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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Snake goes to NY

The BC4M decided to give founding father Snake, a proper sendoff. Our beloved brother was preparing to depart the commonwealth so that he could help out with the Occupy New York protests. He wasn't sure what his job would be, but he requested either foot massager or latrine duty. What you may not know about Snake is that during the 60's he was a driving force in the hippy movement. His exploits are legendary. He claims to have dropped acid with Timothy Leary and once had a 3 way with Liberace and one of Liberace's Thai "lady" friends. It creeps us out whenever he brings it up, so we prefer not to relive that experience. While in New York, he had hoped to be able to take a side trip to Upper Manhattan in order to kick the shit out of our old pal Dr. Gunthumper, time permitting. But before the festivities could begin, we were treated to a show from Prince Mike, fresh from his dream hands class. Unfortunately, Johnny Wilder and D-rail couldn't make the session. They were on their way to Nigeria to find the guy who keeps emailing us, the "Honorable Joseph Ondago", who keeps filling Johnny's in-box with his spam and his heart with the false hope of striking it rich. Once found, that son-of-a-bitch was either going to cough up some cash or die! Last we heard, Wilder had been sold into slavery by the Dig Dig tribe. But enough of the jibber jabber, let's hear about the beers!

First beer of the night was a Belgian Wit Homebrew by Crazy Ken's strength coach. Once again, a homebrewer attempts to humiliate us and succeeds. The beer was good, which really pisses us off. Next was De Halve Maan Brewery's Straffe Hendrick Quad (11%). We're generally not big Belgian fans, but this one was good. Sam Adams Stony Brook Red (9.0%) was a very nice tarty Belgian beer. Sam Adams, despite the fact that they are nearly a macro, can still brew some good shit. This beer is one of them, rating a really good. Short's Brewing Key Lime Pie (5.5%) was next (thanks to trading partner David Taylor),  was one of the most interesting beers of the night. Brewed with marshmallows and limes, it tasted like Key Lime Pie, but not sure if that should be in a beer. It was a split decision between so/so and good. Harpoon Rich and Dan's Rye IPA (6.9%) was a good beer that, while not spectacular, improved with every sip. Terrapin Midnight Project Peotch (7.2%) had a nice peach bite. We agreed that this was a really good beer. Peak Organic King Crimson (9.0%) was a imperial red ale. This beer, while no Gordon, was nice, despite all the organic bullshit, rating a good. Upland Brewing Co.'s Dragonfly IPA (6.8%) was a malty mess. Where's the hops? Apparently still in the fields. This one was a so/so at best. Thirsty Dog Barktoberfest (6%) was a decent beer in this style, rating a good. Thirsty Dog Apricot Wheat (5.2%) was good for a wheat beer, but apricots are like the hillbilly cousin of the peach, and as such, are not well liked. Carolina Beer's Cottonwood Pumpkin (5.1%) was garbage. Please stop brewing this shit. Ska Local Series Hoperation Ivy #20 smelled like the dogshit in Crazy's yard, and didn't taste much better, rating a so/so. Southern Star Pine (6.3%) was good. The can states "clarity is overrated", and so is this beer. Southern Star's Buried Hatchet Stout (8.25%) advertises its "traditional pre-Industrial Revolution malt profile". WTF??? this is the 21st century! Despite this, it was a good. Berrefico Del Ducatato La Luna Roossa (8%) was a wonderful slightly sour cherry beer which set Bim back $18 and was worth every penny. It was easily a really good. We followed with their Imperial stout (8.2%), which didn't rate as high, but was still good. Smuttynose (what is a smutty nose?) Imperial Stout (8.25%) may be the best beer they make, but still only rated a good. Legend  Brewing Co's Quad (11%), may be the best these guys make as well. It was sweet and was really good. Pub Dog, who brew 100 varieties of shitty beers, provided the Imperial Dog IPA (6.8%), and, surprisingly, it was good! Alaskan Brewery Raspberry Wheat (6.5%) was fucking awesome! Just the right amount of raspberry flavor, it was really good. At this point we should have stopped, but the BC4M is a runaway train! We stop for no one. The Brewer's Art Le Canard (8%) was good. The bar in Baltimore where these beers are brewed, is run by some very pretentious assholes, but this beer was pretty good. Next up was another Pub Dog, Wild Cherry Porter (5.8%). This, like the other beer from these guys, was good. Baird/Ishi/Stone Green Tea IPA (9.2%) was a weird collaboration, but a good beer. Bee Creek Ale (4.8%) smelled like cat piss. It tasted a little better, but not by much. Oaken Barrel Brewing Co.'s Razz Wheat (5%) had low expectations, but was a  good beer. Baying Hound Alewerks Taj Mahound Brown Ale (7%) had a weird flavor, rating a so/so. Peak Organic Hop Noir (8.2%) was a black IPA that was good...but enough of the organic bullshit! The Brewer's Art Green Peppercorn Trippel (10%) was a good. And finally, ending the rated beers was Cervezeria Cucapa (7.2%). Not only are Mexicans are great at sneaking across the border they also can brew some beer! This one was a solid good.

30 beers later, we capped the night off with a Firestone Walker Abacus, which, while delicious, was  probably not what we needed at that point. By the end of the night, Bim was so inebriated that his bottle toss into the woods barely cleared his own feet. One could compare it to the throw from a 90 yr old woman, but that would be an insult to 90 yr old women. Fred, unable to walk the 50 feet to his own home, called himself a cab. Snake staggered home and promptly pissed in his laundry hamper. Now, dear readers, 2 of the preceding events are completely figure it out! Until next time, we leave you with Bim's theme song...