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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

U.S.S. Chode Blower.....Departing

This past Friday, the BC4M got the chance to honor one of our own, Frank the Tank, as he gave up command of his ship, the U.S.S. Chode Blower. Tank's time as the Captain of the Navy's finest "Taliban killer" was now complete after a highly successful tour that included the capture of over 25 of the most dangerous terrorists on the planet. His ship had also alleviated a possible international crisis by intercepting a shipment of Chinese made BB guns and fake Ipads that were supposedly enroute to a camel jockey training camp somewhere in the middle east. Most of the missions his boat had accomplished are still classified as top secret, but he did tell us about one mission where the team had come across a fast moving jihadist frigate in the Indian Ocean that they chased and finally sank after a furious 18 hour gun battle. After the change of command ceremony, Tank had to spend a few hours with the bigwigs in the Pentagon discussing his upcoming orders, so as we awaited his arrival home for the neighborhood party celebrating his exploits, we decided to try a couple of highly rated beers from Alpine Brewing in California. First was Alpine Brewing's Nelson (7.0%) which featured a self described golden rye pa, this one was a huge fucking disappointment. Expecting the next "Pliny the Elder" after hearing everyone gush like a 16 yr old with his first boner about this beer on the Internet, we were completely letdown by the fruity almost syrupy grapefruit flavor that bombards your nose and tongue. "This shit sucks" said 10pm, as both Fred and Bim poured theirs out after a few sips. "Sure as fuck ain't Pliny" said Snake as we gave this one a sucks. Hoping for a better showing with Alpine Brewing's Pure Hoppiness ( 8.0%) we were rewarded with a beer that wasn't much better and tasted like a cloudy mass of detergent. "This sure as fuck tastes as bad as the other one" said Fred so it rated a sucks as well. We noticed that the Tank had arrived home and a multitude of his former shipmates and friends descended upon his tree lined driveway to begin the festivities. It was huge showing from the BC4M as Bim, Wilder, Snake, Prince Mike, 10pm, Fred, Crazy Ken were all in attendance. As we spent the evening dining on a veritable buffet of delicious dishes, we listened to many of Tank's Navy buddies tell sea stories about our beloved brother. As we cackled at the stories of Tank overseeing a coed "shellback" ceremony,we noticed the president of our west coast bureau, Ganja Bob, was in town for the proceedings. The last time he was here, he was hammered out of his gourd at our 500 night, so he looked at us like he had never seen us before even though, but a few shots of whiskey and the promise of a hot tub lap dance later, and he remembered that storied night like it had just happened. He once again promised us a shipment of rare beers was on the way (we heard that one the last time as well) and he also brought Tank some rare Cuban cigars to celebrate with. We had one more beer to try, a special beer befitting Frank the Tank, a true American hero, the Goose Island Rare Bourbon County Stout (13.0%). The boys at Goose Island bought up some whiskey barrels that housed one of the finest American bourbons, Pappy Van Winkle, aged for 23 fucking years. They then took their Bourbon County Stout and aged it for 2 years in the barrels before bottling it. As we sampled this amazing beer, our newest member, Mickey Boombatz, said, "It's like liquid fucking Mozart", "A symphony of flavors in your mouth". This is one amazing fucking beer, with a slightly sweet hint of bourbon heat that is balanced with a chocolate finish that is simply fantastic. "No doubt, that shit right there is an RFG" said Snake, to which we all agreed. The label on the bottle says it all "a true rarity, savor and share only with those you hold dear as it will never be made again". No truer words have been said, as we ended the night with a BC4M salute to our fearless hunter of terrorists world wide by singing a rousing rendition of the official theme song of the U.S.S. Chode Blower, "America"...... you move on to your next tour of duty......may you always have fair winds and following seas brother