defrLatest Breaking News..

We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Saturday, December 17, 2011

BC4M "Best of 2011" edition

Each year, the Founding Fathers get together to cull the vast riches of our beloved beer archive and put together a list of the funniest quotes recorded by the members. Mind you, half the time we are shit-housed drunk, so sometimes the translations are lost among the scribblings that pepper our pages. Since the BC4M was soon to be celebrating its second anniversary, Fred, Johnny Wilder and Bim decided to get together and try a few of the new beers Fred had brought back from his recent trip to Pelican Pub and Brewery on the coast of Oregon. We figured while we drank we could find time to cobble up a list of our favorite BC4M beer blog quotes and devise a "Best of 2011" top ten.  We started the meeting off with a Pelican Doryman's Dark Ale (5.8%). This is their brown ale and while we don't go out of our way to try browns, this one doesnt disappoint. Strong malt character followed with just a tad bit of hops gives it a decidedly nice finish. A solid good, we then went on to the Pelican Bad Santa (6.7%). Thinking we were getting a typical holiday spiced ale or winter warmer, we were surprised to read the label declaring it to be a Cascadian dark ale, or what some like to term a black IPA. This is a decent interpretation of the style and was also a good. Next was the Pelican MacPelican's Wee Heavy (8.9%) a Scotch ale that was freaking delicious. "Fuck, that's almost as good as Old Chub" said Bim, while Wilder replied, "shit, aint nothing beats gettin an old chub". Bordering on RFG status, this one is well worth a test drive as it delivers a sweet malty punch balanced by a nice alcoholic backbone. On to our next beer, we tried a Pelican Stormwatcher's Winterfest (13.0%), their standard barleywine. Nestle had fallen in love with the three different vintages she had tried with Fred on their recent trip to Oregon. This one is dark, rich and full of fig and toffee notes, with a panty peeling warm finish from the high alcohol content. "I wanna bathe my nad pouch in this nectar all night" said Wilder, as Fred added, "Sticks to your stomach like a warm plate of shit on a shingle". We decided it was among the very best barleywines we had ever tasted so it got a unanimous RFG. Hoping to find another gem, we pried the top off of this years Pelican Mother of All Storms (13.5%). The boys at Pelican take their Stormwatcher's and then age it in bourbon barrels and the results are in the words of Nestle "shut the front door good". Butter toffee, caramel, a hint of vanilla and chocolate perfectly paired with a fiery bourbon glaze, this is a sipping beer that is simply fucking amazing. "Its like all my favorite candy bars splooged together on my tongue" said Bim, while Fred added, "As warm and cuddly as a pair of DD's". Another bottle of perfection, this one too got an RFG. We ended the night with the new collaboration between a couple of our favorite brewers, The Bruery / Dogfish Head Faster Bigger Better Bolder (8.25%). Brewed with seemingly every available spice and essence known to the Japanese people, including the always tasty cumquat and a "seven spice schichimi togarashi blend" ("Man I love me some chimichangas" said Fred), this one is effervescent like a Sprite and spicy like a Belgian trippel. Interesting and definitely unique, it only garnered a good since it seemed to be trying to be a lot of things at once but it is crisp and refreshing and would probably pair well with seafood dishes. Out of beer, we had determined our best one liners and present them to you now....but be warned...some are not for the faint of heart....

The Best of 2011

10) "Enough carbonation to power a Dutch windmill"

9) "Smells like a rabid skunk pissed on your taint"

8) "Tastes like paint thinner mixed with cheap tequila"

7) "Like a big slimey load to the tonsils"

6) "Tastes as gamey as the live well on the back of a bass boat"

5) Get ya spoon girl, cuz if you can gum this schlong, you getz yo rock"

4) "Smells as fresh as a 3 week old tampon pulled from a dumpster"

3) "About as moist as a freshly pummeled Nicaraguan brown eye"

2) "Do I taste nutmeg, or is that a little man-spice"

1) "Went down as easily as a 3 dollar a night mouth hugger"

Until Next year.....Ho Ho Ho bitches....