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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Monday, February 28, 2011

The Quest for Sandy Duncan's Eye

The BC4M is a varied lot. 10pm recently returned from mercenary duty in Lybia, or as he describes it, "knockin heads and kickin ass for Muammar". Snake, on a recent wild game hunt, took the honors in making an endangered species extinct. And Fred, an avid Ebayer, was able to sell his soul on Ebay for a whopping $50 (until the buyer realized that Fred has no soul and forced him to issue a refund). You can't pigeon hole us as cranky old drunks (we are that, but we are so, so much more, America). So, with the weekly gathering of these hop heads, conversations are deep, sometimes bizarre, often times downright disturbing. Take this recent conversation: It began with a discussion of our friends, Ben and Gabe, and their beer reviewing site, Jew Brew Review, or some such shit. What followed was the revelation of an Ethiopian synagogue in Suffolk, followed by a vigorous discussion of everyone's favorite Black Jew, Sammy Davis Jr, and his equally famous fake eye. Bim, our resident pet molester, who gives freaks a bad name (Wilders dog wets herself at the mere sight of Bim) was absolutely obsessed with Sammy's magic eye. Unfortunately, Sammy is dead and buried. "Who's eye can we get???", Bim shrieked. "Sandy Duncan" hollered D-Rail! "That fuckin bitch is alive, and we need her eye". After a furious Google search, we discovered that Sandy Duncan, while blind in one eye, still has a pair. BULLSHIT! We want that fucking eye! Sandy, if you read this blog, and I'm sure you do, you'd better keep the good eye open cause we're coming for the other one.

Despite all this lively banter, we still managed to squeeze in a few beer tastings. For this session, Fred allowed members to sample anything we wanted from his cavernous beer cellar. We started with a Otter Creek Alpine Black IPA (6%). Crazy thought it lacked the tennis shoe taste that his awkward taste buds associate with IPA's, but the rest of us liked it and rated it a good. DuClaw's Serum Double IPA (9%) was a piney, sweet beer. Everyone was in agreement that this beer was a really good. Surly's Surly Darkness 2010 (9.6%) is an ass-kicking Imperial Stout that Fred declared, was "Outfuckingstanding!. Another RFG! 3 Floyds Gorch Fock Helles Lager (5.2%) was a little lighter than what we've come to expect from our brothers from the midwest. This "racecar beer" was good, but not great. It was way overcarbonated as well, causing D-Rail to comment that he'd be farting all week... Jolly Pumpkin's Oro de Calabaza (8.0%) smelled a little skunky but tasted peppery and sour, and was a good. Next up, Epic's Imperial IPA (9.5%) was quite a flavorful beer, rating a really good. Bim then pulled out a Hoppin Frog Barrel Aged Boris the Crusher (9.4%). The regular Boris is an RFG, so we had high hopes for this one. A little richer, quite smooth, and ANOTHER RFG! These guys brew some great beer, even if they're labels suck. DuClaw's Devil's Milk (10.6%) barley wine was smooth. It was at this point that Sandy Duncan's eye made a reappearance in the conversation. The group agreed that if we were able to purchase said eye, we would certainly need a certificate of authenticity. It was getting late, 10:03 pm when who should drop in but 10pm himself. It's rare to make a 10pm sighting this late into the evening, but there he was in the flesh. He quickly selected a beer, an Anderson Valley 20th Anniversary Imperial IPA (8.7%). This beer lacked most of what we look for in a beer, namely taste, and rated a so/so. We closed the new beer selections with 2 Mikkeller's, I Hardcore You (9.5%) and Big Worse Barleywine (12%). The Hardcore was an awesome beer (Imperial IPA) with just the right hop profile, rating a really good. The Big and Worse (barleywine) tasted like a liquid fig newton, or possibly prunes. When we are old and fixated on our bowel movements (very soon boys) we will drink the shit out of this, but until then, avoid it!

One last note: this week there was a newspaper article about a lady with cancer who started a blog 6 mos ago. She is now cancer free, and her 6 mos old blog has registered 280,000 hits. WTF? Does the BC4M need cancer to get those numbers? If so, J. Wilder has volunteered to microwave his nut sack daily until he gets a sufficient tumor to guarantee a decent following. I would have thought that the slow death by alcohol poisoning would have been enough... Next week we invite "Crazy Charlie" Sheen over to discuss his goddesses, drugs, and what style of beer he likes to shotgun up his ass. Stay tuned!


krazyitalianirish said...

Holy Salciccioli!! Two RFG's in one night?! I guess you macho men do have some depth of character after all...

Delectable descriptions on the brews, along with hilarious visions of your meeting. Beautiful work, guys.

Good luck on your quest for the coveted's looking at you, BC4M!

Jason said...

make sure to take a picture of whoever drinks "Sheen's Gnarly Darkness", a new brew fermented in Señor Estevez' manhole.