It's a Festuvus for the Rest of Us

Fred is a holiday junkie. He loves the holidays, celebrating Kwanzaa (here he is in his ceremonial Kwanzaa cap), Hanukkah, Christmas, Winter Solstice, and his favorite of all the winter holidays, FESTIVUS! Bim offered to host this years Festivus party, and the boys gathered around his festivus pole for a pre-Christmas beer tasting extravaganza. We started the evening with a Terrapin/BFM collaboration, Spike and Jerome's Collaboration Ale (10.276%). This combination 2/3 ale and 1/3rd ale matured in rum barrels, had zero carbonation and was a bit thin, but still rated a good. Next was the latest weird beer from Stone, Belgo Anise Imperial Russian Stout (10.5%). Big Audio liked it, making us all question his sanity. For everyone else, it was like a liquid version of Good and Plenty licorice, and was a so/so at best. Fred supplied more west coast beers, starting with a Pelican India Pelican Ale (7.5%). This was a nice, smooth IPA. It wasn't overpowering at all, and rated a good. DuClaw, which is quickly becoming one of our surprisingly good east coast breweries, supplied Misery (10%), a wheat wine ale. Damn, this was a fine beer! Sweet, syrupy, and tasting more like a dopplebock, it easily rated a really good. Next up was Deschutes The Stoic (6.5%). This Belgian style quad tasted like a Belgian style quad. It was a fine example of this style and very drinkable. Then it was back to the Midwest with a Jackie O's Cellar Cuvee 6 (6%). This is a really good sour, but you'd better like sours cause this bitch is sour as hell! Now for a real treat, Bim busted out his 2005 and 2007 Dogfish Head Raison D'extras, the older one which was a gift from Johnny Wilder and which Bim has been salivating over for a year. Holy fuck Batman, this shit just keeps getting better! The 2007 was still a little hot on the alcohol side, but the 2005 was simply amazing. The 2007, while really good, couldn't match the 2005's RFG status. Kern River Brewing Co. gave us the Just Outstanding IPA (6.8%), which, unlike it's name, was just good. Stone's Vertical Epic (9.4%), brewed on 11-11-11, tasted like something... we're just not sure what that something was. This beer had a strong chili flavor, and was only so/so. Sam Adams Infinium 2011 (10.3%) was next. Jim Koch claims to have reworked the recipe this year, but for $20 a bottle, he needs to go back to the drawing board. We can name 50 better beers for under 20 bucks, and this one is only a good. At this point Snake changed the topic to lesbians. Snake, recently saw a story about two Navy lesbians who had the "first kiss" upon debarking from a recent deployment. He showed us all the picture, and just like that, Johnny Wilder bolted out of the house and down to the nearest recruiting station to enlist, never to be seen again. The guy loves lesbians! Snake, however, then showed up the lesbian photos that he keeps in his wallet. He apparently glances at the photo of these "cockblockers" to prevent any inappropriate arousals when on one of his planking adventures. On to more beers! Widmer Brothers Reserve Galaxy Hopped Barleywine Ale (9.5%) had a fancy box, a decent taste, and rated a good. Columbia Rivers's Paddler's Porter (9.0%) was another of Fred's finds from his trip out west. What a nice beer. A hint of cocoa nibs with the addition of Brooklyn's Best Coffee. The group was unanimous this was a really good. DuClaw's Retribution (9.0%) is an imperial bourbon barrel stout that spent 6 mos inside a bourbon barrel. Fred immediately piped in that that was nothing. He spent 9 mos inside his mom's uterus, and he was an RFG. While not highly rated on-line, we gave it a RFG. This beer has a great boozy flavor and should age wonderfully. We then changed gears, re-rating a beer that we hated the first time, Founders Dry-hopped Pale Ale (5.4%). The first time we tasted this it was found in a corner of a hillbilly beer store. We guessed that it may have been made sometime in the early 1940's! It was an over-carbonated mess. This time around, the beer had a nice taste and normal carbonation, rating a good. By this time of the night, the alcohol was really starting to fog our brains. Only 3 more to go! Midnight Sun's Extra Stout (7.8%) had more body that a Guinness. This was a very pleasant beer, a good session stout, rating a good. Big Audio Dynamite brought a growler mix from Gordon Biersch. He challenged us to name the combination. Crazy suggested that it was urine and gasoline, Wilder suggested it was used dialysis fluid and Round-up, but in actuality, it was hefeweizen and winter bock, and rated a so/so. And with that we were on to our last beer, Diamond Knot Brewing's Whip Ale (7.8%). After the first sip, we all wanted to whip the ass of the fucknut who brewed this shit. Imagine what Nickelback would taste like if they were beer??? This is it. What a way to end the night. With the taste of this beer still on our palates in the morning, no doubt we will all assume that we must have thrown up at some point during the night. Happy Festivus. "During the past year you people have disappointed me in the following ways..."