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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Road Trip To Georgia

Me (Bim) and my ole lady decided on a road trip to Georgia. The goal? Kickin ass and taking names. After putting on my best traveling clothes, we loaded up the chopper, and away we went. First stop was Atlanta. You history buffs may know what Atlanta is famous for...not history or Gone with the Wind or any of that shit... it's known for great titty bars! But titty bars were not on the menu for this outing. We were heading there to meet one of Bim's oldest friends, a guy who, during his professional days, went by the name of Ron Jeremy. He now lives in a town called Cumming, GA, a well known retirement community for washed-up porn stars. As a youth, long before Al Gore invented the internet, Bim and his pal would watch 8mm porno movies projected onto the neighboring house's white siding (this is actually sad but true). Imagine, the great John Holmes, the human jackhammer, 12 feet tall and doing his thing on the side of the Wilson's house while the family inside watched Leave it to Beaver, totally oblivious. First stop in "Hotlanta" was the Sweetwater Brewery. Sweetwater is known for brewing lackluster session beers, and they didn't disappoint! The brewery tasting was packed with 20-something kids whose idea of adventure was driving their BMW's through the Atlanta ghetto...with the windows down. The servers were all hot chicks which is always a plus, and the sampling glasses were pints filled 3/4 way to the top. This apparently was an attempt to keep the focus off the actual beer quality, and it worked! First up was their signature beer, 420 Extra Pale Ale (5.2%). I believe they must have been stoned when brewing this and forgot to add hops. I like beer, and who doesn't like weed, but this one reminded me of neither. Next was the Road Trip Blonde Ale (5.3%) which reminded me of bland, urine colored, Suwanee River water. The Sweetwater IPA (6.4%) may be the one that redeems them, a well brewed, nicely hopped IPA that actually tasted like IPA. The Georgia Brown Ale (5.4%) was a good representation of this style, very carmely. And lastly we tried the Blue (4.8%), a suck-ass blueberry beer that they should be ashamed of putting their name on. For six bucks, it was a generous tasting and helped start the night. Next stop was a place called Taco Mac, which sounds oddly like a Mexican Joint, but is actually a wing place with an amazing beer selection. 140 beers on tap, 200 in bottles. Well done guys. The next day, after hitting a couple of local bottle stores, we bid godbye to Ron and his lovely family (including his 3 sons who hope to one day follow daddy's film legacy) and it was off to Athens. The goal was to kick Michael Stipe's ass for 30 years of bad music, find the Indigo Girls and turn them straight, and hopefully drink some good beers. What a disappointment. This college town is apparently owned by Annheiser Bush. The only redeeming point was the fact that Terrapin Brewery resides here, and thay make So Fresh and So Green Green, an awesome seasonal IPA. For that reason alone, I let Michael Stipe off the hook with little old fashioned bitch slappin. Then it was off to Wilmington, North Carolina for more fun. Wilmington is home to Front Street Brewery as well as several fine beer bars. The first one we stopped in was the best, Cape Fear Beer and Wine. The concept here is that this is a bottle store which has a bar... the best of both worlds! Drink something you like? Take a 6 pack home with you! The selection was great, the bartenders, Megan and Kris were quite knowlegable as well as being very friendly to a couple of beer geeks from Virginia. They helped us get loaded several nights in a row, and even opened Bim's eyes to a brewery that we had previously written off, St. George's from Hampton, VA. These guys brew some shitty beers, but their cask IPA was damn good. My advice to St George... stop brewing everything else and stick to the cask ales. After some debauchery in Wilmington, it was back home with the booty, 30+ bottles of new beers to sample and not a single arrest or animal molested. Until next time, Cheers!