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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, April 18, 2011

Bim's Two Fisted Chicken Choke

It was a cool evening early last week when we gathered around the brand new Costa Rican marble fire pit in Johnny Wilder's backyard for a quick tasting session. D-Rail, who had just recently accepted a position as a "Brazilian waxing specialist" at a local spa called "Bushwhackers", arrived just in time to join Fred, Bim,Johnny along with their better halves for a night that would forever change the way we looked at Bim, our renowned animal rights activist. The BC4M has always been a champion for those with "unique" traits that set them apart from the norm of society. As you loyal readers have learned, we are a varied assortment of characters that share one thing in common, a thirst for great craft beer. It wasn't until about halfway through the session that we witnessed the first public appearance of the apparent alter ego of our beloved Bim, a doppelganger we would later learn was a disturbed British nobleman named Sir Peter Wanker. It seems that young Peter had one day mistakenly told his coquettish and buxom fiance that he had gotten into some fisticuffs and had beaten off three guys. The young lady, a woman from the upper crust of "society" immediately called off the engagement before she was wed to this "deviant". Stunned by her dismissal, Peter spent the next year locked in his basement writing wistful lovelorn sonnets and learning how to "take care" of himself. But before we get ahead of ourselves, we started off the evening with a new Belgian sour beer Brouwerij DeProef Zoetzuur (7.0%) or literally "sweet and sour". An amazingly balanced beer that has both prevalent sweet and tart notes, it was smooth and tangy, sort of like drinking an alcoholic version of sour gummi bears. The sour beer contingent, Fred and Wilder loved it, while Bim and D-Rail each said the taste was definitely growing on them so it rated a really good. Next was a New Belgium Sahti (7.2%), a unique style of beer that has come to our shores from Scandanavia, utilizing juniper twigs for flavor enhancement. The junipers they have out in Colorado where this shit is made must be artificial ones, cause this was an empty bomber that had little flavor at all. Carbonation was decent, but then the taste that followed was like unsweetened cotton candy as it washed over your tongue like a bottle of seltzer water. "Holy shit this sucks" said D-Rail, while Bim added, "You think we could use it as a hair tonic?" "What a fucking waste" said Fred as we each poured out the remains of our glasses for a "beer" that easily earned a sucks. Hoping for better results, we opened an Avery Seventeen Anniversary Ale (8.69%), a dry hopped black lager. The taste on this bottle wasn't any better than the Sahti, as we poured a round of what looked like jet black cola into our glasses. The taste was a mixed bag of mint, chocolate, toffee and bitter that finished with an abrasive boozy finish that screamed out "needs more time to mellow" This one could be pretty good in time, but as of now, its a so-so. We then tried a Left Hand Brewing Stranger (5.0%) pale ale that must have been spiked with either peyote or mescaline because it was after we tried this that we found out Bim was unknowingly afflicted with an extremely uncommon affliction called bipolar monkey syndrome. After downing his beer, a surprisingly sessiony pale ale that rated a good, Bim's demeanor instantly changed as he stood up and addressed us in an accent that would have fit right in at the upcoming royal wedding. "I do say ole chaps, but what a fine beverage indeed. A profound treat for the palate, I shall require more of these for my travels this summer to Rhodesia". "What the fuck are you talking about" said a stunned Fred, as a bewildered Wilder asked, "did you mean Rhode Island?". "No you right bah-stard, said the suddenly angry "Englishman". "I bloody well meant Rhodesia, a small outpost full of strumpets and tarts you petulant snogger". About this time, Wilder's yellow lab came bounding out the door towards the group. This evil twin must also have an unnatural love for canines like Bim has as it was precisely at that moment, that our lives were forever changed as we watched our "guest" leap onto his chair and start to pretend he was choking his chicken. He alternated first with his left hand (apparently the angry hand) yelling out "I'm gonna kill you, you ungrateful whoring motherfucker", then as the docile hand took over he softly whispered, "Ah my sweet, come let me pet you, I won't hurt you". For what seemed like 10 minutes we watched in both horror and unbridled laughter as this charlatan entertained us with the "dueling chicken choke". Apparently, these sessions are sporadic, as Bim suddenly reemerged wondering out loud, "What the fuck just happened". "Dude, you just went schizo on us and tried to punch the clown with both hands", said Wilder as Fred added, "I wish we had caught that shit on tape". Bim's wife, Florence Naughtygale was laughing herself silly as she said, "And all this time, I thought all those weird sounds he has been making at night were just him dreaming". "He's been doing this shit for weeks, talking dirty to himself all night" she added. As if nothing had happened at all, Bim got up and got the final beers of the night, two from Porterhouse Brewing, their Red (4.4%) a decent irish red that is smoother and much more malty than a Killians, rating a good, and an Oyster Stout (5.2%) that had a roasted malt flavor that was thick and tasty, which also rated a good. We ended the night with a Pyramid Outburst Imperial IPA (8.5%) which surprised all of us with how hoppy and delicious it was, garnering a really good followed by a Victory Old Horizontal (11%). This barleywine was a sugary booze bomb that pushed us over the edge and into a drunken stupor. Thick and sugary, it was like shot gunning a gallon of Nyquil but still tasted damn good and went down as easily. As we departed, we all walked away wondering if this was the only time we would be visited by the newest "member" of the BC4M, the unparalleled "king of banana buffing", who obviously lives by the mantra, "The monkey needs a spanking". Little did we know, that he would make an encore appearance a mere week later. Stay tuned........


Beer Club 4 Men said...

Once again, total bullshit. The left hand is the soft, loving hand while the right is one angry motherfucker. Sort of like Good Smeigel and Evil Smeigel ("My precious..."). Everything else is true.


Liz said...

reminds you that both hands are your best friends at the end of the day, boys. Take it from a Wench! Great blog! here's to along and lovely relationship!

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