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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Cliff Clavin night

For our regularly scheduled meeting, we assembled at Bim's house around the fire pit on his veranda and welcomed a guest to the festivities. Fred had told all his co-workers about the BC4M and about all the great beers he was getting to taste. Dave (a 3 time paper mache medal winning homebrewer), otherwise known to all as Cliffy (in reference to the Cheers character Cliff Clavin) was invited to join in the festivities. Cliff came well prepared, bringing with him a selection of beers from St Georges Brewing in Hampton as well as his own personal keg ( a 3 gallon roadie that he can kill at a single red light). First up was Old Dominion Brewing's Dominion Millenium Ale (10.5%). Brewed with honey and English malts this gave us a good start to the evening, as it was strong, flavorful and ending with a sweet kick. A real ass kicker, this is not a beer for the college keg stand crowd and it received a solid good. J Wilder noticed the label which displayed a 12 point buck and stated "what a rack", although we think he was looking at pictures on his I-phone at the time. Next up was the pac-man yeast hounds from Rogue and their Chatoe Rogue First Growth Single Malt Ale (4.8%). Plain and simple, this shit SUCKS. It tasted like a a bottle of seltzer, which meant ZERO taste. Smelling "kinda like a beer", it was described by Fred as a "big bottle of rip-off emptiness", and Bim said, "empty and without a soul". Next up was Full Sail Hop Pursuit Brewmaster Reserve (6.0%). Why the fuck the brewmaster reserved this shit one will never know. Fred broke out in a perfect rendition of Sheriff Buford T. Justice and exclaimed, "I am in high speed pursuit of the missing hops", followed by that immortal baseball homerun call "the hops have left the building". What a worthless bottle of poop this turned out to be. A new seasonal offering from our friends at Troeg's, Java Head (7.5%) was opened next. D-rail said it was as "smooth as a hershey bar, and then it falls off the counter" while Cliff said it tasted more like a coffee porter than a stout. It only got a so-so since it didn't finish with any gravitas (thats right I said gravitas, go look up that 25-cent word). Reaper's Mortality Stout (7.5%) was then shared and other than the cool graphics on the bottle (a picture of Edgar Allen Poe's raven sitting on his skull) this beer didn't light the lamp and only got a so-so. Finally a decent beer was poured, as we got into a Goose Island Nightstalker (11.7%). Sweet, smooth, and blacker than space, it poured like Gulf of Mexico seawater. This was a great beer and Sheriff Justice said, "only a tick turd or possums pecker wouldn't rate this an RFG", but evidently D-Rail's middle name is possum and this only got a good (as close to RFG as da law will allow). Tuppers Keller Pils (5.0%) and Tuppers Hop Pocket Ale (6.0%) were gifts from Cliff, and we now wished he had left them at home for the neighbors. The Keller Pils tasted more like a Gatorade G3 than a beer, and Fred thought somehow the brewmasters had mixed up a batch of Tide detergent with Grape Kool-Aid to make this filth. Definitely a sucks, but not the worst beer we have ever had. The Hop Pocket Ale was so-so, but tasted more like a mass marketed sessionbeer than a microbrew. We then tapped Cliff's car keg which held some St George's Pilsner (5.0%). Nothing to write home about, this was a solid session beer that is way too easy to drink. It got a so-so to good and we thought we were done for the night. However, Bim decided we needed to finally break in to the Belgium style sample pack he received as part of his reward for his research on bedroom swings (something from perhaps whatever that means). Gulden Draak (10.5%) was a dark triple style ale was thick and rich, like fortified Aunt Jemima's syrup but tasted very very good. We then opened a grenade of Augustijn Ale (8.0%) that was a typical Belgian ale, and rated a so-so. I am sure there are people in this world that love a Belgian style beer, but the BC4M isn't them. The final beer of the night was Bornem Double Abbey Ale (8.0%) which tasted like a late night stack on pancakes. If you ever find yourself malnourished or perhaps after running a half marathon and in need of a energy boost, drink a 4 pack of these calorie bombs. The meeting was then subsequently adjourned and we departed for the evening. We bid adieu (or see you the fuck later) to Cliff as he recalled one of his immortal theories, "A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, the slow and weak in the back are killed first. The speed and health of the herd keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know kills brain cells. Naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers". And that dear readers, is a little known fact...