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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, January 31, 2013

2012...Going, going, GONE!

Another year down, as the BC4M turned three in 2012. Time to look back at our accomplishments from the past year.

The Beers: We drank a shit ton of beer, and are fast closing in on 3000 beers rated. We drank some great ones too, thanks mainly to Fred and his army of traders across the country. Utopias, Westvleteren 12, Heady Topper (lots of Heady Topper), Black Tuesday, Grey Monday and Chocolate Rain, and who can forget Lawson's Finest Double Sunshine and Three Floyd's Zombie Dust! We tasted some great beers from Hill Farmstead too, but we can't say where we got them as they get a little weird about that stuff. And, we lost a few good friends in 2012 as well. Pliny the Elder, our dear old friend, was dethroned as the king of the IPA's by the aforementioned Heady Topper. When his boy Younger gets bottled, the Pliny name may rise again. Until then, fuck you old man!

Fred: His hoarding continues, despite our best efforts to reduce it's size. He currently has a small pathway through the house, with beer stacked 6 feet high on either side. His bedroom is completely full, and he and Nestle have been sleeping in the bathtub. He hasn't seen his son (who resides in a inaccessible section of the house) in over a month. Despite this, he continues to deny there is a problem.

Snake: This year Snake realized his dream of killing one of every species of animal on the endangered species list. He ate such delicacies as fried snail darter and roasted spotted owl. He also travelled to India where he bought a couple slightly used livers on the illegal organ market, and had them implanted into his ball sack.

Johnny: After spending the past year collecting vintage bikes, Johnny Wilder started his own motorcycle gang. That gang disbanded, so he started another one, and another one.

10PM: Throwing caution to the wind, 10PM managed to stay out past 10:30 at least 3 times this year. One night he actually made it to almost midnight! Well done!

Big Audio Dynamite: He continues to perfect his acting ability, recently starring in a community theater production... and without requiring any make-up!

Bim: Rumors of Bim's demise were premature. On average, a clown is killed by a psycho with an assault rifle in this country every 4 seconds, and yet we stand by idly and laugh (because clowns are funny, even when they're getting mowed down). Thankfully, Bim wasn't one of them. And remember, if you have a small child that you're really not all that fond of, Bim is available for some demented children's party entertainment that's sure to make the little bastard want to move out by the time he's 12.

Prince: Another successful year convincing all who know him that he's straight. Well done Prince, and we hope 2013 is just as successful at keeping up the elaborate charade!

Crazy Ken: Crazy Ken continues to work on his brewing skills, and this year he finally achieved his lifelong dream of figuring out how to brew Bud Light. Congratulations Ken!

OMT: Continues to fight crime wherever he finds it. Including a major bust at the local mall.

D-rail: Following his deportation, D-rail spent some quality time back in the jungles of his youth, before he was able to escape and sneak back across the border using the kind of disguise that would make a CIA operative jealous.

Frank the Tank: Having spent years attacking pirates, Tank decided to become one himself. He was last seen on the Jersey shore assembling his crew for his new;y christened ship, "Thar She Blows"

The Blog: Despite all our lame attempts to increase our international audience (primarily with the use of intriguing search terms like "cock tease of Calcutta") we remain a mostly American enterprise. We have had some recent spam from some Spanish dude with an escort service, but the douche bag didn't even have the courtesy to send us any photos. We had a big party in July celebrating the blog and all things beer, but I can't remember any of it...Supposedly, it was a lot of fun. The most popular search terms people used to find us in 2012 on Google, were the following: Lithuanian MILF; Big Black Ass; Naked Keg Stand; Poop Chart; Ron Jeremy Doggystyle; Black Women Have Milky Pussy Juice; and MILF on a Scooter. You people are sick! That said, here is a MILF on a scooter and a chick doing a keg stand. I'm sure lots more happened in 2012, but most of it we can't disclose until the statue of limitations runs out.

Following the annual New Year's Eve boozefest known as the CHC Crawl, the few members who could stand upright gathered at Bim's for a few post New Years beers. We started with an Ommegang XV Anniversary (9.6%). The packaging is awesome. Who doesn't like a giant Pringles can with beer in it? Unfortunately, it appears most of the money went towards packaging instead of brewing. This beer was a so/so at best. New Belgium is quickly becoming the Anheuser-Busch of the west coast. Too many of their beers are lackluster forgettables. Lips of Faith Coffee Chocolate Stout (9%) is the exception. This beer had a rich coffee flavor and was liked by all, rating a good. Jester King/Mikkeller Weasel Rodeo (10.1%) was smooth as silk, prompting Snake to remark, "Where are the cat turds?" This beer was rated really good. Next we opened a Cortland Sunrise Coffee Stout (6%), a so/so beer that tasted like stale Waffle House coffee. We closed the night with a Fremont B-Bomb (9.5%) which caused us to drop our own F-Bomb, as in Really Fucking Good! Sweet, boozy, awesomeness!

Thanks for checking in with us in 2012. The next year promises to be even better as we will attempt to cross the 4000 beer mark, or die trying! Stay tuned...


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the entertainment (?) over the past 3 years, men. You've provided not only evocative beer ratings, but also grossly descriptive tales of gay glory hole escapades, deprecating yard ornament porn, shit-soiled skivvies, and fat ‘furries’ on scooters. All topped off with a creepy clown-face character who will, no doubt, lead us down to the nightmarish depths of our beer drinking souls…forever engrained with the diseased images created by the BC4M. Keep up the good work in 2013, bitches!!! Cheers!

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