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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, August 25, 2011

BC4M Celebrates Belgian Independence Day

There are several dates that show up on the calender as "holidays" that allow us a chance to perhaps take off from work and celebrate. Many of these dates are anniversaries of crowning moments in our Nation's history. Even though a vast number of Americans think the 4th of July is probably just an excuse to celebrate "National Bottle Rocket Day", most of you might actually take time that day to honor the birth of the United States signified by the ratification of the Declaration of Independence. Another important day in July that has frankly been forgotten is the 21st, the day the BC4M celebrates "Belgian Independence Day". When the fuck did that become a holiday you ask, and who the fuck celebrates it?  Well, Belgium actually did achieve independence as a nation on that day, but according to BC4M historian Fred, the REAL reason we celebrate is that way back in 1865 in a remote part of Belgium, Bim's great-great grandfather, a young up and coming brew master named Flarghan Acehole, a fiery Amish lad with a penchant for sowing his wild oats among buxom ladies and affable canines was found to be using an ingredient heretofore unknown to most Belgian brewers, "humulus lupulus" or more commonly called hops. As any good beer drinker knows, most Belgian beers (and YES, we actually do like some of them you Belgian beer loving snobs) have very little hop taste to them at all and many leave you with the maddening tastes of bubblegum, coriander or even stale banana. Young Flarghan, a disciple of the Pliny the Elder clan of hop heads, decided to brew a new beer and in fact created a beer that clocked in at over 200 IBU's. This "abomination" as his "Tasmanian Tonsil Tickler Ale" was called, got him hauled off to an emergency session of the secret beer tribunal known as "The Illumihoppy", who deemed him an enemy of the state. He was forced to leave the country and eventually settled in Kansas where he began a career traveling the southwest hawking his latest creation, a "miracle elixir"  that cured everything from scurvy to erectile dysfunction. To honor Bim's creative ancestor, we decided to crack open a few hop bombs to celebrate his "Belgian Independence Day". First up was a Coronado Brewing Hoppy Daze (9.0%) which was dry, crisp and citrusy, sorta like the freshly manicured meat oven sported by a Dutch streetwalker, tasty indeed but slightly boozy. A solid good to start the night, we then went on to a Evolution Brewing Rum Barrel Golden Ale (10.0%). Not to be confused with Snakes favorite Saturday night pastime, the "golden shower", this one is part of their "migration series" where they age their ale in various barrels. This booze rocket was sweet and tasted just like you were sucking on an alcohol fueled Lifesavers Butter Rum candy. "Damn this shit is tasty" said Crazy Ken, "but where are the hops, cause I don't miss them". This one was a really good, lots of rich flavors with some heat on the finish. Next was a Nebraska Brewing Hop God (10.0%). Another barrel aged beer, this one had a palate dominated from the aging it received in wine barrels and it needs some time to mellow out so it only got a good. Tommyknocker Hop Strike Black Rye IPA (7.0%) was a disaster from the start. The spiciness we expected from the rye never materialized and whatever amount of hops they added must have been minimal since we couldn't taste any. A so/so at best, we then opened a Coronado Brewing Idiot IPA (8.5%). This one doesn't pack the citrus punch of its sibling, Hoppy Daze, and it much more malty in flavor, but it would make a decent session beer, so we rated it a solid good. The next two we tried, Ruckus Brewing Hoptimus Prime (9.0%) and Left Coast Hop Juice (8.5%) were both labeled as double IPA's, but both tasted like mediocre pale ales at best, and both rated a so/so. Karl Strauss Blackball Belgian IPA (8.5%) utilizes curacao in the mix, so the added sweetness made Crazy say it tasted like " big league chew in a glass" while Wilder added, "I love it when a chick chews on my blackballs". Others enjoyed the sweet malt profile and rated it a good. On to a Port Brewing 5th Anniversary Ale (10.0%), another hopsicle that was again more malt driven than hop driven. Still, it was refreshing and would make a good pool side beer, even with the ass kicking 10 percent abv. Mikkeller Green Gold (7.0%) was then offered, and while we love many of their releases, this one misses the mark completely. A self proclaimed "American style IPA", this one was about as light in the loafers as a limp wristed manorexic pole smoker. "This shit sucks" said Bim, as Fred added, "They ought to tighten the import laws up in this country, letting this nonsense in is fucked up". So/so at best, we then moved on to another import, actually made by Mikkeller's brother,  the Evil Twin. We tried their Yin (10.0%) which was amazingly rich for a stout and their Yang (10.0%) a decent IPA, but the topper was mixing them together for a "Yin & Yang" style black and tan. Not overly thick, but boasting a rich chocolate nose, the added IPA made this an awesome combination of hops and sweetness that got a really good rating. Next we opened a Bootlegger's Brewing Knuckle Sandwich (10.0%), another west coast DIPA that did not disappoint. Not as piney or as hoppy as we are accustomed to, this one does strike an incredible balance between malts and hops that causes you to wanna guzzle it down. Another really good, we then cracked open a COAST Brewing Boy King DIPA (9.5%). A rich orange color emerged as we poured this rarity that smelled like fresh grapefruit. The smell was easily matched by the taste as it made Bim declare, "about fucking time the East coast came up with a good IPA". Another really good, we then changed directions and opened up a gift from The Drunken Polack, a collaboration between St Somewhere and Cigar City,  Vuja De (9.96%). This sour beer was in the words of Fred "outfuckinstanding", as we were seduced by its tartness. This is the beer that Marron Acidifie wants to be, and this one is easy drinking and refreshing. Another really good, it just missed out on RFG status but is decidedly close. Well past prime time now, we then tried another off course beer, the Brouwerij Boon Framboise (5.0%). "This is like drinking an ice cold raspberry toaster streudel" said Snake. Sweet and decadent with a hint of carbonation, this is a fine sipping beer for an after meal dessert. A solid good, we ended the night with a beer from one of our favorite brewers, 3 Floyd's Alpha Klaus (6.0%). This one sported the usual sweet label graphics, but the beer itself showed its age. Dark and thick, we expected more than what this bottle could offer. Apparently it does not age well as one member somehow described it as like "eating some bad focaccia bread". While not perfect, it wasn't horrible so it got a measly so/so. Hopefully the next bottle we have will be fresher, and allow us to give it a better rating. Now thoroughly drunk, we adjourned the meeting before Snake could show off his new "skateboarding" tricks he had picked up while babysitting his niece and nephew the previous weekend. Until next time....."WAKE UP AMERICA!'