BC4M Va Beer Festival T-Shirt Design Symposium

With the Virginia Beer Festival fast approaching, the creative genius of the group, Johnny Wilder (or J Wild to the crew) decided to have a collaboration of ideas with the Founding Fathers on designing a T-shirt to wear to the festival. What better way to stoke the flames of imagination than to crack open a few new beers and see what sort of new virtuosity develops. First up was RedHook Rope Swing Summer Pilsner (5.3%). Seemingly brewed with rope salvaged from Davey Jones' locker, this beer didn't knock any ones socks off and was a typical ho-hum run of the mill summer style beer and got a so-so. If the choices in the local store were down to Keystone Light and this, then choose this. Otherwise, leave this mediocre swill on the shelf. Next was Flying Dog's Woody Creek White (4.8%), a Belgian Wit style beer, which poured just like every other mass marketed white beer available. From the first taste you know your drinking a wheat beer, that clovey, spicy note in every sip. Another so-so beer. The night was definitely starting off very weak. If Van Gogh was forced to drink this beer, he might not have had the balls to cut his ear off and instead would have severed his tongue. We then opened a new seasonal from New Belgium Brewing, Skinny Dip (4.2%). Self described as a summer style beer brewed with kaffir limes (limes evidently grown in diesel fuel), this had to be one of the worst beers ever. Fred said, "I would rather drink the runoff from the sprinkler system than have to taste one more sip of this shitty mess". Most of the assembled just poured theirs out rather than subject their taste buds to anymore abuse. We decided to go back to Flying Dog's Snake Dog IPA (7.1%). These guys have some interesting bottle labels, and usually have a decent beer. This one was very hoppy (in a good way) but some members asked where the malt was. J Wilder exclaimed, "I love this feisty bitch". This one rated a definite good. Trying to keep the good times rolling, we opened a Flying Dog Double Dog Double IPA (11.5%). Now this is the type of beer that generally gets us excited. Big hop aromas followed by the big alcohol bite, this one was like chewing on a pine cone ( a big ass pine cone). A split vote was given, half for so-so, half for good. Designs for the t-shirt were slow to materialize (Bim drew a picture that only a 4 yr old would be proud of that sorta looked like a mosquito riding a shot glass, design DENIED). We decided the answer to our lack of productivity was another cold beer. Sam Adams Imperial White (10.3%) was our next choice. A big, bold, strong beer, Fred said it was as smooth as "a freshly Pledged coffee table", while J. Wilder said "I feel a bit short-shafted, its an RF without hitting the G-spot, but its damn good". This one is a great beer and in fact all the Imperial Series from Sammy A are either RFG or very good. We then tried another new seasonal, Troeg's Flying Mouflan (9.3%). The bottle looked like a cover from an Aerosmith album, and it was described as Nugget Nectar pushed off the side of a cliff. No one seemed to know what a mouflan was so Fred suggested it was the tasty dessert served at most roadside Mexican joints. Snake brought up the fact that as a young lad growing up in the wilds of Turkmenistan he and his brothers would hunt wild mouflans for dinner. "Tastes like porcupine, Dee-licious" exclaimed Snake. A quick search on the encyclopedia for dummies (i.e. Wikipedia) showed that the mouflan is actually a type of sheep. Known to be very cunning and agile, Snake said he gained his all-neighborhood track speed from running down these rams over the Caucasus Mountains. This barley wine style beer was a solid good. Since we seemed to be on a roll with some good beers, we decided to keep the party going and pulled out a Coastal Brewing Pamlico Amber (4.7%). Wow, this shit SUCKS. One member said, "take a glass of unsweet tea and remove all taste, then piss in it and it would still taste better than this awful crap" This stuff was simply horrible. To cleanse our palates, we opened the last beer of the night, Leinenkugel's Sunset Wheat (4.9%). As you know, wheat beers generally don't rate high on our list, but this 12 oz bottle of "fruity pebbles" was a sheer delight. This was pretty damn good, but like a bowl of sugary cereal, you cant take on a lot of this stuff. This would be an ideal beer (light as a feather and just sweet enough) to get your new girlfriend to try when you take her out for the 6.99 soup and salad special at Olive Garden (you cheap bastard). The evening had come to a close, and a design still hadn't been agreed upon. Even though the canvas was still blank, in our minds we say "a great beer will always beat shitty art".

Cinco de Mayo en el Circulo de Cesped

Buenos nachos, mi amigos y amigas, donde esta tu cervezas? Once again, Cinco de Mayo had arrived, so we decided to throw a little neighborhood party down near Snake and Bim's to celebrate the wonderful heritage that our compadres to the south (well at least the ones that haven't hopped the border and settled here illegally) have. Wives, kids, new neighbors and many of the BC4M members (except for D-Rail who was busy translating for a landscaping crew and couldn't make it) all descended on the 1/16th acre of weeds we proudly know as the circle of sod. Sure, there is even some family history involved too. Fred said he fondly recalled listening to his grandfather revel in stories of how great grand pappy General Beauregard Chimichanga led his band of rebels (i.e. Southern boys) up and down the east coast planting all those pesky South of the Border billboards for his amigo bueno Pedro. Toiling in the hot sun all those days gave the boys a thirst for the craft brews that Pedro used to smuggle from his homeland, beers long since lost to history. Home brews such as "el diablo del mantequilla" which roughly translates into "the devil's ball sweat", and "gallito del lugar" which means "the spitting rooster" were beers that were meant to be savored not swilled. To honor all the hard work that our forefathers had put in while blazing that path of day-glo kitsch along I-95, we decided to sample a few of the best cervezas we could get our hands on. First up was Dos Equis Lager Especial (5.0%). Just because you write the word 'especial' on the bottle doesn't mean its actually any good. Typical of the cerveza style, this beer is thin and drinkable, but why in the world would you pay more than say 5 pesos for this garbage. Sure, they actually have a great ad campaign going on right now (featuring Bims look-alike twin brother, the World's Most Interesting Man), but hey muchachos, if you spent half your ad money on ingredients maybe this beer would get more than a so-so. We then tried a can of Modelo Especial (4.4%). A pilsner style beer, this is watery, but decent. Next was Bohemia Clasica (5.3%) which is a special brew that zee Germans brought with them while they were looking for artifacts in the Mexican jungles during Raiders of the Lost Ark. Another thin, watery bottle of mediocrity, the best thing about this was the cool pic on the label of that great Aztec King, Chief Big Cock Feather. If he actually had to drink this crap,he might have thrown every Kraut beer maker working in Cancun off the temple as a sacrifice. History books say smallpox wiped out the natives when the Conquistadors arrived in Mexico, but we think it might have been this beer that did it. America's favorite bottles of nothingness, Corona (4.6%) and Corona Light (4.1%) were next. Who in America hasn't fallen prey to the clever marketing schemes of this friend of the beach. A cold Corona and a slice of lime and your an instant cliche. Even if your local watering hole is serving a whole bucket of these "beers" for 5 bucks, they are still RIPPING you off. After drinking the Corona Light, Bim said, "now I know what the hell Rogue means when their bottles say free range coastal waters";"They must be using Corona light instead of water". With the exception of Prince Corona Mike, all hands said so-so and sucks to the beers even Mexicans turn their noses up at. We then opened up a Dos Equis Amber (4.5%) which Fred called "a dark version of nothingness". Its no damn wonder they are clamoring to come up here, their beer fucking sucks. Another in a long line of so-so's. The next to last Mexican beer of the night was Tecate (4.5%). No flavor at all, this beer seemed lazy and lacked any distinctive characteristics at all. Hell, if we bottled some of our home brews and labeled them "cerveza", we all could probably be able to retire. Sol (4.5%) was the last of the hop and malt free beverages we were to try for the evening. Imagine if you will a long hot day of yard work (and yes of course I know what your thinking about Mexicans and yard work, where are you D-Rail?). Now after you take a shower to rinse off the grime, you collect the shower runoff and bottle it. Congratulations, you just made your first bottle of Sol. We couldn't end this festive night on a down note, so Wilder brought out a few new nuggets to try. Avery Brewing and Russian River's Collaboration not Litigation Ale (8.91%) was a very spicy wheat style beer that had a distinctive clove taste that drove us to score this a so-so to good. We then opened a Southern Tier Krampus (9.0%) which is a Helles style lager. Helles is German for "light" and these beers are otherwise known as pale lagers. The writing on the bottle described the story of the Krampus, which is this horned creature that goes out with Jolly old Saint Nick during Christmas and punishes the bad kids. One member thought Krampus was, "the feeling you get when you drink the water while on vacation in Guatemala". Southern Tier makes some weird ass beers, most of which suck, but this one was actually good. Snake then pulled out a Harpoon Summer Beer (5.0%). This is a Kolsch style beer ( a lager style beer that is actually made with ale yeast). This is a great beer for drinking on a hot summer day, light and refreshing and it rated a good. Since we had tried a bunch of light beers all evening, the final two beers for the night were considerably stronger. Sierra Nevada's 30th Anniversary Stout XXX (9.5%) was next . Sporting a slick looking bottle, we expected a bonafide gem when we poured a round. Fred declared it was like drinking a bottle of liquid smoke. A second glance at the bottle stated that the founder of Anchor Brewing, Fritz Maytag had come back to brew this special beer. Fred said, "Maybe Fritz should either go back to selling washing machines or back in freaking retirement cause this stuff sucks". Finally, we had a second tasting of New Holland Dragon's Milk (10.0%). From their "high gravity" series this garnered a so-so cause most members took a big sip and then realized they were actually drinking a cheap-ass bourbon. Definitely take your time with this one, it isn't a beer to shotgun. The night had come to an end, but the adventure never ends. Until our next rendezvous, Stay thirsty my friends...

Derby Days

Saturday was the 136th Run for the Roses, better known of course as the Kentucky Derby. In our neighborhood, we generally have some sort of get together (i.e. party) several times a year. During the warmer months, we have a little something called a 'flamingo'. These parties started sometime in the past when J. Wilder put two plastic flamingos in his yard and invited everyone over for some food and fun and of course, drinks. After the first one, he would then simply plant the flamingos in someone's yard and they would in turn host the event. Before you knew it, the whole neighborhood had adopted the idea and we seemed to have flamingos every weekend. Nowadays, we simply say, hey all, we're having a flamingo and we go get the birds from whomever currently has them and plant them out front and wait for the neighbors to show. We generally have 25 or 30 flamingos a year depending on the weather. So to kick off the 2010 CHC Flamingo season, J. Wilder suggested a Kentucky Derby party. Mind you, only Fred probably watched the actual race, but all the ladies dressed up with fancy hats and dresses and one guy (Fred) showed up with a sweet new hat in an outfit that had the rest of the BC4M members saying (who's the goombah?). This wasn't to be an official tasting night, but while the ladies of the hood gathered on the deck to tarry with the grape, we decided to sneak in a BC4M session. Da fellas (in true Jersey goombah-eaze style) gathered around Wilder's new firepit next to the lagoon pool and each got a full serving of draft Michelob Shock Top (5.2%) from a keg that 10pm brought over. We were off and running. Say what you will about mass marketed swill from the likes of Michelob, but on draft (DRAFT mind you), this was actually damn good. One member said, "damn that tastes a whole lot better than it does in a bottle". Another comment was, "shit, I didnt think Budweiser had it in them to make something this decent." Next up was a new beer from our friends that hail from Ole Tommy Jefferson's woods, Starr Hill Brewing's Lucy (4.4%). "Strange and exotic, said Fred, almost like a lime flavored lifesaver candy". Most of the group rated this a so-so, but the J. man and Fred liked it. Not for everyone, this is a unique brew that should be reserved solely for warm evenings when your with a group of fancy pants yuppies from D.C that don't know shit about what constitutes a good beer. The third beer of the evening was Sierra Nevada's Summerfest (5.0%) , a new seasonal that really went down smooth with a classic easy drinking hop finish. This is a great beer to enjoy while your out crabbing, or sitting on your porch watching all those young ladies whizz by on their rollerblades (yea if it was still like 1999). The final beer of the evening was Atwater Block Brewery's Vanilla Java Porter (5.5%). This bottle held a lot of promise, as it proclaimed to be one of the most admired beers this brewery makes. The first, second, third and fourth sips left very few of us thinking we had actually tasted java or vanilla but it did sorta taste like a porter. It got a so-so since it left us hanging. The party started to wind down by this time as a lot of folks had to get up early for various reasons the next day. We decided to call it a night and prepare for the upcoming neighborhood Cinco De Mayo celebration that was sure to violate multiple treaties and international laws in the process. Until our next episode dear friends, keep drinking like a horse.