Let it Snow.....

It was Christmas weekend in the hood, and Old Man Winter had decided to drop over 15 or so inches (and no, that puny little thing in your man hammock sure as fuck ain't 15 inches) of delightful havoc causing snow on our quaint little hamlet. Johnny Wilder had sent out a request for all hands to assemble at his place for a night of beer, "parlor games" and a few rounds of "Wii tennis" with our better halves. Bim arrived in his classic Bad Horny Santa outfit hoping to trick the ladies into once again sitting on his lap and seeing if they could find anything sturdy to latch on to. What better way to prepare for the upcoming weeklong escapade of commuting to work on slick as snot ice covered roads shared with the myriad of retards that grace our area but to drink a few new beers. While the ladies went into the living room to discuss how to get their own copy of the "supposedly" inappropriate video game that one of the new neighbors had received, we got the meeting started with a new brew from our local OBX brewery, a Weeping Radish Christmas Bier Doppelbock (8.1%). Wilder proclaimed it was damn good as he had recently tasted it fresh on tap at the brewpub while returning from a road trip down highway 158 to pick up his latest "dance attire". The beer poured a tad watery for a doppelbock but it was easily one of their better beers (which sure as fuck isn't saying a whole lot). While most of the group liked it despite the fact that it wasn't as sweet or strong as say Celebrator, it still tasted decent so it rated a good. The only holdout was the always acerbic Fred who blurted "Ehh, maybe a so-so at best, these guys need to close up shop and try a new line of work like turd herding cause they know an assload about brewing shitty beer". Next was a Widmer Brothers Reserve Brrrbon (9.4%). Pouring like a frozen shot of maple syrup, this one was in the words of Big Audio Dynamite, "Like a stick on the back of your tongue, this beast just won't go down easy". "Sorta like that crazy redneck chick D-Rail tried to hook up with at the Lynyrd Skynyrd concert last year" said Bim. Crazy Ken had a perplexed look on his face after he choked down his sample and remarked, "Reserve my ass, they should think about keeping this shit in reserve permanently, this is just awful". The flavors were a mix of boozy and malty and while we weren't overwhelmed with admiration it only rated a so-so. Next was an Ommegang Adoration (10.0%), a "special winter ale" brewed with spices such as cardamon, mace, cumin, coriander and grains of paradise. "What the Fuck" said Fred, "Did Colonel Sanders brew this crap?, this is like eating his original recipe chicken" This one sported way too many spices, but is made in the traditional Belgian dark spicy ale tradition of undoubtedly is "this is sure gonna suck". It wasn't that bad, but then again, none of us wanted a second glass of it, so we gave it a mere so-so. Hoping to turn up a decent beer on this suddenly craptastic flavored night, we opened a Victory V-12 (12%). The mathematician of the group, Bim declared, "This beer must be around 12% alcohol I would guess". "No shit Einstein" said Wilder as we poured a round of what turned out to be a overall decent tasting beer. Snake thought he tasted either pear or apple on the back end while Prince Mike said "sure as hell is better than the last one we had". A solid good, it was very unique and deserves to be tried again. The girls then came in from the backyard cackling with laughter and telling us they had a surprise waiting outside. We rushed out to see what all the fuss was about, and we about pissed our pants at the "milk man" that was lewdly taking aim at a shapely young lass. Hoping that the morning sun would "melt away" the evidence, we went back in for our final beer of the night, Abbaye de Saint Bon Chien 2006 (11.0%). A Swiss beer (who knew?), it poured from the bomber sized bottle like a gigantic meteor shower, full of pockets of spent yeast like a pair of sex crazed hobos. The taste was slightly sour, which was a perfect complement to the smooth heat generated by the double digit alcohol content. The beer is aged in burgundy wine casks and the tart grape flavor comes through without making you think your gulping down a bottle of Dimetapp. A solid good, it was easily the best beer of the night. We adjourned for the evening, images of the naughty snowman out back still dancing in our heads, hoping we would each be so lucky later that night.......

U.S.S. Chode Blower.....Departing

This past Friday, the BC4M got the chance to honor one of our own, Frank the Tank, as he gave up command of his ship, the U.S.S. Chode Blower. Tank's time as the Captain of the Navy's finest "Taliban killer" was now complete after a highly successful tour that included the capture of over 25 of the most dangerous terrorists on the planet. His ship had also alleviated a possible international crisis by intercepting a shipment of Chinese made BB guns and fake Ipads that were supposedly enroute to a camel jockey training camp somewhere in the middle east. Most of the missions his boat had accomplished are still classified as top secret, but he did tell us about one mission where the team had come across a fast moving jihadist frigate in the Indian Ocean that they chased and finally sank after a furious 18 hour gun battle. After the change of command ceremony, Tank had to spend a few hours with the bigwigs in the Pentagon discussing his upcoming orders, so as we awaited his arrival home for the neighborhood party celebrating his exploits, we decided to try a couple of highly rated beers from Alpine Brewing in California. First was Alpine Brewing's Nelson (7.0%) which featured a self described golden rye pa, this one was a huge fucking disappointment. Expecting the next "Pliny the Elder" after hearing everyone gush like a 16 yr old with his first boner about this beer on the Internet, we were completely letdown by the fruity almost syrupy grapefruit flavor that bombards your nose and tongue. "This shit sucks" said 10pm, as both Fred and Bim poured theirs out after a few sips. "Sure as fuck ain't Pliny" said Snake as we gave this one a sucks. Hoping for a better showing with Alpine Brewing's Pure Hoppiness ( 8.0%) we were rewarded with a beer that wasn't much better and tasted like a cloudy mass of detergent. "This sure as fuck tastes as bad as the other one" said Fred so it rated a sucks as well. We noticed that the Tank had arrived home and a multitude of his former shipmates and friends descended upon his tree lined driveway to begin the festivities. It was huge showing from the BC4M as Bim, Wilder, Snake, Prince Mike, 10pm, Fred, Crazy Ken were all in attendance. As we spent the evening dining on a veritable buffet of delicious dishes, we listened to many of Tank's Navy buddies tell sea stories about our beloved brother. As we cackled at the stories of Tank overseeing a coed "shellback" ceremony,we noticed the president of our west coast bureau, Ganja Bob, was in town for the proceedings. The last time he was here, he was hammered out of his gourd at our 500 night, so he looked at us like he had never seen us before even though, but a few shots of whiskey and the promise of a hot tub lap dance later, and he remembered that storied night like it had just happened. He once again promised us a shipment of rare beers was on the way (we heard that one the last time as well) and he also brought Tank some rare Cuban cigars to celebrate with. We had one more beer to try, a special beer befitting Frank the Tank, a true American hero, the Goose Island Rare Bourbon County Stout (13.0%). The boys at Goose Island bought up some whiskey barrels that housed one of the finest American bourbons, Pappy Van Winkle, aged for 23 fucking years. They then took their Bourbon County Stout and aged it for 2 years in the barrels before bottling it. As we sampled this amazing beer, our newest member, Mickey Boombatz, said, "It's like liquid fucking Mozart", "A symphony of flavors in your mouth". This is one amazing fucking beer, with a slightly sweet hint of bourbon heat that is balanced with a chocolate finish that is simply fantastic. "No doubt, that shit right there is an RFG" said Snake, to which we all agreed. The label on the bottle says it all "a true rarity, savor and share only with those you hold dear as it will never be made again". No truer words have been said, as we ended the night with a BC4M salute to our fearless hunter of terrorists world wide by singing a rousing rendition of the official theme song of the U.S.S. Chode Blower, "America"......

Tank......as you move on to your next tour of duty......may you always have fair winds and following seas brother

The New Kid in Town

The Beer Club For Men is an inquisitive bunch. Most of our road trips are a blast... with the exception of a recent trip to a bar called the Glory Hole. Everything was going well, and the male patrons there were really interested in learning about our "men's club", but then Snake had an awkward experience with the soap dispenser in the restroom, and we had to get the hell out. We can never go back to the Glory Hole... which is probably a good thing. And so it was that we gathered the troops and headed to the areas newest brewery, Beach Brewing Company, for some tasting and beer banter with the crew there. Like most breweries, it is located in a somewhat industrial area. From the outside, it's very unassuming but the tasting area is quaint, and the beers are cold. This was actually our second trip to the brewery in search of their elusive Hammerhead IPA. Unfortunately, this beer is so good, that owner Justin MacDonald (who is rumored to be Stifler's dance double from American Pie) must be saving it all for himself, because there was none to be had. We were disappointed, but excited at the other selections. First up was the Bullhead Brown (5.0%). This session beer is brewed in the British tradition (they slapped on the bad teeth, the men dressed like women, and they ate blood pudding during the brewing). It had plenty of caramel and malt flavors, but just isn't our cup of tea, rating a so/so. Hurricane Wheat (5.0%) was next. As a disclaimer, we fucking hate wheat beers... however, this one is pretty good. Not too much of that stale barnyard flavor, and easily drinkable, it rated a good. Killer Whale Wit (4.8%), drew a mixed review, split between so/so and good, while the Tigershark Red (4.5%), another session beer, was OK but not spectacular. We finished our sampling with their Seadevil Imperial Stout (10%). This alcohol bomb was smooth, full of body, with lots of well-balanced malty flavors. It sure didn't taste like a 10% beer. As you know from reading this blog, we love big hearty stouts. This beer is no Black Tuesday, but better than many other stouts we've tasted, and so it received a good. This was, by far, the best beer from this upstart brewery, and we can't wait to taste more just like it. So, in judging this new brewery, we give them an enthusiastic thumbs up! They make some good beers. And, just in case they end up being the next Russian River or Three Floyds, we want to be able to say we "discovered" them first and have the blog post to prove it... so suck it! (just not through the glory hole).

As a side note to this post, we noticed that certain words and phrases from previous posts, such as "Cock Tease of Calcutta", have brought us hundreds of hits from Indian perverts and other multinational douchebags from around the globe. As a gesture of American goodwill, we would like to invite our porn searching friends from around the world to the BC4M. Welcome you sick bastards! The following porn search terms should do the trick: Iranian whores, Burma sluts, North Korean cocksuckers. If you are Iranian, Burmese, or North Korean, and find yourself here instead of a porn site, please feel free to leave us a comment. As your countries have no real beers, no hot women, and an abundance of dictators, we graciously allow you to live like men, vicariously, through us. In the meantime, enjoy this porn. You're welcome, dickweed!