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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

What's Round on the Ends and Hi in the Middle? O...HI...O...Mofo!

Another epic trip back to Ohio for me, Bim, and my lovely bride, Florence Naughtygale and kids. I was going to try, once again, to prove to family and friends that I am not, in fact, Cincinnati Gay. Although it was primarily a business trip (I own the largest gloryhole business on the east coast. We manage gloryholes in 12 states, all east of the Mississippi, mostly through contracts with state governments who allow us the use of their public restrooms).  In between a few awkward family meetings and some partaking of my second favorite kind of 3 way, the Skyline Chili type, we managed to get in a little beer shopping. First stop was a place called Dutch's. This used to be called Dutch's Pony Keg. Pony kegs are small beer kegs, but in Cincinnati, it's also a term used for small convenience stores. Back in the days of Bim's youth, were men were men and ships had sails, one could buy beer as well as block ice, sodas and maybe some nickel candy from a pony keg. Today, Dutch's is a one-of-a-kind beer store. The store has a garage door right on the sidewalk, that, once lifted, reveals hundreds of empty bottles. Make your selection, and the clerk dissappears into the walk-in fridge to find your beer. All pretty bizzare, but cool at the same time. We were able to find all sorts of little known breweries such as Listermann's, Wooden Shoe, and North Peak.

Why do all the trees in Ohio lean towards the west? Because Indiana sucks! (which may be my next gloryhole advertising slogan!) Well at least they used to before Three Floyds set up shop in Munster. My destination, Lawrenceburg, Indiana is home to several beer stores, most notably The Pour House Bottle Shop. While there was plenty of Bud Light to be found, there was also a generous selection of 3 Floyds, and even a growler of Great Crescent Barrel aged Stout. Total haul from Cincinnati and Southern Indiana: 60 beers and maybe a few relatives that now believe that I am not gay, not that there's anything wrong with being gay... or loving animals for that matter.

Last stop in the buckeye state was a little place with a big reputation: Jackie O's Pub. Back when I, Bim, was a young college student, I attended the number one party school in the USA, Ohio University. There was no Jackie O's back then, only shitty bars with shitty beers, and a buttload of hippies, protesting everything and anything. The hippies are still there, just a little older, but students nowadays can sample finely crafted beers like OPA (Ohio Pale Ale), Black Betty stout and Oil of Aphrodite. Brewmaster Brad Clark is cranking out some fantastic beers on a small scale. The following are reviews of those beers, and more: Black Betty (9%) is an imperial porter fermented on raspberries and aged on vanilla beans. Straight off the tap it was a smooth black wonderful beer! Oil of Aphrodite (10%) is an imperial stout brewed with walnuts and Belgian candy sugar. Sound good? It was fucking amazing! The OPA (Ohio Pale Ale 6%) was an excellent pale ale, rivaling the Alpha King from 3 Floyd's. Mystic Mama (7%) is a west coast IPA, and was smooth but not as hoppy as expected. Hogwash (5.2%) was just that. Not my style of beer, as I'm not too fond of smokey beers. Firefly Amber (5%) was a good session beer, but nothing special. And last on the list was Drawn and Portered (7%) which was smooth as silk and about as good a porter as I've ever had. While at Jackie O's, I was fortunate enough to meet a fellow beer lover, Mike, who was willing to trade me for some fine Jackie O's beers. Thank's again Mike, you made a great trip to Ohio even better! With the beers in hand we packed up the family car and headed home with our bounty. Looking forward to my next trip to the Buckeye State!


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