a half dozen slim jims. If only the beer tasted as good as the label looked as it was instead a weird mix of sugary sweet and Belgiany yeast that caused many of us to pour it out. A so-so was being kind, so we then decided to try a beer from a new Virginia brewery, the Roanoke Railhouse Loose Caboose (7.8%). This had about as much hops as a bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and the malt base coated the tongue like an oil slick. "This shit sucks" bellowed Fred, as Bim added, "Fuck, even I can make better beer than this". A check of their website shows that they don't even call the beer Loose Caboose anymore, its now just Caboose. Either way, it flat out sucks and is a strict drain pour. Hoping to finish the night on a good note, Fred went and retrieved a Goose Island Bourbon County Stout (2008 Version) (13.0%). Pouring out as dark as the underside of Oprah's left milk wagon, this is one amazing beer indeed. Sweet, rich chocolate and vanilla collide with a bourbon barrel oak flavor to create perfection in a glass. "Now that is fucking awesome" said Dr G, while Snake added, "I could drink this all damn night". An easy RFG, we savored each and every sip of this too soon gone delight. We then decided to call it a night as our departing Doctor had an early morning rendezvous for a brazilian man waxing under the careful hand of his beloved Peaches and her maniacal best friend Soo Hang-low. As we got up to leave, Wilder cranked up a soulful hit from his bottomless Ipod playlist that perfectly described the unique bond shared between the two lovebirds, the timeless classic from the brother's Gibb, More than a Woman.......

Wherever the road of life takes you brother, know you are always welcome to come back and join us for a cold one......

5 comments:

Dr. G said...

I am thankful for the tutelage of the BC4M in refining my beer palate. Though since there are no pour pots in bars for all the shitty beers out there, it seems I have also learned how to be an asshole from you, because they get thrown in the face of the nearest bartender/waiter.

Beer Club 4 Men said...

Ah Grasshopper, you have learned well...

Bim

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