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We are still alive!!! Despite a prolonged absence, we are alive and well. It takes a lot of work to keep our fans entertained, and to be honest, we are the laziest fuckers you will ever meet. That, and the fact that we have 3 members who are retarded and only 2 who are functionally literate, and you can see how this is such a chore. We are basically no smarter than a hoard of howler monkeys

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Cincinnati Night

After a short road trip to my hometown, I had the pleasure of sneaking over the border to the Party Source in Bellview, KY. This place is a big box alcohol store where one can purchase whiskey, wine, and any one of hundreds of microbrews. Where else can a guy buy a full size keg of Rogue? It was quite the experience. I managed to bring back 33 different beers, of which 31 were midwestern brewed, the majority of those being brewed in Cincy. And with that, the beer club was called to order. We started the night strong, with a Mt. Carmel Brewing Company's Winter Ale (8%). This beer was called the cousin to Dogfish Head's Raison D'Etre. It quickly rated a good. Johnny commented that it was a good thing he was wearing sweat pants cause this beer gave him a chub! Great Lakes Brewing followed with a Burning River Pale Ale (6%). This too rated a good, with a decent, but not overwhelming hoppiness. Then came the Horse Piss. That's right, the beer is called Horse Piss (Bluegrass Brewing Co, 5.5%). This shit was just plain awful. In fact, one member noted that actual horse piss couldn't taste this bad. IT SUCKS! Hook and Ladder Brewing Co's Anniversary Ale (6.5%) was next. No better than the horse piss, this one tasted like it was brewed with the burnt flesh of a real fire victim. Christian Moerlein's OTR (Over the Rhine) Ale (6.0%) was next. I grew up on Moerlein, so I am biased, but the group liked it and it rated a good. The bottle states that it's a quaffable ale... not sure exactly what they're getting at, but we agreed that it was tasty. Bison Brewing Co's Organic IPA (6%) was next. As a whole, the group is skeptical of organic anything. We like our waterways thick with pollution and our meats full of antibiotics and growth hormones. Al Gore would get a propper ass-whoopin if he showed up at our meetings. That said, the beer rated a good. Could have been an RFG if they had added a little pesticide to their grains. Schoenling Little Kings (5.5%) was next. This is a cream ale from Cincy, but the Schoenling Brewery went out of business years ago. I have no idea who brews this now, but it rated only a so/so. Not a good beer to sip, but a great beer to guzzle. The first beer I ever got really hammered on, when I was 4 years old, and this is the one I fed dates when I wanted to score. Rivertown Brewing Co. produced the next 2 beers, a Helles Lager and a Dunkel. Both rated a good, which is pretty awesome for a start-up brewery. However, in case any of the Rivertown folks are reading this, and I know you are, please list your alcohol percentage. We want to know how pissed we're going to get. Mt Carmel struck again with the Quaff Brothers Tripel Rot (8.8%). This shit was horrible! The beer is aged in dessert wine casks, and was described as pissing on a lollipop then drinking it. It sucked. Goose Island graced us with a Mild Winter Ale (5.6%), a rye beer. This one tasted very similar to Virginia's own Legend Brown Ale, and it rated a good. Hook and Ladder's Backdraft Brown (4.5%) then rated a good. Not a real complex beer, but a nice drinking brew. Next was Great Lakes' Conway Irish Ale (6.5%). Named after some drunk Irish cop from Cleveland this is another environmental wacko beer. If your gonna brag about how organic you are, you'd better back it up with a damn good beer... and this isn't. Rated a so/so. Goose Island Honkers Ale (4.2%) was an English style bitter, and rated a good. Christian Moerlein followed with their Barbarossa Double dark lager (5%) and their Emancipator Dopplebock (6.5%). The Barbarossa rated a good, while the Emancipator was an RFG!!! We love the Dopple Bocks!!! Mt Carmel IPA (7%) was next. This hoppy beer was just right and rated a good. Great Lakes served up their Commodore Perry IPA (7.5%), which states on the bottle, "Don't give up the ship", which we thought was gaelic for "you're fucking gay". Despite that, the beer was good and rated such. Mt Carmel's Amber Ale (6%) was rated a good, although Wilder called it a so/so (like the beotch he is). Some flaming queer wrote that it was like a "blossomed tulip, waiting for plucking". When I read that I barfed. And last, but not least, we broke out the Rogue Double Dead Guy Ale (9%). A great red/orange bottle, and a very satisfying beer. It rated a good. And just like that, 20 beers down and the night was over. Next week, Cincy Reds night, with the rest of the Cincy beers plus reds or baseball inspired brews.