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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The 300

And so the immortal night was upon us. A major milestone, beer number 300 was ready to be tasted. We gathered at Fred's to watch a BC4M classic, The 300 and to drink some of the most highly rated beers in the world. We searched high and low to accommodate the wishes of our ardent followers, (special shout out to the Lady Cobra and KrazyItalianIrishGirl for their excellent suggestions) . After exhausting every local beer store for the required libations for this storied night, we found two great sources for the exotic, rare beers that we were asked to rate. Cheers to Freddie from and Randy from Most of the beers we drank that night came from these two guys. Freddie is quite the character and BC4M Fred (who stumbled upon his website while frantically hunting down the rare beers) described him as the Zohan of beers. If you need a beer, and I mean just about any beer, he will either have it or find it for you. The assembled phalanx included Founding Fathers Bim, Fred and Snake and associate members Prince Mike and D-Rail. Just when we were about to start the meeting with our customary moose-knuckle war cry, King Leonidas himself (Johnny Wilder) came dressed in an outfit befitting a character from the movie Hairspray. Who knew that the ancient Spartans had 4000 thread count Egyptian cotton loin cloths? Wilder, always with the flair for the dramatic, exclaimed in his best Scottish-Greek accent, "BC4M, take heed this warning, for tomorrow you will despair in the agony of your vexations, but tonight we DRINK!". I think what he meant to say was that we would be (in the immortal words of D-Rail's Irish-Honduran grandmother, hung the fuck over) after this decadent night of revelry. With the movie serving as our backdrop we opened the first of what promised to be an amazing night of beers. Hornsby's Amber Draft Hard Cider (6.0%) was a write-in choice as selected by our loyal followers. Amazingly, the BC4M has somehow managed to attract the attention and following of several gorgeous young ladies. One of them had written in and told us that like tequila, a good hard cider would definitely make her clothes fall off. Armed with that bit of information, we knew we had to rate a cider even if it isn't quite the same thing as a true beer. After we each had tasted what Fred called "carbonated Mott's applesauce", we unanimously agreed that for a cider this wasn't half bad. It rated a so-so to good and a few members suggested it even makes a great mixer with lagers, known as the Snakebite. Next up was another suggestion from our dear fans. Fresh off the FedEx truck from Ron Burgundy's hometown of "Stay classy San Diego", the Beer Zohan had delivered us a couple of Russian River Brewing's Pliny the Elder (8.0%). As all good history buffs know, Pliny the elder was the Roman historian and naval officer who before he died following the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, created the Latin term for hops, "Lupus salictarius or wolf among scrubs" since back before modern farming took place, hop plants grew wild among the trees. Pliny was piney, hoppy and very aromatic, but everyone instantly knew, this was definitely an RFG. An all around excellent beer, this double IPA is truly amazing. It is a must taste for anyone that considers themselves a craft beer connoisseur. Next up was a couple of beers that are made by 3 Floyd's Brewing,a company that many consider to be one of the finest in North America. 3 Floyd's Dreadnaught (9.5%) was another beer submitted by our readers. An Imperial IPA, the bottle featured a picture of what looked like Captain Kangaroo riding a whiskey barrel all jacked up on Mountain Dew. This beer poured strong and finished even stronger. It was a big bold IPA, the citrusy hops balanced with a hint of malt, this was an awesome beer and it also received an RFG. The night was off to an incredible start as we then opened a 3 Floyd's Behemoth (10.5%), a barleywine style beer. The label on the bottle showed a picture of what appeared to be one of ole' Popcorn Suttons famous ex wives. I seemed to recall hearing the tale of his second ex wife, a young lumberjack by the name of Bettie Sue Snotlicker who also happened to be Asheville, NC's first Rutabaga Festival Queen. Seems the boys at 3 Floyd's had unearthed a painting of her at the festival for use on their Behemoth bottle. The bottle was capped with a sky blue colored wax that must have been leftovers from one of her weekly chest hair removal appointments. Much like the stories of Bettie Sue, this beer looked sweet but packed a serious whollop. It was said that Popcorn wouldn't run off at the mouth if she was around since she would donkey punch him if he got out of line. This beer lives up to the name but compared to Dreadnaught, it only rated a so-so to good. Beer number 300 was next, and as promised, we opened the Dogfish Head Raison d' Extra (18.0%). Not to be confused with their already RFG rated Raison d' Etre (Bim's personal favorite), this is a bigger bolder version with a vintage date of 2005. This bottle was the reward that J. Wilder had received after he had bartered for it by performing his infamous naked longboard surfer dance at the DFH brewpub in Delaware (videos may still exist on Youtube). Hoping Johnny hadn't danced for a bottle of industrial strength vinegar, we commenced to taste this dark nectar. The first sip was unreal. Quotes like, "Oh hell yea thats good", and "Thin through the waist with a nice brown tan" were followed by Bim exclaiming this beer was so good that, "I would drink this off an Ecuadorian streetwalkers buttcrack". This is one sweet ass beer, and there is no way you can do anything but sip this syrup, but once again, we all agreed another RFG was upon us. The next beer we sampled was rated #6 in the world at ratebeer. Alesmith Speedway Stout (12%) was a dark as asphalt bully that poured a three finger head and smelled like 7 am at Starbucks. Seemingly bottled with the remains of what came out of the engine from the winning car at the Daytona 500, this beast leaned more towards a coffee flavor than the predicted vanilla or chocolates that others had written about it. This was deemed a good, but not quite up to RFG standards. Up next was Reaper Ale's Redemption Red (6.2%) which was like drinking a Bud Light compared to the alcohol bombs consumed earlier. This was a decent session beer, that was simple and easy drinking. Maybe we were jaded after having sampled all these heavier beers, but this one rated a so-so to good. We then reached into the fridge and pulled out a beer we had searched high and low for. Founders Kentucky Breakfast Stout (11.2%) was a beer that Fred had read about during the Asheville road trip weekend. After having read hundreds of glowing reviews, we decided we had to have it. The bad thing is, its brewed once a year and they just dont make enough to go around. Bruisin Ales in Asheville was out of stock and they weren't getting anymore for the year, and no one in Virginia had any. Even the online guys were out of stock. Luckily, Bim looked up a beer megastore in Kentucky called The Party Source. Sure enough, the website proclaimed that they had some. Fred even called the shop to see if he could buy it and have them ship it,but some antiquated (old ass for you tards) laws prohibited them from doing so. Luckily, Bim's oldest daughter was graduating from college and his parents were coming to see her. Why is that important dear readers? Well they live in Cincinnati, right across the border from the Party Source. Thankfully, on the trip down to Va, they stopped by the store and Bim's dad successfully fought off 2 liberal arts coeds and a professional hair stylist to come away with the last 4 pack they would have for the year. Now, since we have been building up this vaunted beer for a while we all knew it could never live up to expectations. However, it is rich, velvety smooth and fiery like a strong bourbon, and finishes up with a hint of coffee flavor. Almost an RFG, but some of the members aren't fans of these bourbon barrel beers so we gave it a very very good. We then tried a similar beer from our friends in Illinois, Goose Island Bourbon County Stout (13.0%). Pitch black, this stuff would blot out the sun at mid day. Smoother than even the KBS, this was in one word, OUTFUCKINGSTANDING. Do whatever you need to do to get your hands on this stuff, it is without a doubt one of the best beers we have ever tasted. The final beer of the night was from the OBX, Weeping Radish Brewing's Black Radish (5.3%). Having tried two of their other beers and being quite disgusted with both of them, we didn't expect much from this. Yet like that road side dive that looked like a health code violation but had the best cheeseburger around, we were happily impressed. Easily the only beer that they make thats worth a shit, it is a good summer evening beer. We had reached the end of our journey for the evening, but we were pleased with the outcome as we had welcomed 4 new RFGs to the club. The night had ended, but not before we hearkened back to the words of the famed Greek orator Erectocles who said of us, The BC4M did what they were trained to do, what they were bred to do, what they were born to do..............DRINK!


The Lady Cobra said...

A big ol' woohoo for ya'lls 300th beer! Keep up the great work. The blog is freakin' funny! I have another beer suggestion for you, if you haven't already rated it, Delirium Tremor. And a shout out to your wives/girlfriends for allowing ya'll so many opportunites to indulge yourselves for you and your followers benefit. I'm sure they receive many drunk texts during your tasting events!

krazyitalianirish said...

Congrats on 300!! It’s extremely enticing that FOUR new RFGs were christened (and a beer Zohan discovered)!?? My apologies that my suggestions were exhaustingly rare and exotic (but it warms my Italian/Irish heart you enjoyed them so much). If you convince your local specialty beer shop to carry them (possibly utilize J Wilder’s naked dancing skillz?), I promise to purchase many for your gratification, if I’m ever in the vicinity and able to attend a BC4M session?! I’m LOVING the entertaining musings of the blog, keep up the great writing…it helps your followers feel they are a part of the indulgence!

And to Lady Cobra’s comment: yes…kudos to the wives & girlfriends! You lads should definitely flourish your ladies with loving, evocative drunk texts for supporting so many grand opportunities!!