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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Friday, November 26, 2010

Prince Mike turns the big 4-O

When a guy turns the big 4-0, he generally does one of two things....He either wakes up and realizes that his prostate is beginning to become the size of a small squash, his hair line is heading north while his belly looks like he is 5 months preggers and his junk doesn't rise to the occasion as easily as it did back when he was full of piss and vinegar. On the other hand, some guys decide to celebrate the beginning of the end by testing every boundary that can be crossed both legal and ones frowned upon by guys like our own Officer Mr T. Prince Mike or Big Mike or Godzirra to the boys in the BC4M, was never one to shirk from danger or excitement (witness Prince and his bride as they share their first dance at their wedding reception and you get the idea that he ain't afraid of a little zest in his punch). Perhaps this little video of him as a teenager performing what was known to the professional rasslin world of the 80's as the "Hindenberg maneuver" is further proof that Prince Mike is a daredevil at heart.
To celebrate the 40th anniversary of the gift to the world we sometimes refer to as the Hickory High Yeti, his former band mate and mosh pitting brother, Big Audio Dynamite had secretly set up a 3 day Vegas "Hangover" style adventure that would reunite all the members of their high school glam metal band Scrotum of Death for a sordid weekend full of pedicures, happy ending massages and of course, hours of shopping. Big Audio as usual, had several connections in Sin City and had arranged for an all inclusive trip to the palatial Venetian hotel for a tequila, bourbon and fake bazongas filled excursion into the depths of debauchery. Some of the highlights of their trip included getting bass player "Backdoor" Bobby Shurekoch's nipple pierced, Big Audio picking up some new weaponry for his hometown hunt club, an affable group of Bambi killers called the Beaver Hunt Patrol, and a day long trip to a retirement community massage parlor known for its "Happy Ending Girls". After receiving the groupie discount from the "golden girls" the boys had spent the rest of their weekend wondering why they had volunteered to receive the rub and tug from a group of sex starved blue haired denture wearers but hey what happens in Vegas stays there.......or so the story goes. Back from their weekend of good clean fun, we decided to have a quick BC4M tasting session while we heard Big Audio and Prince Mike retell how they narrowly escaped arrest after they both tried to mount what appeared to their thoroughly drunken asses as seven of the hottest turd cutters they had ever laid eyes on. Despite the fact that the "girls" are actually gold plated statues, Prince Mike swears he heard at least one if not two of the girls ask him to "smack my bitch up" which he had then incorrectly translated as, "please donkey punch each and every one of our hot asses sir". After narrowly escaping the clutches of the oncoming Las Vegas vice unit, Prince and Big Audio laid low for a few hours devouring a new culinary treat that every red blooded American male (and perhaps a few carnivorous bull dykes) can appreciate, the Bacon Bra. "Fuck bacon and eggs for breakfast, said Big Audio, from now on, I'm ordering up some Bacon and Tits". As we howled in laughter at their shenanigans, we actually cracked open a couple of new beers. First up was Devil's Backbone 8 Point IPA (5.90%). This was from a growler brought back from the WC4W on their wine trip and it was hoppy and smooth with just enough kick to make your tongue curl. It was a really good. A few beers from Heavy Seas were next, the Hang Ten Weizen Doppelbock (10.0%) was a good as it had just enough sweetness to overcome the wheat flavor we usually despise. The Heavy Seas Peg Leg Imperial Stout (8.0%) was also a fine beer, as it had all the flavor characteristics of a stout but was thinner and more sessiony than a traditional stout. Finally, the Heavy Seas Winter Storm (7.5%) had a nice rich flavor to pair with its robust body and it also got a good. Wychwood Scarecrow Golden Pale Ale (4.7%) was a hollow disappointment with little flavor and alot of cereal aftertaste so it rated a so-so. The final beer of the night was rated simply cause we are sworn by our oath to actually try every beer in the world, regardless of how shitty they are, so the Michelob Irish Red (5.7%) was tasted and although it reminded us of a bad home brew, it wasn't rancid, but we won't waste any more money on another one so it got a so-so. The night had drawn to a close, but as we left, we toasted a shot of Fighting Cock to Prince Mike to celebrate being 40 years young....Here's to another 40 more.......


krazyitalianirish said...

There seems to be a Northwest Nap taking place lately with postings. Your readers don't wanna hear the lame excuses ('crazy work schedules, etc..'). Stop your whining and get your ass to mars, men! It's the holidays! If you're going to man up with some stellar gift ideas...then GET ON IT.


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