BC4M Goes Vertical

With the imminent departure of our own Frank the Tank, the BC4M decided it was time for the Founding Fathers to give our senior member a proper send-off.  And what better day to do it than on Father’s Day, that one day a year for dad’s everywhere to drink a few beers to try and ease the pain that their children have caused them. The BC4M is no exception. Yes we've made a few parental mistakes... so what? Our 9 members have a total of 93 children with 26 different women. We are the Johnny Appleseed’s of human impregnation. Just last week, Bim introduced us to the newest member of his circus family.  Apparently, the bearded lady really was a woman after all! And Johnny Wilder also introduced his new "son". We all know how proud he is.  It was with this in mind that we gathered at Fred’s to toast our pirate hunter with a most rare vertical, the Firestone Walker anniversary collection.  In 1996, in celebration of their 10^th anniversary,  Firestone Walker began blending different beers to produce an annual anniversary beer. Fred managed to procure the 11^th-16^th in that collection. I know… you people reading this right now are thinking “what a bunch of pussies! The Beer Club for Men is only drinking 7 beers? Lightweights!”  But before we got to the main course, like all great meals, we started with some hearty appetizers.  First up was a Kane Head High IPA (6.5%). This beer had a great nose, and was a realy decent IPA, rating a good. Kane's Oak Aged Head High IPA (6.5%) had a nice, mild bourbon flavor. Another solid good. Next up was a bomber of Westbrook/Evil Twin collaboration Mini-Growler Imperial Stout (12%) which was wonderful. Two great breweries, one great beer, rating a really good. Next up were some Perennial beers from our trading partner in St. Louis. We started with a 17 (11.5%), their mint chocolate stout. This beer is a thin mint cookie in a glass. Not a beer that you could drink a lot of, but the perfect beer to pour when your scarfing down some Samoas and realize you don’t have any milk to go with them. This beer was an easy really good. Next up was Barrel Aged Sump (10.5%), a whiskey barrel aged stout with coffee added. What a great beer! Smooth as silk, with the perfect amount of coffee and just a hint of booze. The first RFG of the night! Then it was on to the FW beers. First up was XI (11%) with a sweet toffee flavor, a really good beer. XII (12%) was sweeter and had a heavier bourbon flavor, another really good. XIII (12%) has a smooth, Parabola-type flavor, another really good. XIV (12.5%) was amazing when we first drank it, and still is. XV (12.5%)... what can you say, still RFG. And the final FW, the XVI (13%), is another RFG!

The following week, Fred called for a mid-week meeting for another vertical surprise. This time, we chose the Founder's Kentucky Breakfast Stout for a 2006-2013 vertical tasting. KBS is a great beer. Difficult for those on the east coast to obtain, but generally well worth the effort. We began the tasting with Kane Solitude (9.5%) a nice, smooth dark beer without a hint of pesky Belgian influence! It rated a unanimous really good.  Then it was onto the KBS. Surprisingly, Founders began brewing their signature beer using screw top bottles. Maybe they got a deal from the fellas over at Schlitz. The first 3 beers in this group (2006-2008) were flat. Taste was OK, but drinking a flat beer is a lot like french kissing your grandma. Sure, you’re getting to first base with a chick, but  she smells like old lady perfume and urine soaked mothballs, ruining what should be an awesome experience. Starting with the 2009 version, the beers started improving, right up to the latest incarnation. My advice to those hoarders out there who are cellaring old KBS, drink it now or try trading it, as this is one beer that probably peaks fairly quickly. We ended the night on our old standby,  Williamsburg Ale Werks Café Royale. Not to brag too much, as this beer is produced in our own backyard, but Café Royale can hold it’s own with any other coffee stout. In fact, we think it’s as good or better than KBS.

 So if you live in the San Diego area, watch out for Frank the Tank! He has an insatiable appetite for Bourbon barrel-aged beers and big titted hermaphrodites, and, together with his brother Mickey Boombatz, will crush anyone who gets between him and the nearest tap!

BC4M's Wild West Frog Rodeo

It seemed to be the typical lazy Saturday evening in the hood, with most of the members out pursuing other interests instead of being available to share a few beers. Coach Johnny Wilder was away with his softball team the "Donkey Punching Kangaroos", who were in the midst of a heated tournament battle to prevent being relegated to the "chicken, beer and Mexican gardener league". Crazy Ken, who recently decided to become carbon neutral, was out on a 500 mile bicycle pilgrimage to D.C. to spread the alarming news that offshore oil drilling is apparently killing rednosed snail darters around the globe, while 10 PM was out in "B.F.E." judging a "world's strongest redneck competition". However, Snake, his better half Blackberry Pamcakes along with Bim and his bride Florence Naughtygale had decided that a few beers needed to be culled from Snake's growing cellar. They started off with a pair of Three Floyd's beers, Robert the Bruce and Alpha King, both of which are phenomenal for their style. They then popped the top on several bombers of the RFG rated Firestone Walker Double Jack, when all of a sudden, a thunderstorm descended upon the neighborhood with the vengeance of a hobo on a ham sandwich. The howling winds, crackling lightning and booming thunder had Bim running in circles trying to find his "thunder buddy". It was about the time Snake found his grandson's pacifier to give to the bawling like a colicky baby Bim that Fred and Nestle rolled in, just in time to partake in a fresh bottle of Avery Maharaja. As we listened to the storm dump copious amounts of rain and hail, we also enjoyed some Sierra Nevada Hoptimum followed by a pair of newly arrived cans of Alchemist Heady Topper. After an hour or so of steady precipitation, the rains finally died off and we adjourned to Snakes palatial sunroom to the ear shattering cacophony of a frog singing like he was trying out for "American Idol". "Holy fuck, thats annoying", said Snake, while Pamcakes replied, "shut up you big head, it reminds me of growing up in the summer, let them froggies sing, they ain't hurting nobody". As we tried to drown out the amphibious opera with Snake's classic 70's tunes filled ipod, we switched from IPA's to heavier beers by opening a Beach Brewing Blackfin barleywine followed quickly by a Founder's Backwoods Bastard. As the frog continued to drone on, Snake got up and left the room, only to return with his Crossman 66 Powermaster assault BB rifle and a thousand yard stare in his eyes. "That's about to be one dead fucking frog" he decreed, so we got up and went to the deck to begin the hunt. Former Scoutmaster Bim immediately took charge of the expedition and using his GPS, laser scope, and a little bit of "Magruber", eventually found our prey sitting in the open with a tauting gleam in his eye. Snake proceeded to unload a fusillade of metal at the frog, only to end up putting multiple dents in his newly erected composite fence while the frog simply continued to sing. "Motherfucker moves as fast as a cheetah" Snake said, while Bim replied, "I think he's on to us, evacuate evacuate!" The smoke then cleared and we went inside to reload and have another beer, this time we chose the fruity and delicious New Glarus Serendipity followed by a coffee/bourbon bomb in Alewerks Cafe Royale. About the same time, a second frog decided to showcase his vocal abilities and we soon had a duet. A thoroughly agitated Snake grabbed the gun and stormed outside, saying he would unleash a thousand rounds if necessary to "annihilate those bastards". "Let me have a try" said Nestle, so while Fred painted the targets, we watched as she fired two quick rounds which produced two confirmed kills. "She shut those fuckers up good and dead" said Snake, while Fred added, "We would have won the Vietnam War in under a year if the Army had her shooting old Charlie." After witnessing the deadly pinpoint accuracy of our own "Annie Oakley", Fred suggested that perhaps Gunnery Sgt Hartman had gotten it wrong in describing the deadliest person in the world in the BC4M Hall of fame classic "Full Metal Jacket". "Fucking-A, my girl can flat out hunt bitches!" he said, while Bim howled with drunken laughter and replied, "You best mind your mouth or she might pop a cap in yo ass". By now, the clock was well past midnight, and Bim was beginning to look like a stroke victim eating oatmeal. We decided to call it a night, but not before opening the final beer of the night, ironically enough, a Hoppin Frog Barrel Aged BORIS the Crusher while we heard Robert Plant and the boys from Led Zeppelin serenade the two fallen aquatic balladeers with a little ditty called Stairway to Heaven. Another classic BC4M evening in the books, if you ever need varmints taken care of, just remember to have "Nestle, "Get your gun"

The Unauthorized Biography Of Fred Flintstone

It started as any normal day. Bim, who runs the web site Deathwatch.com, was scanning celebrity obituaries to see who croaked that day. Bim has an entire office wallpapered floor to ceiling with names of celebrities and politicians, and his site hosts an elaborate gambling scheme where people bet on who will die next. It was a big day for some luck bettor. Margaret Thatcher and Roger Ebert had been circling the drain for years, but Mouseketeer Annette Funicello had died unexpectedly, and somebody just hit the jackpot. Bim received a panicked phone call from Fred, "They've really done it now! I can't believe it, but someone has stolen my identity!" "Whoa now big boy", said Bim, "what's going on?"According to Fred, a feature length film had been made, documenting his beer trading escapades. "They know about everything", he said, "they know about the cellar, they know my drinking habits, my trading partners, even my beeradvocate.com trading name...EVERYTHING!" Did we have a spy in our club? Was the envy of having the club's number 2 cellar too much for Johnny Wilder to handle? Was it 10pm or Snake, trying to increase their own self worth by bringing down the trading king? Or maybe it was just sheer jealousy on the part of Crazy Ken, who has no trading partners, no beer fridge, and no cellar? The mystery was deepening with no suspect. But one thing was clear, whoever produced this beautifully shot film, complete with all the latest computer generated special effects and Spielberg-like directing was no rookie. They had done their research, and spent a small fortune to produce a masterpiece. We may never know who the culprit was, but, like it or not, this film, "The Unauthorized Biography of Fred Flintstone" is sure to be a classic for generations to come. So sit back, grab some popcorn, maybe a fresh IPA, and enjoy the show...

"The Unauthorized Biography of Fred Flintstone"