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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Cap'n Krunkle and the Maharaja

It was a Wednesday evening in the hood, and the ladies were at Wilder's estate for a Stampin'Up party (in reality an excuse for the ladies to drink wine). This gave the lads from the BC4M a chance to sneak down to Bim's for a tasting session. Once again we had assembled a bevy (i.e. metric Butt Ton) of new beers from various sources. First up was Capital City Brewing's The Big Dipa (10.5%), a double IPA that exclaimed, "enhance your inner pyrate" which by the spelling is a reference to the San Francisco light in the loafers brand of "pirate". This beer however was no pushover as it drank like a shot over the bow. A big bold, hoppy grog of deliciousness, this was befitting to serve the scurvy scalawags of Blackbeard's fleet. It rated a very good, so we moved on to a double hopped IPA from Breckenridge Brewery. Small Batch 471 (9.2%) was so smooth and easy to swallow Bim said, "I could drink this shit all day", while Wilder exclaimed, "no fucking way this is 9.2%". Another beer that rated a good which was a pleasant way to start the evening off. Next was Thomas Creek Brewery's Deepwater Doppelbock (6.25%) which was about as close to a doppelbock as Landshark Lager is. All these guys did was take a MGD64 and add caramel color to it. We love doppelbocks, but this was very thin and watery with no sweetness at all. It is more akin to being a weak amber ale than a bock so it only rated a so-so. Undeterred we popped the top on a Firestone Union Jack IPA (7.5%). With a label that boasted a picture of an Irish Grizzy Bear hammer fisting Liberace the steroid guzzling gay lion, it poured crystal clear and was in the words of Ricky Bobby, "delicious and cools you down on a hot summer day". It received a good. Lagunitas WTF (Wilco Tango Foxtrot) (7.83%), as opposed to more correct "whiskey tango foxtrot" was self-described as a "multi-robust jobless recovery ale" (WTF does that mean?). It was good but not overpowering and we all agreed this was a stellar session beer. Generally, we somehow always end up with a hefe-weizen or wheat style beer to try at these meetings. Fred usually expresses some sort of facial expression that implies (damn, we gotta drink another freaking clove bomb?), but we must rate every beer we can find, regardless of our personal biases. Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbeer (5.4%) was a typical potpourri of spice that shouted, "the beer inside this bottle sucks". To cleanse our taste buds we tried a Williamsburg Ale Works Brewmaster Reserve Bourbon Barrel Porter (9.0%). This was vintage 2010, bottle number 1864 and while this isn't Wilder's favorite style of beer, he was the only dissenter from good for the group. With mild vanilla, coffee and rich bourbon flavors,this is a solid beer to sip on a cold winter night. Next up was Terrapin's Side Project Cap'n Krunkles Black IPA (7.5%). Ole Captain Krunkle was supposedly the most feared pirate on the high seas. This black hole of a beer poured as smooth as a freshly asphalted highway and tasted even smoother. Crazy Ken said he loved eating bowls of Cap'n Krunkle as a kid until Snake reminded him the cereal was actually called Captain Crunch. This was an excellent beer that we wanted more of. Bim retold the story of how as a young midshipman aboard the H.M.S. Cameltoe that he had shared a bottle of scotch with the then Lieutenant Krunkle. Both men also shared a love for turkish bath houses, and one evening they had gone on a whiskey fueled massage parlor binge while on liberty in Istanbul. Because Krunkle (or the Krunk as his friends call him) had had a life altering experience in the bath house with what turned out to be a Moroccan lady-boy, he had become the flamboyant satin camisole wearing pirate who commanded the frigate "Flying Pantaloon". From that day on, every sailor on the open seas feared the day Captain Krunkle would board their ship and exclaim, "Give me your booty!" After laughing our asses off at Bim's sea story, we opened a bottle of Brewery Ommegang's 3 Philosophers (9.8%). This craft brewer likes to make artisanal Belgian style beers, and this one was excellent. A blend of ale and a Belgian kriek, this was a cherry flavored cordial that would be a perfect companion for a rich dessert. Next up was perhaps the most unique beer any of us had ever encountered. Russian River's Supplication (7.0%) was a bottle conditioned sour ale that is aged in pinot noir barrels, and was in the words of Bim, "sour as fuck", while Fred and J. Wilder both loved the tongue curling tartness. This was a unique style of beer, and since some members said sucks while others said RFG, we gave it a so-so. We had never tasted a beer anywhere in the same zip code as this one and Bim suggested it would make a perfect nightcap for Cap'n Krunkles life partner Jaques Le Flame. Only 3 beers remained, so we went back to a conventional beer, Hoppin Frogs Outta Kilter Wee Heavy Scotch Style Ale (8.2%). The bottle featured an Amazonian poison lipped river frog, and Snake brought the house down with his childhood story about barefoot frog gigging in the piranha infested waters of South America while on a mission trip to the Jonestown commune in Guyana. This beer tastes nothing like chicken he said, although it easily was the best Scotch ale we had ever tried and it rated a good. Next was a bottle of Avery Brewing's Maharaja (10.41%). An Imperial IPA, in the tasting glass it looked like an aquarium of sea monkeys. The bottle had a picture of either a New York cabbie or 7-11 clerk who was probably named Kongpesh or Gunjan but damn the Maharaja was a very good beer. As we drank this hoppy delicacy, we all agreed it was excellent and deserved the coveted RFG. The final beer of the night was a re-tasting of Stone's Sublimely Self-Righteous Ale (8.7%) which had received a good on Five men and a baby night. Extremely smooth as well as hoppy, this tasted even better than the first time and we deemed this another RFG. The night had come to a close and as we stumbled out of Bim's stately manor, we performed our ritual bottle heave into the "recycle" container that is located 400 feet behind the house. Luckily for those protect the planet types, no native species were injured during this process. We then dispersed with the standard disclaimer for our group, 'What happens at the BC4M, stays at the BC4M"... Until next time....


Anonymous said...

Occasionally I get a chance to read your write-ups, and this one was hilarious!!!! LMAO! I would love to be a fly on the wall (or a pic on a beer bottle label) to watch you guys enjoy your various beers each week! ENJOY the Beer Festival!

...Soccer Mom

Beer Club 4 Men said...

Glad you like our stuff, we love making the ladies laugh at our antics